Erasing the fear

Anyone who knows me knows how shut off I have been in the past when it comes to my career. I have never liked to talk openly about it nor have I ever gone out of my way to share my experiences with others. If you asked me about track you would get one-word answers and that’s about it. This year is obviously a bit different. I have come out of my shell, so to speak, and I feel like I’m sharing up a storm. Obviously this blog has allowed me to put into words some of the things that have always been hard for me to verbally express and I also have spent more time talking with individuals about their own journey and the ups and downs they face. I’ve realized that not only do I have the ability to share in a way that actually helps people and gives a little insight once in a while, but in the process I also help myself. For some reason I never really thought people could relate to me and I also was never comfortable being vulnerable in any kind of way. Over the past few years I had developed way too many insecurities and issues that were hindering me and my ability to succeed and I think that now that I am aware and am doing my best to work through them, it’s going to help me be that much better. I also have learned that many people, especially other athletes, have found or will find themselves in similar places throughout their journey as well. Because I have seen so many peaks and valleys over the years, I feel familiar with just about any road a person could possibly find themselves on. Of course I am still on my way to the highest peaks but I feel like I understand the ups and downs so much better. I have a better perspective now and if I am able to share even a pinch of that with someone else that finds it helpful, then that’s a blessing.

One of the biggest challenges I am still working on overcoming is fear. More importantly, fear of failure. I mentioned this to another young athlete the other day (shout out if you read this blog!) and it totally gave me a déjà vu moment because I knew exactly what she was feeling and I knew exactly why. I have been in that exact place with those same emotions and it took someone pointing it out to me for me to realize that I had become a prisoner of fear. I was so critical of myself and totally focused on results that I completely lost sight of the process. I needed to remember that when you just focus on the process the results should take care of themselves. But I was scared and I couldn’t see that. I know a lot of it stemmed from my confidence not being what it used to and me struggling to gain control somehow but I was definitely going about it the wrong way. Of course I’m not completely cured but I am a lot better than I used to be and it helps being able to explain to others that it’s how you approach the challenges and the struggles that makes a difference in the big picture. I am reminding myself to always try and learn from my disappointments and find a way to turn it into motivation and hopefully I’m teaching others to do the same. A lot of times it’s about stepping out into the unknown and feeling confident that we are prepared and ready for something we’ve never done before. You can’t be afraid to fail or else you will never allow yourself to be great.

I wanted to share the following quote that someone so graciously shared with me a few weeks back. It touched me and hopefully it speaks to you as well…

"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves who am I to be brilliant, talented, fabulous?" Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, its in ALL of us. As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same, and as we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others"