I had an interesting conversation with a few friends a couple of weeks ago about the difficulty we always experience when asked for our digits from gentlemen we’d rather never hear from. She’s a super nice gal and incredibly friendly and outgoing so I think oftentimes people get the wrong signal and assume she’s interested when really she’s just that way with everybody. So inevitably they ask and then she feels stuck. I, on the other hand am not that nice or that outgoing, but I still have always had a hard time telling people no thanks. Not interested. Never in a million years…in a nice way of course. I don’t like rejecting and I also don’t like to hurt someone’s feelings, however slight it might be. And before you start in on how men are grown and they can take it, blah, blah, blah…no they can’t. Many times bruised egos make for rude men. Or men that just don’t know how to let it be and now feel it’s ok to try and bully the number out of you. So more often than not, I lie. I have a boyfriend…and just in case that still doesn’t seem to deter you and you want to convince me we could still be “friends”…we live together. And we share a cell phone. So you see, there is really no way I could give you my number.
But that’s a bit childish, right? I’m 28 years old, why am I lying about my relationship status in order to not have to give out my number? Which brings me back to the conversation I had with my friend the other week where I finally decided I was going to stop being a punk about it. She said we needed to start saying I’m sorry, I never give out my number. This definitely states that the number is not to be had but does not make it personal and also does not have to involve lying about a fabricated relationship. If you so choose, you may offer up an email, but of course this is on a case-by-case basis.
So…yesterday I was at Borders. Yes, my home away from home away from my other home, Starbucks. I was in the book section looking for something specific when I saw a man pass and give me the once over. I tried not to make eye contact because I wasn’t in the mood. This of course is another one of my problems. I am single. I complain that I never meet anybody. But, in any circumstance that is might be possible to meet somebody, I don’t want to be bothered. Unless of course one look at them blew my socks off…and this particular man did not.
By the time I made my way over to the magazine section to find my reading material for the next couple hours, he had also found his way over to the magazine section and into my personal space. He struck up a dialogue that was not in the least bit witty or clever in any way and after a moment, without any sign from me that I might be the least bit interested, he asked for my number. Armed with my new response intended to not bruise any egos, I quickly told him that I did not give out my number…and then I hastily added that we could exchange email. I’m not sure why I included the last bit because he had not come off as someone I could possibly find interesting in any form or fashion, but I suppose I was still wearing my training wheels.
What transpired afterwards was a test of my patience to say the least. He continued to try and sell himself and slip in information that I was not buying for a second. Does any lawyer you know still have the free phone you get when you sign up for a plan and not know how to input an email address?! I’m the one with the blackberry and I don’t even work! But I digress…the point is he was now getting on my nerves, so much so that I was forced to give out a fake email address. Pathetic, huh? Here I am trying to be all mature and not lie about my relationship status or give out a fake number and I forge my email because at this point I am SO sure that even words on a page from him would irritate me and I just want to take the easy way out. So I tried, but I suppose next time I will have to try harder.
26 comments:
You know we didn't believe for one second you were gonna go track exclusive on us, right?
Man up, Bri. It's a harsh world out there. Just tell us "No" and keep pushin'. It's much less messy that way. What happens next time you run into dude in the bookstore after your made up e-mail address bounces back (What was it, by the way? It may be a working address, LOL!), or when he sees you draped in the American flag running a victory lap (do jumpers do that?) on TV in Beijing? He may dog you on his blog, or even stalk you when you gt back!
But I can relate. I have that problem with sisters all the time, even with my wedding ring!
anonymousnupe,
Does your wife know you're "here", talkin' up to Ms. Glenn?
LOL
Daniel
FAKE email address?? OUCH!!!
Back in the day, when I wasn't as friendly w/ strangers as I am now , I would give a very flat "no".
When I got to college my "no" was typically followed with an offer of an email address, but ONLY if I was in a college atmosphere and expected for his email address to end in .edu. (and if I'm remembering correctly a lot of times college guys would ask for an email address first)
After college I upgraded to the simple, "I'm sorry, I don't give my number out." Very effective. I would say it in a friendly, matter of fact manner so it wouldn't be a hard let down. If they asked why I would repeat, with a smile, "I just don't give it out" and that would be it.
Even now that I'm married, a raise of my left hand gets more back talk than that response did. Go figure.
you're kind of a prude Bri
Oh that explains it- I was wondering why you didn't write back. I thought it was the ugly feet comment.
Not sure what "talkin' up to Ms. Glenn" means, Anonymous Daniel, but no, my wife does not know about this particular instance today, but I have talked to her (and my daughter) about B. Glenn and have forwarded some of her entries to track coaches and female runners (including my daughter) with whom I am affiliated.
So, nyeh, nyeh, nyeh, nyeh, nyeh, Daniel.
yea I'm not sure what that meant either...
and NO I'm not a prude brit.
