In charge

I decided early on that this year was going to be about me as much as possible. In order for that to happen one thing that I had to be cognizant of was what my heart got involved in. I don’t necessarily think that it is always a bad thing to be involved in a relationship because healthy ones can be a great source of support and happiness, but for me that risk is great. I have found myself in my fair share of unhealthy relationships over the years, ones that have done their best to drain me of my energy and put my focus on things that are a far cry away from my most important goals and aspirations. Sure, that’s not always the case, but who wants to take that gamble this year? Not me. On the one hand I know that I am in my prime years for finding a good mate and settling down some time in the near future, but on the other hand I don’t see why that potential Prince Charming can’t cross my path some time after August. That’s not too much to ask, right?!

I can pinpoint years where bad relationships and/or relationships gone bad have had a direct affect on my track career. Negative energy can find a way to spill over into all facets in your life. And yes, sometimes you can channel it and turn in into something positive, because I can distinctly recall PR performances the day after huge fights and breakups, but sometimes all it does is deplete you. In fact, even good relationships can do their part to drain you. In my younger years I found myself so in loooove that it was almost as if track took a backseat because I was struggling and frustrated with my performances and it was much easier to direct my energy to what was making me happy. But then that happiness came to an abrupt end and I was left with a huge void. I had shifted my priorities and now I had to scramble to fix what was really important to me and find a way to put me back on top.

And yes, all of this happens because I’m not perfect and I did not graduate top of my class from Relationship 101. I’m sure there is a right way to balance it all, I just know that I have not perfected it and I’m not inclined to try this year. All of this is made much easier by the fact that I am stuck out in the middle of no man’s land, at least in terms of me finding suitable dating partners. But in this day and age, location is such a minor component. When there’s a will, there’s a way so I’m just doing my best to keep my will under control.

I guess my whole reason for writing this is because I almost find myself slipping and I’m doing my best to catch it. I’ve had way too much man on the brain lately and they’ve even found a way to creep into my dreams at night. Ughhh!!! Part of the problem is my inactivity. I haven’t been able to train and compete in weeks and I guess it’s caused my mind to wander. So when I woke up this morning after another night of lovey-dovey mush taking place while I slumber, I decided that it’s time to tell my heart to lay low for a while. I am putting my head back in charge.