Well, to be honest for the last 48 hours I was fine with beginning nowhere. I was quite numb, actually. I didn't talk to anyone nor did I plan on blogging what I considered to be a huge failure on my end. For me, this was probably the biggest letdown of my career, simply because I believed it was virtually impossible for me not to do well. So, basically I'm saying that there just isn't much to say, and I have no excuses. I know better than anyone how mentally and physically ready I was. (or thought I was?) I read my last post and I feel certain I meant it. All that was left to do was go out and let it happen, yet somehow I got in the way of that.
Putting your heart and soul into something and coming up short is heartbreaking. I care so much about what I do, and while on one hand I love the fact that I'm doing something that requires me to give my all and pour so much emotion into getting it right, it leaves me vulnerable to a lot of disappointment and heartache. It's a gamble of sorts, and this time I wound up on the losing end with no one to blame but myself.
Of course this setback will leave it's mark on this season, and it's definitely going to overshadow a lot of other good things that have happened this year. But the season isn't over for me just yet, and the only thing left to do with this experience is learn from it. If it's in my power to fix it and do something so that it doesn't happen again, then that's what I want to figure out.