Oh, and we need more, not fewer, prudes.
HAHA good stuff
hey, I never said being a prude was a bad thing. especially when it comes to annoyingly aggressive men.
I'm the "nice" one who ends up hating my niceness after it's too late. I have given my number out to people I would NOT want to talk to in person simply because I have/had a hard time saying no. By just saying no, I can alleviate the drudgery of having to screen calls or change my number.
I know...I have numbers simply programmed in my phone under DO NOT ANSWER. i need to grow some cajones.
While reading this I felt like I was in a corner watching it all happen. Poor guy. lol
It would be so much easier on your egos, if you would just take a hint, but then again that's the problem. Men doesn't know to take a hint. (sorry guys, but this is so true)
Whenever I'm in such a situation I just say "I'm not interested". And of course I get called rude and whatnot, but who cares. :)
you'd give me your number.
I'm with Nikkie - I never give out my number. Of course now I'm married so I probably won't really get asked for my number now, but still...I seriously suggest you stick with telling guys you don't give out your number and leave it at that. You don't owe them an explanation.
I did have to laugh at the "DO NOT ANSWER" list on your phone cuz hubby has something similar.
Ms. Glenn and anonymousnupe,
Well, I’ll take my ‘lumps’. Guess I deserve it, lol. It was just one of those “flash thoughts” that happen to me and I just typed it out. It didn’t mean anything beyond what it was, no hidden agenda.
I should learn my lesson though and be more thoughtful and considerate. I do understand, with the nature of the ‘net and all, that things are taken with suspicion first, because no-one really knows who we are and therefor no ideas about intent.
Please accept my humble apologies.
Understand please, my own kids call me a “goof-ball”, so nothing is ever meant with maliciousness, rather, just having dumb/crazy fun.
Daniel
P.S. I’m so desperate I’ve got my number on the back of all my running shirts!
I understand where you are coming from Brianna. When females from my church offer me their number I've learned that its better not to accept the number if I do not intend to call. But, me not taking the number often leads to several other questions like...."Is it my weight"...."is it my educational level"...."am I not pretty enough"...ect. Now when I am at church I do not make eye contact with females with whom I'm not interested in, and keep a straight face. But this approach, I later found out, cause people to think I'm arrogant and self-centered. In reality I'm one of the most giving and selfless persons you will ever meet.
I don't ask for females numbers anymore. Depending on the setting I usually will offer my number or give them the business cards that has my cell phone number.
Anon Daniel, I didn't take offense. I was simply a little perplexed. It takes a lot more than that for me to go to that dark place. It's all good, like Robin Hood.
Came Up, do those women at church have just zero self esteem?! How they gonna axe a brother to his face if it's their weight, education level, etc?! That's just kinda pathetic. Were they not listening to the preacher's message about being fearfully and wonderfully made?! Dang, ladies!
no matter what the dude tells you, all you gotta do is hit him with "no thanks"
hahahaha. "we live together. And we share a cell phone. So you see, there is really no way I could give you my number." is hilarious. i love how the dudes are all like just tell us... yeah right. y'all may be the normal ones but there are far too many psycho ones out there who don't take it quite so well. hence the fake email! hilarious again. i usually give a simple no thanks when they want to give me their number or vice versa and walk away. the ones who curse you out as you walk off KILL me. like you cursed me out so now i'm gonna turn around and say, "WAIT! here's my number! you talked me into it." fools.
What's good Nupe! From my experiences at church a lot of these women just want to be married to a Christian guy and have a family. And when I've rejected some of their offers this leaves them feeling self conscious about themselves. When I would tell them that I'm not ready for a serious relationship some of them think they can change my mind....which has never happen. Most of the time they think I want a woman with several degrees because I'm a Cancer Pharmacologist and starting law school. In reality I'm looking for a sista who's compatible with me and vice versa.
Came up!, why you ain't got no posts on your blog, brah? With all those layers (pharmacology, law, Jesus, etc.) I'm sure you got something to say for the aggrandizement of the peoples! Can I get a "Amen!" from the deacon board?
LOL, yeah Nupe I thought about adding my 2cents and posting a few blogs. I might post one and see how many people comment.
I came late to the party...but i gotta throw my 2 cents in the mix.
LOL...the game has changed...I ain't never heard of giving out fake email addresses..brah has a blog..yet not posts.
Speaking of which...came up! what church do you go to???
anonymousnupe gets completely fronted by anonymous daniel for "talkin up" up mz bri...whatever that means.
I understand exactly what you went through! I feel like I've been too nice lately and I'd normally give out a fake number, but now guys start calling it so their number can be in your phone" while you're still standing next to them. I think I'll just start saying, "I don't give out my number" and hope that works.
Last time I gave out my number, I got a "semi-stalker":
http://tiny.cc/oNldq
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