Thursday, June 12, 2008

Laugh Out Loud

The other day something happened to me-- One of those things that bring immediate embarrassment and a mortifying glance in all directions to see if there were any witnesses to the incident. Well in my case, thank goodness there were not. After I got over the initial shock however, I figured I must tell someone. Is this just a quirk of mine or do most people act in this way? It’s not so much that I take some sort of pleasure in my awkwardness or my (very few) humiliating moments, but I have this desire for funny things to be laughed at, even if it’s at my expense. So I immediately picked up the phone to call someone so that they could laugh at me and give the experience it’s fair reaction. Well it’s been a few days and my sister and two best friends have already given me the response I was looking for, but I figured why stop there?!! I have all of you who I’m sure know how to chuckle when appropriate so here ya go…

I was at Starbucks (shocker!) enjoying a nice iced latte and reading my new sports psychology book that is sure to kick my confidence and concentration up a notch in these upcoming weeks. I decided to sit outside under a nice shade tree because the temperature had dropped enough as to not scorch my eyebrows off. So there I am, cute outfit and all, having a relaxing afternoon.

side note: I should probably mention something about my outfit because if I’m being honest, it does have a small part in the story. I’ve had this new shirt that I bought a while ago but have never worn. About once a week I try it on and try and decide if it’s worth keeping or if I should take it back because I’m just not absolutely convinced but have yet to make up my mind. Well today I had the bright idea to wear the shirt to Starbucks with the tags still attached so I could actually wear it for a while out in public and then decide if it’s worth keeping or not. I know…shameless.

Anyway, I’m sure you can guess where this is going. I’m sitting there, minding my own business, UNDER A TREE, when suddenly I am attacked by a series of splats. A couple on the top of my head and then a few right across the front of my shirt. Ok, ok. One grazed my nose as well. And in case you were unaware, bird crap starts off wet and then dries crusty. So those few on top of my head proceeded to do a bit of drizzle action. I immediately froze and looked at the people sitting at the table next to me to see if they were aware of the crap fest that had just taken place. Thankfully they were none the wiser. So I jumped up and hurriedly walked inside to grab some napkins and clean my scalp as best I could. The shirt was also cleaned off as best as possible. Of course now I can start referring to it as MY shirt as you really can’t return things with bird stains on the front. Well that ended my very brief trip to Starbucks, as I had to go home and wash my hair. Oh…did I mention that I had my hair straight and it had a good few more days before it needed washing? Talk about adding insult to injury!

If you’d like, feel free to add your own funny story and give me something to laugh at you for now.

32 comments:

anonymousnupe said...

Like the time I arrived at the gym to play in a basketball game, went to the bathroom, finished, and then proceeded to stroll--with my pre-game pimp swagger on--through the entire gym in front of tens and tens of fans...with toilet paper blowing in the wind behind me, trailing from my sweats like I was some kinda stupor hero? I guess that's pretty much happened to everybody at least once...right?

Christy Holliday said...

Something similar actually happened to me - only I was on a semi-date. I was with a guy AND his parents! There we were sitting outside, having lunch when that happened to me. I wanted to cry. I had to ride in the car w/these people with bird poop on me!!! :-(

Aunt S said...

Brianna..stop! I'm at work for goodness sake. And I'm sitting here in my office laughing WAY out loud...people are starting to look at me funny! BTW, picture a junior high school quad-thing, change of classes with everyone out wondering around, and a bird who I swear had not crapped for at least a month finds a very cute younger version of your Aunt :-) and lets 'er rip. The very loud echo of hysterical laughter told me there was no reason to look up to see if anyone might have noticed...

Bianca said...

Bri, this is reciprocity. Remember junior year at LMHS when the bird pooped on me in the quad and you laughed? That's right. Take it. Take it hard.

I love you.

ktizzle said...

oh i'm dyin' over here! i've never personally be shat on but i've been next to someone that's been shat on.

not really a shat on story but still funny at my expense. i was on my first "date" with what is now my ex. (this incident has no correlation to her now being my ex) and we were going to watch a movie at her house and decided to go to 7-eleven to get snacks. it was summer time and we decided to get slurpees, i of course having master the fine art of slurpee pouring wanted to impress her and show off my stills of injection.

Slurpee injection(of course something i came up with) is mixing favors starting with a base flavor and instead of adding the next flavor onto. opening the lever enough to shoot the second flavor down through the middle of the base layer filling it to the top. you end of with the base flavor on the outside and the second flavor on the inside versus one on top of the other. kinda like cream filling in a twinkie.

so i get the first flavor in and am explain the second step. some how there must have been an air pocket or something in the line cause when i went to add the second flavor it blew the dome lid off and blew up in my face and all over. i thought she was going to cry she was laughing so hard.

by far one of the most humbling dating experience i've ever had.

