Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Single Black Female

This must be a sign. I have had multiple people forward me a Nightline special from a couple days ago that talks about why it’s so difficult for Black women to get married and find a suitable mate. You know what this means? When they saw this special, they thought of me. Poor little Brianna, single at 29, with just a few of her best procreating years left. People, my friends and family are worried. Should they be?!! After I watched the clip, I must say it certainly didn’t make me feel any better about the situation.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I really could give two rips about being single. Don’t get me wrong…I date. On occasion I find people to crush on and it’s usually not too hard to get them to return the favor. But getting to the point where you seriously consider marriage and begin to talk about what you will name your firstborn child? Well, let’s just say I’ve yet to tell anyone I really like the name Madison.

So, the question is basically this… Are our (black women) standards too high, or are the pickings too slim? Watch the video and tell me what you think. Here are a few things I got from it…

*Don’t overlook good men who may not fit the “criteria” you think you need/want.

*Date the rainbow.

*Go for the older guy

*Don’t settle. At the end of the day, you didn’t wait this long for nuthin’!



Anonymous said...

God's gonna send the man HE'S making for you in HIS time. Until then, just put yourself on standby mode and WAIT on HIM to do what HE wants to do with that issue. Right now, HE'S got you doing your current assignment. Just keep yourself ready when that special man that God created for you comes-a-calling for your hand.

Peace and Blessings!


Dust said...

These women live in Atlanta, so that's the first problem. Between the DL brothers, just gay brothers, and the culture of the new south, it might take them to the age of 45 to find a good straight man out there.
Did Morehouse College really have to put in a dress code to stop the dudes from dressing like women?

What I noticed about the video is what it left out. What it left out was the female taking responsibility for putting herself, her attitude and her views of how a successful relationship is supposed to work.
A lot of women don't know how to talk to black men. If you can't communicate with your man it's not going to work.

I don't see anything wrong with not being married by a certain age. It's better to have never been married than divorced two or three times.

With the advancements in science today it's no need to worry about a biological clock, you can freeze your eggs. These women are successful so money shouldn't be an issue.

More food for thought to come later.

#2 Fan said...

I have yet to see the special but hearing about it I would say that the pickings are very slim for us. I would have to say that this fact is geographically dependent, however...well at least that's what I'd like to believe.I myself have been "tasring the rainbow" so to speak, and have received some crazy looks from SBMs along the way, but I feel like if they have a problem with it...they should do something about Come out of hiding, because I only seem to see them out when I've already decided to be "open minded"...SML.

Anonymous said...

I thought of you this morning after hearing about the full body scan equipment at Netherland airports. As a recognizable figure in athletics and a serious woman of faith; I have one question.

How do you feel about a stranger having free license to inspect the details of your most excellent body?

Warmest Regards,
Your Future Man

Anonymous said...

@ your future man

haven't u seen totall recall, it's not that invasive, stick to the topic buddy! Lol

Feltdog said...

Personally, I think that your "pickins" are slim, at least if you limit yourself to AA men only.

Anonymous said...

Being a successful Black woman and having previously limited myself to dating Black men. I started to notice a trend. All of them were either intimitated by my intelligence or how much money I earned. They were also very insecure and jealous. And these were college graduates. I decided to date outside of my race and noticed the men, were not only a lot nicer, and treated me better, they were also sucessful and confident in what they did, even if they did not make more than I did. I ended up marrying a white guy. My best friend also is dating a white guy and it is the best relationship she has ever had, compared to having previously dating only black men. Id say date outside your race and see what happens.

Brianna said...

@yeaYa...yes. I am waiting for Him. I'm just looking at Him with my eyebrows raised.

@dust...why are you trying to just shift the blame? there IS actually a real problem with the lack of good, quality black men. This is a fact...whether or not there are other facts can be discussed but you can't dismiss that fact.

@#2...ain't that the truth!

@anonymous...doesn't look like you are going to be my future man, but thanks for your concern.

@feltdog...true. i'm not saying i stick to only AA men, I was just acknowledging that there are plenty of people that are mainly attracted to their same ethnicity and usually it's not such of a hinderence.

@anonymous... once you go white, it's alright. heard that one today. haha.

Jana Nakharek said...

