First and foremost…
*GOD: I have tried to make a conscious effort in the last couple of years to thank the man above no matter what the actual outcome of a performance is. It is no secret how upsetting this week was for me, but I thank him anyway. First of all, I was there. I know people think I don’t realize that or take it for granted, but I really don’t. It was because he gave me such an inner strength this year that I have not really possessed in quite some time that I even believed it was possible. I am a tough cookie. There are always lessons in defeat and I know this is no different.
*COACH: I moved back to Arizona for one reason only, and it wasn’t for the lovely summer weather. I know that my coach hurt with me on this one and was probably only slightly less disappointed than I was. I appreciate the dedication you have given me to try and achieve this dream. It means so much and regardless of the outcome I am glad that I spent this year with you.
*FRIENDS AND FAMILY: I owe an extra special thank you to the Updegraff family for what they have done for me this year. Nikkie you are one of my dearest friends and I am so lucky that you have inherited a family that treats me as their own. Marcus…you’re the greatest! My family and friends that made it to Eugene…words can’t express how happy I was to have you there. And the other friends and family…I am absolutely positive of the fact that I was given the best the world has to offer. You know my journey better than anyone and you have continued to offer me the most support and love I could ever dream of.
*THE WONDERFUL RANDOM PEOPLE I DON’T EVEN KNOW: I believe you have come into my life for a reason. Sometimes I open an email or read a comment on here and I am simply dumbfounded by the genuine words that truly come from the heart and are sometimes the exact thing I need to hear. I know that sounds overly mushy and whatnot but it’s the truth and I am so very thankful to be a small part of your thoughts and included in your prayers.
I also like to thank most of you for bearing with me right now. I realize that most of my posting has been incredibly dismal but this is me in the truest sense and I don’t feel the need to sensor anything or be cheerful and bright when that is not authentic. I realize I might write something and have a different spin a few days later but this is my journal and I just write how I feel at that particular moment. It might not make sense to all of you how depressing this could be or how devastated I feel, but it is nothing if not real. I also would like to mention that what I am doing for the time being is just thinking. Thinking…and praying. 72 hours didn’t really produce any light bulb moments and I understand that it really didn’t need to.