Thursday, February 12, 2009

He's just not that into...


You first heard about it on Oprah. And then you read the book. And then, if you’re anything like me, you couldn’t wait to see the movie. And you loved it. I know I’m a sap for any movie targeted towards emotional women, but that’s ok. I would venture to say that most women can relate to some parts of this movie. And if not, I’d like to talk to you after this blog post. Maybe you could be my mentor… Or my idol.

The fact of the matter is I like to consider myself a strong, independent woman. And I am, most of the time. But when I saw this movie, I saw myself in more of the scenarios than I care to admit or own up to. Except here I am, admitting to it and even taking it a step further while I broadcast it to the world on my blog. I have been that girl, probably on more than one occasion. And in the spirit of sharing, because I just saw the movie and liked it so much, and because we are coming up on the holiday that celebrates love and reminds those of us who aren’t in it how pathetic we are, I’m divulging a few secrets. I’m going into the memory bank and thinking back to all those times when I acted as if I was the exception and not the rule. When life would have been that much easier if I’d just admitted to myself that he just wasn’t that into me. (As crazy as that sounds…)

The following are some of my 'not so greatest' moments...

*I was dating this guy who would sometimes take forever to call or text me back and he’d often say he didn’t get my text. I used to have two cell phones so every time I would text him and then not hear from him in what I thought was the right amount of time to text back, I’d text myself from my other phone to make sure my text messages were coming through.

*I had a boyfriend and he broke up with me. (I know, shocker) So in my pathetic, heartbroken state, I made him a CD of all the love songs that reminded me of him or what I hoped would remind him of me. I mailed a copy to him and then had a copy for myself that I tortured myself with on a daily basis. I was thinking (hoping) he’d listen to the CD and then realize how much he missed me. It didn’t work.

*I used to hang out with this guy that would always make plans with me last minute. This is a pet peeve of mine but for some reason I really liked hanging out with him and I just knew he enjoyed my company as well. I just assumed he wasn’t the type to think in advance. So, when I would think that there was a possibility that he would want to hang out, I’d just keep my schedule open or only half-commit to other plans. And then I would send a random message or something that would hopefully jog his memory and remind him that he TOTALLY wanted to hang out that day.

*I was in a long distance relationship and were going through a tough time and arguing constantly. At one point he just didn’t want to be on the phone anymore and I felt like I just couldn’t make him see the light. So I flew to North Carolina from California unannounced. I can’t say he was that happy to see me.

*Everything was going great. We talked all the time… we hung out on a consistent basis… he whispered sweet nothings in my ear…the usual. And then slowly it began to change. The conversations were short, he was busy, and there was no whispering. So when I asked him about it and tried to figure out what was going on, he explained to me that he still really liked me, he just had a lot going on and it was hard. So I bought it. And I continued to just be available because sooner or later he’d come around and things would go back to normal. Riiight….

*I’ve been known on occasion or two to “accidentally” run into someone. I guess I figure that if they see me in person they will be instantly reminded how fabulous I am.

Ok, so as you can see, I have slipped up a time or two, thinking that there was always a reason or excuse for the behavior when in reality it was quite simple. He wasn’t into me. Not like he should have been. Not like I wanted him to be. And all I really had to do was chuck him the deuce and be on my way.

I’m hoping that maybe you’d like to share a story or two of your own though, so that I can be assured that there are other like-minded souls out there. And if you aren’t sure, just tell me a story anyway and I’ll let you know what the real deal is!


brit_brat said...

ok so I'm wondering....
did you steal one of mine and try to pass it off as your own or did the same thing happen to both of us? Cuz I'm sure the 5th one JUST happened to me recently! haha
ok here's mine. you ready? cuz its a doooozy!!
how about everyday you get up, take care of the house, the bills, the kids, the cleaning, the cooking and think your husband appreciates all that you do. you think he's out there working hard and going to school, hustling because he loves you.
come to find out he's been lying the whole time about work and school and has really been doing GOD KNOWS WHAT for 3 whole months.
yeah.....he's just not that in to you.

Anonymous said...

i commend takes alot of guts to admit to mistakes in the past.... i think we all have been there, man or woman, but we are just to stubborn to accept the truth...

Coach said...

You are sooo true. We put ourselves through the scenarios you have outlined (funny when you read them). Maybe one day it will the whole dating/boyfriend thing will get easier.

Anonymous said...

Wow! I have to admit I think I'm going through it now. There's this guy I've known for a 1.5 years now. At first we'd see eachother atleast once a week cause he's in a different state and travels a lot with his profession. (so do I). I use to get text phone calls and a picture everydy. Now it's like I see him every 2-3 months. I volunteer to come to his events but he "forgets" to tell me all the details about them. And now I find out he may b with an older woman who he use to travel with a lot with for work, but I have no proof to confront him about it. This is really an eye opener. It's like daing. He was too perfect, am I gone end up single for the rest of my life? It's so looking like it.

Anonymous said...

I think I could add at least a dozen of scenarios to both book and the movie.Besides the typical male cowardice that makes them say clichés like "you're just too good for me"or "too smart" or "too beautiful" "or there will be someone more deserving for you" or simply "too dumb" to believe any of these, some really both pathetic and crazy things happened to me and I totally blame myself for letting my pride take over my intelligence and lead me astray so often by making me think that I was so special and that those things dont happen to special women ,but they actually do and especially to those independent, strong and assertive.But one thing I know as a Christian is that we reap what we saw and that one doesn't have to look for love because love finds us. When there is love you dont have to fight to prove you're right love meaning never having to fight for love because love alone doesn't exist without proofs of love and thats precisely why we should always know when "he is just not that into us". In French the movie is called "ce que pensent les hommes" (what men think)which lets us see the question from another perspective.I really see myself in you and believe me when the moment is right, the right person will find you and the only thing you'll have to do is love.

