Tuesday, September 23, 2008

fed up

I have been on zero worthwhile dates lately. And by zero I mean negative seven. Seriously, it is that bad. And as you may have noticed, I really don’t talk too much about my dating life on this here blog so for me to mention anything says a lot. For starters, it says that I don’t too much care what anyone may think who just might happen to stumble across it. Because of the fact that I am not an anonymous blogger and I realize that many people I know may read my blog, I try and limit the amount of personal information involving the opposite sex both for their sake and mine. It happens all too often when I just assume people aren’t reading and then one day a simple reference slips into the conversation. And with dating, or almost dating, or hopefully dating soon, you don’t ever want to show all your cards and let the other person know just exactly what you are thinking and you also don’t always need to put other people’s business on front street just because you choose to put your own out there. But right now I am at my limit because there is just no reason that one person should be made to put up with such ridiculousness. And perhaps I will stop short of naming names or divulging any significant details to fully call out the perpetrators, but I thought I would at least let you in on where my mood is at right now. Now mind you, this is a build up of emotions that have merely been heightened since I’ve been back in California. I figured that being back here would at least widen my options and put me back in the swing of things but I might as well be living in Alaska for all the good it’s done me.

I have learned, in my old age, that there really is no reason to put up with behavior that shows any hints of a lack of respect. I need people to respect my time, I need for them to not play games, I need for their actions to follow their words, and I need for them to grow up. I have learned, thankfully, that there is no need to make excuses for actions that are not in line with the characteristics I am looking for in the man of my dreams. And while I realize that every man I date will more than likely not be the man of my dreams, I know better than to spend time with those I am already positive are not. You teach people how to treat you. And I might not know much, but I understand more and more how I deserve to be treated. It is no secret that I think highly of myself and have high expectations, but I assure you I’m no crazy lady. It amazes me what people think they can get away with and what they think will be excused.

So yes, I’ve been single for quite some time. And from the looks of it, it seems like my situation will not be changing any time soon. Understand that this is not something that causes me too much uneasiness. There are plenty of times I like my single status and I don’t go out of my way to change it. If a good guy comes along…then great. But if not, I simply continue to love life and be grateful that I have such wonderful friends and exciting hobbies. I’m not lonely or desperate and it doesn’t make me anxious when people continually ask why I’m single. I’m single simply because I’m not in a relationship. I’m not in a relationship because I don’t settle. I don’t settle because I don’t have to. When people give me less than their best I simply say “thanks, but no thanks”. I just know I’m worth more than that half-hearted attempt at decency. I am far better off not wasting my time with people who don’t deserve it and right now NOBODY is showing me that they deserve it. Yes, that means YOU(just in case you might be reading this).


END RANT.

33 comments:

Christy said...

Well, I'm proud of you and happy for you. You're right, you should NOT settle. You're ahead of the game - it took me 30 years to learn this and that's after spending close to 10 years in two relationships that I should've left a LOT earlier than I did.

Jackie E. said...

i see i'm gonna have to give you a call to see what' up? don't they just drive you crazy tho....

The Gamelord said...

As a male of the species, I am almost afraid to leave a comment on this thread. LOL
Sounds like you Cali brothas need to step up to the plate and come correct. It appears Brianna has officially taken off the gloves! Y'all better learn how to treat a woman of quality the way she deserves to be treated or risk getting your chins checked. :-)

Anonymous said...

yeah i'm sure its all "them" - never "you." i just can't see how a good guy can't get along with a woman as thrilled with herself as you my dear.

t.v. said...

Ok, I'm going out on a limb here. I'm not trying to be disrespectful or anything like that. Just going against the tide for the sake of discussion and a little soul searching.

Have the thought ever crossed your mind that you might be "gay or bi"? God forbid right? I know, I know... But think of it, all of the guys you've dated never came close to your ideal mate. Yes, some were disrespectful, others were boring, and others just plain fell short and so on.
You're a "straight" up tom boy. You said so yourself and the way you were standing in the running of the brides video, with your legs spread, confirmed that 100%. (You're tomboyish traits that is).

You're not afraid to admit that you find women attractive and if I'm not mistaken you have more fun with them than you do men.

It just seems so convenient that you're just not "clicking" with the opposite sex.

I wonder why...

Remember I mean no disrespect and I'm definitely not stereo-typing either.

Brianna said...

@ christy...yea i can talk the talk but i guess time will tell if i walk the walk as well. :)

@ jacks...crazy ain't the word. you feel me!!!

@ gamelord...it's ok. i don't hate ALL men. i don't hate any really, i just strongly dislike some of them.

@ anonymous...i thought you heard--i'm perfect. duh.

@ t.v.... i am 100% positive i am not gay or bi or anything but heterosexual. i am attracted to men...only men. just not stupid men. i have been in love, i have thought i might get married, and then i've had my heart broken a time or two. but that doesn't change what i like or what i want. and i do know good men, they just haven't been the right one for me. so i wait...

and yea, i'm a tomboy but i have my feminine qualities as well.

