The Anatomy of a Champion

I've explained this to people time and time again, but I'm not sure they really "get" it. I am a competitor to my core. It's part of everything I do and how I face every situation. There are times I try and hide it a little bit because I'm not sure everyone understands this approach to life and might think it a bit extreme--unless of course you are exactly like me. But if you aren't like me, you might wonder why anything that could possibly be a competition, is. And if it is in fact a competition, then I want to win. It is this approach to life that helps me do what I do for a living, and also helps me in other situations that arise from time to time…

My brother's wedding was this weekend, and when it came time for the bouquet toss, these nice girls didn't know what they were in for. All I've got to say is that if I jump like this when it comes to the Olympic Final, the gold medal is mine!

Earlier in the day my siblings and I took a picture and it seems as if I was commenting on how I should be the one with a ring on my finger. You know, since my brother who is NINE YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME was getting married and all.

When it came time for the bouquet toss, I purposely positioned myself in front and forewarned my competitors. My sister tries to secretly send Cynthia a message and tell her to throw long, but let's be real...I jump for a living.

The flowers go up, and I go into beast mode.

Victory!! It's a shame I don't have an actual picture of me jumping, because I honestly had some serious air time.

Typical of people who aren't "true" competitors, my sister tries to steal my flowers since she wasn't talented enough to grab them for herself.

I plan on applying the same tactics in Eugene, then London, and after that see how they work on a nice young gentleman who will help that naked finger of mine...

Coincidences...

Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous.

I believe that. Sometimes things happen that are just a little to uncanny to be mere chance. I reckon that God is up there setting things in motion and hoping that we are smart enough to see His hand in it and look up and give a little wink of acknowledgement. So that's what this blog is… a little wink up at God. ;)

Last Monday I found myself wandering the streets of Birmingham, England by myself. It was the day after yet another competition that didn't go so swell and I wasn't in that great of a mood. And as can sometimes be the case when we get bummed out about one thing, I was letting myself snowball. It really sucks that I'm not jumping well… I am going to be so broke next year… Maybe I need to get a job… I wish I had a friend to talk to to pick my spirits up… Or a boyfriend… I am pretty lonely… WHY AM I SINGLE?!!

And just admitting the stream of consciousness going through my head at that point is probably plenty of proof to many of you of why I'm single. ha. But truth be told, at that moment I just felt extremely lonely for some reason. The great thing about not having many "distractions" in your life is that allows you to be extremely focused. The sucky thing about not having any "distractions" is that there is nothing to take your mind off of stuff when you need a break from focusing on it. I am tired of focusing on long jump right now. I could totally use a "distraction." But alas…

A mere 5 minutes later I was standing in front of a cafe looking over the menu to decide if I should eat there for lunch. By myself, of course, because that's a totally awesome thing to do when you are already feeling lonely. But right before I get to the decision making process of eating fish and chips or not, someone interrupts me. A guy. Asking my name… where I'm from… what I'm doing in Birmingham, etc. etc. And then there was the compliments. Tons of compliments! Did you know I have the most beautiful smile in the world?! Ok, he might not have said world, but nonetheless.

I will tell you something. Normally I am not the girl that likes to be bothered. I will take a compliment and politely excuse myself or lie and say I have a boyfriend just so we don't have to do the whole little jig. It has not so much to do with whoever it is boldly trying to make an introduction, it's just not my thing. I don't like small talk, I don't like strangers, and I am leery of people approaching me out of the blue. They probably do that on a daily basis… or not… but that's what I think anyway.

But that day I soaked it up. And before I knew it, I wasn't eating lunch by myself… I actually had a lunch date! Believe it or not, it wasn't weird or awkward and I found myself enjoying it and making the dreaded small talk not seem so dreadful. Then, he walked me back to my hotel, wrote my email address on a piece of paper, and promised to contact me.

So, was this a fairytale beginning to a lifelong romance? No. He didn't contact me at all. And since it's 4 days later, I would be annoyed if he did at this point. But it's totally okay… in fact, I think I prefer it. I'm not really looking to meet an attractive Brit with an adorable accent who lives across the pond, but I definitely appreciated the attention of one that afternoon. I believe God knew that's exactly what I needed.

V-day

Guess, what? I’m busy Sunday. Yup, as in Sunday, February 14th. I have plans. And they’re with a boy. Normally, I would spend the next couple of days updating my status with the most witty, sarcastic one-liners I could throw out to express my irritated, yet blasé attitude towards V-day, but we all know the real reason for being apathetic…it’s because I had no one to celebrate with. But now that’s all changed, and I may get a rose…or some chocolate…or an over-priced prix fix menu at a fancy restaurant --complete with a totally cheesy Hallmark card to boot. Whatever it is, it will be enjoyed with a member of the opposite sex. As much as I love my girlfriends, I much prefer getting together and celebrating that love on February 15th. Yes, I’ve done the girls night out, dressed in all black, and toasting to the wonderful life of Singledom, but trust me; it’s just an act. We’d all rather have the cheesy Hallmark card. And the chocolate.