Brianna said...

@ brit...ok, you didn't need to get all serious here and take it there. i was just talking about little things, not total losers who should be punched in the face. you can have the brownie.

@ anonymous#1...i think you're a man. am i right? you can tell us your experiences too!

@coach...yes, they are funny NOW. lol. not so much when they happened.

@anonymous#2...yes, looks like you are being taken through the ringer as we speak! well all i can say is that i speak from experience so you just gotta wave buh-bye!!!

@anonymous#3...amen. that's what it is for me too--i think i'm too darn special and that there is no way these idiots aren't recognizing that! here's to love finding me...

Marcus said...

Wow Bri, VERY open blog you have here. I'm glad you recognize some of the mistakes you've made. Unfortunately, when it comes to relationships where emotions, or even just ego, are involved, people tend to repeat the same mistakes over and over again because the emotions cloud your judgement. Hopefully, you go back and read this blog again next time you think about flying accross the country or "accidently" running into someone. As I tell all my female friends, let a man pursue you and let him push the relationship forward. If you end up as the aggressor then you're just asking to take a dagger to the heart. Cuz even a man who isn't that into you is gonna take what he's given and let you believe what you want to believe until the point comes that he either straight up don't wanna to talk to you anymore or you have a forced dysfunctional relationship. If he ain't willing to pursue you and eventually try to make you his one and only girl, then he isn't the man for you and he definately ain't worth any heartache, because if he's not that into you at the beginning he's not gonna be in love with you at the end.

Daniel said...

Ms. Glenn,
Your Sis made me get all “wet-eyed”.
You know how the video of Beyonce’s “If I Were A Boy” starts? “Intimacy. Honesty. Commitment. You. Me. Us.”
The pain of the opposites of the aforementioned qualities/outlook is staggering when you personally experience it. My heart, in sincere honesty, goes out to you Brit_Brat. Personal betrayal, when you’ve held to the commitment, hurts so badly.
Enjoy the Brownie. I have unfortunately eaten a lot of them.

brit_brat said...

thanks Daniel
I believe it might have been too much info but oh well
I would say life is what it is
but naw
it is what you make it.

Anonymous said...

Dang Brit_Brat!!! I really hate to hear about your situation. This is the first time that I can recall in which I regret reading one of your comments. I've been on this blog for almost a year and your comments have always made me laugh. I almost took it as a joke until i read your second comment. I wish you the best.


Christy said...

Believe me - I've been there, done that with a lot of this stuff, too. It wasn't until I read that book that I had my (in the words of Oprah) "ah ha moment" and decided to take action. Of course this meant a pretty long period of time in which I was single, but it all turned out to be worth it.

I stopped doing the wondering/hoping/making excuses for him/wanting to change him game and started being real with myself - I didn't give anyone the chance to pull that crap with me anymore. It was either they were into me and working at showing me or they were out (now I sound like Heidi Klum, what's up w/me???).

Ironically, my husband (remember we were friends for several years before becoming a couple) thought I was too quick to get rid of guys and should've been a little more flexible.

We're both glad I wasn't. :-)

Daniel said...

Ms. Glenn,
Guess I should be considerate and say something about your own words, huh? Lol.
Your honesty is refreshing. Made me laugh thinking of the crazy things we do in our own minds.
With that, I dedicate the sentiments of this song to you. It’s by (the utterly beautiful) Heather Headley –
“In My Mind”

brit_brat said...

I'm sorry to have gotten so serious on you.
but trust me that's the last "downer" comment you'll see me post for a while. Even surrounded by so much negativity and heartache there is always a reason to smile, always a reason to laugh :)

L said...

Bri, those experiences are what your 20's are for and we all need them to learn and grow. Believe me dating is easier in your 30's things are sooo much better and it is fun to reflect on the past and have a good laugh =) I can be your mentor, although I am still single I am loving life!! Fun, flirty and thirty!!

t.v. said...

Thank you Marcus.. You've just answered a nagging question that's been on my mind. And even though deep down I already knew the answer, it baffles me every time.

I continuously ask myself the question, why intelligent beings would constantly act foolishly when we're in love. Women are such emotional beings. We let our emotions cloud everything. Our choices, our decisions, our judgement.. and the list goes on. *smh*

Controlling our emotions would protect us from many a "heartbreak".

Brianna said...

I'd just like to remind everyone that these things happened over a course of 10 years...I re-read it and then started worrying I looked a lot worse than I really am! haha.

Jon Lustig said...

I think there's a temptation to fool ourselves into thinking that there's actually a good way to end a meaningful relationship; there isn't. As long as I can remember I've tried to be honest, because I know that I would feel guilty for maybe getting a girl's hopes up when I know that it's going to end sooner or later. Having said that, I've been in relationships which were seemingly going great one day and over the next. I've sat dumbfounded while listening to some variation on 'I'd really been meaning to tell you but the time just never seemed right' enough times that I know it doesn't make you feel better than the alternative.
All I know is that I'm not feeling pathetic today and I'm not moping about the past. There's some girl out there that I'm meant to be with, and I'm one of those people who believes that somehow I'll know she's the one as soon as I meet her. I'm thinking about her today, whoever and wherever she is.

Kiajeen said...

Bri! I haven't been to your blog in ages! I love reading them and I realized I miss you!!

Jennie Finch said...

Hi Bri Bri-
So stinkin funny! I love you!
Your outfits look "B" Bomb! For Bri, for Bomb, or Bomb Squad!
Keep it going!!!

Jennie Finch said...

Oh and your gutzy... all I have to say for my story is Stevie! Ha!