In a nutshell

I really haven’t been leading that exciting of a life in the last couple of weeks, being that I continue to simply stay confused about my future and all. I also really haven’t had much to blog about. Nothing entirely interesting or noteworthy that I felt was worth sharing, that’s for sure. So that being the case, I figured I would sum up my week with a few unimportant stories, not quite worth there own separate blog posts, but that might be passable in a compilation post.


BLENDING IN

This week marks the beginning of me not being a complete lump on a log. I have started doing civilian workouts, at a civilian gym no less. This of course presents a problem because I do have an aversion at these types of establishments. People talk too darn much and I see them peeking out of the corner of their eye either wondering what it is I do or chuckling why I’m breathing so hard after jogging for 10 minutes. Whatever the case, it’s the one spot I do not like attention. I wear pants and I never take off my shirt under any circumstances. But the other day I did catch someone copying my abs workout. They tried to be inconspicuous but I’m pretty sure there are few people in this world who would just happen to do the same exercises I do. So much for blending in…


I NEED MEAT

This weekend was the time for BBQ’s and anybody who knows me knows that I like to eat. I especially like to eat meat cooked on a grill. So why did someone have the audacity to throw a BBQ and not grill any meat?! We show up to some chips and dip, a few chicken wings, and beverages. Who wants a BBQ with no meat? The whole point is to be a reckless carnivore. Needless to say, we didn’t stick around long.



INVERSELY PROPORTIONATE

We have a phenomena here in the U.S. that says what you pay for a meal will be inversely proportionate to the size of that meal. Last week I was at cheesecake factory and listened amusingly as two girls from England about fell out of their chairs by the size of their meals. Both ordered an appetizer a piece AND entrees. Everyone knows you can feed at least 3 people with one entrée from Cheesecake. Then, on Friday a friend and I were treated to an extra special dinner at a fine dining establishment prepared especially just for us by the chef. Luckily it included numerous courses because each one on their own would be about enough to feed a rabbit. I think they also like to literally include a bit of rabbit food on top of each dish…just random green stuff thrown on top for no apparent reason. Does anybody actually eat that stuff?! As good as the presentation was, and considering how delicious it tasted, I still will never understand how they get away with charging so much and giving you so little.


GIRL POWER

I had an appointment today at the Apple Store because my computer power source decided to suddenly stop working. Obviously this a catastrophe of immense proportions and I was forced to find the first available appointment in southern California. Unfortunately for me I arrived late and then proceeded to park as far away as possible from my destination. It literally took me almost 20 minutes to walk to where I was trying to go. So…I was late and they had cancelled my appointment. I was then informed that there were no more spots available that day and I would have to reschedule. Of course this was not an option. This is where the damsel in distress kicks in. Unfortunately, this is not something that will work unless you are a damsel so I’m not exactly sure what men do in these situations. Any time you need something to be done and could use a little extra assistance from anyone with an XY chromosome, it is beneficial that you know the power you possess as a woman. This works best when you pretend like you are unaware that you yield such power of course. Needless to say, I was reinstated on the list and seen by the next available genius. Wait time = 30 seconds.

addiction.

I think I may have a problem. I never really considered myself to be the “addict” type, mainly because I’m a control freak and my will power is pretty amazing, but I am beginning to see my shortcomings. I have recently noticed that I actually need coffee. I never used to drink it regularly until I spent my summers in Europe, namely Italy. If you’ve never had a cappuccino from Italy you might actually think that the one from Starbucks is good. It really doesn’t compare. But in Italy I used to go to the café, sit outside, and sip my cappuccino like a local. I wanted to fit in and this was one way I knew how to do it. When I spent time in Greece with a friend of mine, we would always “go for coffee” in the afternoon. The coffee itself wasn’t as important, it was merely a way to socialize with friends and gossip and I liked that. So coffee became part of my daily routine and once I came back to the states I figured I’d buy myself my own contraption and continue the tradition. I’d have my morning cup or I’d meet up for social hour at some part of the day. It wasn’t something I had to have…if I was running late or ran out it was no biggie and I simply went about my day sans coffee. But those days are no longer. I skip coffee now and by the afternoon I have a headache. It took me a while to connect the two because there was no way I could see my body actually being addicted to something. Not me. But alas, one iced latte later and the headache disappears.

