Tuesday, October 27, 2009

The Single Life

This past weekend, I celebrated a friend’s imminent passing from the life of single and sometimes fabulous, to a life of wedded bliss. At this age, bachelorette parties are becoming more and more frequent and every time I get the chance to attend one of these events, I secretly sing under my breath…
…Another one bites the dust. And another one bites, and another one bites, another one bites the dust.

I kid. While the fact remains that I myself am still single and fabulous, I have yet to feel like I’m missing out on something, even though I’m getting up there in years and those around me are falling like flies. In fact, I may not ever even bother to think twice about it except that probably the most common question I get is the dreaded, ‘why are you single’???

What, may I ask, would be an appropriate answer to such a question? I honestly think it’s probably the most asinine question one could ask. It’s quite obvious I’m not a nun so I have not dedicated my life to religious devotion and given up my right to marry. Either I throw myself under the bus and claim to be totally un-dateable and un-loveable (in which case I might as well become a nun), or… I throw them under the bus and claim there are just none out there that measure up to my awesomeness. Well I won’t tell you what side of the scale I believe the truth to be found on, but if you know me you could probably take a wild guess.

I kid. The truth remains that there are a lot of fabulous single people in this world of both sexes, and for some reason they haven’t met each other yet. I believe I’m in that group and I truly believe that my future husband is as well. So I wait patiently for him and in the meantime I don’t worry about the fact that I haven’t found him yet. There is no reason for me not to be single right now and that is the most honest answer I can come up with. Besides, as fabulous as I might be, perhaps God is still working on me and preparing me for the more fabulous version that will exist in the future and knock the socks off my future hubby. If that’s the case…patience is a virtue.

In the meantime, anyone have a clever answer I could add to my arsenal?

32 comments:

Bianca said...

I usually say I'm saving myself for Wentworth Miller :)

At least it gets a laugh!

xoxo

old teammate said...

I'd like to think that if I weren't married, you wouldn't be single...except for that fact you can't stand Tucson...lol

Brianna said...

@bianca...that's totally gonna be impossible if it ends up he really is gay.

@old teammate...ahh yes. the "if i wasn't married" line. :)

Anonymous said...

Not not shared are moments waisted.
The original Egyptians actually never married the person with whom they raised children and stayed together with; "till death pulled them apart". Strange considering that the Christian faith which came from this culture places a great deal of emphasis on marriage. Unlike Bianca, I do not believe in saving, after spending a reasonable amount of time with a man give him the kitchen sink and the toilet (good & bad). That is truth for the person who would be your friend and protector. Whether he or she decided to adopt and honor that truth will be the greatest gift you could receive in kind.

The bible makes no mention of marriage, however it does tell a man to take a woman. Sage advice I would give to many of my brothers who have put themselves in harms way. This is a very different culture than the people of Egypt 4000 years ago. American women have education, freedom, jobs and many other tools that provide the opportunity to make a choice. Today's Bible should tell the American woman to take a man. Whether married or not giving and receiving passion is still time shared you will possess whatever the end result.

Affectionately,
Njou

Farad Portee said...

Interesting post -- and you're not alone when it comes to the dreaded "Why are you still single?" question. I usually get that question or some variation like "Are you married yet? No? Why not? What's wrong with ya?"

And since I'm a 36-year old man who is single, never married, and no kids -- you can only imagine. But you shouldn't "settle" because society expects you to. Believe me, there are a whole lot of married couples who are miserable and look at singles with envy in their eyes.

You can't force it. It has to happen naturally -- and when it does you'll realize it was worth the wait...

anonymousnupe said...

In the spirit of Moe, Curly and Larry, to the question of "why are you single," you could simply answer, "Cause I ain't married! Nuk, nuk, nuk, nuk!"

Dust said...

It's like the story of the stranded man on top of the house. He prays to God to save him, and a man comes by on a boat and ask if he wants to get in. The man replies no I'm waiting on God to save me. A helicopter comes by and same thing, the man let's the helicopter leave. Finally the man dies, and goes to heaven. He ask God why did you let me die? I prayed to you for help. God said I sent you a helicopter and a boat what else did you want me to do?

Well the story might not be verbatim, my point is maybe he has already sent a few good men your way, but for whatever reason you let them go by. Sometimes the answers we seek are in our past and not the future.

That was deep, I'll just pat myself on the back and leave it at that.

Brianna said...

@Njou...I like that---TAKE a man. :)

@Farad...ooohhh, you have 7 years on me so there is definitely something wrong with you. :)

@nupe...good one!

@dust...so deep I'm still processing. haha.

