Friday, October 26, 2007

Dibs

Me: you remember that guy ****?

FRIEND: WHO?

Me: ****…. that guy we met about 8 months ago when we were out at Lola’s and then you went on one date with him.

FRIEND: OHHHHHHHHH. YEA, NOW I REMEMBER.

Me: well I ran into him today and we chatted for a bit.

FRIEND: REALLY? WHAT DID HE HAVE TO SAY?

Me: well actually, he asked if I wanted to grab a drink some time.

FRIEND: OH. YOU KNOW THAT’S FUNNY, I ACTUALLY JUST THOUGHT ABOUT HIM A FEW DAYS AGO. I WAS GOING TO GIVE HIM A CALL.

Me: hmmm. What a coincidence.


Women are territorial. It’s in our blood. When it comes to friends and the guys we like, it’s not a matter of if you dated or actually had any kind of serious relationship, it’s an issue of if your eyeballs actually focused in on him before mine did. If so, he’s yours—FOR LIFE. Of course, there sometimes are exceptions to this rule. I once set my best friend up with a guy that I ended up falling for and was in a relationship with for over a year. There was never an ounce of chemistry between them and she couldn’t care less so she gave me the pass and I went for it. Looking back, she would have saved me a lot of heartbreak and trouble if she would have just followed the best friend rule book and told me he was off limits! Thanks B; all those years of counseling are your fault. But I digress….

So this guy that my friend went out with ONCE was actually spotted by us simultaneously, but it turned out after a bit of small talk that she had actually met him once before and so somehow that gave her first dibs. So I took the loss and never gave it another thought…until now. Of course I remembered that this was the guy my friend had met and went on a date with, but I also remember her telling me that there wasn’t any chemistry and she wasn’t really feeling him. Hence the one date -- and not a second, third, or fourth. So in my mind I’m thinking that he’s pretty much fair game because that date was quite a while ago and she was never really interested. This was just an attractive guy she shared a meal with…nothing more, nothing less.

But nothing is ever that simple in the land of women. It just so happens that the week I run into him is the same week she thinks of giving him a call. Hmmmmm. Of course, this may very well be true and I guess that means I miss out on finding out if your lack of sparks could have been my 4th of July fireworks. I know the men (good ones at least) are scarce out there and sometimes recycling seems like the best option. I get it…the GREEN movement is popular right now and it’s spilled over into our dating lives. But I was kind of hoping that one woman’s trash could be my treasure…or at least my quarter in the couch cushion. Times are desperate.

So we will see what actually happens. I will keep you updated. Actually, I’m not sure yet if I will or not. I haven’t quite come to terms with being ok if I go on a date with someone and then they can come and read exactly what I thought of it…or them. That’s what always confused me about Carrie and Sex in the City.


***If “my friend” reads this…please know it’s all in good fun.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Interesting... I never thought people put that much thought into it. So, how many dates would it take for homeboy to be off limits or is it just a certain level of like?

Brianna said...

It's a case by case basis I suppose. And also time...I dated this guy two years ago, go head. I dated him two weeks ago, no way.

Bianca said...

Note to self: Never let Brianna date your leftovers. Done!

Jewells said...

I think it all depends on circumstance. If the valuable friendship could experience a downfall due to the male interest, don't go out with him. But if you feel the "4th of July" fireworks are more important, go with your gut instinct.

It's hard to call it, especially when it comes to feelings of the unkown. Either way, somebody is going to feel slighted.

Kia said...

Remember Stephanie who was our track manager? We aren't friends anymore over this very same thing. It always amazes me that even after moving on, having children, becoming engaged, and for all intents and purposes being deliriously happy, a "friend" would deny you happiness because she happened to socialize with the same man at some point in time.

It's a touchy subject and I sometimes feel as though a good friend would just "follow the rules." But I also happen to know how damn hard it is to find someone that you THINK you can actually be with, especially as we get older. And if there's fireworks? All bets are off!! At the end of the day, it comes down to one thing: a true friend should NEVER begrudge you happiness, and you as a friend should NEVER be frivolous with others feelings, which I'm sure you wouldn't. I can't wait to hear how this one unfolds. Hopefully it won't get as ugly as mine did

eclectik said...

THATS funny...didnt know that's how it works in the world of women

Dibs.

I dunno how men do it, I think they just go for it based on how cool they are witht he guy.

I doubt the girl was JUST thinkin about him though