But this pales in comparison to the addiction I have with my blackberry. Last Friday I left Boston without my most important possession and I simply didn’t know what to do with myself. Luckily it was not lost or stolen, as I had feared. I checked frantically at each spot I had been to at the airport. Check in desk…. security…bathroom…newsstand…starbucks…no dice. I called the phone and it was turned off. I just knew that it was gone forever and I was going to have to fly home and sell my left kidney so that I could purchase a new one. I spent the whole six-hour flight home in despair, not able to sleep a wink despite being exhausted beyond measure. But when I arrived home and looked up the number to the car service I had used as a last ditch attempt to locate it, I reaffirmed to myself that there really is a God. They had my phone and they would mail it to me…Monday. God has a good sense of humor I suppose since it was Friday. So I have spent the last four days sans blackberry and have felt like a part of myself was missing. I’m not that important, I don’t live a busy and exciting life, I don’t even like to talk on the phone, but I still felt like I was missing out on anything and everything of importance. I would leave the house and feel like I forgot to put on my pants or something.

But all is right now in my world. I have my blackberry back in my possession and a full bag of coffee in the cupboard. Life is good.

Beijing Review

It’s been an interesting few weeks to say the least. Overall, I found the last 17 days to be quite riveting, even though the fascination and excitement wasn’t always in my favor. Nevertheless, I was captivated. I know that watching the coverage via NBC can be a bit discouraging for some fans. You are hard-pressed to know who else is in a final if it doesn’t happen to be one of their chosen few, and Lord help you if you care at all about an athlete who isn’t American. You are also forced to care about all of Michael Phelps’ extended family, going back as far as his second cousin’s sister-in-laws baby daddy’s nephew. What the guy did was amazing but it got out of hand. Extremely out of hand. I should know the other members of the relay team and instead I am fairly certain I can give you an accurate count on how many freckles he has on his nose. The cameraman must have had strict orders. I can also tell you what he eats for breakfast on Tuesdays. And his favorite Christmas gift when he was 4 years old. His Ipod playlist…you get the point. And for the love of God, please stop comparing him to every Olympian. You cannot. You should not. The simple fact that ribbon twirling is an Olympic sport should tell you that all things should not be considered equal. Nor is the number of medals he’s won comparable across all sports. A decathlete, arguably the greatest athlete in the world, gets only ONE medal for 10 events. And don’t even get me started on World Records. That 19.30 on it’s own was more impressive than all 7 of his combined. In my humble opinion of course.

Of course I still appreciated swimming more than I ever have before, thanks to him and a few of his teammates (whose names I do not really know). That shout of elation after the 100-meter freestyle relay is definitely one of my top moments of the Games. It gave me goosebumbs simply because of its complete and utter raw emotion and joy. That celebration had nothing to do with being the greatest Olympian of all time or breaking records, it was simply the thrill of victory and it’s best. One of my other favorite moments away from the track was the women’s gymnastic all-around competition. It was that instant when the score from Nastia Luikin’s floor routine flashed on the screen, virtually guaranteeing her the Gold medal and Shawn Johnson being the only person left to perform. I was captivated by Shawn at that moment because she simply flashed the most genuine smile and gave a look of determination that convinced you she was about to give the most amazing routine knowing she couldn’t get the Gold medal. She was just happy to be in that moment, excited at the opportunity to give her best and have that be good enough. I think it was a true testament to the Olympic ideal as anything could be.

Of course on the track Usain Bolt was amazing. The guy is simply a freak of nature, capable of things only he alone can dream of it seems. I know he’s not American, but you cannot not be excited by that type of talent and performance. I know the USA faltered a bit but we did have some sweeps as well as some breakthrough performances that nobody expected which were cool to watch because I love to see the underdog shock the world.

The biggest disappointment for me was probably the relays not being able to get the stick around. It seems we try to invest so much in that area and it’s obviously not helping us improve. I think it would have been a highlight of the Games though if we were able to have two strong teams go head to head with the Jamaicans. And of all the athletes, I think my heart went out to Lolo Jones in the 100-meter hurdles more than anyone. And maybe Liu Xiang as well, seeing as he had a billion people in tears over him not running. That surely must be a heavy load to carry. I also was hoping to see my good friend bring home another softball gold which unfortunately wasn't meant to be. What is even more unfortunate is that in 2012 they don't have the opportunity to be in the Olympics which seems a bit unfair as we keep ribbon twirling and trampoline jumping in the program.

