Wednesday, May 7, 2008

One day at a time

I had my MRI today but I won’t know my results until tomorrow afternoon (Thursday). I must admit I’ve been kind of a wreck. In my whole career I’ve never really had any real injury that I’ve had to deal with so this is all unchartered territory for me. Not to mention the extremely bad timing. I’ve broken down on more than one occasion…I know the people at Walgreen’s were a little weirded out by the crazy woman limping around totally blubbering. I inspect the swelling of me knee about every hour to see if I can notice any change. I’ve researched every knee ailment known to man and figured out the severity of them all as well as what the projected healing time is. Basically, I’ve done a lot of worrying and a lot of what if’ing.

But yesterday I came across something in my devotions that I’m really trying to hold on to. It talked about living one day at a time and not wasting time worrying or being anxious about tomorrow. It is comforting to know that whatever tomorrow may hold, He holds tomorrow. That really spoke to my heart.

So today there were no tears. I’ll admit, there were some choked up moments but I allowed them to pass and I tried not to get caught up in worsening my situation for no reason. Today I merely tried to deal with the present and when tomorrow comes, I will have the grace to deal with whatever it brings my way.

**A sincere thank you for all of you who have commented, texted, emailed, and called to send your best and remind me that I am in your prayers. I truly appreciate it.

11 comments:

Marcus LANGFORD said...

The second paragraph holds a very powerful statement indeed. All we can do is live for today and prepare for tomorrow.

Best wishes in any event and I truly do hope that your injury does not keep you from reaching your goals.

Peaze out!

:::Marcus LANGFORD:::

Oscar said...

Philippians 4:13: For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.

You can and will get past this obstacle in your path. Keep your head up.

Oscar

Jasmine said...

Remember that Gospel song that we listened to one morning at your place in Tucson?! You know, the one where I tried to dance while sitting on the couch putting my makeup on?
"God is Good, All the Time...All the Time, God is Good"
Sing it with me now! ;)
xoxo...

Jewells said...

To an extent, I know where you are coming from. My injury was due to my job but my job was not a love of mine. So when I had to stop working because of back pain, I was jumping for joy. You on the other hand, I empathize with your tears. I don't know how I would feel to be where you are.

I'm going to try and make this as short as possible...

For about 17 months I obsessed over my back pain. I broke down on several occasions because I couldn't understand what was going on. My legs would tingle and I would feel numbness in my toes. Had spasms going down my legs and in my butt. Couldn't sleep because of the tingling and numbness. Felt like I was constantly being pricked w/needles all throughout my legs. The doctors didn't have answers. The MRI's (had three) didn't have answers. When I sneezed and became paralyzed for a few minutes; there were still no answers. Just got a couple of steroid shots and sent on my way.

I was lost. Confused. Hurt. Angry. I had been prayed over beyond count. Still nothing. I experienced so much angst.

One day in Bible study we were going over some scriptures. My eyes skimmed over a scripture that hit me deep inside. John 16:24. I could not concentrate on nothing else that night except for that scripture. I broke down and asked for prayer. That was the first time that I sincerely asked and believed in my healing.

My pain was a test, a trial for me. I sit here, three months later, painless. I had to go through all of that until I saw what God needed me to see.

I pray with confidence that you will receive healing, both physically and mentally. Because I know how pain can break one down. Prov20:30.

Brianna said...

@oscar...thanks for the comment. ;)

@jasmine...the gospel station is on now! hopefully they play that song again. love you.

@jewells...just looked up that scripture. it's great, thanks for sharing.

t.v. said...

"Why worry when you can pray, trust Jesus He'll lead the way. Don't be a doubting Thomas, trust fully in His promise. Why worry, worry, worry, worry, when you can pray."

This is a song I learned in Sabbath School at a very young age. Now everytime I'm on the verge of worrying I do my best to apply the words of this song.

Months ago... Tuesday, June 12th 2007, to be exact you wrote a blog entitled "Keeping the Faith" on Myspace and your mood at the time was "determined". Powerful and thought provoking blog. Please allow me to quote the last couple sentences from your last paragraph. "Usually these types of journal entries I keep private but I felt it was important for me to voice this out loud and work on practicing what I preach. I am great at telling others how to stay positive and believe in themselves even when they hit the occasional bump in the road, but I need to make myself listen to my own advice….even if I must talk to myself out loud."

Being confident and keeping the faith doens't only apply while competing. It's also applicable when you're down and out. Confidence in your recovery and faith in God's power to heal you is important for your mental and spiritual state of mind.