Brianna said...

It's wonderful that you all are sharing your stories as well...now I'm laughing at you!

Anonymous said...

Ms. Glenn,
That is a good story, and nicely told also. Appreciate the side bit about the “new” shirt, lol, just your luck, huh?
It is a huge “positive” in life to be able, emotionally, to laugh at yourself and the “crap” that happens, so it’s refreshing to see you do that, very publicly.
As far as on the nice, clean, straight hair, dang, if that’d been my daughter, that’d cost me, like $60.00, minimum; “Daddy, I just CAN’T wash and flat-iron my own hair!!! Plllllleeeeease, Daddy, take me to the salon!”
For my own “pooped on” stories? Well, they’d all involve my children’s “mother” and how she “s$%t all over us. But those aren’t really funny stories, so I’ll refrain…
Daniel

brit_brat said...

I've been checking everyday to see when you were going to share this. I'm still laughing!
The only thing I can think of that's funny is earlier this week I was arguing with my Husband, which isn't too abnormal because lets face it, which married couple doesn't argue from time to time? As I'm giving him the ol' ONE, TWO verbally this large amount of saliva just falls out of my mouth and on to the floor. I guess I was so in the moment of debate that I had forgotten to swallow and my mouth was at SALIVA CAPACITY! I tried my hardest to pretend like it didn't just happen as to not lose any focus but my Husband noticed and was like "Uh....did you not just see all the spit pour out of your mouth?". We both busted up laughing and totally forgot what we were talking about....but yeah, that's my story.
I'm sure more embarrassing things have happened to me that deal with babies and all that secretes from them but at the moment they seem to escape my mind.

yoan said...

Recently, while I was going to work as usual, I am to prepare, shirt, tie, shoe etc....
I then took the train to surrender to my work, when, later 1hour of road, my mother calls me: " hey Yoan is kept silent pret for the peak-nic of today?? ".Indeed we were on Saturday morning and I did not work!!! I was ashamed!!

Brianna said...

SLOBER MOUTH. hahahahhahaha

Nikkie T said...

This is HILARIOUS!!
What makes this REALLY funny to me is the fact that Charlie (my 3yr old daughter, for enquiring minds who want to know) just got her forehead pooped on by some rogue-ass pigeon at Joe's Crab Shack. She was literally stopped in her tracks, didn't know what the hell had just happened, and just looked up at me for her que on how to react. I, meanwhile, was PISSED at this bird for sh*tting on my daughter. But in typical quick-thinking, mommy fashion I got my face together and said, "Oh my goodness Charlie, that bird just blew you a kiss! Did you feel that?!" while simultaneously taking my thumb to quickly wipe the poop from her forehead. She laughed and said yeah, we talked about how the bird was her new friend, and that was that.
Your poop story, Bri, was the funniest thing I've heard since... UNTIL I read Brit's saliva capacity story!!
Man that had me dying.
Thanks for the laughs ladies!!!

lw said...

Don't tell me it was the black and white BCBG shirt...?

Silja said...

This happened to me too ... It was at Penn Relays and a bird pooped on my uniform, so I ran 4x200 with a bird poo on my shoulder/back ...

Came UP! said...

These stories were too funny! But, I think Brit_Brat's story was the best. The last time i laughed this hard was after watching Dave Chappelle perform his Rick James skit.

Wendell

Jasmine said...

OMG!!! I'm dying right now!! I just read Bianca's comment and remembered when the bird crapped on her...and you laughed like Satan!! Just desserts, my friend! :)
I'm gonna call you lates about Nikkie's tomorrow...

brit_brat said...

hahaha@Nicole
how you came up with "the bird blew you a kiss", on the spot like that is just PURE GENIUS!! I would have for sure started screaming and going eeeeeeewwww! had a bird pooped on one of my kids. You are truly amazing!
I'm still cracking up as I'm writing this because I can just imagine in your mind you're like "Oh hell no, this bird did not just poop on my baby's head!" oh god....the voices I make for people make the image even more funny I think....ok I'm going to stop because my hackling is about to wake up the baby. WHEW! man I needed that!

Eb the Celeb said...

Eww.. that is so gross and yet so funny... I remember that happened to this girl on a field trip in elementary school and we called her bird doo doo head for the rest of the year..lol

Marcus said...

What? A bird doo-dooed on Charlie's forhead. Do I have to start reading Briann'a blog to get news on my own family now? What the hell? Damn pigeons... rats with wings.

Jewells said...

I was pissed when our bird crapped in my eye. I learned not to look up at birds anymore!

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Funny Facebook statuses said...

It's interesting that you all are sharing your stories as well...now I'm laughing at you,its funny.

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