I wanted to know what the highlight was for all of you during the Beijing Olympics. What moment spoke to you or touched you more than any other? And what caused you to scream at your T.V. in anguish or disgust?

Picture of the Week: Me in US Weekly

It's not a full page...and it doesn't even say my name...BUT I still think it's very cool to see my likeness on the pages of one of my all time favorite magazines. I admit, not the most stimulating reading material but everybody is allowed a guilty pleasure! Not only that, in the picture it compares my look in Ralph Lauren attire to the outfit worn by the winner of Project Runway a few weeks ago when they had to create a look for opening ceremonies. So it's really a double whammy--in my favorite magazine being compared to an outfit on one of my favorite T.V. shows! Holla. I am not sure if this particular issue is still on newsstands as I bought it a couple days ago (It's the one with Jennifer Love Hewitt on the cover being skinny), but if you happen to walk by one pick it up and turn to page 14. Otherwise...I have it for you here! (albeit slightly blurry and hard to see).


p.s. I would be remiss without mentioning the incredible WR that happened last night in the men's 200 meters. I have three letters for that...OMG. I would say more but it's late and I have to be up at 5am EASTERN TIME to tape a segment for Rachael Ray. I don't think it's live so I will probably write more about that later on when I figure out when it's being aired...and perhaps more about that 19.30 which was absolutely out of this world. But for now I'm just leaving you with another picture of ME, being the self-absorbed individual that I am.

Asterisk*

Track and Field has started. Unless you live under a rock, I’m sure you are aware of that. You are also probably keenly aware of the huge cloud of skepticism that covers the sports these days. You are not able to watch a race, read an article, or listen to coverage without hearing a reference to performance enhancing, doping, steroids, or something in that category. Everything has an asterisk. What has happened in our sport over the last few years has been extremely detrimental and it is no more evident than here at the Games, usually the one place where Track and Field is able to shine. But now a huge cloud of suspicion subdues that shine.

And perhaps it is all justified. Everything that has gone on and been uncovered makes it hard to see the purity anymore. You can’t look at an excellent performance and see only that—your mind immediately deems it improbable of someone being able to accomplish a great feat clean. And if your mind hasn’t begun that process yet, the media will make sure it has by the end of these Olympics. I’m sure of it. At first I wasn’t so sure of the media’s effect on the changing perception of our athletes and track in general. I knew that as athletes and people in the “know” about our sport and what types of things seem plausible and what sorts of behaviors are believable, we would probably have a different opinion on things then perhaps the general public would. It’s like the family down the street with the white picket fence that still has two parents, 2.5 kids, and a dog named Benji. Well…maybe not. We really haven’t been the perfect poster child but we like to keep our dirty laundry under wraps as much as possible. There is still a lot of good in our sport as well as a lot of amazing athletes. If people don’t believe in that, they lose interest. There is a reason we saw swimming “LIVE” during prime time and Track and Field on a time delay so by the time you actually saw the races you’ve already encountered a myriad of headlines screaming the results. We’ve lost our luster and people just aren’t as interested in a sport full of drug cheats.

But it is still a great sport with many, many fantastic athletes capable of extraordinary things. And the problem now is that the general public just isn’t that discerning. All they know is phenomenal more than likely equals performance enhancing. Most of our recent exceptional stars have seemed to be phonies and this is the problem you encounter with a sport that has chosen such few faces to represent it. So now the whole sport will suffer. Perhaps rightly so in some ways, I don’t really know. I have my own cynicisms and have become a huge skeptic as of late myself but I still choose to not let it get out of hand as much as possible. I know that there are people out there capable of remarkable things and I still want to be able to appreciate that. And I want the general public to be able to do the same.

Today as I was eating lunch I overheard the next table over talking about the Olympics and specifically about what has happened on the track the last couple of days. There have been some FAST races, in case you have been occupied with other things. And the first thing they mentioned was that so and so must be “juiced.” They don’t know much about the sport I’m sure, but they do know that fast people can’t be fast without help these days supposedly. It was a bit depressing to overhear that because I know that many people share that sentiment these days. But people can still be fast. Really fast. I don’t have the ability to vouch for anybody or tell you who to believe in for sure (except me of course), but there are still many amazing athletes out there and they need and appreciate the support.

