Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Friendly Skies

I travel A LOT. Sometimes I forget how much I travel versus the average human being, and how my knowledge of airports.. and airport security.. is probably far more more advanced than your average joe. Which is why I was so annoyed at myself this past weekend for making such a rookie mistake.

I was in line to go through airport security and had a choice between three lines to stand in. I did a quick survey of the people standing in line... yes, this is where stereotypes play a roll -- people with kids, the elderly, and those folks who obviously don't know what they're doing and come dressed with belt buckles the size of texas, all the jewelry they own, and $7.53 in change in their pockets should be spotted immediately and avoided if at all possible. So, I picked the most attractive line and began the process-- that I have almost mastered and could quite possibly patent-- of preparing to walk through security. I missed something though. This airport had turned one line into the full body scan and left the other two normal.

Now, for all intensive purposes I have chosen not to be bothered by the fact that sometimes I stand and have my whole entire body undressed as some person examines me in a closed off, dark room somewhere. I don't prefer it, but in the interest of sanity, I must accept that it is going to happen from time to time and there is not much I can do to avoid it, given my frequent travel schedule. But on this particular trip, it most definitely could be avoided. I could have very easily stood in the other two lines and bypassed this intrusive machine, and not only that, I had on my jeans with the studs on the pocket. Being that this is a machine where you must remove paper from your pockets, I knew I was in trouble.

And so it was. I was asked to step to the side while they reviewed my film, then asked to go into a small room with two airport employees. What happened next was what you would probably expect. I got felt up, in a medical way. Sure, they used the terms breasts, buttocks, and groin area but the fact of the matter is, I felt a little violated. They try to make it all better by using the back of their palm, but it's awkward nonetheless.

Has anyone else experienced this new form of security at the airport? I sure hope all of you who fly feel safer thanks to people like myself who make their way to back rooms...

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

**Speechless** DAYUM!!!

~YeaYa

Bianca said...

Ugh. I feel grossed out for you. I guess that what happens to you when you're hot.

Jake said...

I too travel quite a bit but thus far I have been fortunate to avoid this scan and subsequent groping. At what point are we so concerned about some unknown assailant bent on sending a message that we willing give ourselves over to this ridiculous invasion of privacy. Last time I watched the news citizens are still getting robbed, assaulted and killed in the streets of our cities....where is the protection from that? Heck I feel safer on a plane than getting out of my car in the city. In the words of Ed Lover..."C'mon Son, GTFOHWTBS"

anonymousnupe said...

Dang, no flowers?! I hope the examiner at least called you the next day.

Anonymous2 said...

umm ahhh I got nothing for ya.

Msasa Expo said...

Thought you traveled by private jet.

Jack Fudrucker said...

I was at the Phoenix airport yesterday and I did the same thing. 2 lines. 1 was the image scan and the other was the metal detector type. I purposely chose the metal detector line. However, when it was my turn to walk through, I was directed to go through the image scanner. I said to the agent, I'd like to go through this one, pointing to the metal detector. He got on his radio and loudly broadcast "we have an OPT OUT, NEED BODY PAT DOWN". What? I didn't opt out of anything you dipsh*t! I said, no, I'd like to go through this one. He said, "too late, you've been selected for a pat down". What?!! You have to be F'ing kiding me. From what I understood, it is that as citizens of this "free" society we have the choice not to have our iners be radiated! Yes, I said it first...you will all have cancer in a few years! Ha! So, I get to stand off the the side in full view of everyone, legs spread, arms stretched out and have a guy play find the salami! Oh he found it alright! He said that people do have the option to go through either, however if you do "opt out" you will pretty much automatically then be flagged for a full body pat down! What an F'ing joke! It's ok, it all worked out fine. He gave me his number and we have a date tonight. Ut um, Woo-Hoo! Go me! ha ha ha ha!! LOL!

Life with Kaishon said...

Oh my gosh.

I don't travel more than once a year.

I absolutely do NOT want to pick that line though. Seriously. I would die!

Anonymous said...

Ridiculous and inexcusable to foul all your jumps at the Nationals.

You call yourself a pro?

You foul way too much-what is up with that?

Anonymous said...

oops...mixed up your metric conversions. 1.2 meters is 4 feet not 4 in. Is that how large the board loomed? ;) Anyway, better luck next time and shut off the haters like the previous poster.