I had a moment yesterday. For the most part I have been doing well in terms of my spirits and staying positive, but somewhere between my jogging on the underwater treadmill at a speed of 4.0 and doing my rehab exercises simple enough for a senior citizen, I cracked a little. It is almost the end of May and THIS is what I’m doing?! Tears quickly welled up in my eyes and I took an unneeded bathroom break. I know I’m not supposed to think like that but I’d be lying to you if I said it was that easy. I’m human. It’s six weeks before Trials and I can’t jog on ground and I have not done so in almost a month. I’ve been surprised even at my own courage and strength because normally I am quite the head case and for the most part I haven’t been. But I do have my moments. Moments like yesterday.
And so last night when I read that verse above before bed, I just had to whisper thank you. Thank you for reminding me that I am so not in charge of things right now. Sometimes circumstances are hard to understand. For example, my circumstance right now can be extremely frustrating to me at times because not only do I feel as if the timing is the absolute worst, I also slip up sometimes and find myself worrying about everything you could possibly think I might worry about. I sit around and I feel like I’m just staring at this huge hourglass sand timer and I just want to turn it on it’s side for a bit. But focusing on your lack of understanding can really wear you out. So when I begin to let my mind go there, it’s helpful for me to be reminded to snap out of it. I just need to trust and remind myself that His ways are not my ways. I know I’ve mentioned something similar to this before, but sometimes I find myself in need of another cue. I most certainly don’t think it was by chance that I read that verse today.