Single Black Female

This must be a sign. I have had multiple people forward me a Nightline special from a couple days ago that talks about why it’s so difficult for Black women to get married and find a suitable mate. You know what this means? When they saw this special, they thought of me. Poor little Brianna, single at 29, with just a few of her best procreating years left. People, my friends and family are worried. Should they be?!! After I watched the clip, I must say it certainly didn’t make me feel any better about the situation.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I really could give two rips about being single. Don’t get me wrong…I date. On occasion I find people to crush on and it’s usually not too hard to get them to return the favor. But getting to the point where you seriously consider marriage and begin to talk about what you will name your firstborn child? Well, let’s just say I’ve yet to tell anyone I really like the name Madison.

So, the question is basically this… Are our (black women) standards too high, or are the pickings too slim? Watch the video and tell me what you think. Here are a few things I got from it…

*Don’t overlook good men who may not fit the “criteria” you think you need/want.

*Date the rainbow.

*Go for the older guy

*Don’t settle. At the end of the day, you didn’t wait this long for nuthin’!






Thoughts???

The Single Life

This past weekend, I celebrated a friend’s imminent passing from the life of single and sometimes fabulous, to a life of wedded bliss. At this age, bachelorette parties are becoming more and more frequent and every time I get the chance to attend one of these events, I secretly sing under my breath…
…Another one bites the dust. And another one bites, and another one bites, another one bites the dust.

I kid. While the fact remains that I myself am still single and fabulous, I have yet to feel like I’m missing out on something, even though I’m getting up there in years and those around me are falling like flies. In fact, I may not ever even bother to think twice about it except that probably the most common question I get is the dreaded, ‘why are you single’???

What, may I ask, would be an appropriate answer to such a question? I honestly think it’s probably the most asinine question one could ask. It’s quite obvious I’m not a nun so I have not dedicated my life to religious devotion and given up my right to marry. Either I throw myself under the bus and claim to be totally un-dateable and un-loveable (in which case I might as well become a nun), or… I throw them under the bus and claim there are just none out there that measure up to my awesomeness. Well I won’t tell you what side of the scale I believe the truth to be found on, but if you know me you could probably take a wild guess.

I kid. The truth remains that there are a lot of fabulous single people in this world of both sexes, and for some reason they haven’t met each other yet. I believe I’m in that group and I truly believe that my future husband is as well. So I wait patiently for him and in the meantime I don’t worry about the fact that I haven’t found him yet. There is no reason for me not to be single right now and that is the most honest answer I can come up with. Besides, as fabulous as I might be, perhaps God is still working on me and preparing me for the more fabulous version that will exist in the future and knock the socks off my future hubby. If that’s the case…patience is a virtue.

In the meantime, anyone have a clever answer I could add to my arsenal?

Lunchables...

Over the weekend I had a conversation with my best friend about boys. One might wonder why I am almost 30 and still referring to the opposite sex as “boys”… I don’t know, but I’m sure there is a reason. Anyway, we went through all of my past loves, relationships, and flings over the past 10 years and made note of what that particular person brought to the table that I appreciated and valued. They say that each and every person comes into your life for a reason and so I suppose it’s important to make sure you take the time to understand just what that reason really is. All of my exes are no longer, but I can still appreciate them and what they brought to my life, as well as the person they helped me to become.

As I sat and went down the list with my friend, I must admit that I did get stuck on 1 or 2 names. Anyone remember what the heck I was doing with my love life back in 2005?! Yea, I’d like to forget too. But there was still that relationship where I learned the value of compromise, the guy that taught me that every disagreement didn’t need to be an argument, the one who showed me that I should wait to have my car door opened, the list goes on and on. At this age, I take dating far more seriously. Not necessarily the casual date I might go on, but the actual relationships I will let myself be a part of. Through trial and error I have learned what works for me and what I need to stay far, far away from. It would be nice if I could go through my list and choose the best qualities from all those men, and combine them into one hot hunk of a man. My friend described it as creating your perfect little snack bite when you’re eating lunchables. Nobody wants to sit there and just snack on crackers, or only pop pieces of lunch meat into their mouth. But…when you get the cracker, the piece of meat, and top it off with some cheese, that’s a pretty awesome snack bite! I just wish I’d be able to do that with men. The combinations seem much more appealing!

In all fairness though, some of these men are really great guys…they just weren’t right for me. And I’m sure that if given the opportunity they’d like to break up my own qualities and pick one or two to make their own lunchable date with. Which ones do you think they’d leave behind??!

Deal Breakers

Last night I hung out with a friend of the male variety, and I found myself acutely aware of the many things that could have possibly been deal breakers if this had been an actual date. Texting instead of calling to see if I was free…the car door I opened for myself…constant texting at the dinner table…ordering before me…you get the picture. A lot of little things that on there own are not significant, but offer a peek as to the kind of work I’d have cut out for me. Now, of course I’m not going to give someone the boot if they don’t open my door, but I will point it out and remind them how chivalry is not dead. It most certainly is going to be alive and well in any relationship I’m involved in.

I admit…I’m not the easiest person to get a second date with. I suppose the first date isn’t a walk in the park either, but if you catch me on a good day, it’s not that hard. Its not that I’m entirely hung up attractiveness or any other superficial gradient, I just have a ton of things I look for and expect in terms of behavior and actions. I am happily picky. These desires have been developed over time and I wholeheartedly believe that it is important to teach people how to treat you. I also realize that if you are currently at a 3rd grade reading level and are trying to graduate from high school, there isn’t much teaching I can do at that point…even if you look like Channing Tatum.

