Monday, April 13, 2009

The Dog Ate It

I don’t think anyone would actually call me a dog lover. If anything, I’m a dog tolerator. Some dogs I like more than others, and those usually fall under the category of small, cute, and well behaved. For the most part, my best friend’s dog falls into this category. He’s a little bundle of joy and she loves him beyond reason, and because he’s never done anything to me except lick me a little and jump up and down when I walk in the door, I have always thought he was pretty cool too.

This weekend, I stayed over on Saturday night and Polo greeted me with the same excitement that he always does. When we got back to the house after dinner I had noticed my sweats in the middle of the hallway and figured he was the culprit. No worries… I just picked them back up and was grateful it wasn’t a pair of undies. Now, I should mention that these are no ordinary pair of sweats. They happen to be my fancy pair. What I mean by this is that they were ridiculously expensive for sweats, especially considering I have a closet full that were free, but these particular ones are cute enough to wear in public and not look frumpy. I rock them endlessly and shamelessly and had no plans on stopping any time in the near future.

In fact, after I had worn my Easter dress for the appropriate amount of time over at our family get together the next day and had decided that it was time to change into comfy clothes, I instantly went for my trusted sweatpants. I headed back into the dining room, decked in my finest cotton and proceeded to chat with the room full of people gathered in the kitchen as I leaned on the island that separated the two rooms. And then I heard it. Laughing. Loud, uncontrollable, can’t catch your breath laughing coming from behind me. I didn’t bother to turn around as I was engaged in another conversation but after some time my cousin was behind me whispering in my ear. Your pants are split in the back Bri. Bummer, a small tear in the seam of my pants and I am horrible with a thread and needle. But then I felt it…her fingers touching the flesh on my bum without any wiggling to get them in there. I immediately froze. Oh.Dear.God. This is no sliver. There I was, leaning on a counter with my butt stuck out to the room, with a HUGE unwanted cooling system I was unaware of. And they were not looking at my undergarments... unfortunately, they saw pure flesh. I happen to think undergarments are not necessary with sweats and this was a time when I really wanted to re-think this theory.

I ran to a room to assess the damage and change my clothes once again and it was then that I saw the damage…damage that could not be done on accident. This hole was big enough for my whole fist could fit in if need be. And then I knew. The darn dog. He ate my favorite sweatpants and embarrassed me in front of friends and family. I don’t know how he can repay me, but he sure better try.


Jon Lustig said...

You mean that's not the storyboards for the new MasterCard commercial?

Dana said...

LMBO!! That is HILARIOUS!!! At least Polo has given you a good reason to go shopping!! ;-) Not that any woman needs one... =)

brit brat said...

me personally, I was gonna let you hang out for a while longer. I thought it was HILARIOUS!! that's what you get for buying unnecessarily expensive sweatpants!

Christy said...

well, it could've been worse. You could've been at Starbucks instead of with family. I'm just sayin'....


Daniel said...

Ms. Glenn,
Yep, that’s a “Want to be somewhere else?” moment.
And the no-unddies admission … lol!
Nicely told.
And I hate dogs.

(Bets on how long until “Anonymous Ass” asks about pictures …)

Jasmine said...

Hahahha!! I'm the worst friend ever!! Now you're gonna hate my precious dog for all eternity! I owe you a pair of sweats! I'll buy them at Target and call it even! ;)
Come back soon...xxo

Cormac said...

Oh yeah, you accidentally left them out for Polo to rip apart! Sure, I believe you.

You ain't foolin' me - I know you wanted to show your derrierre off :)

Poor Polo, getting framed like that! :)

Erin Michell said...

LOL....this was funny. I know how it is to have a favorite pair of comfy, yet stylish sweats. I'm sure with a lil time you'll find another pair that you love just as much and that you won't leave them anywhere near Polo.

LaLa said...

At least you were around people that love you. Thanks for sharing. LOL

Bianca said...

Oh. My. Goodness.

I'm so sorry! My nephew just doesn't understand yet. Just ask Jas to hook you up with some Lulu Lemon :)

Anonymous said...

I must say the young pup sure put the hole in the right place! Don't throw them out Bri, I can think of a time or two you can still wear them! w*nk!

Any pictures?

Anonymous Ass

Dexter said...

Okay, that was so funny that I snorted!

Let me get this had this big hole in your sweats and you never noticed. Right......

I'm just joking! It happens to the best of us (not really; that's just a little something to make you feel better :-)

Looking forward to pictures from the Motherland!

Anonymous said...

I think that since Jasmine's pup is to blame, that Jasmin should have to put them on with no panties as well!

Post picture here please!

Anonymous Ass