Amazing is Here

The theme for the 2008 Olympics is ”AMAZING AWAITS” and so far I think that they are delivering on their promise to produce some of the most remarkable and incredible moments we’ve seen in sports in a very long time—it is simply amazing. I thought for a moment that it would be hard for me to even watch these Olympics, let alone get hype. But I can’t seem to stay away. Every night I stay up to watch the coverage of all the sports I usually don’t even have much of an interest in, and I am truly enthralled and caught up in the enthusiasm of it all. I actually caught myself SCREAMING and jumping up and down as I pushed along our U.S. swimmers when they beat France in the relay. I pump my fist when Misty May and Kerri Walsh dominate their opponents. I got giddy for the male gymnasts when they were able to medal against the odds and felt the disappointment with the women when they see the gold slip away from them. Only the Olympics can bring out that type of passion. And for the most part, these are not even my close friends that I am watching or the sport that I know and love. Now that softball has started, I get to watch my blonde bombshell do her thing. And tomorrow, when track and field gets underway, I will watch my friends and fellow competitors make their country proud. The ache is there, and sometimes I get a lump in my throat watching so many have the opportunity to realize their dreams, but there is also still some enjoyment to be had in experiencing these moments in history as a fan.

I know that once Track and Field starts, my emotions will be heightened on every level. I will feel frustration and regret for sure, but I will also tingle with anticipation and get caught up in the excitement of it all. I know that there will be some amazing races. There won’t be 5 world records set per race, but they will be thrilling nonetheless. I want to be in Beijing so bad right now that it hurts, but there is nothing I can do about that. Beijing is going to happen regardless and the most I can do now is sit back and enjoy the spectacle that is before me.

In other news…



I have been asking around to see if anybody I know lives or visits the Hampton’s so I can get my hands on a Hampton’s Magazine featuring me, along with some fellow athletes, on the cover (shown above). So far…no dice. None of my friend’s seem to own a summer home. I tried calling Martha Stewart but she hasn’t gotten back to me. A lot of press I did this year came before the Trials and so it’s a bit weird when I read different stories talking about being and Olympian while I’m sitting at home but I still think it’s cool that I even got the opportunity to be involved. If you’d like to read the cover story that was included in the magazine, please click HERE! (I am the third story down)




And if you do happen to pick up a magazine and see my face, walk into a liquor store and see me plastered on a poster, or anything else that might be considered a once in a lifetime opportunity, please take (or steal) it for me, or at the very least snap a picture and send it my way.

Adventures in Babysitting

In the past week, I have stepped up my kiddie game tremendously. First came voluntary babysitting for my friend’s 1 and 3 year old. I felt that my time spent with the two kids over the past couple of weeks prepared me to tackle the job alone for an extended period of time. All went fairly well until bedtime…this is where I ran into a bit of trouble. I’m a bit of a pushover I suppose, since 10 more minutes doesn’t seem to be a big deal to me—certainly not worth an unhappy kid. Nor is stretching that time even more by reading a bedtime story. But then I got firm. Except when it came to the baby and screams—REALLY LOUD SCREAMS that I did not seem to be able to cope with correctly. So I just let her stay up until she tired herself out so badly that once I laid down with her in Mommy’s bed, she was out like a lamp. They could deal with the misplaced child when they got home I assumed.

After I survived that feat (yes, it was my first), I agreed to help chaperone my nephew’s fieldtrip today to an amusement park. Four full hours with exuberant 4 and 5 year olds. I am now more worn-out than I ever have been in life-- more exhausted than working out at the highest possible level. It was a full day of high-pitched voices at incredibly loud decibels, interspersed with screaming, crying, hitting, laughing and did I mention screaming? I understand we were outside, but I could have used a few moments of inside voices. Whew!!! I settled disputes, went on potty patrol AND made sure they washed their hands, fed crustables that were still partly frozen, didn’t lose a single kid…shoot, I was pretty darn impressive!

They always say that babysitting is the best form of birth control and I happen to agree. But my real hope is that I start to feel more comfortable around kids so that I am not so petrified of one day having my own. Even though I’m 28, I still am quite sure that I’m in no hurry. I can manage hours at a time now with no real catastrophes, but overnights for a full 18 years are something I can probably put off for a little while longer.

