Thursday, June 4, 2009

In Loving Memory...

This week marks 9 years since my Father passed away. I miss him. Terribly. They always say that time eases the pain and in a lot of ways that is true, because the ache is not as constant and the bad days not as frequent, but there are still moments that pop up when it still feels just as raw. You get mad at yourself for the things you can’t remember as easily anymore…the smell of someone, the sound of their voice, each and every memory you had together…all of that stuff fades a little no matter how hard you try to stop it. It’s the reason you will always hear people say to cherish the ones you love now, because you never know when you’ll no longer have the opportunity to do so.

This week also brought news that my previous stepfather just passed away after a long bout with Cancer. I know many of us come from families that have a lot of extended arms to it, and I definitely am part of that mold. Harold was not related to me by blood, but for a large chunk of my life he was an important father figure. After the nucleus of that family was no longer, the relationship I had with him also drifted away. It has been only recently, and especially now, where I feel a lot of regret over that. It is another reminder that life is precious and tomorrow is never guaranteed. Despite the complexity of my family makeup over the years, people who love me and support me have always surrounded me and I am grateful for that. I just wish I had done a better job of showing it…when I could.

I know this is a bit somber for a post on my blog, but because it’s weighing heavy on my heart I just wanted to remind everyone to never take someone for granted or miss out on showing your appreciation for the people God has blessed you with. Sometimes our time with them will be far shorter than we’d hope for and you’ve got to be thankful for them now. I know Father’s Day is approaching later on this month, and I’m reminded of the people I will not be able to thank or appreciate in person any longer, so please make sure that if you still have that opportunity, you do so.

In remembrance of Harold, I wanted to post a picture with him and of what a family portrait used to look like at one point in my life. It’s ok if you still find it possible to chuckle at the audacity of my outfit and bangs because I admit that I did as well.

I will remember you always…

12 comments:

anonymousnupe said...

You may have mentioned it in a previous post that I just don't recall, but may I ask how your dad died, if it doesn't cause you to much consternation to dwell on it?

And it appears you guys made a big family deal of Valentines Day, huh (if that's what the banner says)? That's pretty interesting.

And at first glance at the picture, the imagery on the right struck me as an angel's wing emerging from someone. Your dad, perhaps?

God bless his memory.

Christy said...

I'm sorry to hear about Harold...I was just recently wondering how he was doing. I knew he was sick and had asked my dad if he heard anything, but he hadn't.

I don't know if you heard, but my dad was back in the hospital this past weekend. He had a heart attack, but luckily he's already home and doing well. Thankfully. (I wish he didn't live so darn far, I'd see him a lot more.)

Speaking of my dad, you can count him (and me of course) as one of the many people who love you and always want good things for you. He asks me about you and I update him on things I know. He keeps you in his prayers. I just thought you'd like to know.

kerry said...

bri
i feel you and most importantly thanks for the message. Alot of us dont even attempt each and everyday to tell the one's we love "i love you". I've lost a father and a step father and i know the pain my mother has so i do all that i can to help ease the pain. I'm in a demagraphic and ethnicity that deal's with death frequently and i cognisent of my mortality. therfore i belive in hug's and constant communication because when i walk out the door they might never see me again. The last time i saw my dad i gave him this big old bear hug, he said what that for, you'll see me again, I did, but not alive. ya'll kiss the babies, hug yo folk's!

Deb said...

Hey Breezie....I remember that day so vividly. It's crazy how one day can change things forever. The oddity is that it was 2 years ago Wednseday that John died. The first week in June doesn't seem to bring about the happiest reminders. However, it does make me want to tell you how much I love you and how blessed I am to have you in my life!! Have a wonderful week and maybe we can designate the first week in June as "Tell someone you love them week."

Love You!!

Brianna said...

@ nupe...he had some problems with his heart that he wasn't aware of. but really, it was Kaiser's fault.

@ christy...wow, I didn't know David had a heart attack. I'll keep him in my prayers. And it does mean a lot to me that you continue to stay in touch and care...seriously. I'm thankful for that.

@ kerry...I believe in hugs too.

@ deb...shoot, june has a curse on it I think. I love you too...thanks for being such a great friend.

brit brat said...

ugh! I can barely see the keyboard through the tears....
I'm sorry Harold. I'm sorry for being so mad at you that I couldn't write you back. I'm sorry I never called you. I'm sorry I never forgave you for leaving. These apologies seem pointless but for some reason I feel like you're reading this. I love you and you'll always have a place in my heart.

brit brat said...

p.s. what am I wearing and why is my smile 'the joker' ish?

Jon Lustig said...

At times like these, when we are reminded how fleeting all of this really is, the best thing is to do as you suggest: take some time to remind yourself who is most important to you, and then make new vows to yourself to treat them that way. Also, look at yourself and make sure that you are living your life in a way which honours those who did the most to help you get there.
From what you've said, it seems that you and your father were in a good place when he passed. Take pride in knowing that, too often things don't work out that way. As for your own life, knowing the kind of person you have become, I'm sure he was and is proud of you, I can't imagine anyone not being.

Bianca said...

I remember it like it was last week. I even remember what I wore. Me, Jennie, and Jas sat in her red tracker and cried after the funeral. I love you, babe!

I'm sending you a big hug...

melanie said...

i'm with deb. it's tell someone you love them week. i love you bri.
i couldn't help but smile as i thought back on your dad's little neck dance thing he used to do...you know, kind of like the snake or something...and how excited he was to tell you all about how to drive your new green z with the tan roof. how beuatiful his black skin was and how proudly he would look on during your races, with HIS dad with the purple eyes. and harold...what a trooper he was for taking our grubby butts to the buena park mall...for letting us take over the adelfa house with girlish cackles and inside jokes...and how he and your mother beamed as they saw us out the front door for prom our sophomore year.
god bless their memories in your heart, breezie.
xoxo

Slim Jackson said...

My pops passed almost a year ago. All the recent Father's Day talk from people pushes to the forefront of my mind what I thought I had put aside. Not put aside like I don't care, but put aside in the sense that I'm not walking around sad about it.

He died 2 days before his birthday. I had contemplated visiting him a week before his birthday but opted to wait. Probably the worst decision I ever made in my life. Nonetheless, I wrote what I have been told is one of the best posts ever written about him. It can be viewed at the link below.

http://slimjackson.wordpress.com/2008/09/06/an-entry-for-my-dad-who-will-be-missed/

j buck said...

sympathies to all!

Pre F

7?

da beast is watching!

you can do it!