There are certain things though, that go far beyond suggestions and hints. You live at home with your parents? Deal Breaker. Smoke? Deal Breaker. Don’t see the need to work out? Deal Breaker. Speak rudely to wait staff? Deal Breaker. Have a job, but not a career. Deal Breaker. Don’t love Jesus? Deal Breaker. Have long fingernails? Deal Breaker. Don't get along with my best friends? Deal Breaker. I could go on and on but I am more interested in hearing about your own deal breakers. I will also say this…just because something may not work for me, does not mean it is necessarily a negative thing for all folks. I am sure that there are some standout guys 30 years and up who still live with mom and pops who would make great boyfriends, they just won’t be my boyfriend.

What are your D.B.'s?!

tips and tricks

I won’t say much. In fact, if you have really paid attention over the last year and a half, you realize that I never do…talk about men, that is. Well…men I have feelings for. Not in a serious way. I will lament about being single, bash on guys who don’t pay for first dates, and share stories about the hideous pick-up lines I hear at the bookstore, but I don’t ever delve into anything that is serious or close to my heart. There are times when I’d like to, but I’d have to be anonymous to be comfortable with that, and we all know I have far too many pictures and revealing information for that to be possible!

So I keep quiet. And fortunately it does not take away from the authentic portrayal of my life on too many occasions because I often am just as dateless as I claim to be…by choice of course. But right now I find myself in a bit of a heart dilemma. I asked for my heart back because I thought that’s what I needed to do. I was sure that I was supposed to move on once it was clear to me that it was becoming more about settling for what I was getting, rather than getting what I deserved…and wanted. I moved on and I was content as could be expected with the belief that something bigger and better was in store for me. Or so I thought. But the difference this time around is that nothing significant happened and I’ve never dealt with a breakup like that before. I’m used to there being an incident or for my feelings to not be there anymore and that wasn’t the case this time around.

All of this sounds serious and deep, right? Well that’s not the road I’m trying to go down. The only thing I really want is to pick your brain for a suggestion or two. Everybody out there should have some kind of insight. If you’ve never dealt with a break-up in your entire life then you’re either the Pope or my best friend Jasmine who married the only guy she ever dated. I’m good with the tough girl act for the most part, but I’d like for it not to be an act. And if that’s not possible, I want to be such a good actress that I might just win an Oscar if someone was handing them out. Because I believe in the idea that you should fake it til’ you make it. But I also want to know the fastest way to making it, if that makes any sense. I know there is a wealth of knowledge between us and since they say it takes a village, I am hoping you will share some.

Guest Blog (Brit)

I'm only going to say this once so listen up. My sister is funny. And maybe I get the humor so well because we are related and all, but this is my blog and I'm calling it like I see it. It's not too often I give her props because she has this problem with an oversized head...it's almost too big to fit through doorways. Anyway, I tell you that because as you read the following blog you might be tempted to throw a compliment her way and let her know she did a pretty fair job at her first attempt at blogging. Resist that urge. I'm kidding...in a totally serious way. The topic for the day is Men and all the untruths they tell. I could have written it myself but she seems to have taken many of the words right out of my mouth. Enjoy...


Ok so many people have been telling me I should write my own blog but I've been hesitant thinking to myself "What in the heck would I write about?" I mean really, there's only so many stories you can tell about your kids. I don't have the opportunities to travel anywhere cool. And when people randomly come up to me in stores and ask a question...it really is just to get an answer. No hidden agendas or subtle flirting unfortunately.
So why am I writing on this here blog of my talented, witty, almost as cute as me sister? Well its simple...she had written a status update earlier saying...



"people put their time and energy into what's important to them. don't say something is a priority and then spend your time doing something else. that means you lie...and God doesn't like liars."


I read that and thought automatically to myself "OMG that's so true!" In my 25 years of life I have encountered liars of all shapes, colors, and genders....but men BY FAR take the cake! I don't know what it is about the male species that makes them feel the need to lie or twist the truth to a female. I've recently re-joined the dating game and already have heard some woppers! I mean, I may be a little rusty, but I'm not dumb.
Fact: A Mother is the best detective that has ever lived. She will find out anything she needs to know by eavesdropping, snooping, stalking, or interrogation.
Fact: We are(in some cases, by default) our Mother's Daughters. We know how do to the same things that they do, it's in our blood.
If you lie to my face, I will catch you. I will find the truth out. And I will bust the windows out of your car! hahaha ok the last one only happened once but in my defense he deserved it.
But when I read my sister's comment all these instances came rushing to my head of all the lines I've been given or have been told to me via girl friends that were said by men. Now looking back at them, they were just straight out lies! Allow me to share a few with you:

- I'm pretty busy at night and on the weekends so we can really only kick it during the week days.
That's a lie. No person is THAT busy. More than likely he has another woman that he entertains during those times.

- I'm trying to figure out who I am in life and don't think I could handle being in a relationship right now.
Ok that's a lie. Soul searching doesn't require no communication or fun with the opposite sex. If you're that lost, seek professional help.

- My life is really hectic at the moment and even though I really care about you, I need to focus on my career with no distractions.
Another lie! If he really cared about you he wouldn't see you as a distraction. You would be more like a refreshing break from the chaos.

