Saturday, May 17, 2008

In charge

I decided early on that this year was going to be about me as much as possible. In order for that to happen one thing that I had to be cognizant of was what my heart got involved in. I don’t necessarily think that it is always a bad thing to be involved in a relationship because healthy ones can be a great source of support and happiness, but for me that risk is great. I have found myself in my fair share of unhealthy relationships over the years, ones that have done their best to drain me of my energy and put my focus on things that are a far cry away from my most important goals and aspirations. Sure, that’s not always the case, but who wants to take that gamble this year? Not me. On the one hand I know that I am in my prime years for finding a good mate and settling down some time in the near future, but on the other hand I don’t see why that potential Prince Charming can’t cross my path some time after August. That’s not too much to ask, right?!

I can pinpoint years where bad relationships and/or relationships gone bad have had a direct affect on my track career. Negative energy can find a way to spill over into all facets in your life. And yes, sometimes you can channel it and turn in into something positive, because I can distinctly recall PR performances the day after huge fights and breakups, but sometimes all it does is deplete you. In fact, even good relationships can do their part to drain you. In my younger years I found myself so in loooove that it was almost as if track took a backseat because I was struggling and frustrated with my performances and it was much easier to direct my energy to what was making me happy. But then that happiness came to an abrupt end and I was left with a huge void. I had shifted my priorities and now I had to scramble to fix what was really important to me and find a way to put me back on top.

And yes, all of this happens because I’m not perfect and I did not graduate top of my class from Relationship 101. I’m sure there is a right way to balance it all, I just know that I have not perfected it and I’m not inclined to try this year. All of this is made much easier by the fact that I am stuck out in the middle of no man’s land, at least in terms of me finding suitable dating partners. But in this day and age, location is such a minor component. When there’s a will, there’s a way so I’m just doing my best to keep my will under control.

I guess my whole reason for writing this is because I almost find myself slipping and I’m doing my best to catch it. I’ve had way too much man on the brain lately and they’ve even found a way to creep into my dreams at night. Ughhh!!! Part of the problem is my inactivity. I haven’t been able to train and compete in weeks and I guess it’s caused my mind to wander. So when I woke up this morning after another night of lovey-dovey mush taking place while I slumber, I decided that it’s time to tell my heart to lay low for a while. I am putting my head back in charge.


Anonymous said...

Don't I know what you're talking about. Relationship ups and downs have found their way into the many stories that I write. They have also caused me not to write on several occassions.

Here's to taking back control of the heart!

melanie said...

dearest kettle,
as the queen of fruiting, healthful relationships, let me say that i fully support your whole-hearted decision not to dive into anything that could pull your attention in the wrong direction. it isn't like you really have a choice, though, briann...i mean...tuscon?! no offense, of course.
anyway, the real question is: who are these dreams all about and why haven't you called me with all the dirty deets? maybe you're waiting til we're face to face when you come out to my show. i seriously can't wait to see you...and believe me, you can't wait to see me either (shake it girl shake it, in your house of dereon!) lol. really though. shakin it. in my house of dereon! ;o)
i love you,

t.v. said...

Ok.. How you gonna write a blog about "lovey-dovey mush taking place while I slumber" kind of thing and not share the details?
That is just wrong... lol.

I knew it! You might not have much going on while lying down. But there's a whole lot going on in that mind of yours. ;)

Jasmine said...

this wouldn't have to do with any text messages, would it?! ;)


melanie said...

why does jasmine know about your secret text messages and i do not?! that's it. i'm calling you right now. answer your phone, trick.

kludge said...

I am totally not qualified to comment on the main-line of the current subject, so instead how about an completely off-the-subject request. What happens when you get the 2+ gold medals? Some consider forecasting to be taboo, however IMHO an interesting blog entry might be the "2010 Brianna" recapping the events of her life after a successful 2008 Olympics and up to some future time. My choice of 2010 was arbitrary. If obliged, perhaps this is a subject you can take-on during your down-time. Best wishes on a speedy recovery.

Brianna said... jaz NOT HIM. mella, worry not.

Gzuz Helps Fox Cope said...

Hey, Brianna!

Sherill stopping by. I'm old in age but new at this blogging stuff and I posted a comment this am on (I believe it was) your "One Day At a Time" page. I was reading to catch up and posted before getting to the most current blog so my posting is a little far behind you. But want you to know it's there in case you want to read it. Also, if I had read this first, I would not have made my comments about your Jason Taylor look-alike. You DO NOT need any encouragement, apparently. :) So glad to hear your surgery went well and you can be hopeful that you'll get back out there soon. Should've read this first, too, so that my prayers would have been more specific to the update. Oh, well, I'm caught up with you now. And I agree with Brit: ya never know what nutcase could be sending you flowers or chocolates. Glad you found out who the generous giver was and that all is good. And I busted up out loud over your mom and Brit's exchange. Again I agree with Brit: Clever way to save your tail for Mother's Day! But I agree with your mom, too. There is no greater gift than knowing our children are following the Lord and not committing crimes against themselves or humanity. And a hug and card or call is all that any mom probably really cares one hoot about. And I agree with you, too, Bri (I must be in a very agreeable mood right now!) ...moms can be celebrated any day of the year.

Please read my previous blog...don't want you to miss my opening sentence. :) Love ya!