"Footprints in the sand" ... I bet if you look back right now you will only see one set of prints in the sand.. That's because God is carrying you through this very rough and emotional periode in your life.

Keep the faith...

Nigel "6five" Bigbee said...

I hope you feel better and not worrying about things that are out of your control is the best thing you can do. That's one thing my father tells me weekly.

Do the things that you can do and things will fall into place.

anonymousnupe said...

In my times of despair, this often helps quite a bit.

Racer said...

Good luck! I wish you the best with you knee. Your words about living in the present are so true! I know it is easier said than done, but it something that we all should strive for.

Gzuz Helps Fox Cope said...

Dearest, dearest Brianna!

Sherill here. I will say this now and we'll talk later, ok? I want to say: "OH, MY GOSH!! You are incredible!" And so sorry I did not get to my POB sooner. Your note made me cry, seriously. Let's talk soon.

I first came to your blog the latter part of April but this is the first time I've posted. I have to let you know that I am "on board" with everyone praying for you and encouraging you to keep on hanging in there. This is another very tough one for you, but over all these years it really is "just another tough one" and God has seen you through each one. Please know that I am not minimizing this bad knee or the delays this is causing for your training and competitions. I'm just reminding you that you've had one struggle, obstacle, hurdle, or hill to climb from the beginning and God has faithfully given you the strength, perseverence, fortitude, grit, determination, provision, health, and whatever else you have needed to overcome each one. With the hurdles, obstacles, etc., that you have had over the years, I guess it is a darn good thing that you are in track. See, the Lord has made even your athletic strength to be a visual to you and all of us of how you've always been in training to overcome any mountain. You can and will run the race to the finish and be victorious! Hopefully the good Lord's timing for healing you will coincide with the Olympic calendar since they won't wait. I pray it will be His will to let you get out on the track in China this year after all your hard, hard work.

When I first pulled up your blog, I spent 4 1/2 hours reading it!! I started on the current day and kept reading backwards until I'd read every entry. I just couldn't stop reading! It was fascinating to read your posts and the responses of all the bloggers. How cool is it that you have been shown so much love and support...often by people you don't even really know! Too cool!

Tonight is the first time I got back on 'cuz I had talked to your mom the other day and she told me you had to come back home for surgery. I'm so sorry. I wanted to get an update and let you know I am praying for you. Thank goodness I am UTD now and I better get on at least once a week to keep up with you.

The Ralph Lauren photos are absolutely great!! You look like a real pro! Both a real pro athlete and a real pro model. In case anyone wants to know: YES! "You must've been a beautiful baby, but baby look at you now!" does apply to both you and Brit-Brat. And I've got pics that I may just have to post one of these days to prove it. :) Your mom and dad just really knew how to "mix it up" for both you girls. When is Brit gonna start HER modeling career?

If your bum knee doesn't start cooperating very soon, you will just be starting your modeling career sooner than you thought. And you can more than hold your own against Gisele. My opinion: you're lovelier than she is. Of course, I may be a little biased...seeing as how you're "like a daughter" and you know I'm partial to darker skin tones, anyway. :) But if RL did not hand-pick you for this shoot, I'm sure he will in the future. That white uniform looks terrific against your beautiful skin! It would be lost on me...they wouldn't know where the uniform stopped and I started. Besides, I don't think they make parachute- size Olympic uniforms.

Oh...by the way, if your friend in NY doesn't put a bug in your Jason Taylor look-alike's ear that you are an intelligent, fun, funny, charming, gracious, successful, interesting, (and did I mention ?) beautiful Christian young woman and advise him to get on your website and check you out, well, I recommend you scratch Mr. NY off your your "friend" list. Unless he's keeping this information to himself for his own personal reasons, of course. Now, I might forgive him in that case...IF he passes YOUR chemistry test and MY interview. Just kidding. You can breathe again. :) (Remember, there are a lot of us that would LOVE to see you in a wedding dress - and not just for Brides magazine, either!) Now, if for you there's no chemistry with Mr. NY Friend, and he DOESN'T think to rattle the cage of your JT clone, remind Mr. NY that he would have plenty of beautiful bridesmaids to choose from if this match-up works out. That might give him some
incentive. :)

Well, I'm gonna hang up for now. I don't know how often I'll interject 'cuz I'm really just an old woman who certainly isn't hip (there, see, I prove my point...what would be a more "hip" word to use here these days?) enuff to be part of the conversations, but I just want you to know that I am praying, praying, praying for you and I love you dearly. I will tap in now and then to get updates and hope that I can get over to see your mom and Brit and Tristen (sp?) soon.

Love ya! Sherill

Brianna said...

Thanks for posting Sherill!