-Baby it's not you, it's me. I just can't give you what you want right now.
Aww isn't that sweet? He's thinking about your needs! WRONG!!!! He's thinking about his own needs and how one of those needs is to not have to give effort towards you!

My personal favorite...
-I LOVE KIDS!! It doesn't bother me at all that you have two. But lets just concentrate on you and I for a while.
Um...ok nice try. You want to date me and just try and pretend my kids don't exists. Get the idea of robbin' the pooty out of your head because it's not gonna happen! (you'd have to have seen Jerry McGuire to know what I'm talking about)
and lastly....

-I really miss you and want to see you...I just don't have the time.
Big Fat Lie! Any person with a brain knows that when you want to see someone, you MAKE time. I have two kids and I'm a student getting my teaching degree, if I can make time to see someone ANYONE can.

I'm sorry if you've read one of these and remember it being said to you. Perhaps he was one of the few guys actually telling the truth. But that isn't always the case. If it sounds like a duck and walks like a duck.....guess what?

Please, feel free to share your own stories of lies you've been told by the opposite sex!

An Abundance of Confidence

I happen to be a pretty confident person. I tiptoe up to the fine line of cockiness, teeter back and forth a little on the tips of my toes, but I never quite cross it. Of course this is just my opinion. ☺ I think it’s perfectly normal and acceptable to refer to my life, and myself in particular, as fabulous. This blog title didn’t emerge overnight folks, I have spent years using that adjective in reference to myself! I just think it suits me. Hopefully you agree, and if you don’t…well the good thing about people like me is that it’s hard to shake that confidence once it’s been established.

One area I have been working on improving my confidence in, is in track. It’s not that I’m not confident, because I am. But I could be better. People that are successful in this sport realize early on that so much of it has to do with how much you believe in yourself. I train hard and push myself constantly, but over the years I have had my confidence shaken a bit and I know that it’s still one of my weaknesses that I have to work on. I remember back in the day a time when my confidence was in line with my ability; a time when I was unstoppable not only because I was gifted and talented, but because I believed—without a shadow of a doubt—that I simply couldn’t be beaten. It was that simple. Perhaps it wasn’t logical to some or based on any factual evidence, but that didn’t matter. Once I believed it to be true I simply made it happen.

A friend of mine told me a few weeks ago that I needed to have the kind of confidence I do in my social life, transfer over to my athletic life. At first I looked at him a bit puzzled, wondering what exactly he meant by that. He explained that it’s very clear I think highly of myself. You believe you can get any man you want. I laughed and dismissed such an exaggeration. I mean, yes, I like to think I’m a pretty great gal and hopefully a large percentage of the opposite sex would agree, but I’m not over the top about it. Right? Right??! Or am I…

Fast forward to a couple days ago and I’m having a text message convo with my friend. She’s just met the friend of a guy she happens to be into and says they’re all having a great time and that his friend is great. I suggest she introduce him to our other single friend, being that she’s in need of a great guy in her life. (That’s the kind of person I am…always looking out for my friends.) She then texts, “HE’S HOT!!!!!!” In capitals…with that many exclamation points. This must mean that his attractiveness level is not up for debate; he’s certifiably cute. So, (and I know this might knock my wonderful friend status down a notch) I text back nevermind, introduce him to me instead! Her response: I don’t know, I think he’s into tall model types with blond hair. My eyebrows immediately shot up. I am already aware by a previous description that this guy isn’t my normal type, but being that he got a whole line of exclamation points I’m betting that he’s worth stepping outside of the box. And because I have decided this, it never crossed my mind to consider what his “type” might be. And so that’s what I told her. I didn’t ask what his type was. And she laughed. Because after 15 years of friendship, she knows me. She knows that once I have decided someone is worth taking a longer look at, I automatically assume that the interest will be reciprocated. Don’t get me wrong, I know that it can’t possibly always be the case, but the point is that I always assume it will be.

So as you can see, when it comes to social situations, my confidence is sky high and basically unshakeable. Not to say that there haven’t been attempts to knock it down a notch, but for the most part they have been unsuccessful. Even if this guy decided he really isn’t into normal sized, dark-skinned, buff chicks, I’ll still think that given some time I’d be able to change his mind… or maybe he’s just a few cards short of a full deck. ☺ And if I ever learn to transfer that confidence back over to the playing field, I have a feeling it’s going to take me to a whole other level.

Happily Engaged.

That hand up there is mine... my left one to be exact. And that big rock you see? It’s on my ring finger. But before I start getting freaked out messages from my mother, I want to assure all of you that there is no breaking news…quite the contrary, actually. These days I seem to be a little disappointed in men, at least the ones in my life. In these instances I usually do one of two things – I grab attention from men in general just because it’s fun and makes me feel desirable, or I want zero attention from all parts of the male species. Right now it happens to be the latter.

If I had my way I would have spent the weekend consuming pints of Ben and Jerry while watching The Notebook on repeat, but instead I was convinced to spend some quality time with folks in Phoenix. I actually had a good time and enjoyed myself but being that it was also All-Star weekend and I was forced to be social out and about and go to the game and everything, I felt like I needed an extra barrier between myself and the vultures that descend upon the city any time an event like that takes place. The last thing I wanted to deal with was pickup line after corny pickup line from every Joe, Mo, and Larry I came across. So while we were walking around the mall Saturday afternoon, I saw this little sparkler at Nordstrom’s and I decided that I would be engaged for the weekend. Now I know any self-respecting woman would have been able to tell in an instant that this cubic zirconia was far from the real deal, but it flashes nicely and does the job at a quick glance.

