Monday, February 16, 2009

Happily Engaged.


That hand up there is mine... my left one to be exact. And that big rock you see? It’s on my ring finger. But before I start getting freaked out messages from my mother, I want to assure all of you that there is no breaking news…quite the contrary, actually. These days I seem to be a little disappointed in men, at least the ones in my life. In these instances I usually do one of two things – I grab attention from men in general just because it’s fun and makes me feel desirable, or I want zero attention from all parts of the male species. Right now it happens to be the latter.

If I had my way I would have spent the weekend consuming pints of Ben and Jerry while watching The Notebook on repeat, but instead I was convinced to spend some quality time with folks in Phoenix. I actually had a good time and enjoyed myself but being that it was also All-Star weekend and I was forced to be social out and about and go to the game and everything, I felt like I needed an extra barrier between myself and the vultures that descend upon the city any time an event like that takes place. The last thing I wanted to deal with was pickup line after corny pickup line from every Joe, Mo, and Larry I came across. So while we were walking around the mall Saturday afternoon, I saw this little sparkler at Nordstrom’s and I decided that I would be engaged for the weekend. Now I know any self-respecting woman would have been able to tell in an instant that this cubic zirconia was far from the real deal, but it flashes nicely and does the job at a quick glance.

Now I know that honesty is the best policy and yadda, yadda, yadda. But this weekend I just didn’t have time for that. I didn’t want to explain that whatever you are trying to sell, I’m just not interested in buying. So I flashed my ring instead. And it was great. So much easier than only having a boyfriend and still explaining that that also means I’m not in the market for new “friends”. Whatever. I’m a fake. I’ll own it for now.

11 comments:

Jon Lustig said...

This raises so many questions.
Just how big a rock did you want the kind of people you expected to meet during all-star weekend to think you were wearing?
Did you get any unwanted attention because you were wearing it? Some guys see a girl with a ring and it serves as more of a pull than a push.
Is said picture at all intended to serve as an example (or baseline) for future interested parties to consider when making certain buying decisions?

The above were mainly in fun of course. Seriously though, were you prepared to actually tell someone you found yourself talking to, who let's say wouldn't necessarily be able to notice the state of your left hand, that you were wearing it? Just wondering.

homegirl said...

Ahh yes! The phony engagement ring. I do it quite often, hun and I think every woman should have one to avoid the " overly persistant male" sometimes. And it doesn't have to be a tale either. I consider myself 'engaged' to myself/my thoughts or 'engaged' in running errands- whatever haves you during the moment you have to flash that rock. Don't be disappointed in men... be happy that you're beautiful and confident enough to not settle for any Joe Schome. ;)

t.v. said...

Lol.. This is soo funny.. smh.

If you keep dreaming long and hard enough your "prince charming" will come along on his "white horse" and take you away. ;)

Anonymous said...

"Engaged in running errands." That was good.

Deborah said...

I liked it because it served as a barrier between your hand and men that like to try and burn you with cigarettes while they ask for your number.

Brianna said...

@ jon...i can't seem to think of a good reason to buy a small, fake diamond ring. I'd love to say that I can't stand big diamonds and they are extremely tacky and pointless, but I cannot do that in good conscience. But no, this is no baseline if I actually am madly in love with you.

@ homegirl...i love it. since i did buy the ring myself, that's who i'm engaged to then.

@ t.v...patiently waiting for the white horse.

@ deb...yes. you know first hand the kind of knuckleheads i attract!

jenny adams said...

ok, ok, don't even think about bringing that thing to australia with you.... i plan on riding your coat tails to get some freebies!

Daniel said...

Ms. Glenn,
Once talked to a woman doing the same thing. Her line was she "was engaged to Christ". OK.

Of more substance: Brit_Brat, how you feeling? Hangin' in there?

DeRonnie said...

My first reaction at the picture was "oh hell naw!!!" Then I heard Beyonce in the background singing..."if you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it."

I've actually done this as a guy. I have my letterman ring that you can turn around on your hand and it looks like a nice wedding band. Trouble is, it doesn't deter women. It is a good way to cut in line... "excuse me, I need to find my wife" is better than, I'm with that girl right there. dp

Anonymous said...

The big question is, did it work?

Coach D said...

LOL Just wrong! And I have bad news, all you did was make yourself safe for those that want an FWB.
You might run off the real one too so be careful what you wish for.
Just wrong LMAO