Monday, December 7, 2009

An Open Letter...

Dear Purse Thief,

I’m writing this letter for two reasons. One, there is a very good chance you might read it. Once you look through my belongings and type my name in Google, this blog will come up as the second entry. (Yes, I google myself. Don’t judge.) Second, I feel the need to vent and my doing so here just may prevent the next person from being careless with their belongings and ending up in my same predicament. I would like to start off by saying that I am very angry with you. You ruined a perfectly good evening out with friends and colleagues. I was having a fantastic time until you decided it would be a good idea to take what wasn’t yours and leave me high and dry. Let’s take inventory on the stuff you walked away with.

First is the purse itself. Thank God I left my Michael Kors back in the hotel room! I have no idea if you’re a man or a women but you definitely got nothing in the handbag department as that little clutch can be replaced without breaking the bank. I breathed a sigh of relief on that one. But I’m guessing that’s not really what you were after anyway.

The cold hard cash. Bummer for you, as it was less than $50 bucks, but bigger bummer for me as it was the only cash I had and I was stuck all the way in Indianapolis for 3 more days. Something told me not to even bother bringing cash as I would be surrounded by plenty of male friends, but I stuck it in there anyway at the last minute. You made me beg and plead for each cup of Starbucks coffee and meal I needed to consume for the remainder of the conference.

Driver’s License. In case you were wondering, it’s not my current address but you live in Indy so I would assume you aren’t planning to visit anyway. It’s been less than a year since I lost my last one but I suppose it’s not that big a deal unless I’m forced to visit the DMV in person. What really makes my blood boil is that shiny highway patrol sticker I have on there and one can only hope that their kind, caring uncle reads this and finds it in his heart to replace that.

Credit Cards. I have no idea what you were trying to purchase at Wal-Mart for $400 dollars, but you probably didn’t realize I make a living being speedy, so I had those cards canceled before you even thought of all the cool things you could buy on my dime.

Passport. The good news is it wasn’t mine but the bad news is it wasn’t mine and so I had to feel extra guilty for losing a friends passport, not to mention only form of identification. I suppose this frees me from being asked in the future to carry belongings for other people in my purse so that their pockets aren’t bulging, but in the meantime I have to also deal with someone else’s disappointment while dealing with my own. Not good.

Blackberry. A good businessman might realize that people will pay you not to steal their blackberry. I tried calling all the people you called on my phone before I turned it off to have them relay that message to you, but to no avail. And let’s talk about that for a second, shall we? You’re a dumb thief. Obviously I can easily look up phone activity and see the numbers you’ve called. I even think the older gentleman I got a hold of was willing to help me out, he just couldn’t remember who it had been on the phone from that phone number by the time I called him. He even tried calling it again to see who answered but by that time I had shut the phone down so you got lucky there. I now see the importance of keeping your phone locked, even if you don’t have a nosey significant other who might want to snoop. A blackberry contains far too much personal information that you may or may not be interested in. Luckily for me, you won’t be able to run to the tabloids with the pictures I have stored, but that doesn’t make me feel any less violated.

So basically, you suck. I learned a valuable lesson and will never again make it that easy for a punk like you to disrupt my life like that. But the offer still stands… I will pay you to give my Blackberry back. No questions asked.

12 comments:

The Gamelord said...

That is messed up and I feel for you, Brianna. I can't stand a thief!! I hope the punk's conscience gets the best of him/her (which I unfortunately doubt) and he/she at least returns your Blackberry to you. Hopefully, the punk will jump at your offer to buy back your own Blackberry. Take care and GOD Bless...

Brianna said...

thanks. i hope so too! it would be ironic but i don't even care!

YeaYa said...

All I can say is DAMN!!! I've been there as far as with things being stolen from me, but what was stolen from me was VERY valuable and sentimental. Never got them back and not a week goes by that I don't think about it. It's been 4 years!!!! So, I understand where you're coming from with your frustration and disdain (spell check) for the spineless piece of S**T that took your belongings. WHAT A LOSER!!!!

I'm pissed off at them for you, so I'm out before I say something bad!!

~YeaYa

Bubba said...

To the Thief............

I'll give you $200 bucks for the naked pictures of Brianna on the phone.

Dust said...

Well I'll put the positive spin on things, it's almost christmas time, so Santa might bring you a hermes diamond crocodile birkin bag to make up for you loss!!! Depending on your cell provider you might be able to get all your info from your blackberry back. Sometimes that information is saved on a data base without your consent. I'll keep one eye opened.

Henry said...

I bid $325 for Brianna's sexting pics!

Bianca said...

Boooooo! So sorry Bri.

But don't worry... I'll pay $325,000 for Henry NOT to buy any sexting pics! Not like you have any, but I'm just sayin' ;)

lyra said...

I'm sorry Brianna! This is just awful! What a creep, but you sure did some good detective work. ox Lyra

Henry said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Daniel said...

Ms. Glenn,
You play Nice now!
Baiting your blog stalker’s with:
“Something told me not to even bother bringing cash as I would be surrounded by plenty of male friends”

Anonymous said...

Wow, Henry & Bubba just revealed that scum are always watching. A cheap lesson, your would be victims thank you for the warning.

Njou

#2 Fan said...

Sorry to hear that, but it will all come back to you in some way or another I'm sure...fingers crossed :-)