Now I know that honesty is the best policy and yadda, yadda, yadda. But this weekend I just didn’t have time for that. I didn’t want to explain that whatever you are trying to sell, I’m just not interested in buying. So I flashed my ring instead. And it was great. So much easier than only having a boyfriend and still explaining that that also means I’m not in the market for new “friends”. Whatever. I’m a fake. I’ll own it for now.

He's just not that into...

ME?!?!


You first heard about it on Oprah. And then you read the book. And then, if you’re anything like me, you couldn’t wait to see the movie. And you loved it. I know I’m a sap for any movie targeted towards emotional women, but that’s ok. I would venture to say that most women can relate to some parts of this movie. And if not, I’d like to talk to you after this blog post. Maybe you could be my mentor… Or my idol.

The fact of the matter is I like to consider myself a strong, independent woman. And I am, most of the time. But when I saw this movie, I saw myself in more of the scenarios than I care to admit or own up to. Except here I am, admitting to it and even taking it a step further while I broadcast it to the world on my blog. I have been that girl, probably on more than one occasion. And in the spirit of sharing, because I just saw the movie and liked it so much, and because we are coming up on the holiday that celebrates love and reminds those of us who aren’t in it how pathetic we are, I’m divulging a few secrets. I’m going into the memory bank and thinking back to all those times when I acted as if I was the exception and not the rule. When life would have been that much easier if I’d just admitted to myself that he just wasn’t that into me. (As crazy as that sounds…)

The following are some of my 'not so greatest' moments...

*I was dating this guy who would sometimes take forever to call or text me back and he’d often say he didn’t get my text. I used to have two cell phones so every time I would text him and then not hear from him in what I thought was the right amount of time to text back, I’d text myself from my other phone to make sure my text messages were coming through.

*I had a boyfriend and he broke up with me. (I know, shocker) So in my pathetic, heartbroken state, I made him a CD of all the love songs that reminded me of him or what I hoped would remind him of me. I mailed a copy to him and then had a copy for myself that I tortured myself with on a daily basis. I was thinking (hoping) he’d listen to the CD and then realize how much he missed me. It didn’t work.

*I used to hang out with this guy that would always make plans with me last minute. This is a pet peeve of mine but for some reason I really liked hanging out with him and I just knew he enjoyed my company as well. I just assumed he wasn’t the type to think in advance. So, when I would think that there was a possibility that he would want to hang out, I’d just keep my schedule open or only half-commit to other plans. And then I would send a random message or something that would hopefully jog his memory and remind him that he TOTALLY wanted to hang out that day.

*I was in a long distance relationship and were going through a tough time and arguing constantly. At one point he just didn’t want to be on the phone anymore and I felt like I just couldn’t make him see the light. So I flew to North Carolina from California unannounced. I can’t say he was that happy to see me.

*Everything was going great. We talked all the time… we hung out on a consistent basis… he whispered sweet nothings in my ear…the usual. And then slowly it began to change. The conversations were short, he was busy, and there was no whispering. So when I asked him about it and tried to figure out what was going on, he explained to me that he still really liked me, he just had a lot going on and it was hard. So I bought it. And I continued to just be available because sooner or later he’d come around and things would go back to normal. Riiight….


*I’ve been known on occasion or two to “accidentally” run into someone. I guess I figure that if they see me in person they will be instantly reminded how fabulous I am.


Ok, so as you can see, I have slipped up a time or two, thinking that there was always a reason or excuse for the behavior when in reality it was quite simple. He wasn’t into me. Not like he should have been. Not like I wanted him to be. And all I really had to do was chuck him the deuce and be on my way.

I’m hoping that maybe you’d like to share a story or two of your own though, so that I can be assured that there are other like-minded souls out there. And if you aren’t sure, just tell me a story anyway and I’ll let you know what the real deal is!

WWBD

I was talking to one of my good friends the other day as she was preparing to head out on a date. And not just any date…a first date. Totally unique and distinctive from all other categories of dates, it requires a different kind of preparation and mindset. So being the great girlfriends that we are, we prepared together. In case you are unaware, I am the dating guru. How can this be?, you ask, since you constantly read about my uninspiring dating experiences and are woefully aware of my status as an unmarried spinster. Well I suppose it’s because I have experience. Not necessarily the most or the best, but experience nonetheless. And she…does not. Not because she isn’t absolutely amazing, because she’s more than fabulous. She just doesn’t waste her time, as I sometimes seem to do.

So during the course of conversations, as I was explaining to her what to do and how to do it, I said that whenever she was unsure about which course of action to take, she should simply think to herself, WWBD. I realize this probably borders on being sacrilegious and I am hoping that Jesus is not too offended that I would borrow his phrase and use it in this context. But I do believe in following certain protocols on first dates and if you ever find yourself on a first date wondering what you should do in a certain situation, perhaps you might find yourself asking what Brianna would do too.

