Wednesday, April 29, 2009

tips and tricks

I won’t say much. In fact, if you have really paid attention over the last year and a half, you realize that I never do…talk about men, that is. Well…men I have feelings for. Not in a serious way. I will lament about being single, bash on guys who don’t pay for first dates, and share stories about the hideous pick-up lines I hear at the bookstore, but I don’t ever delve into anything that is serious or close to my heart. There are times when I’d like to, but I’d have to be anonymous to be comfortable with that, and we all know I have far too many pictures and revealing information for that to be possible!

So I keep quiet. And fortunately it does not take away from the authentic portrayal of my life on too many occasions because I often am just as dateless as I claim to be…by choice of course. But right now I find myself in a bit of a heart dilemma. I asked for my heart back because I thought that’s what I needed to do. I was sure that I was supposed to move on once it was clear to me that it was becoming more about settling for what I was getting, rather than getting what I deserved…and wanted. I moved on and I was content as could be expected with the belief that something bigger and better was in store for me. Or so I thought. But the difference this time around is that nothing significant happened and I’ve never dealt with a breakup like that before. I’m used to there being an incident or for my feelings to not be there anymore and that wasn’t the case this time around.

All of this sounds serious and deep, right? Well that’s not the road I’m trying to go down. The only thing I really want is to pick your brain for a suggestion or two. Everybody out there should have some kind of insight. If you’ve never dealt with a break-up in your entire life then you’re either the Pope or my best friend Jasmine who married the only guy she ever dated. I’m good with the tough girl act for the most part, but I’d like for it not to be an act. And if that’s not possible, I want to be such a good actress that I might just win an Oscar if someone was handing them out. Because I believe in the idea that you should fake it til’ you make it. But I also want to know the fastest way to making it, if that makes any sense. I know there is a wealth of knowledge between us and since they say it takes a village, I am hoping you will share some.

23 comments:

Dana said...

Girl, first of all, definitely don't discuss your real romantic relationships on here ... EVER. Second, there's no good way to handle a breakup when emotions are involved. You have to let things play out their course naturally. You'll have your moments for sure, but the best way to let go of things quickly is to not ignore or suppress your feelings b/c they always reappear at inopportune times.

As far as the tough girl act, you can drop that now. People can see through that, Oscar winner or not. Your eyes tell your real story. When it comes to dating and being with someone, it's not about the act that you put on, or the faking it 'til you make it, it's about being true to who you are and having that person love you anyway. If that's not the case, them loving you for who you are, keep it movin'. BUT you have to truly love you (all of you) first in order for someone else to love all of you. If you find that you have to act a certain way around your man that is not the real you, the relationship is not worth it. You'll both end up miserable b/c eventually the real you will appear with a vengeance. =) Be yourself! The yourself you are around your friends and family!!! ;-) I know it's not the tough chick image you are portraying to them!! ;-)

Many blessings to you in dealing with this chica!!

Jon Lustig said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jon Lustig said...

I don't get it. The first thing you owe the person you are looking for is honesty; being honest with him about who you are, and in turn being honest with
yourself about what you want.
Since you said that you felt you were 'settling' even though you were with someone you still had feelings for at the time, either those feelings weren't
what you thought they needed to be, or you are the kind of person who thinks of their feelings as just one of many things which can lead them to someone.
Some people are prepared to search until they find someone they feel so strongly about that nothing else can matter to them except being with that person,
their feelings drive everything. For me life is too short to spend time waiting to feel differently about someone, and it is too long not to search for
someone I can't bear to be away from. Everyone is different though. Decide whether you seek the practical or the profound, whether you want your search
to be for someone or for the only one. Then make sure you are comfortable with that decision.
A bit heavier than you were looking for I'm sure, but if it weren't important and life changing then we wouldn't think about it so often.

Brianna said...

@ dana...i wouldn't DARE. lol. you sound like a relationship guru though, i think you should start a column. :)

@ jon...you lost me. i was being honest with myself. this is why i don't write about relationships. it's too complicated.

Jon Lustig said...

Yes, you were honest in admitting that the relationship was not working, and obviously that's good. That is only part of what I was saying. You asked what is the fastest way to making it. The answer, as Dana said, is to be true to yourself and what you want. I've seen your lists of the things you say you want in someone, and I've seen (and applauded) your rants when you don't get it. The honest thing to do would be to admit that your current approach doesn't seem to be serving you well. Men are not complicated. The kind of man you say you are looking for, he is put off by a 'tough girl,' someone who seems to be distant. He is perfectly happy to remain just as distant. But he will gladly risk his heart being broken if it is for the right woman, though not if she seems to not really care one way or the other. Realizing that a good man is much harder to find these days, realizing there must be risk for reward, that is being honest.

Brianna said...

no, all i was asking for was how other people get over someone. that's it. the "tough girl" act was after the fact. my approach in finding the type of guy i like is fine, there just aren't many of them in existence is all. i think you misunderstood me or think i'm sabatoging all the good men around me in some way, but that really isn't it. but anyway, this is all too deep and insightful seeing as how nobody really knows me or my dating life all that well to begin with.