I completely agree with the previous comment. Date Outside Your Race! He can still be black (if that's what you prefer)but just not African-American. There are so MANY men in this world who love beautiful, smart, and successful black women. There are men who are praying for this type of woman. Date Outside Your Race. Otherwise, you'll continue to see the scums of the earth (i.e. Lamar Odom) turning up there noses and marrying pigs.

Start looking elsewhere, please sister.

Brianna said...

Hey! I'm an equal opportunity employer. :)

Dust said...

Bri I agree there is a shortage of good black men out there. Anonymous was right the more successful the black woman, the harder it is to find a black man that is not intimidated by her success.

My point is there are good ones out there & it's competition for the good ones. Judging by the numbers black women are losing when it comes to marrying the good black men. I believe they can win back the good black men if they take a long look in the mirror & make some adjustments.

Ladies don't give up on us just yet. I know it's a lot knuckleheads out there. It's a few good men left.

Reggie said...

Since Bri and I share this blog as past enemies to future soul mates...let me take a crack at this:

@ Dust.....I'd reply to you in sincerity but you are way gone over the dam and headed for the electricity producing water stairs. Best to jump from the boat now or you will be lighting some neon sign shortly in the San Fernando Valley with your take on life about black women!

@ Anonymous said...which starts out as "Being a successful Black woman"....The video was pretty darn good and your advice is very good as well. Problem is, and I've said it before, is Bri has issues with dating white guys because of her dad's early departure from her life. Maybe she is ready to understand this part of her life. Maybe not. No fault to her, it takes time and living life.

I am a white guy. Moved to NYC when I was 28. NYC is similar to the black girl available black men ration in the video where in "the city" there are far more 20 something single girls then men. Like 2 girls for ever guy! God bless NYC! I dated only white girls for a few years, as family pressure dictated so. Then I dated a black girl, family didn't approve but I found a happy relationship. After that, then 1, 2, 3, and 8 years later I found myself dating only black women! Very successful all, models, doctors, grad students, rich and also poor families. No long jumpers yet, but there is always hope. :)!

My point being, is that Anonymous, I have heard that exact same description that you posted from so many black women who I have dated. I was the first white guy for many girls. I have heard about the treatment of girls by black men. How black guys are so hung up into being a gangster, even if they are a stockbroker on Wall street making $500K a year!

Our American society, media, music and film industry has really done a bad thing to the black men of this so called great country America! It will take time to change. And I don't think our current leaders are up to the task if you ask me! The current black male leaders of our country are not up to the task to change it!

So, yes, the girls in the video, are getting older and older. It is a problem if as a black women you limit yourself to only black men.

Just Saying and my two cents worth! I've said it before that I think Bri and I would be a good match but she not just jumps in sand but likes to bury her head in it.

Happy New Years Everyone!

Dust said...

@ Reggie

My take on life regarding black women is from the heart. I love my black women & they are who I choose to date & will eventually marry. As a 29 year old attractive black man (6'3 200 lbs, brown eyes, Carmel skin, straight teeth, no kids, never been married, & complete gentleman; back me up on the description bri. Lol). I feel it is my duty to tell these women the truth & be honest with them.

Reggie your perspective is from a white male point of view. Your dealings with black women is going to completly different than that of a black man.

My point to black women is if you're attracting the same kind of men, change it up.

I heard this lady on Judge Mathis say " she ain't had it right till she had it white" lol

Reggie said...

@ Dust

"Reggie your perspective is from a white male point of view. Your dealings with black women is going to completly different than that of a black man."_____________True

"" she ain't had it right till she had it white""___________whoever said this is a moron!

Want to arm wrestle for a date with Brianna Dust? :)! It's all technique Mr 6'3". You wear your heart too much on your sleeve for the girls you are chasing. Bri likes to come across as a little lamb....she is a lioness looking for her lion, and then once she chooses her lion and commits to him, she will eat all the antelope meat before you or I get to eat any! A lioness in lambs disguise. I'm sure she thinks she is going about things in the right ways, but so are all the girls on the video.

