First and foremost…
*GOD: I have tried to make a conscious effort in the last couple of years to thank the man above no matter what the actual outcome of a performance is. It is no secret how upsetting this week was for me, but I thank him anyway. First of all, I was there. I know people think I don’t realize that or take it for granted, but I really don’t. It was because he gave me such an inner strength this year that I have not really possessed in quite some time that I even believed it was possible. I am a tough cookie. There are always lessons in defeat and I know this is no different.
*COACH: I moved back to Arizona for one reason only, and it wasn’t for the lovely summer weather. I know that my coach hurt with me on this one and was probably only slightly less disappointed than I was. I appreciate the dedication you have given me to try and achieve this dream. It means so much and regardless of the outcome I am glad that I spent this year with you.
*FRIENDS AND FAMILY: I owe an extra special thank you to the Updegraff family for what they have done for me this year. Nikkie you are one of my dearest friends and I am so lucky that you have inherited a family that treats me as their own. Marcus…you’re the greatest! My family and friends that made it to Eugene…words can’t express how happy I was to have you there. And the other friends and family…I am absolutely positive of the fact that I was given the best the world has to offer. You know my journey better than anyone and you have continued to offer me the most support and love I could ever dream of.
*THE WONDERFUL RANDOM PEOPLE I DON’T EVEN KNOW: I believe you have come into my life for a reason. Sometimes I open an email or read a comment on here and I am simply dumbfounded by the genuine words that truly come from the heart and are sometimes the exact thing I need to hear. I know that sounds overly mushy and whatnot but it’s the truth and I am so very thankful to be a small part of your thoughts and included in your prayers.
I also like to thank most of you for bearing with me right now. I realize that most of my posting has been incredibly dismal but this is me in the truest sense and I don’t feel the need to sensor anything or be cheerful and bright when that is not authentic. I realize I might write something and have a different spin a few days later but this is my journal and I just write how I feel at that particular moment. It might not make sense to all of you how depressing this could be or how devastated I feel, but it is nothing if not real. I also would like to mention that what I am doing for the time being is just thinking. Thinking…and praying. 72 hours didn’t really produce any light bulb moments and I understand that it really didn’t need to.
13 comments:
You are the best.
Thank you for being you...and don't stop that.
I'll never pretend to understand what you're going through, but I appreciate you sharing and I appreicate everything you are.
12
e.
I'm sorry that I've been under the weather and haven't been online for several days and am only NOW catching up on your last several blogs.
My heart goes out to you and as the commenter before me, I can't even begin to understand what it is that you're going through. But I'm happy to know you have so many loving people who surround and support you.
**BIG HUGS**
See my comment on your previous post with respect to your 72 hour rule.
And I'm hurt to have been lumped into the "WONDERFUL RANDOM PEOPLE I DON’T EVEN KNOW" category instead of "FRIENDS AND FAMILY." LOL! I mean, we go way back, Bri!
Finally, I've always had problems reconciling the seemingly dichotomous messages in scripture like:
Psalms 37:4
Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.
And...
Matt 6:33 - Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you.
Contrasted with verses like:
James 1: 2-3 - Count it all joy, my brothers, when you encounter trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.
I mean, does failure to make an Olympic team indicate that you were not putting God first--and the people who won were--so you were not worthy of "the desires of your heart" or "all these things"? And how can you truly be joyful during this trial?
It's so difficult to know what these things mean while we're on this plane. I look forward to gaining clarity when I see the Lord face to face. (And I'll ask Him what his purpose was for creating mosquitoes and allowing them on the ark, too.)
Who says you have to show "appreciation and gratitude" to God when we are not granted what we ask for?
Maybe the big guy was hung over and taking a nap when you double fouled!
Maybe the head Kahuna was playing footsie with Brit_Brat when he should have been watching over you?
Why not just be pissed off at God! God D*mn it! Why did you let this happen? What the F* did I ever do so awful for you to let this happen God?
Oh thats right! We are suppose to thank god for the starvation in the world! Oh thats right! We are to thank God for natural disasters which kill thousands of people! Oh thats right! We are to thank God and show him gratitude and appreciation when sh*tty things happen to good people!
I say, be pissed off at God and tell him so! You have earned that right! You have trained your ass off for most of your life and you have every right to be pissed off at God! I say he owes you some answers!
If that doesn't work you can just be pissed off at me!
Would you like an apple pie with your Big Mac Brianna, they are on the dollar menu right now and quite tasty. Just don't bite into it right away or you might burn the tip of your tongue. I hate when that happens! It just ruins the rest of my day.
All my best,
Medoblado
www.myspace.com/151729262
hahaha
this guy is kind of like a humorous annoyance...
I love you too Brit_Brat! Hugs and kisses! Do you want what you left at my apt back?
Medo
ok, not that humorous.
well i fall in the random categorey--im the worst speller ever--this joep in d.c. sometimes vegas--anyway you rock--u've been through so much--man--i hope you continue i said this years ago--when i randomly called you out of nowhere--track and field needs you more than you need it--your story is great one--and your story is undone--please continue on--with what ever it is you do--i will always be a fan--plus i still owe you a big hunk of real deal japanese wagyu!!!!!!!--i ain't gonna lie--give track one more try--you will be suprised!
As a former athlete who also did not make the team, and I was a favorite, remember next year is critical. It is the year that the should haves and might haves comes up and establishes themselves by making a world Championship team and winning things when they are not expected, i.e. Dominique Arnold, Maurice Green
I know you'll make the right decision
Always know He is with you through the triumphs and disappointments. You are strong and I am encouraged by your honesty. Blessings! Michellepeek.com
Brit_Brat,
Well whenever you want your bible back....I have it. What was it that you thought you left?
I think Brianna is angry with me. She apparently doesn't like McDonald's apple pies.
xoxo
Medoblado
fab, chica. there is most certainly a purpose even if you can't necessarily see it right now. rock on w/your strength!!
Thank you Bri.
Marcus
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