Jon Lustig said...

Bri, I apologize. You know, the way that was written I was absolutely sure that was the one thing you couldn't have been asking. Men are from Mars etc I suppose. I think a lot that I have up there still applies in that context, but most of it looks quite silly now.
Anyway, what threw me off was the way you simply laid out your reasoning. It looks very much like this wasn't something that just occurred to you, I'm the same way. I've always given myself about a week to consider things once I've had that first thought that something isn't working. I find that I have usually done my introspection before I've made things official. That's because thinking about a relationship in that state forces you to go through a lot in your head: what you were attracted to, whether or not you believe there were signs of things which became problems later, etc. I have also been somewhere close to your situation, being with someone I liked for many reasons, but where things simply refused to move forward like I expected them to. This is when I'm either helped or hurt by my faith that there is an element of something cosmic in love, that this is simply not the right person. I'm aware that on some level this could be straight defensive rationalization, but I still live by it, both because I like the idea on a spiritual level, and because it does help me move forward quickly and not dwell on the past, which I try to avoid for most things. I hope that's a bit closer to what you were looking for.

Dana said...

I'm totally laughing out loud right now b/c I misread your entire last paragraph. I OBVIOUSLY am not a relationship guru, nor should I start a column if I'm missing the point! HA!! I totally understand why you wouldn't dare! Hell, I wouldn't either! Just forget the last chunk of my rant!! LOL

# 2 said...

Not sure where to start so i'll just say be honest with yourself and others;whether it's with THE guy, your blog family, or your best friend who knows "everything" about your relationship. When you do that you'll be able to release whatever it is you need to release.

Granted, there are a few things that you can leave to GOD; but it's important to say what you feel, and feel what you say for your own sanity. It's not about facades, truth gives you strength. This will not in any way eliminate hurt, especially around that 'time of the month,' but it'll help you endure with an internal smile and peace of mind.

Take a risk even, and even if it doesn't pan out the way you would like, own it! Everything happens for a reason, even if it leads you right back where you started...

Hope this helps, or makes sense.Take from it what you will.

Brianna said...

yea I'm thinking that my writing just didn't translate this time for some reason so I'm going to just leave this one alone and move on to the next topic!

now i just need a topic...

Jon Lustig said...

I did ask you about general advice for dieting and training...what exercises do you do regularly besides straight running?

brit brat said...

you keep yourself busy Bri. you find things to do, places to go, people to talk to, and drinks to sip on. you call your girlfriends and pour everything out. you cry, you laugh, you curse his name! if it hurts too much to talk to him, then you don't. you do whatever makes you feel better and forget about what people "normally" do because everyone is different.
me personally, I burn something. something of his that reminds you of him like a picture or his favorite hat. something about watching it burn and seeing the smoke helps release the hold he may have on you.


yeah...I know I need help. haha

Anonymous said...

You can always concern yourself with the thought that you're at the top of the God-mommy list for baby #3.

brit brat said...

wait...is that comment directed at me?

Jasmine said...

Just because I married the only guy I've ever dated doesn't mean I don't give good advice. In fact, it's the opposite. I'm SO GOOD at picking men, I get it right the first time. Obviously.
Advice: Move on. Fo real.
Unsolicited Advice: Let me choose your boyfriend...then you'll be happy.
Miss you...I'm gonna call you in a few...

Daniel said...

Ms. Glenn,
"I bust the windows out your car..."
Think that's a song somewhere ...

And Brit_Brat, that's Best Mommy for #3

Anonymous said...

Brit, NO that baby #3 comment wasn't directed at you, you and Daniel are both lost in the sauce.
Bri the comment was for you! So what do you think? Does God-Mommy Bri sound good? Before you shake your head keep in mind that you love the first 2 so chances are you're gonna love #3.

Brianna said...

wait...ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING???!!!!!


my exercise regimen doesn't translate to regular folk very well...it is very sport specific. unless you want to go to a track and run sprints over and over...or jump in some sand. that's about it. oh, i go to the weight room and do olympic lifts and different kinds of squats. that's about it.

Anonymous said...

YES, I'm trying to tell you something- PICK UP YOUR PHONE!!!

brit brat said...

I am so lost right now with all this anonymous' and numbers and love talk...

C Lo said...

Hey girl, I love reading your blog. I just want to say one thing...since you asked. Always stay true to yourself! God made you the way you are and has a plan for you and someone just for you. So don't look back. Prov. 16:9 says the Lord determines your steps. He brought you to this point in your life and will bring you through it. Take this time to find out more about you and who you are. And enjoy life. Stay positive and you will get through it and be stronger from it. God bless!!

Anonymous said...

yooooo-well im sorry your going through stuff like that--help me out with my shit please 10 years of break up to make up--i have no idea how to handle this--i need a woman perspective--well maybe several:- joe p. vegas/dc i hope that all is well

Anonymous said...

it will happen in the right time bri!;D