A little over 11 years ago my father passed away suddenly. It was the first time I ever experienced death in an extremely personal capacity and it rocked my world. I had a half-brother who was just a toddler at that time that I mostly saw during the holidays when I was home from college. Needless to say, we never truly bonded and after my dad passed the whole dynamic was very weird and complicated. For years I didn't know how to contact him or how to be part of his life. After a while there was updates and pictures, and suddenly the boy in front of me wasn't the child I remembered, but a young man that I really didn't know, but wanted to. But like I said, it was complicated. Very much so.
Two years ago my sister was able to spend the day with him while I was in Europe over the summer. I wanted to know all about it…what was he like… was his personality like our Dad's…did he know anything about us…was it really awkward or did it seem natural. Of course it was a little awkward because he hardly knew us. A few months ago she asked if I wanted to try and hang out when I was home after my season and I nervously said yes, because I wanted to get the awkward part over with so we could be the family that we should be. But it never happened.
We always think we'll have tomorrow to do something. Next month to make it happen. The following year to see things through. But we aren't promised any of that.
Yesterday I was having lunch with my best friend and out of the blue she asked me about my brother. "Oh, I was supposed to see him a couple months ago but it didn't happen. Maybe soon, I hope, but it's a really complicated situation." A mere 20 minutes later my sister called to tell me our brother passed away from complications from a severe asthma attack.
I don't try to understand the why of death, because sometimes it's just more then my comprehension allows. But I do firmly believe that the grief is ours--those of us who are still here and wanting more of the relationship we feel we didn't get enough of, the memories we thought we could still make, and the time we felt we had to make everything better. CJ was only 14 years old, but his purpose on earth had been fulfilled so he was called home to be with our Dad and with his heavenly father. I know that. But I didn't ever think that I would only have this short time to do everything in my power to make sure I knew him as best I could. I didn't make the most of it because I thought I had tomorrow.
So I'm grieving. Crazy as it may seem, our heart knows who our family is.
10 comments:
I'm so sorry Bri. Death is such a foreign thing to cope with when it's so sudden. I hope you have a few treasured memories of him to ease the pain.
I'm so sorry for your loss!!
i love you. that is all.
Ms. Glenn,
The sincerity of heart and the stark honesty about brought me to tears. Because, on this one, I can definitely feel you. You and your family, however scattered and disconnected it might seem, will be in my prayers
What a crock of shit!
OR
What an honest truth told for all of us to learn from!
On one hand the Bri'ster was a selfish premadonna, I'm not giving up my weekend to know this kid. He is ONLY a HALF so who cares.
On the other hand, ...well, there is no other hand. She is pretty much selfish on this one.
But Wait! Is she?
Dad apparently was a ladies man and liked to fish in lakes that were in season and had plenty of fish. Not a bad thing. Who wouldn't! Catching lots of fish is a good thing and part of natural selection. The most powerful males mate with the most females. Hey, go dad u stud!
But, the post is about family and who to give time too and whats up when they leave us and we could have done more!
The Bri'ster parents, and this boys parents set the limits and expectations.
U didn't know the boy. All the parents didn't make it be known you should be part of the extended family.
Sad any child has to go to heaven (if it exists)?
I am sorry for him to pass. I am sorry for your pain in his passing. We all have to believe in god and meant to be, for all that happens. I so hope.
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Now back to work...have you been training? Are you running? Lifting?
Have not had any posts from you lately which means you have settled into your almost 30 something fat ass life, and will not make the Olympics!
Yes, I say it because, you would have posted several complaints about working out, but you have not! Which means you are a fat ass like Kim Kardshian eating donuts all day!
Wake the F' up! Get semi-serious!
Not completely...just a build up!
What is your mindset?
My condolences to you and your family. I'm glad that you posted this deeply personal story as we all can learn a lesson from your unfortunate event.
I am sorry for your loss. Thank you for having the courage to share something so personal. You are in my thoughts.
So sorry to hear this Bri. It's sad that you were not able to get to know him better, but don't ever feel guilty about it...it just wasn't meant to be. cherish the memories you do have with him and know that you will be best pals in heaven.
Sorry, for your loss, but such a great post to your readers as a reminder that tomorrow is not promised. Your loss, can be someone's reunion because you opened up and shared something personal. Thank you..
P.s. I never respond to the haters that leave nasty comments on here. It totally grieves my spirit that someone would take the time to write nasty things. I mean like really why spend the energy or time lashing out on someone who is being real and transparent.
We are not perfect but we have a creator that is and one day we will be made perfect. So anything you write or do should not be judged by man. I know you don't live by that anyways :) I truly pray for you and your readers. Those that support and even those that dont!
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