Anonymous said...

hey Bri- I'll go out with you. I'll take you to your favorite restaurant for dinner and ice cream afterwards. And I'll guarantee 1) we have a good time and 2) you want to go out with me again. I'll guarantee it by handing $1000 to one of your friends as escrow. Let me know- seriously.

Jess said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! First time commenting, but I just had to, because I couldn't agree with you more. I've been single for what seems like FOREVER (well... who am I kidding, it's been years!) BUT, it's simply because I have high standards for myself and won't settle (what a concept) :) Sadly enough though, good, honest guys are few and far between...which is super frustrating.

Brianna said...

@ anonymous... and yet, you leave an anonymous comment??!!!

@ jess... hi! yes, they are few and far between but just think how happy we will be when our prince charming finally comes along and we live happily ever after. :)

Andre Rafik said...

Who goes on good dates? Who goes out with people who are worth while? i mean really...I stopped "dating" a month or so after i moved to atlanta. there's no need, and no point. I've found that being a gentleman gets me nowhere.

TR400 said...

There are plenty of good men in Jersey! I've been after you since 02! In the interm, dont let these lames get to you. Get that $1000 from the anonymous dude and we'll go get coffee and krispy kreme.

brit_brat said...

I dunno Bri...we do have the 'gay gene' in our family. maybe you have it and just haven't explored it yet!











HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I'm kidding. hell naw you aren't gay! I'd still love you if you were, it would explain some things and would be some what funny...
no no you still aren't gay.

Brianna said...

oh...so the good men are in the ATL and jersey??? who knew!!!

@ brit... LOL. SHUT UP.

LaLa said...

WOOOO WEEEEE! GURL! Are you in my head?! I think all the frustrated women reading this did a collective sigh. You should think highly of yourself and it's a shame that finding the one that's right for you isn't a least a little bit easier. Thanks for sharing. :)

Jon Lustig said...

Bri, don't know if this will make you feel better, but at least you're not told up-front by most girls you're interested in that any kind of serious relationship with them is out of the question because your eyes don't work. Anyway, I can understand how you feel, I've broken a few friendships because I was disgusted by how I knew they treated their girlfriends. I can't imagine that there's anything more fundamental to being a good person. Don't lose hope, some of us haven't been totally trashed by this culture we live in today. We believe in love and romance and soul mates and all that good old-fashioned stuff. We want to find someone to be in love with, not just someone to be with. And when we find her, we want her to know that we're absolutely crazy about her.

kiki said...

My NEW favorite blog of all time! Although I have to admit that "you have me at, 'My So Called Life'". You go girl! Speak Yo Mind!

Dana said...

So I was watching Sex and the City last night and this post kinda reminded me of Carrie's dilemma. Basically it was her 35th birthday, she had a dinner that no one showed up to, and by the end of the night, her girlfriends finally got to her and they went to this coffee shop to celebrate. At the shop she was telling them how she couldn't believe she was 35 with no soulmate and sweet little Char says that they can be each others soulmates and have guys just for fun.

I know you're not 35 and none of your girlfriends are talking about being your soulmate, BUT this is your time to have fun with guys. I understand and know that it gets extremely hard sometimes, but nothing worth having is easily attained. The right guy will definitely come and it'll probably be when you least expect it...like when you're out having fun and doing you. Don't get down in the dumps over a guy that is obviously too weak to have you...don't even let his antics piss you off. Just keep it movin' and enjoy your time on Earth hun. He's already wasted enough of it (your time)...don't let him waste your thought space too!! ;-)

Anonymous said...

Bri ...

There's a good man in New Orleans too, but only one.

Also, I haven't done the research, but it seems you get the highest responses on your blogs about men.

Maybe you should write a book about your ups and downs with men.

Men would read because they are interested in how to be with someone who is a perfect 10. And yes, you are.

Women would read it as therapy.

Peter B.

Anonymous said...

This blog would be better with specific examples. We can all then laugh at the wackness of your male suitors.

Brianna said...

@ lala...it's a little comforting to know it's not just me. because if it was only me dealing with these types of issues, then it might be necessary to think that the problem might be mine--and i don't wanna do that! :)

@ jon... you sound pretty fabulous.

@ kiki...yay! welcome...

@ dana... i know that episode! that is great advice, i need to just brush my shoulders off. :)

@ peter... you are right. no one cares when i pour my heart and soul out about other things, just my mishaps with men. interesting! of course there is that whole part of me not being anonymous and i could never really be like Carrie from SATC telling all my business.

@ anonymous... it probably would be better. but i'd probably also get my car keyed.

Anonymous said...

how come jon sounds pretty fabulous, but I don't?

Ugh.

Peter B.

Yes, that was a joke.

Nikkie T said...

Hey I wouldn't mind holding on to that $1000 from Anonymous #2... But umm, would that make me your "Madame"??

Rational_Thinker said...

Bri,

Don't lose hope. My wife and I met at church in Los Angeles and have been happily married 17 years. Good men are there, educated, family oriented and available. Just be patient and don’t compromise your integrity just to be married.

