Whereabouts

Have you ever been in one of those relationships where the other person expects you to update them of your plans every second of every day? You’re constantly calling to check in and let them know what’s going on, and if plans change you better let them know that as well, lest they freak out on you and start becoming suspicious! Being the independent, free spirit that I am, I tend to avoid relationships like that at all costs. If you call to see what I’m doing just to be nosey, or ring my house phone at 9pm to see if I answer it, I’ll ignore it at continue watching Grey’s Anatomy in my PJ’s. Just on principal. But being a professional athlete, I am also obligated to put myself in that type of relationship as long as I want to be in this sport. The United States Anti-Doping Agency (USADA) is my clingy, needy, dependent boyfriend and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.

I just spent the last hour or so of my life completing an online tutorial to ensure that I am updated and aware of all the changes made to our testing procedures for the upcoming year. Not only did I watch the tutorial, I completed multiple games of Hangman and Jeopardy at the end of each module to make sure I was absorbing all the pertinent information. Hangman at this age? Whatever it takes, I guess. These people know that if they just ask nicely for us to read and process the information on our own, it may or may not get done. But forcing us to input the right answer before the left arm is drawn, at least ensures we put in a little effort.

After that fun-filled start to my morning, I proceeded to fill in what I will be doing at every waking hour from the start of the year til March 31st. Do you know what you will be doing on February 11th at 8 am in the morning? You might have a good idea, but I am contractually obligated to be where I say I’m going to be and be ready to hand over urine and blood on demand. And if I say on December 27th that I will be at home sipping my coffee looking over my Facebook status updates, I better be there. If I decide I would rather sip my coffee at Starbucks, I must pass that information along to the powers that be…or else. The only time they don’t want to know where I’m at is between 11pm and 6am. I suppose that’s a tad better than that one guy I dated in college who drove to my apartment at 1am to see if my car was there when I didn’t answer my phone.

At the end of the day though, we accept this relationship willingly and gladly. Sure, it’s a tad bit annoying and difficult to remember at all times that there is someone out there that needs to know your every move. But it will never be more bothersome than the people who chose to be cheaters. I loathe them far more than I could any clingy boyfriend.