Thursday, October 23, 2008

Bamboozled

I don’t ever stop. Not when they try and squirt a special lotion in my hand, not when they promise me my hair will be straighter and silkier than I’ve ever had it, not when they swear their fragrance will ensure the man of my dreams will fall madly in love with me…whatever it is, I keep it movin’. So why on earth did I stop this time? I knew I had been spotted and I considered for a moment crossing the street so that I wouldn’t even have to pass by and graciously decline whatever product it was she was trying to hustle. But I figured that was doing too much and so I continued on my path. And against my better judgment, I stopped. I suppose it was because she seemed nice and friendly and since I was at an outdoor mall early in the day with really nobody else around maybe I felt badly. Before I knew it the exfoliating salts were in my hands and I was scrubbing and then rinsing and proclaiming that “yes, my hands did feel incredibly soft…oh, and that smell from the shea butter…you’re right—absolutely divine.”

I admit, I was starting to feel a little guilty for even entertaining her this long because I knew as soon as she told me how much this special salt and lotion was, I’d quickly dismiss it all and find an excuse to back away. I mean, soft hands and feet are nice and all but they just aren’t that high on my priority list. But then she brought out this product, this facial peel, made with this super special berry found only in the mountains in the Himalayans, and tested in on the inside of my arm. And I swear to you that I took a shower that morning, but as I rubbed it these little white beady things started appearing. And wouldn’t you know that it was dead skin! And just imagine if that could be removed from my face and cause my pores to breathe, as they should. And not only that, my arm felt incredibly soft and I actually noticed a brighter, glowing color on that arm versus the other. Well, this is what I was told to notice so let’s hope I wasn’t delusional.

Now let’s be honest here. I buy my skincare products based on what’s on sale at the local CVS. I don’t ever do peels and in fact, I have recently started to use pre-moistened wipes to clean my face because it’s quicker and faster than washing the old fashioned way. But all of the sudden I’m realizing that my skin might actually need this…that perhaps I can glow the same way J.Lo does. And so now I’m partly sold. And once she lets me know that the promotion they’re doing to introduce their wonderful product is to offer it free once you purchase the scrubbing salt and lotion, I figured it was too good to pass up.

I was a sucker. And now I’m so pissed at myself because a girl who stuffs her feet in tight shoes and sprints and jumps and then goes in the weight room and calluses up her hands lifting weights, isn’t the gal going home at night to use some fancy exfoliating salt and expensive lotion. And because it cost so darn much, anybody that knows me knows that I will save it, and it will just sit there gathering dust because I deem it too expensive to use as an every day product just because. And they tell me the face peel will last a year because you just use it once a week, but I barely pluck my eyebrows once a week. I suppose this is a good reason to start taking care of my skin and make it fabulous, but I’m simply not happy about it. It was a bad idea and I’ve had buyers remorse ever since. I suppose the only way to make it ok is to convince myself that I started my Christmas shopping early this year. So those of you on my very short list…I hope you are excited about soft hands and feet.

9 comments:

Daniel "Sharp Dressed Man" said...

Ms. Glenn,
Once again you have made my working day in the office that much more enjoyable! I was laughing out loud, just visualizing the whole, flowing scene. The hesitation as you approached all the way to the moment you walked away, bag-of-products in hand with that almost instantaneous feeling of “sucker” setting in, lol.
The reason I so associated with this blog is, that’s me too! I have a rather ‘soft’ heart about people, so I’m the one who, in kindness, will patiently listen to the whole presentation.
Worse for me is clothes shopping. Being the typical, dorky white guy, my daughter goes to “upgrade” me. LOL. Ms. Glenn, I end up standing at the register, clothes being rung up, at, (get this) Hot Topic! I regretted it even as I forked over the money, feeling that, one, I wanted my girl to know how much Dad appreciated her concern, time and help, two, what a total, out-of-place idiot I’d look in these styles that are 20 years too young for me.
Haven’t worn a single thing I bought yet. Maybe if I go to a Slayer concert or something, lol!
Want a T-shirt? And a machine-gun necklace?

PS. Brit_Brat: Aren’t you, like, married or something? You’re gonna get my a@@ kicked talking like that!

t.v. said...

How ironic is it, that I'm sitting here reading your blog with a cucumber facial peel on my face? And I can't even laugh, because every time I try to my face is pulled tight because of the peal. LOL

I don't understand how some women got through this type of "torture" every week (or however often). I've been putting off doing the peel for days now. The things we do to be and look beautiful. I tell you.. smh.

brit_brat said...

shoot! Ill take it. I love having soft skin and nice looking feet!

miles per death said...

Hilarious. You're like a real woman.

Anonymous said...

Breeze-
Thanks for the entertainment at 5 in the morning! Unable to sleep and surfing the web, catching up with you and your fabulous life! Oh, how it brings me back to the good ole days of seeing your dresser covered in perfumes and lotions you used so sparingly! :)
Vanilla Musk, you know it! ;)

Glad you are back at it, at the OTC! Prayers for your knee!
Miss you.
XO
JF

Brianna said...

@ jennie...OMG did i not have every possible vanilla scent known to man??

Bianca said...

Bri, give it to ME!!! You know I'm ubergirly so just pass it this way ;) See you tomorrow!

Jewells said...

Haha. She got you. Gotta love those salts and lotions people.

Anonymous said...

ha those people look so sad when you dont stop. They are some hardcore sellers tho!