Some examples:

-Don’t Pay: Don’t even do the complimentary reach. Not for the tip, not for popcorn, not for anything. He asked to take you out, so let him. This is his time to wine and dine you, you can be a 21st century feminist at a later date.

-Don’t pick the date spot: Guys are lazy enough as it is. Make sure you have them show they’re willing to put in a little effort. It’s fine if they get your approval, but none of this …so whadda ya wanna do???

-Order a real meal: no side salads and hold the dressing. I have no idea if this is annoying to men, but it’s annoying to me.

-No hanging out before going on a real date: If you meet someone, just make sure you go on a real date first. Don’t hang out and have a Blockbuster night. It’s the whole laziness thing.

-Look like yourself: Don’t go too far out of your way to look so fabulous that any time after that will seem like a letdown. And don’t not put in any effort thinking your inner beauty will shine through. It’s the first date…he can’t see all that yet. Obviously look good, but everything in moderation.

-Go Home: preferably at a very reasonable hour and definitely by yourself.

-Don’t kiss: …or do. I have no set rule on this one.



So what do you think? Did I miss any important ones?

D.T.R.

I don’t claim to have much insight into the inner workings of a man’s brain. Especially when it comes to relationships… or beginning a relationship…or trying to define a relationship. What men think and why they think it doesn’t always make sense to a rational person (read:woman). You see evidence of this all the time. Her profile reads in a relationship, his says single. She can’t wait to introduce him to all her friends, his friends have never heard her name. He can go months-- even years-- just hanging out, she is asking after a few dates where this is heading. She's trying to have the D.T.R.(define the relationship), and he's having none of it.

I am not stereotypically ‘female’ when it comes to labels and such. I have been known to drag my feet a bit at times but if I had to fall on one side of the fence, I would definitely say that I prefer knowing that we are reading the same page, and that in fact we are turning pages in the same direction, at roughly the same place. I believe it is important for sanity’s sake. But men tend to have a different definition of sanity, one that believes life is easier and more enjoyable when you don’t have to “define” anything. I shake my head in wonder when one of my guy friends laments over receiving the D.T.R., that may come in the form of a face-to-face conversation, phone call, email, or text. Just when things are going perfectly in their mind, she has to screw it up and try and make sense of it all. The audacity!

So in my attempts at understanding the male mind just a little bit better, I want to know what about defining a relationship is so unpleasant. Why do you break out in a cold sweat when the conversation begins with we need to talk…. Is it an all the time occurrence or does it depend on the specific relationship in question? I realize this doesn’t apply to all men and does apply to some women so anyone and everyone is free to add their two cents as we figure out this phenomenon together.

Possibilities

We all know I’m not seriously dating. In fact, because you all have been such phenomenal confidants over the past year, you probably would be the first to know if someone significant came into my life. I’ve told you about enough of the duds and I’d want you be able to celebrate with me once I meet my prince charming and he sweeps me off my feet; Or at least a good lookin’ frog.

Well last weekend I sent out an invitation to someone I may one day find myself interested in. There are no guarantees but it’s a possibility. And since possibilities are my bread and butter these days, I might as well give them their due. I invited him to church on Sunday. It’s not your normal date spot or the best place to get to know someone, but it can give you far more insight into a person’s character than a movie and dinner ever could.

So we went. And the other day he mentioned something to me that I haven’t been able to quite get out of my head. He told me how much he appreciated that I asked him to go with me, that he enjoyed it, and how it was his favorite time spent with me thus far. I know that really doesn’t say too much about the chemistry that may or may not be there, but I must say that I feel good about the prospect of that possibility.

The X-effect

Lately I’ve been finding myself gravitating towards those of the opposite sex that I’ve had previous relationships with. We aren’t always necessarily reconnecting in a romantic sense, but there is interaction nonetheless. On some level I suppose it’s possible for there to be truly platonic friendships between a man and a woman, but I am highly skeptical if those can occur between two people who have previously been in a relationship. So what’s the point? Shoot, I don’t know. I suppose that’s why I’m rambling about it on here because it’s hard for me to truly discount people who have been a significant part of my life at some time. It’s easy to have selective memory after some time passes and to look at people with a keen remembrance of what made them so fantastic and easily forget all the things that annoyed you to no end. And is it not easier to find comfort in something you already know rather than continually be met with disappointment after disappointment when you wander into the unknown?!

So I’m just wondering…how many people out there find success when they go with what they already know. Do people really fundamentally change (or do you)? I need to know if it is all a waste of time or if you can really find hope in the ashes. I’m all in to being green these days and so maybe this applies to men as well. Recycle – Reduce – Reuse.

fed up

I have been on zero worthwhile dates lately. And by zero I mean negative seven. Seriously, it is that bad. And as you may have noticed, I really don’t talk too much about my dating life on this here blog so for me to mention anything says a lot. For starters, it says that I don’t too much care what anyone may think who just might happen to stumble across it. Because of the fact that I am not an anonymous blogger and I realize that many people I know may read my blog, I try and limit the amount of personal information involving the opposite sex both for their sake and mine. It happens all too often when I just assume people aren’t reading and then one day a simple reference slips into the conversation. And with dating, or almost dating, or hopefully dating soon, you don’t ever want to show all your cards and let the other person know just exactly what you are thinking and you also don’t always need to put other people’s business on front street just because you choose to put your own out there. But right now I am at my limit because there is just no reason that one person should be made to put up with such ridiculousness. And perhaps I will stop short of naming names or divulging any significant details to fully call out the perpetrators, but I thought I would at least let you in on where my mood is at right now. Now mind you, this is a build up of emotions that have merely been heightened since I’ve been back in California. I figured that being back here would at least widen my options and put me back in the swing of things but I might as well be living in Alaska for all the good it’s done me.

