Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Deal Breakers

Last night I hung out with a friend of the male variety, and I found myself acutely aware of the many things that could have possibly been deal breakers if this had been an actual date. Texting instead of calling to see if I was free…the car door I opened for myself…constant texting at the dinner table…ordering before me…you get the picture. A lot of little things that on there own are not significant, but offer a peek as to the kind of work I’d have cut out for me. Now, of course I’m not going to give someone the boot if they don’t open my door, but I will point it out and remind them how chivalry is not dead. It most certainly is going to be alive and well in any relationship I’m involved in.

I admit…I’m not the easiest person to get a second date with. I suppose the first date isn’t a walk in the park either, but if you catch me on a good day, it’s not that hard. Its not that I’m entirely hung up attractiveness or any other superficial gradient, I just have a ton of things I look for and expect in terms of behavior and actions. I am happily picky. These desires have been developed over time and I wholeheartedly believe that it is important to teach people how to treat you. I also realize that if you are currently at a 3rd grade reading level and are trying to graduate from high school, there isn’t much teaching I can do at that point…even if you look like Channing Tatum.

There are certain things though, that go far beyond suggestions and hints. You live at home with your parents? Deal Breaker. Smoke? Deal Breaker. Don’t see the need to work out? Deal Breaker. Speak rudely to wait staff? Deal Breaker. Have a job, but not a career. Deal Breaker. Don’t love Jesus? Deal Breaker. Have long fingernails? Deal Breaker. Don't get along with my best friends? Deal Breaker. I could go on and on but I am more interested in hearing about your own deal breakers. I will also say this…just because something may not work for me, does not mean it is necessarily a negative thing for all folks. I am sure that there are some standout guys 30 years and up who still live with mom and pops who would make great boyfriends, they just won’t be my boyfriend.

What are your D.B.'s?!

37 comments:

Bianca said...

Deal Breaker:
Bad teeth
Mouth of a sailor
Asks me to pay half the bill

Jon Lustig said...

I like all of yours, esp the wait staff thing, that one is so telling. Let's see how many I can do without thinking too hard.
I managed to get there on time, so unless she is a paramedic anything over 5 minutes is not 'fassionably' late.
Knows who was eliminated on idol but doesn't read a newspaper (npr/tv news/whatever).
Bad driver, so bad that even I can tell.
Answers her cell phone and speaks for more than 10 seconds without getting somewhere close to the phrase "I'll call you back."
Bad with directions, esp the 'my right is your left' thing (duh).
Must be at least 5'6" (this is not arbitrary, there is a reason and I have researched this).
Valley girl (it's like, totally, like nails on a blackboard).
Longer term, someone who charges *everything*, cash is a good thing (nothing to do with who pays for dinner).

Shannon said...

Can't carry on a conversation, tells you how much money they make, not family oriented...and too short (I know that last one is a bit shallow, but I am 6'0 tall, it matters).

Anonymous said...

How about if you had been supervision my date with a particular woman you would've given me at least a B+. Wasn't eyeballing, let her order first, had great convo etc. So far, so good. However this person only likes to communicate via txt message? Its been a month since dinner....and haven't heard her voice since . We're technologically advance penpals! Dealbreaker?

Jasmine said...

A definite deal breaker for me is if the other person drove a green 1991 Nissan Z. With a fake convertible top.
TOTAL DEAL BREAKER.



:D

Brianna said...

@bianca...agreed! although I had to teach you the "half the bill" one. :)

@jon...good ones. but "bad with directions"?? ha...i thought I was picky!

@shannon...not to short is not shallow at all. height is a very normal thing to care about and even moreso when you're tall yourself. I can't be taller than anyone with my heels on. :)

@anonymous...total dealbreaker. I am a text-a-holic and even I know the importance of actual talking if you're really into someone.

Anonymous said...

Well just call me the "Sucka." I have always been one to see a redflag and back away slowly, but this one is a bit intriguing or confusing because she initiates txts most days...its like tug of war....back and forth.

Jon Lustig said...

@Bri...was that the Z coop with the long hood? That's always been one of my favourite cars! And as I said I thought the directions thing was obvious. I really need someone who can tell me where to find something or describe a room to me.

brit brat said...

heeeey....I think Anonymous is talking about me!!

brit brat said...

ok so here's my list:
if you talk about your past relationships the whole date...
doesn't have a car...
if he has kids but doesn't take care of them...
if he doesn't respect his mother...
if he mentions how "thick" my thighs are!

"Over-Sharing" Daniel said...

Ms. Glenn,
I am going to start with the assumption that when you’re referring to “deal breaker” items, this is past the initial “would I even ask them out” phase, because if something isn’t in your ‘option list’ to begin with, well, as you once told me ‘it’s about is it even worth it’. Hence, mine:

Can’t manage money. She’s a financial liability waiting to ‘steal’ your future material security. She can be poor, and do the best with what she’s got (in fact, that’s a plus really), but to be wasteful or stupid-frivolous – Deal Breaker.

It’s always all about Her. Every option must be hers. Every choice must be hers. Every preference is hers. That’s about selfishness and that’s a big, big – Deal Breaker.

