Monday, December 20, 2010

Maxed Out

In training last week we maxed out in the weight room. Basically what that means for all you non-meatheads is we test to see where our strength levels are at by lifting heavy amounts of weight until we find our 1 rep max. The thing about it is, you usually can't tell whether or not you can lift anymore until you fail. That's what happened to me in the bench press. I gradually increased to a heavy weight (for me) picked the weight up off the rack, held it up above my head and took a few deep breaths, then lowered it down to my chest. When I went to transition the weight off my chest and push it back up, it got stuck and it wasn't going anywhere. That's when my spotter steps in and helps me lift the weight back up so it doesn't crush me.

That's my metephor for life right now.

I feel as if I'm laying down on the bench with this tremendous weight above my head and I'm just holding it up there because I can already tell that it's too much for me to lift. If I lower it down at this point and time it will crush me. I know it's heavy. i can feel it. And right now while it's at arms distance I feel like I can manage by just holding it there. So that's what I'm doing. I'm holding it up and taking deep breaths, all while trying to figure out a way to keep it from crushing me. Sooner or later I know I'm going to have to deal with it. But right now it's a matter of whether or not it comes crashing down or I somehow find the strength to lower it down on my own and then push it back up and off of me. I need to tap in to a strength that I don't know if I have or not.

I am a strong person, both physically and emotionally. But we all have our limits. And I hate failing. I hate when I feel like something has got the best of me. After that day in the weight room I knew that next time I maxed out I would not fail at that same weight. I'd work hard to get stronger because I believed I should be lifting more than that. I suppose this will be the same way. Maybe it gets the best of me and maybe I'm not able to handle it, but after it's over I will find a way to be stronger the next time around.

I have my spotters. Even though they can't make the hurt go away or stop the pain from coming, the people that truly do love and care about me will do what they can to help. I'm grateful for at least that because my arms are trembling and I don't know how much longer I can hold this up...

20 comments:

Jasmine said...

As your most favorite spotter, I just wanna say I LOVE YOU. ;)

Dust said...

Failure is not based on an outcome but on the preparation. If you've prepared and done everything humanly possible to succeed at anything in life you've already won! I'm glad you have spotter's but know that everything you'll ever need to accomplish what God has called you to do has been placed inside you by God Almighty. Faith, Power, & Love it's all inside you. 2 Timothy 1:4, 6-7

Bianca said...

As your second favorite spotter, I'm bringing you cookies. The end.

Anonymous said...

That gave me a lump in my throat and a tear in my eye. I know you and I'm hurting with you. The good thing about life is it never just stays where it is, it won't always feel like it does right now.

Arie Jones said...

This is so Deep. I'm cheering for you!!

brit brat said...

If I could lift the weight for you I would.... but its yours, not mine. And even if it does come tumbling down it is not failure, but instead a learning experience.
Just remember that from bullshit, beauty can grow.
Love you Bri...let me know if we need to pull a Jazmine Sullivan and bust some windows :)

Dexter said...

Bri,

I'm not that deep but I feel like your commentary was about more than just your athletic career. I'll borrow a line from Michael Jackson and simply remind you that "you are not alone".

I don't want to get too morbid but I often think how things would have been different if Antonio Pettigrew had been able to talk to anyone about his problems.

So, I'm telling you - as your track brother, feel free to call if you need anything

Nikkie T said...

You know I got you too BriBri. I love you.

Anonymous said...

You are really self-absorded and whine about the little things in life. My friend's Dad lost his eye sight at age 39 and had double, yes double, knee replacement surgery. Honestly, you are really much too into yourself as your Blog title suggests. Take a deep breath, step back and really figure out what's important in life.

Brianna said...

anonymous, your comment is so unneeded. you don't even know me. yes, people have bigger problems than me in life but you don't know what my problems even are. supposedly it has to meet your barometer of "importance". my dad passed away...i blogged about that a while ago though, so now i'm dealing with something else in MY life. thanks.

Franklyn Tubbs said...

If you need help with something stuck on your chest, I'd like to volunteer my chest services! w*nk!

Anonymous said...