8.8.08

In case you were unaware, the Olympics start today. I happen to be very aware. I don't plan on watching the opening ceremonies tonight because that knife is still a little too sharp. I do hope to be able to enjoy and appreciate the rest of the Games though because that would be unfortunate if I wasn't able to watch some of my friends shine in their moment of glory and be able to feel a sense of pride in my country and the spirit of the Olympics. I found a clip on YouTube of this thing I did for Polo Ralph Lauren when I was in New York earlier this year modeling the village wear and the opening ceremonies outfits. (click here to read that post.) I thought it was fitting to post today, even though I am sitting here in California and not in Beijing, unable to wear the clothes in their proper environment. Oh well...it's still a cool clip!



And while you are in the mood of reading and seeing stuff about me, I did an interview while I was still in Eugene talking about the disappointment of not making the team and if you wish to read it, you can go here at PreRaceJitters.com.

During this same interview, I also taped an interview with a guy named John Davis, who was doing a mini documentary called "OH!" (Olympic Hopefuls). If you'd like to view a portion of that, you can watch that as well. Although, I will warn you that because I had to tape it after I had already competed, I was a little dry and monotone, which is unfortunate because my personality is usually so much better! I mention this only because I think it's important for athletes in our sport to have personality and to be engaging so that more people become interested, and I realize I didn't hold up my end of the bargain here. It's hard to talk about being an Olympic Hopeful after you already know that you haven't made the team. Regardless, here it is...

An Unknown Road

"The bend in the road is not the end of the road, unless you refuse to take the turn."

Right now I have a lot of questions. And on most days it seems like I don’t have a single, solitary answer. My life is in a place that I did not envision and I feel lost. But for some reason I’m supposed to be exactly where I am. In this state… in this house… in this (lack of) relationship… spending time with these friends…taking this time for myself…following this path.

And I’m not supposed to be in China. This is the biggest pill to swallow. Because I thought that I knew, that I knew, that I knew, that THAT was my destiny. You could not have convinced me otherwise. But that blessing was not for me. Not this time around. The hardest thing about this sport is that you can work harder than you ever thought possible, you can commit more than you ever thought you could, you can possess all the talent in the world, and yet still you might find yourself no closer to your goal than before all of the sacrifice. And you wonder why that is. Why me? Why now? Why this? Why not? Why her? I can’t answer any of them right now, but I do know that there is a reason for this particular point in my life and for things unfolding the way they did. So I just need to continue to trust that this path is the right one for me. I’m not at the end of the road, I’m just continuing on the path I didn’t even realize I was on.

To Write or Not: A Debate

I've been writing this blog for almost a year now, and in the past it has crossed my mind that perhaps I might want to tackle something a little larger in scale. I originally started a blog mainly for fun. I thought it would be a nice addition to my website, something I could update regularly and keep my friends and family in the loop of what was going on in my life. But then I started to find that plenty of people read this who do not know me at all; who don’t even know much about my sport even. And something keeps them interested. Either that or they lead really boring lives. So I began to think that perhaps there is a larger audience who could benefit from and appreciate hearing my story the way I know how to tell it. I’m not the 'opening up' type—never have been. People might get the impression that it’s easy for me to share and allow myself to be vulnerable when in fact the exact opposite is true. I am not like that AT ALL in person yet somehow I found a way to share my experience through words on a computer screen. At times it wasn’t easy but once I started I felt it was only fair to continue to be honest and give a complete as picture as possible. I have a horrible memory and if I were to go back and read the entries from this year, I want to be able to truly remember how it unfolded and the feelings associated with it all.

I am pretty confident that I did a good job with that task. However, when I think about writing something beyond my blog now, it doesn’t make as much sense. What I had envisioned was telling the story of an Olympian. Being able to take people through the journey, through the process both mentally and physically that I’ve been through to reach my goal. Because the goal wasn’t met, I just don’t think it has the same appeal. It’s not that I don’t have a story to tell, because at the end of the day I think we all have a compelling and interesting story, but in a realistic sense a story about someone who tried to make an Olympic team is just not as appealing to the masses as someone who actually did. I’m also not as jazzed to even try and tell that particular story because who actually feels like writing a love song immediately after they have had their heart broken?

