Monday, October 29, 2007

The Statute of Limitations on Exes

This past weekend I went to a Halloween party and ran into an old friend. Well, more than an old friend, and old boyfriend, but it's someone I still keep in touch with and actually consider a friend. Not one of those, "hey, let's stay friends" but it's still always awkward when we see each other and my chest still fills up with butterflies when you walk in the room. I actually like him as a person—not something I can say about too many of my exes. I sure know how to pick ‘em, let me tell you.

Anyway, we chatted for a bit and did the whole catch up thing and everything was cool. His girlfriend was there with him. I know her, she knows me, and in my eyes, there is no issue. At some point during the evening I saw him standing at the bar and I went up and asked him to get me a drink as well. I mean, that’s what I do. I don’t like buying my own drinks and if I’m at a party with a bunch of my friends who are male, chances are I won’t have to. It’s a girl thing I guess, maybe not the best of habits but what can I say. But that’s not the issue.

The problem arises when he doesn’t buy me a drink and then explains to me that he probably shouldn’t because his girlfriend is there. Mind you, he doesn’t have a problem buying his “other” friends drinks, just me. So I of course took offense to that. I am not sure if I am right or wrong to have had a problem with it and I guess that is part of the reason I am writing it here because maybe I’ll be able to get some different viewpoints on the matter. In my mind, we are just friends. I don’t need to be put in a special category of friends because we dated a lifetime ago and so therefore you must treat me differently when there is a girlfriend involved. I wasn’t asking for special privileges, just the same treatment you give your other female friends, nothing more, nothing less. Maybe I am missing something but I just feel like there has got to be a statute of limitations on the idea of treating someone like an ex rather than like a friend. I believe that with some people you actually can end up being real friends. It’s not the norm but it is possible when there is respect involved and when you both have moved on in your lives.

In case you were worried, I did not have a problem finding something to drink. I was wearing fishnet stockings and a red boa for goodness sake!

7 comments:

Brittany..the better looking sister said...

Sounds to me like he doesn't have a problem with you, or else you guys wouldn't be friends. Sounds to me like it's his girlfriend who has the problem. If there wasn't akwardness there then it wouldn't have been a problem getting you a drink. But perhaps he had his girlfriend in mind because there had been a previous discussion of what he can and can not do when it comes to you. I wouldn't worry too much about it. I bet you could imagine a boyfriend being like that with ex/friends you know? Plus it's not worth ruffling feathers for someone whom you really don't want back in your life like that. Just chalk this one up to insecure females and call it a day.

Brianna said...

You sound so wise...you must've got that from your older sister! You are right though. Ugh...it pains me to say that!

Anonymous said...

ok, i'm gonna do the flip side to this. lately it seems to be in thing for "exes" to be friends. if he really considered you a "regular" friend he should not have had a problem buying you a drink. using the girlfriend card was lame. he still have the hots for you. buying you a drink would have made him feel guilty, or made him think he was disrespecting his girl in some way. so in order not to feel that way, he chickened out. and that's my two cents. i could be wrong, but so what... lol.

Brittany...the better looking sister said...

Actually....this person above me could be right also. You know how you leave people addicted like crack Bri!

Nikkie T said...

You know what Bri, he told you the truth. Current significant others always say they're okay with ex's but we all know that more often than not it's all talk. Well I won't say ALL talk... I'll just say that folks might act cool and she may really WANT TO BE cool with you as his friend, but he obviously knows something that you don't...

Anonymous said...

exactly. he obviously does and maybe his girl knows something too, the reason for him not wanting to fire her jealous. but that's still not excuse enough for him not to be the friend he claims to be. afterall he was friend enough to play catch up, why not be friend enough to buy you a drink? what happened to individuality. partners need to understand and learn to trust more. it would be rather foolish of her to be jealous of all his exes.

eclectik said...

That guy was extra
and/or whipped.

shame.