I too have read your comments that were linked to T&FN and I also find you self-absorbed. As for your Dad, that is sad, no doubt, but many people have lost a parent or even a spouse. I lost my spouse to a drunk driver 2 years ago this coming March, St. Patrick's Day to be blunt. She never drank and was actually picking up our child from a friend's house and was taken out head on. She wasn't old and hadn't lived a full life, she was young and just starting. If I blog about it, do I get sympathy? It's not about what other people think, it's about what I think and what she meant to me and in your case it's about what you think. I don't think anyone said anything negative about your Dad, but instead said that YOU are self-absorded and show it with your words. I think it borders on insecurity, waiting for someone to respond about what you've written and hoping they agree and praise you. Pretty sad when you think about it. I think if you look at Franklyn Tubb's post you would agree. Perverted to say the least yet you keep his comments up. Not fabulous but more like desperate. Complaining about lifting weights? Yes, as someone else said, there's more important things in life and self-pity is not one of them. Cheers!

Anonymous said...

p.s. Trust me, MY life is WAY harder than yours. You have no clue what a hard life really is. Appreciate what you have and try to find the real meaning of life. Honestly, it's not about whining, it's living, even after you've lost a spouse.

Brianna said...

Oh how I love anonymous commenters. First, in case you were unaware, this blog is not mandatory. The fact that you find your way here and don't grasp from the title that it's about MY life, boggles my mind. Yet still you keep reading and passing judgement on the audacity of me to write about MY life on MY blog.

This is not a contest on who has a harder life here. Most people on this planet have it way harder than I do. Im aware of that. But I choose to blog my experiences and my feelings as I see fit. If you could care less, that's awesome. If you think it's self absorbed, why must you feed the fire by giving me an audience?

If you wrote a blog and mentioned your spouse passing away, i would feel sympathy. It doesn't matter that children are starving in Africa or whatever else that is going on around me that could be more monumental. I would not bash you for dealing with a personal tragedy, which is essentially what you tried to do. The best thing you could do for both your sanity and mine is not read. There..problem solved.

Anonymous said...

I don't agree with everything Mr. or Mrs. Anonymous said, but you are self-absorded or why blog about your life and want others to read it? Why link it to Track and Field News, where I found it as well, 2 minutes ago? Why not just have a FB account and have friends only? Not all responses in a blog will be what "you" want them to be as your opinion is not universal, nor is anyone's for that matter. God ranks above us all. Good luck with your track season. WC's in August, I believe, and the Trials in a year and a half.

Brianna said...

My point is I write a blog about MY life and people feel the need to comment and complain about it. That's fine if you find it self absorbed that people choose to write about themselves. Shoot, I will even own it and agree with you. I choose to have a blog and a website that focuses on my life and what i do. Plenty of people do it, and still plenty others take the time to enjoy it (or not). If you don't care for it, I just find it hard to grasp why you read AND comment.

For the most part I leave all comments up, even the not so nice ones, so people can have a voice as well and share opinions that may not be the same as mine. That doesn't mean I understand why someone would want to be part of
something they don't care for. And I don't think it's wrong for me to respond and defend myself either.

Lastly, I don't link my blog to track and field news. They do that on their own. I have never once asked or expected them to share my blog with you all. If you clicked on it hoping I was going to share my marks from practice or what my diet tips are, sorry to disappoint. I do share my blog on my personal fb page, because hopefully those people realize it's just a silly little blog about my life and only click if they care to read about such nonsense.

Anonymous said...

Dear Brianna,

Grow some thicker skin. You are not the only person to have something negative written in response to something on a personal blog. You have a blog called my so called fabulous life, implying other people are calling your life fabulous? Who? I too just clicked on every link on T&FN and found your site and this thread. To be point blank, I don't even have a clue as to who in the heck you are. Honestly, with a blog titled the way yours is, one would think that you are some kind of celebrity. I am a female and a runner and I am not jealous in any way, nor do I know who you are and I'm 26. Lighten up lady, you can't have a public blog and get everything that YOU want.

Shelly

Brianna said...

thank you for leaving your name on your comment, shelly. have a nice day.

Brianna Glenn

Anonymous said...

Keep Franklyn Tubb's perverted comment and delete mine? Translation: I win and your deletion of my post proves it. It must stink to be that insecure girlfriend.

Shelly

Brianna said...

@Shelly... I never deleted your comment. I have no idea what happened. But if you'd like to repost it, I will be more than happy to let it sit here. The reason I DONT delete comments, like the one by the idiot above, is because I have learned that when you delete peoples comments they usually come back meaner and more ridiculous then ever. Basically you have given them a reaction and that's what they are looking for. Kind of what you are doing...but I do admit, your comment is mean and not perverted like that guys was. I do not understand why you keep coming back though, as you so clearly don't care for me and my blog, but that's something about people I just haven't grasped. So please be my guest...write whatever demeaning and rude thing you feel is necessary on MY blog, and I promise to leave it up. I am in no way insecure, and my skin is far thicker than you think.

Happy New Year!