But I am still wondering if perhaps I could come up with an engaging narrative that people would appreciate and find value in. Maybe it would be something totally different than what I thought I might write about. In the traditional sense, I am not a writer. I read plenty of blogs, articles, etc. on a daily basis that blow my way with words out of the water. That’s ok with me because I don’t need to be chosen for Oprah’s Book Club. I just want to see if perhaps I have a story to tell that people want to hear, in a way that hasn’t been told before…or at least in a better way. That is why I am coming to you all with an interest in your perspective. I know why most of my close friends and family read – they are forced to and are afraid of the repercussions if they fall too far behind and I surprise them with a pop quiz. But for the rest of you, I can only speculate. Plenty of people have told me that I should write something. But writing more than a couple of paragraphs is something I know nothing about. Where would I start? What would I say? Why should I say it?

So even though this can’t truly be an objective debate because you have already chosen to visit my blog, probably on more than one occasion, I wonder if you think there is a particular story you think I’d be adept at telling. Of course I can simply write for my own sake and there is nothing wrong with that, but I’m just trying to get a feel for what it is about me that other people find interesting. I figure there is no better audience to ask than you because you already know how I write and what I like to write about. Some of it is random, silly stuff and some of it is truly personal and close to my heart but I wonder if any of it has a place outside of this blog. And who knows, maybe the relevance comes later. I just finished Barack Obama’s books and I’m sure they’ve seen a significant spike in the past year.

If you have an opinion one way or the other, please don’t hesitate to leave it in the comments. I have also created a poll up in the right hand corner. I am not against constructive criticism. I specifically made the post “A Debate” because I have not come to the conclusion that I should expand my writing outside this domain and I am definitely not sure that right now is the time I could tell any story that is worth telling. Maybe I should re-visit this idea at a later time when I know that it will mean something to a wider audience. Or maybe I really could find direction for my words--a story that works because I am the one telling it. What say you?

Picture of the Week: Nikkie

I’d be remiss without featuring a photo of my friend Nicole because she is just that fabulous. Today, she turns the dirty thirty. Last night we made sure that she celebrated the milestone properly. Even though this stage of her life is filled with mommy duties and a ton of responsibilities that I have yet to embrace, I still feel like our friendship hasn’t changed that much in the ten years I’ve known her. She is still the fun-loving, charismatic, loyal, thoughtful, genuine person she has always been, just with fewer single girl outings that we had come to perfect over the years.



At Nikkie’s party last night, one of the many pictures we took was a reunion photo of all University of Arizona graduates. She is the kind of person who keeps friendships alive and knows that the surest way to have such fantastic friends is to be one.

Rise and Shine

I am not a morning person. For the last six years of my life I have been afforded the luxury of rising when my body naturally chooses to. And it never chooses to early. I absolutely hate an alarm clock and I hate the feeling of my body asking me for more sleep and being unable to give it what it wishes. I am not one to go against nature. And before you think I have a few lazy bones in this body I will assure you that lots of rest is part of the formula needed to be a top level athlete. Sleep is when your body recovers and heals itself. There is actually a whole science behind it but just trust my judgment when I tell you that it’s in my best interest to get around 9 hours and that they come after I am able to watch all my favorite T.V. shows.

Well the last few days, as I have settled in down here in the beautiful OC, I have woken up every day and peered at my phone to see the time, only to shocked and disturbed that it begins with either a 6 or 7. This is not right. When I first get back from Europe I expect this. I actually like going to bed early and then waking up as the sun also rises from its slumber and find myself being extra productive. But the jet lag has passed and I am getting back into my routine of staying up to my normal bedtime only to be woken at abnormal hours. There is bright sunlight pouring into the room that I’m sleeping in. There are other humans occupying the house who are very much morning people. There are workers just behind the house building and hammering and making entirely too much raucous. There must be a quieter way to build a house, or at the very least, a start time of 10 am to do such things.

By midday I begin to feel the repercussions of my actions. I am sluggish and my eyes are heavy and it feels like naptime. But I haven’t really done anything to warrant a nap so that seems like a bit of a nonsensical answer. There are people who can function beautifully off of 4,5,6 hours of sleep. I am not one of them and I probably never will be. That is ok though because good sleep is a wonderful thing and something I enjoy tremendously. Perhaps the Lord will bless me with children that are born with the same sleeping patterns as their mother—as infants! One can dream. Until it’s a necessity though, I must find a way to hold on to my beauty sleep.