I have learned, in my old age, that there really is no reason to put up with behavior that shows any hints of a lack of respect. I need people to respect my time, I need for them to not play games, I need for their actions to follow their words, and I need for them to grow up. I have learned, thankfully, that there is no need to make excuses for actions that are not in line with the characteristics I am looking for in the man of my dreams. And while I realize that every man I date will more than likely not be the man of my dreams, I know better than to spend time with those I am already positive are not. You teach people how to treat you. And I might not know much, but I understand more and more how I deserve to be treated. It is no secret that I think highly of myself and have high expectations, but I assure you I’m no crazy lady. It amazes me what people think they can get away with and what they think will be excused.

So yes, I’ve been single for quite some time. And from the looks of it, it seems like my situation will not be changing any time soon. Understand that this is not something that causes me too much uneasiness. There are plenty of times I like my single status and I don’t go out of my way to change it. If a good guy comes along…then great. But if not, I simply continue to love life and be grateful that I have such wonderful friends and exciting hobbies. I’m not lonely or desperate and it doesn’t make me anxious when people continually ask why I’m single. I’m single simply because I’m not in a relationship. I’m not in a relationship because I don’t settle. I don’t settle because I don’t have to. When people give me less than their best I simply say “thanks, but no thanks”. I just know I’m worth more than that half-hearted attempt at decency. I am far better off not wasting my time with people who don’t deserve it and right now NOBODY is showing me that they deserve it. Yes, that means YOU(just in case you might be reading this).


END RANT.

I don't give out my number

***I know I had said ALL TRACK from here on out but I'm giving you guys a break! ;)


I had an interesting conversation with a few friends a couple of weeks ago about the difficulty we always experience when asked for our digits from gentlemen we’d rather never hear from. She’s a super nice gal and incredibly friendly and outgoing so I think oftentimes people get the wrong signal and assume she’s interested when really she’s just that way with everybody. So inevitably they ask and then she feels stuck. I, on the other hand am not that nice or that outgoing, but I still have always had a hard time telling people no thanks. Not interested. Never in a million years…in a nice way of course. I don’t like rejecting and I also don’t like to hurt someone’s feelings, however slight it might be. And before you start in on how men are grown and they can take it, blah, blah, blah…no they can’t. Many times bruised egos make for rude men. Or men that just don’t know how to let it be and now feel it’s ok to try and bully the number out of you. So more often than not, I lie. I have a boyfriend…and just in case that still doesn’t seem to deter you and you want to convince me we could still be “friends”…we live together. And we share a cell phone. So you see, there is really no way I could give you my number.

But that’s a bit childish, right? I’m 28 years old, why am I lying about my relationship status in order to not have to give out my number? Which brings me back to the conversation I had with my friend the other week where I finally decided I was going to stop being a punk about it. She said we needed to start saying I’m sorry, I never give out my number. This definitely states that the number is not to be had but does not make it personal and also does not have to involve lying about a fabricated relationship. If you so choose, you may offer up an email, but of course this is on a case-by-case basis.

So…yesterday I was at Borders. Yes, my home away from home away from my other home, Starbucks. I was in the book section looking for something specific when I saw a man pass and give me the once over. I tried not to make eye contact because I wasn’t in the mood. This of course is another one of my problems. I am single. I complain that I never meet anybody. But, in any circumstance that is might be possible to meet somebody, I don’t want to be bothered. Unless of course one look at them blew my socks off…and this particular man did not.

By the time I made my way over to the magazine section to find my reading material for the next couple hours, he had also found his way over to the magazine section and into my personal space. He struck up a dialogue that was not in the least bit witty or clever in any way and after a moment, without any sign from me that I might be the least bit interested, he asked for my number. Armed with my new response intended to not bruise any egos, I quickly told him that I did not give out my number…and then I hastily added that we could exchange email. I’m not sure why I included the last bit because he had not come off as someone I could possibly find interesting in any form or fashion, but I suppose I was still wearing my training wheels.

What transpired afterwards was a test of my patience to say the least. He continued to try and sell himself and slip in information that I was not buying for a second. Does any lawyer you know still have the free phone you get when you sign up for a plan and not know how to input an email address?! I’m the one with the blackberry and I don’t even work! But I digress…the point is he was now getting on my nerves, so much so that I was forced to give out a fake email address. Pathetic, huh? Here I am trying to be all mature and not lie about my relationship status or give out a fake number and I forge my email because at this point I am SO sure that even words on a page from him would irritate me and I just want to take the easy way out. So I tried, but I suppose next time I will have to try harder.

