Friday, November 20, 2009

The Eternal Optimist (I wish)

I like to consider myself an eternal optimist. But the only truth in that statement is the “like to”. In practice, I am usually anything but. I prefer to take a situation, think of the very worse outcome, and then react (in my head) as if that is what will happen. In my twisted way of thinking this prepares me for the worst, while letting me breathe of sigh of relief when things end up not turning out so bad. For example: If I’m at the airport getting ready to fly overseas for a meet and my plane is 30 minutes delayed, within a span of maybe 10 seconds I have already assumed that the plane will be more than 30 minutes late, I will miss my connection, have to stay overnight in another city, arrive the day before my competition with dead legs, and have to really dig deep to find the energy to compete well. And what happens when the plane is really only 30 minutes late and everything goes smoothly? ”Whew!” Bullet dodged.

This warped way of thinking shows up in other areas of my life as well. Most people who know me (read: exes) can probably attest to my argumentative skills. It makes sense that I would have multiple, thought out, thoroughly exhaustive points to prove…I have already had these conversations in my head, many times over. This is one of my favorite pastimes before bed -- conversations with other people where I not only play out my side of the discussion, but theirs as well. I can literally become teary-eyed because of a make-believe conversation.

But the whole point in sharing these slightly neurotic parts of my personality with you is to have you help me calm down just a little. I am dealing with something right now that could possibly be a huge misfortune, but it could also turn out to be not such a big deal after all. I will find out soon enough, but in the meantime I’m trying to keep my desire to panic and prepare for catastrophe to a minimum. It’s the planner in me that wants to jump ahead and make sure I have strategies in place in case I do have to deal with some unfortunate news but I feel like what I’m doing to myself in the meantime is adding premature wrinkles and grey hairs that I will regret 10 years from now when I’m forced to get botox and dye my hair every 6 weeks.

So much of what we worry about is unimportant. We see things with such a narrow focus when the big picture is being taken care of in the way that is always best for us. Please remind me of that. Or…just let me know that you are as neurotic as I am and maybe I won’t feel so bad.


i2theb said...

three things... 1) say it out loud... Wooooooooosaaaaahhhhhhh! lol. 2)for a bigger picture your have to remove yourself and look from the outside in - helps for me. and 3)i just look at the argumentative side of life as just refining my debate skills, chuckle. chuckle.

oh yeh, and for further reassurance... ur not alone.

Bianca said...


I'm praying for you.

Half-full :)

anonymousnupe said...

You know your girl B is gonna hit you with some Matthew 6:25-34, with emphasis on 34, right? (In fact, by the time I finish typing this she may already have chimed in.)

I feel you, though. Worry is human nature. When I get into the mode you're talking about I try to put it all in perspective: "If the bad outcome does happen, then why shouldn't it? Why would I assume to be so special as to be exempt from hardships? And if it happens to me, it probably has already happened to millions of others, so why should my situation be special?"

But then I have to remember: 'Cause God said my situation is special, that's why. He knows me by name, knows my every thought, and, most importantly, He cares and can do something about it. I have to trust Him. Whatever happens is for His benefit.

I'm counting on these truths myself. Been dealing with an issue for 12 years, and I'm tired now. Praying for your situation, Bri. And as the old ladies say at church, ...And you be prayin' for me now, baby, here? Alright now.

Brianna said...

@i2theb...yes, I knew I should've been on the debate team!

@b...thank you for your prayers my love. and look at how well my readers know you! you were literally writing at the same time as B. but yes, all your points were right on.

Jon Lustig said...

Yeah, well when you follow an athlete who runs and jumps for a living and you know a lot about certain medical stuff, it really sucks sometimes. It's a good thing I can't remember just what I said when I saw your tweet on Tuesday, you probably wouldn't want me to print it. So it isn't just you.
Hopefully since you just started training again what you have isn't an extreme case. If it is, least it's only November and not May.

Dust said...

Hakuna Mata, it means no worries!
Whenever I get that way, which is plenty, I like to put this song on as well as Yolonda Adams, the battle is the lords. It helps to calm me down.
I also leave it in fates hand & tell myself the decision has already been made. Well before I have the answer God has already decided my fate.

Good luck hope it helps

Jasmine said...

You have friends that love you...and want to help in any way. The glass may not be half full, but I have a pitcher in my hands, so I'm here for you!

Shawn said...

I hope everything turns out fine for you. But worrying about it won't do you any good. Do yourself a favor and take your own advice. Perhaps a friend with a good ear and some ice cream is in order.

t.v. said...

The need to be always prepared for whatever is constantly with me,a perfect tool against dissapointment, so I understand your "neurosis". lol

I once stumbled across the saying "Worry about nothing and pray about everything", and I couldn't agree more.

Since then those words has been my desktop background in poster form.

I know it's easier sad than done, but you can do it. You've done it in the past. So just let your Maker and Creator do His thing and enjoy the outcome.

Anonymous said...

So if your supposed to meet someone @ 5, you should assume they will be running late, so it shouldn't be as bad. Right? Lol

nut bag said...

alrighty.......... cry for help?
you could save me as a facebook friend and PM me!

Anonymous said...

It was certainly interesting for me to read this post. Thanks for it. I like such themes and anything connected to this matter. I would like to read a bit more soon.

E.M.H. said...

Hope for the best and plan for the worst- nothing wrong with a contingency plan. Keep the faith that things always work out the way they are suppose to even if we don't recognize it at the time. I feel like I am an optimist most of the time and the best optimism is coupled with realism.

Brunno said...

This is my third time trying to get through this blog and still can't finish it.

Are you sure you wrote it?

It's like a maggot sucking blood from under my lower eye lid.

Brunno said...

Ok...I finally finished it.

Just go to the drug store and pick up one of the instant pregnancy tests....

tnrtt said...

thanks for sharing... you should really write a book! Of this year and how you made it!