Discernment

As you know, I have been taking time to figure out the direction of my life. And when I say taking time, that usually doesn’t involve much actual action. It is extremely difficult to act when you don’t know or aren’t sure what it is you are supposed to be acting on. How do you go full steam ahead when you don’t even know what direction you are supposed to be headed in? So I’ve been lazy patient and really just making sure I pray about it and am able to feel good about the direction I am headed. My biggest struggle is trying to figure out what God wants from me. Have I come to this point in my life, faced with more obstacles and struggle so that I can work that much harder and overcome it, or is it his way of getting my attention and saying this is not the path for me. Basically, I want to know if I am supposed to realize that this door is shutting for a reason or if he wants me to kick the door down. I know that there are many athletes that can relate to this feeling as well as the general population in certain areas of their lives. I know I am a fighter; I just want to make sure I am in the right battle.

I am sure if you have been reading my blog for the past couple of months you realize that I have, and continue to, struggle with this. I believe there is a plan for my life, a great one, and I just want to make sure I do everything I need to do to be on board. After Trials I really thought that that was my signal. Move on. And I thought that message was clear and obvious. But after some time it seemed a little more cloudy so I decided to be patient and let things become apparent without forcing the issue. And what I really wanted is for God to get on the megaphone and just yell down the answer to me. Or maybe just have it appear on the bathroom mirror after I stepped out of the shower. You know—something I couldn’t mistake. But so far he’s not giving me that type of sign. He’s being silent, or at least quiet enough to where I am still writing blogs telling you all I don’t know yet what I’m doing.

So I decided to make this deal with the big man, saying that if x,y, and z happened, then I would take that as a sign that that is what I am supposed to do. And so far I have x and y. I don’t know if this is the proper way to make pacts with God but it was the closest thing I could get to a message appearing on the steamy bathroom mirror. At the end of the day I just want to be obedient and I want my life to follow the plan it is supposed to. And while I figure that out, I will continue to be patient.