Wednesday, October 8, 2008

The X-effect

Lately I’ve been finding myself gravitating towards those of the opposite sex that I’ve had previous relationships with. We aren’t always necessarily reconnecting in a romantic sense, but there is interaction nonetheless. On some level I suppose it’s possible for there to be truly platonic friendships between a man and a woman, but I am highly skeptical if those can occur between two people who have previously been in a relationship. So what’s the point? Shoot, I don’t know. I suppose that’s why I’m rambling about it on here because it’s hard for me to truly discount people who have been a significant part of my life at some time. It’s easy to have selective memory after some time passes and to look at people with a keen remembrance of what made them so fantastic and easily forget all the things that annoyed you to no end. And is it not easier to find comfort in something you already know rather than continually be met with disappointment after disappointment when you wander into the unknown?!

So I’m just wondering…how many people out there find success when they go with what they already know. Do people really fundamentally change (or do you)? I need to know if it is all a waste of time or if you can really find hope in the ashes. I’m all in to being green these days and so maybe this applies to men as well. Recycle – Reduce – Reuse.


Nikkie T said...

I think it's great when you can have a platonic relationship with an ex, but things are always less complicated when you remember that you broke up for a reason.
If that reason is because of who he is, if it's because the two of you just don't fit, then that doesn't change. You know what I love to say- I could find the most fabulous pair of shoes I've ever seen, they could make every outfit look great, they could make my legs look great, they could make me feel sexy and confident, but if they are a size 7 and I'm a size 9 they don't fit. I can buy those shoes anyway and wear them in discomfort for 2years but that won't make them a size 9. It doesn't mean they aren't a great pair of shoes. It doesn't mean I don't love them and they don't love me, it just means they don't fit and I need to find a pair that does.
However, if the relationship ended over something that you or he did that's different. People grow up, they change their behavior, they don't do the same dumb sh*t they used to do... You get what I'm saying... You just gotta figure out why it ended if you're toying with the idea of being "more than" friends again.

White Flower said...

REDUCE! We both know it's true.

Dana said...

LOL@ going green in your relationships...quite clever!! =) I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing to recycle, but make sure you're recycling for the right reasons. Make sure it's because you really see something in that person that is different and that makes you want to give it another go. Chances are, you made the right decision the first time - but when in doubt, do what Randy Paush suggests to his daughter when she gets old enough to date "...Just ignore what they say and only pay attention to what they do" . Notice it doesn't say make excuses for what they haven't done or what you would like them to do that they aren't doing. Take it slow and really pay attention. Don't get antsy b/c when people do that, they more than likely make mistakes in judgement.

You're a smart woman so I'm sure you'll figure out what's best for you.

Daniel_Brat says said...

Ms. Glenn,
This time I’m going on the idea you DID ask this as an “open” question, lol. So … a, uh, perspective.
It reminds me of the situation of returning to the same employer/employment a person left disgruntled with at one time. The key question in returning is, what has changed? New management, better situations? Did your feelings change and you recognize important attributes you didn’t first time around? Do the reasons one left in the first place not affect you the same way? Sometimes personal growth and maturity can change the perspective.
But, most of the time, in thinking it over, the reasons remain the same and it’s kinda ‘selective remembering’ that makes it not seem so unpleasant now.
Ms. Glenn, unless you or the other person has changed in some significant way, why would the same situation produce different results a second time around?
Don’t doubt yourself so much. There were probably very valid reasons you made the decisions you did in the past. Your judgment was most likely spot on. Unless something is very different now, why re-think the conclusions you reached before?
Maybe just a slight case of personal loneliness, the kind close friends and family can’t really replace; the desire of a close, loving, giving personal relationship that’s just all yours. I understand. I feel the same way sometimes (and NO, that’s not a “suck-up solicitation”!). I could lie and say some cliché’ banal thing like “Focus on YOU, pursue your dream, yada yada yada”, but, really, I think we were made for very close personal situations, so the lack of such isn’t always as great as people pretend. But you’re a strong person, don’t sell yourself short on this life-item.
And hope, believe. Someday …

And really loved the wit on the Recycling theme and logo.

Danie … er …oops.

PS. You never answered about doing the 100m or 200m.

Anonymous said...

Laughing at your going green concept with men.

If the relationship ended on good terms, I don't see a reason why not to go back. If it ended for reasons like distance or bad timing, maybe now is the right time and space.

People do change, but just because they've change doesn't mean they've grown. So take your time in getting to relearn this person. Somethings are better the second time around.

Think about how you hated certain foods as a kid. When you grew up, those foods might have become your favorite.

So, again, some things are better when looked at with an aged palate. LOL

Anonymous said...

move on to me! :)

brit_brat said...

from personal experience, ex's are ex's for a reason, and no matter how long its been since it all went down, sooner or later you will remember why you're not together and dwell on that. always waiting for it to show it's ugly face. But if something in your heart is giving you hope there's nothing wrong with trying again. Life is too short to live wondering 'what if'.
if I may offer a candidate to try out again, I vote for Kash! He's my favorite!!! just incase you were gonna ask my opinion or something....

p.s. I see you Daniel trying to jock my name. pretty clever :)

White Flower said...

@ anonympus: How can she move onto you if you don't leave info?! Don't be chicken... come on... just tell us who you are ;)

LaLa said...

Hahaha that is funny, I love the graphic. I'm experiencing the same thing. The conversation at first turns toward the past but then we start discussing our present lives and I found myself spending HOURS on the phone. I don't talk to anyone for hours back to back.

However, I've also experienced two ex-boyfriends who I remained on friendly terms with calling me out after years of no contact to tell me they still love me. One is married and the other is practically married! Of course I think Um... maybe you should replace my number with that of a therapist cause whatever crisis your going through I can't help you!

dp said...

This is my first ever comment even though I read your blog often. So I just want you to know that I read this and couldn't help but to feel a little weird since I just saw you a couple of weeks back. I mean... you explicitly called out the guy that gave you the whack date (which we talked about), so I'm hoping that you don't feel that I can't be your friend. Even if I couldn't guess "machine gun" in Taboo. :-)
Believe me, I don't feel special enough to have warranted a blog post, but hopefully you weren't just sitting across from me acting like you were having fun... Hopefully :-/

Anonymous said...

I had a boyfreind that I knew would be my husband the day after we met. I'm not the girl whose all for marriage but he made me a believer, everything was perfect with us. We met at the right time in both our lives. I loved him in a way that I didnt know that I could.

After a while I was bored and ended the relationship. We envetually got back together. About three months after we resumedour relationship I realized that although I loved him he was not the person I wanted to be with. Once the dust settled he was just like the rest of the great guys who come around to remind me of that love is real.

Sometime recycling can be great even if the outcome is only short lived....
btw he decided he can't be bothered with my antics of not "knowing" what I want so he stopped speaking to me Lol.