I used to be like you...a true gentleman. And after a few years in the NYC dating meat grinder, I learned that what women want is a man who does not give a sh*t about them. They need to chase. They need to feel like they have won "the prize". In order to be a "nice guy" and yet create that facade, you and I need to be complete d*ckheads to the girls we date! Its' funny, the less I want a girl, the more they want me! It is the same throughout all of nature. It's a great big GAME! So sad, but just the way it is.

Also, I will mention that girls from other countries are much more "womanly" than American girls. American girls seem to have a bug up their ass for some reason. It is our media which changes them into, not sure what. Just know that other cultures women know how to be women instead of ball busters!

Good luck.

Brianna Glenn said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Botany's Desire said...

Brianna, just do what feels right. I dated only black men until my early 30's. When I decided to be more open I met my husband (white) a year later and we have been married for over six years now.

99% of the black men I dated were fabulous, but things just didn't work out. As for running out of time, I just turned 40 and don't have children but still hopeful (-:

Rob said...

What does "Date the Rainbow" mean?

Bianca said...

This was great! I loved it and laughed.

But Bri, God's got a great one out there for you.

I know this is tangental, but I think a good name for your future son should ReLish and your daughter should be named Cholula :) Just sayin'...

SB said...


I totally feel you..yet I just turned 30 this year live in San Diego and most black men I know and grew up with date outside their race even though my close friends have married black women.
I used to think I would only date black men but have decided this year the year I turned 30 why, what does it matter what color I find love with.
So I have gone on a couple dates with white men and have enjoyed myself. Though I ma not searching for love, marriage, etc cause when it comes it comes it is nice not to be to concerned with color instead being concerned with how they treat me.

Way Late But... said...

I just came across your blog today and love it! It is so cool to see a how a successful athlete share so much of her life here. As a guy you see NFL cheerleaders or other sucessful woman that aren't in the media and wonder about their life on the job and away from it and you have both covered and you take the time to respond which is unbelievable to me. I work for an MLS soccer team(Sorry about our former commissioner, Doug Logan misleading the track community) and wish we had one of our players willing to be open to the fans as you are. I think that it would open up new fans to the sport and now thanks to you I will follow Track & Field closer outside of Olympic years. My only comment after browsing over some of your blogs would be to do what others have said in this post about being open to dating white men(as it sounds like you are) because you never know where that special someone is and skin color shouldn't matter at all. And I noticed that the contrast of the color white next to you makes you radiate and looks great next to you as you can see from this one JMB Artphoto model shot of you from December 2007. I think if you ever did date a white guy that you 2 would make one great looking couple. good luck in all your endeavors!

Alexis said...


You know, I had a conversation with one of my guy friends over this same matter of concern.

Here's what he said:

On pickings being too slim (so don't rule out guys who have been married before or with kids, etc).:"The pickings aren't getting slim. They are getting more discerning. The guys that are left aren't looking for a superficial girl. They want a woman, with all the wisdom and beauty that she encompasses."

On the wait: "Some guys are patient. It's rare. But they are waiting for a woman like her (wise, beautiful, WOMAN)."

On the "clock" and countless number of female friends tying the knot while you're still single: "Because love like life is not a race. It's not who finishes first, who marries first. The point is that you finish at all. Maybe you're 17 when you find true love. Maybe you're 70. But you are no less a fulfilled person. You're just fulfilled differently."

On people who "talk": "True but you know what? People are going to talk regardless. If you rush to marry for the wrong reasons, they will gossip about the unhappy marriage, infidelity, the misery. If they are going to gossip, let it be because you live life on your own terms instead of on theirs."

Yep. I know. He's DEEP. He's a writer! What can I say? :)

I saved that conversation to help any girl who is going through what you've posted about today! Hope this helps!

Kold_Kadavr_flatliner said...

You go, girl! This blog (closenmyeyes) is how I wish to spend my eternity in Heaven - fulla love, warmth, and compassion besides going to church on Sundays. I hope you'd join me for a BIG-ol party-hardy celebrating our resurrection. Hope you like it. God blessa youse -Fr. Sarducci, ol SNL

Eurekadoll said...

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Dating in the City said... said it best - For one, there is no black women marriage crisis. That is a myth, mostly broadcast by news outlets looking to gain easy views, reads, and rehashed blog topics. However, black women do marry later – 75% will marry by age 35.


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