Anonymous said...

Hey Ms. Glenn! I'm 21 and there are times when I ask myself why have I been single all my life? I realized that if I couldn't answer this question on my own, then only God knows why. I chose not worry about it until He says "times up". You're right patience is a virtue. Stay true to yourself and don't settle for less. Thanks for reminding me!

-Wes

Farad Portee said...

Ms. Glenn, just call me the black George Clooney -- lolol...

Daniel said...

Ms. Glenn,
And here I was a thinkin' all along it was because "Tyrone" hasn't asked yet ...

Anonymous said...

Well I wouldn’t say that it is totally asinine. People just generally care, regardless if you have heard it a million zillion times. The question stems from the unconscious thought that most people believe that beautiful people are out of their league of possibilities and that beautiful people belong with beautiful people.. And when they see these people still available, the question begs to be asked; why are you single?

However, that being said, you are just like most intelligible people, why settle for chop liver when you know prime rib is just around the corner. Why date? What purpose does it serve? Is there some un-written law that says that you have to be? You hang in there; your prince charming is out there.

You know, the funny thing is people tend to believe they have a right to ask the question or in that matter comment and offer their opinion.. Its likes, people will never say that you are too fat or that you are gaining too much weight. But, they feel they have every right to tell you not to lose too much.. Go figure and I digress.

Daniel

Tyrone said...

Actually @Daniel... sand jumper and I would be a good match. Only problem is, is that our two enormous ego's would never allow us to be in the same room together at the same time, not too mention the same blog!

.....and I'm white, and she doesn't like white guys because she feels she needs to respect her dad in marrying black. I highly doubt he would care and would want SJ to just be happy no matter what color the skin of the one she eventually picks.

Dust above, nailed this one partially. And I can say this because I am the same as SJ. Some of us grow up being taught by society, our families, our friends, the media, and all that go into forming the way we are, that life should be a fairytale. Life is looking for prince charming or whichever movie star was named above. Perfect this, and perfect that! And to some life is a fairytale. But to most life is not.

SJ is living a fairytale life in many ways, so maybe her "fairytale" guy will show up to complete the brand.

But what I've somewhat recently have reflected to find is, back to Dust's point, that people like SJ and myself who constantly pass up amazingly beautiful / handsome, smart, rich, successful, best friends, people in our lives, because of some dumbass fairytale checklist that others have instilled in us......we just might have missed the one god sent to us!

I refuse to settle, just as she is doing. Perhaps we both have a self worth higher than reality?

Nawwww! There has to be a plan from higher up! And if not, single life is pretty darn great!

I as I'm sure she has, has been blessed to get to know many wonderful people in the process.

Just not "the one", yet!

Jo Carpenter said...

I love your blog Brianne. I have been divorced since 1995 and I will NEVER get married again. What bugs me is that once married, you only have the option of 'divorced' on paperwork...I prefer 'single, head of household' :-0} If a great guy comes along I will be open to that, but I looooove being single...go where I want, with whomever I want, whenever I want. Call me selfish? That's ok...I prefer single...and loving every minute of it! Enjoy it girl.

old teammate said...

Ok...forget the "if I wasn't married" line...
We can go with the "long distance relationships don't work for me" line. :-)

#2 Fan said...

I'm still laughing at Dust's comment...I've heard that before, but his was a much cleaner version lol.

My take on the Single Factor is that being single for a while enables you to get to know yourself NOW. Too many people "realize who they are or aren't" after they've married...TOO LATE! It's more important to figure that stuff out before you get hitched...otherwise you'll end up resenting your partner and regretting your vows.

Tyrone said...

Too funny!

Look at all you saps who want to w*nk her!

Just what she wanted by posting this BS.

All the men line up to court her Royal Highness!

I withdraw my entire previous post!

p.s. Except the part about her inner need about her dad.

Brianna said...

@daniel...yes! i like prime rib

@tyrone...always so much to say...just a suggestion--maybe your own blog?

@jo...i totally see your point

@#2...you are so right, because i have developed myself so much in just the last five years.

jujusa said...

The patience is hard, I the know this every day not for the same reasons as you but for my dream which is to live in the United States, I'm single too, I say to myself that it's not urgent for the moment!!
I'm sure that you'll find somebody good, beautiful, kind... as you with whom you'll be very happy ;-)

Slim Jackson said...

Good Post. I think the simplest answer is "Why should I be boobooed up right now?" Put the question back on the other person and let them explain their foolishness.lol.

Of course I don't know you personally, but I'd also assume you have a lot on your plate right now. Is it a possibility that you don't truly have the time to be committed to someone like that right now?