I believe we men are problem solvers by nature. When a man is ready to be married he treats it like any other problem to be solved and does what he needs to do. He shows up on time, is presentable, courteous, attentive, and focused. And he puts his heart into it. I know because I was that man. Guys that aren’t showing you all the above are only looking for a good time.

You’ll know when you meet the right one, because he’ll let you know.

PEACE!

R.T.

K. Turner said...

Bri---I am with you on this 100%. I actually blogged about it yesterday. In the midst of my dating "recession", I've learned (kicking and screaming but I did learn) to enjoy being single and enjoying all of my freedoms with no strings attached. But don't get me wrong, there are some days (like yesterday and today..LOL) that a good, strong pair of arms to cuddle in could have and would have been put to good use. And as for good men in ATL; I've not found exactly where they are hiding. Not to say they are not here...Maybe someone can clue me in because they are not over here in Buckhead...men with money, yes...but apparently good men seem to fall into the "shortage" category along with gasoline in these parts...

Hang in there Girl! Looks like we're all in the same gang on this one!...But then again, special orders do take time so our number has to be coming up soon... :0)

Anonymous said...

You are a great person. A guy does not deserve your time if he does not recognize what a great Mother and Wife you are going to be.

I would beat a path to your door for a date with you! I would love to read the Bible with you, Pray with you, write you Love Poems, hold your hand in Whole Foods, talk about the Economy, talk about Love, look into your Eyes and watch the Sunrise, Listen Wholeheartedly, give Advice when asked, cook you Grits, cook you Greens, Picnic on the Beach, Rose Pedals on the....I think you get the point.

There are still men who believe in Chivalry and Romance, and would give their heart to a Beautiful, Intelligent, Independent, Charismatic, and Accomplished women like yourself...I know I would.

Jason H.

Anonymous said...

bri- a study was done about you...

http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20080926/sc_livescience/facebookprofilesoutnarcissists

Brianna said...

@ peter...you are fabulous as well. so is Rational Thinker and so is Jason H. All the men who have commented on this post are fabulous! of course it is obvious why the other men wouldn't comment.

@k. turner...dating RECESSION. i love it. my love life follows the economy.

@anonymous...no i'm not a narcissist. i barely have any friends on facebook.

joy said...

I just recently had a hysterectomy and I'm home on bed rest. Your post on your vacation is "taking me away" as in "calgon take me away".... LOL
Keep posting pics. Trust, I will be at Me by Melia before the year is out. :)

No one can tell you what to do with your life. Your journey is yours alone, until you decide to share the journey with a husband and/or child.

Keep ya head up and let the haters hate girl... :)

Jewells said...

All I can say is...DITTO!

melanie said...

um...i don't know who joy is, but don't you go and birth you no babies! whew! poor children...wouldn't even know what they were in for ;o)
and also, what are you, tired?!?! i can't believe you haven't blogged about your weekend yet!

Anonymous said...

hello ms. lady---
well everyone--i've met brianna and in no way is she gay--how do i know this for a fact?- i don't know but nothing ever "happend" between us but--i've been a man whore for a long time and have had my fair share of trysts with bi-straight-& gay woman-(i live in vegas)--so for someone to even think that she is , is crazy.
bri--please accept this as a thought and nothing else--"you will meet the right person when you are the right person" In short brianna when things are the way that they are suppose to be--that aspect of your life will come to fruittion--you can't expect what you want from someone if you haven't given it to yourself first--don't hate me brianna-but it was said to me sometime ago when i was at my peak of womanizing--i finnaly calmed down and started working on me--gave me quality of choice--even if that was only 1 woman in all of 2007 & 08--despite not being together any longer--we had a blast--
look--ur every mans type so ur gonna have all kinda crazy's after ya--i mean look at me for instance--! Lol
Ur not gonna find him in a club--most guys wanna get laid and don't ever take those girls serious--church either--i'ma guy i know==most of them are full of shit--there worst than club guys-whole foods guys in the middle of the day are looking for cougars==& cougers are looking for them--match dot com--why?--my suggestion is--a late 30's guy divorced with 1 or 2 kids don't have time to fuck around so what ever time he does have to spend with you--i'm sure will be great!
No i'm not trying to keep myself in your mix--i'm to outta shape for you and way to random--but if i were a match maker--i would suggest moving to Atlanta or D.C.--but then you would have to deal with all the down low brothers----so to say all that is to say--t's just not your time to share with some dude--it's your time for you--or be careful cause you might just get what you ask for then whatcha gonna do?
reards,
joep. in vegas sometimes in d.c.

Anonymous said...

u didnt post my comment-or respond to it-wow--what was wrong with it?==it's ur site--blog--but what was outta line?--- i hope im wrong and you haven't read it-yet-but if so==u control what you say and what is said?--not good-joe in vegas sometimes dc

Brianna said...

No, I hadn't read it yet. Yes, I control what is said on my blog these days. hence why you haven't heard from a certain person lately.