In charge

I decided early on that this year was going to be about me as much as possible. In order for that to happen one thing that I had to be cognizant of was what my heart got involved in. I don’t necessarily think that it is always a bad thing to be involved in a relationship because healthy ones can be a great source of support and happiness, but for me that risk is great. I have found myself in my fair share of unhealthy relationships over the years, ones that have done their best to drain me of my energy and put my focus on things that are a far cry away from my most important goals and aspirations. Sure, that’s not always the case, but who wants to take that gamble this year? Not me. On the one hand I know that I am in my prime years for finding a good mate and settling down some time in the near future, but on the other hand I don’t see why that potential Prince Charming can’t cross my path some time after August. That’s not too much to ask, right?!

I can pinpoint years where bad relationships and/or relationships gone bad have had a direct affect on my track career. Negative energy can find a way to spill over into all facets in your life. And yes, sometimes you can channel it and turn in into something positive, because I can distinctly recall PR performances the day after huge fights and breakups, but sometimes all it does is deplete you. In fact, even good relationships can do their part to drain you. In my younger years I found myself so in loooove that it was almost as if track took a backseat because I was struggling and frustrated with my performances and it was much easier to direct my energy to what was making me happy. But then that happiness came to an abrupt end and I was left with a huge void. I had shifted my priorities and now I had to scramble to fix what was really important to me and find a way to put me back on top.

And yes, all of this happens because I’m not perfect and I did not graduate top of my class from Relationship 101. I’m sure there is a right way to balance it all, I just know that I have not perfected it and I’m not inclined to try this year. All of this is made much easier by the fact that I am stuck out in the middle of no man’s land, at least in terms of me finding suitable dating partners. But in this day and age, location is such a minor component. When there’s a will, there’s a way so I’m just doing my best to keep my will under control.

I guess my whole reason for writing this is because I almost find myself slipping and I’m doing my best to catch it. I’ve had way too much man on the brain lately and they’ve even found a way to creep into my dreams at night. Ughhh!!! Part of the problem is my inactivity. I haven’t been able to train and compete in weeks and I guess it’s caused my mind to wander. So when I woke up this morning after another night of lovey-dovey mush taking place while I slumber, I decided that it’s time to tell my heart to lay low for a while. I am putting my head back in charge.

Single in the City

I don't do blind dates. I just don't envision high rates of success for such things. I'm way too picky and I have a hard enough time finding people I might be interested in so it’s hard for me to put much faith into someone else being able to get the job done. Besides, I am most definitely a person who reacts to chemistry and this has proven to not bode well for 'good on paper' guys. Don't get me wrong...I'm not exactly filled with pride over some of my dating history but it is what it is. You've gotta be able to feel 'it', and there are not too many people out there that give me that feeling. But never say never, right?!

As I mentioned in my previous post, I was in New York for a couple days in an attempt to become the next Giselle. It was supposed to be a quick turnaround trip with little to no free time but I ended up staying an extra day in order to not make unnecessary cross country flights. That gave me an extra day in the city with absolutely no obligations. I spend enough time in Tucson hanging out by myself so I really wanted to be able to socialize but none of my acquaintences came to my rescue. Not like the list was terribly long, I really only know 1 1/2 people, but you'd think it wouldn't be so difficult to find some company. Not the case.

I ended up texting a friend in the area to see what he was up to and asked him if he'd be able to find me a hot date for the evening. I was actually 99% kidding. Sure, the idea of eating alone or odering room service was not that appealing, but atleast I know my own company is enjoyable. And if I was really that hard up I'd probably have more luck accepting the advances of one of the strangers I'd met on the street that day while I was out walking around. By the way...men in New York are far more complimentary than men in most other places. Has anyone else found that to be true? And not just your annoying catcalls but genuine comments. Even my hotdog vendor said he had a thing for me. New york is great for the confidence!

But after some joking around back and forth I finally became convinced that it might not be that bad. He assured me that he was a good guy and not bad on the eyes. He rattled off a bunch of positive attributes, so much so that it reminded me of an ad you’d place in the paper. The only thing he forgot to mention was that he loved long walks on the beach and romantic candlelit dinners. And he actually had decent stats. He was black, white, and native american—which in my mind can never produce an ugly outcome. He was tall…a good build. If nothing else, eye candy right?! In fact, he actually said he resembled Jason Taylor a little bit. Hold up…not the only reason I have even watched an episode of Dancing with the Stars Jason Taylor? Do not play with my emotions! But in my head I’m thinking it is highly doubtful that there is another human being roaming the earth that is as beautiful as Jason Taylor who happens to be single and a friend of someone I know. But even if he’s a bad version of J.T., that still might not be half bad. Besides, it was just a meal, not an arranged marriage. So I gave him the thumbs up and told him to go ahead and make the match but only if the guy didn’t think it was weird and/or desperate and he wasn’t busy.

But he WAS busy. And all the sudden I found myself being slightly disappointed in something I initially thought would be a huge waste of time. Not to mention his busyness stemmed from a prior commitment at church. I happen to find that to be a bit of a turn-on.

So this whole blog is about a meeting that never happened. Exciting, right?! It actually sums up my current dating life quite well. I had to make do with room service and an episode of America’s Next Top Model…how’s that for a fabulous night in New York City. But I was willing to give it a shot and that’s pretty huge for me. I guess it just wasn’t meant to be. And no, this does not mean I am taking applications for my next blind date. I still hold the same beliefs for the most part, unless you can show absolute proof that you do in fact resemble J.T.