Tyrone said...

@ Brianna...I do have my own blog. Thanks for asking. It is called "My So-Called Fabulous Blog".

Here is the url: http://mysocalledfabulouslife.blogspot.com/

You should come by sometime!

:)!!!!!

Jon Lustig said...

Because it's better to be feared than loved. Or maybe because you're always over in Europe during prime wedding season? Both of those answers would make about as much sense as the question, which is none. I'd never ask someone that, not just because it's none of my business, but because it's a rhetorical question that more than anything else implies there's something wrong with the person you're asking. People either find someone who lives up to their personal expectations or they don't, that's life. And if they haven't, and they're either content with that state of affairs or they decide to do something to change it, that's their choice. Most people project their own relationship problems on to others anyway. Not everyone wakes up despondent that we haven't found someone yet. Life isn't about having some endless checklist that needs to be filled out in order to be happy.

Dust said...

In reading your blog again, I realized pretty much everyone missed the point of your blog except Bianca. You just wanted a clever answer to respond to the question, why are you still single? Most people gave a reason as to why you are still single. I'll touch on both topics.

First to answer the question, it may not be clever but it's simple and to the point. B you're single because you want to be....in all honesty, most fabulous people are single by choice, let's face it fabulous people have "options."

You mentioned in the blog, that you don't feel like your missing out on anything. Well I don't buy that, what woman doesn't want the compaionship of a good God fearing man? Someone you can trust with your dreams & fears, a man that knows you better than you know yourself. A provider, a partner, and a man that will love you unconditionally. (do I need to tap into Maya Angelo side?) I haven't touched on the intamate & romantic part yet. For real, the guy I described, there are not that many of us out there. Can you honestly say your not missing out on that?

I say you're single because you want to be for a few reason. The main one is, Bri you are a world class athlete! That means you posses (spelling???) certain qualities. Your discplined and dedicated. A person like that will make time for a man if that is what she truly wants. We all make time for things we want in life & a relationship is no different. As far as God still working on you, that's an ongoing process, he is going to work on you whether single or in a relationship. I can say this because I have a relatinship with God, and he never leaves our side.

Looks like I'm 2 for 2 on the comments Lol

Jasmine said...

Here's new line:
I'm still single because I'm waiting for a man who's better than my best friend Jasmine's husband...and he's pretty darn perfect! ;)

i kid, i kid....sorta...

Tyrone said...

@ Dust...sorry, 1 for 2 pal. But a good suck up effort.

Since we, bri and I, share this blog then let me reply on her and I behalfs.

When anyone asks "why are you still single"....the only answer is...."Well, if your husband will stop calling me, then I might have time to find an available man"!

Sand Jumper is fine. Lots of time.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like you're doing the right thing by just going out and having fun. Life is too short not to have a good time when we're not working. My God, think about it. Why spend your free time away from work with someone who you can't be free and away from work with. Hmmm! If you have a super busy schedule then you know it's better to be by yourself and make the most of your free time than to spend it with someone that brings more stress than good company into your life. Also, It's a weird thing. You won't find what you are looking for until you stop looking or analyzing. You have to be willing to be by yourself in order to be "in the moment" around other people. Mr./Mrs. Right won't be attracted to you if you're not "in the moment," at the right time.

Anonymous said...

Best reply: Because my current equation for Joy is God plus me.

anonymousnupe said...

No, Dust, I also answered her question quite pointedly, thank you very much. If you're gonna be judging, do it squarely, man.

Dust said...

You're right sorry you answered the question as well. However she wanted a clever response and that wasn't clever! Lol j/k .....Not judging anyone just speaking from the heart

Say It Aint So Joe said...

Question: "Why are you still Single"?

Answer: Starting in a happy party face (or appropriate situation face), then slowly change into a deadpan serious face and say..."I'm thinking of having a sex change! Please don't tell anyone."...turn slowly to hide your shame, and look away as though a tear is welling up. Turn back with seriously (someone just died face).

Then, depending on the person...walk away...or bust up laughing.

Problem solved.

You have to turn it back on yourself in a funny way. Has to be about you or their dumbass question wins even if they are innocently ignorant!

Google said...

I don't think you are fine being single. This is the umpteenth time I have seen you whine about it. And you whine too much...

DuSant said...

I like you post - There is no reason why you should be rushing. Let the chips fall where they may. Live and enjoy your life - too many married men and women regret being because they realize it is not what they expected. Bite the dust when you are fully ready - getting married or being in a relationship should be a breeze if you are with the right one.

A.