Taking calls and texting while we are to be doing something together. If everybody else on your phone list is so much more important than what we are doing, then you go out with them girl. Deal Breaker

Trying to initiate physical/sexual activity too soon. Yeah, I said that. You watch life enough, you’ll get the clue that sexual feelings can be so powerful, so much so they can overpower good judgment. Sexual activities so change the dynamics of relationships and askew good choices that they end up always messing up the potential when started way too early. Besides, I always end up thinking ‘Girl, shouldn’t I be, like interested in you as a Person first? Why you trying to sell this thing off your body first?” Big Deal Breaker.

PS. Ms. Glenn, what was up with that outfit at Pre? LOL! Them red shorts looked like you were at a High School meet, where the school couldn’t afford real matching gear. The all-black warm-up/track suit looked great, but, geez, once the red shorts appeared …
Just saying …(but what do I know about fashion anyway, right?)
You only Fouled once, but ran through two other Flights. Was it hard to find the rhythm that day? Ms. Reese looked totally distracted and Jumped accordingly. Wonder if she was feeling ok.

And Funmi Jimoh, wow, she’d steal my heart and make me wish I was 15 years younger, lol; such a pretty woman.

Brianna said...

@jasmine...you LOVED my Z. so flyy.

@jon...OH. I get it. sorry, i thought you meant if she wasn't good at directions, she was stupid. (and I suck at directions. turn east??)

@brit...should've made this list before you got married! haha.

Brianna said...

@daniel...probably the only man with that on the list but I am sure that's a good thing.

my outfit was awesome. Obviously you didn't think so, but like you said...you don't know much about fashion. If nobody pays me to wear a specific logo, I wear what I like. Just wait to see what I pull out for Nationals.

brit brat said...

my thighs are pretty thick though :)

Christy said...

Bianca and I are on the same page - seriously, teeth is a BIG one for me. :-)

Brit, if a guy comments on your "thick thighs", he's an ass on so many levels. You're absolutely gorgeous.

I've never been with someone who has commented on my weight (surprisingly since I'm the queen of yo-yo weight) and I'm nowhere near as beautiful as you - I can't even imagine it.

Marlon said...

Deal breaker:

Must be at least 26
-women seem to have figured out what they want by then.

Act like you aren't hungry at dinner when your stomach is growling at the table.
- you ordered it. Eat it! Stop trying to be cute.

If they fail the car door test.
- I open the door, wait for you to get in and I close it behind you. I go around the back of the car and if you don't at least lean over to see if my side is unlocked, there will be no second date. Even though most cars have remotes now.

Anonymous said...

Great Bronx Tail reference! So simple but so true....."if she doesn't reach over and lift up that button for you so you can get in....that means she a selfish broad. You dump her and dump her fast!"

#2 Fan said...

-Shakes my hand like a wimp because I'm a woman
-Stares at my body instead of my face when talking to me
-Refers to me as Sweetheart, Sweetie, or Babygirl (without even knowing me)
-Going out of his way to tell me that he's "different" or "real"
-Wears as much, if not more, jewelry than I do
-Calls my father by his first name instead of Mr...
-thinks eating Mexican food means he's cultured
-would never, or has never even considered dating outside of his race
-says "I'm blessed" more than neeed
-uses a vocabulary beyond his spelling capacity
-looks in every mirror he passes
-the TEXTING thing just pisses me off on a date...If you can't live without your blackberry, iphone, whatever, then you'll just have to live without ME
-Has long nails, especially ONE pinky nail (GROSS!!!)
-Asks me what I think of him... on our first date(Like I'm going to tell)
-Asks "where you stay (at)?"
-Acts cocky/overly confident to hide his many insecurities/faults
-has more than 1 "baby mama"
-talks about exercising or the gym on our first date...HATED IT!
-whines about missing 1-2 days of working out
-doesn't eat carbs
-is an aspiring model/actor/singer
-has no REAL goals beyond "making money"
-showers me with continual compliments, keeping me from finishing a sentence

okay, I know there are more, but I'm done...Is it evident I don't have a man? LOL ;)

Brianna said...

@christy...let's hope brit stays away from anyone who would even think of talking about her thighs. that would get a dude slapped!

@marlon...I always order a full meal and eat it ALL. in fact, once i went on a date and I ordered a full rack of ribs and the guy ordered a salad. no joke.

@anonymous...honestly I don't really get that "unlock the door thing." first of all, who still has non-automatic locks?! second, it's just not the same. Almost like, if you open a door for me and then we get to another door and I open that one for you?...no.

@#2...oh my goodness, you are my twin!!! and guess what...we are both single! hahahaha. seriously, I agree with your entire list wholeheartedly. If there is one man in the world who doesn't have these characteristics, we are fighting over him I suppose.

Nikkie T said...

Bri- I'm still waiting on my phone call.

Anonymous said...

Great topic Brianna! But why would you or #2 not consider dating a man who does not date outside his race? I am a black man and I have never nor do I have the desire to dated outside of my race. It not that I am against interracial dating or marriage. It just that I have always been attracted to black women.

Tarheel Fan

Brianna said...

sorry nik! I'll call today when I know you're awake.

@anonymous...I can respect you being black and being attracted to black women. I know I fall under the category of "black woman" but my mother is white and I'm a product of an interracial relationship so personally, I prefer someone who is not against it and could be open to it. Don't get me wrong...I understand that most people have preferences, myself included. But I can never say that I will NOT marry/date someone of another race because I was brought up to believe that skin color doesn't make us who we are and love most certainly doesn't revolve around melanin. So, yes, I am usually attracted to black men the same way I'm attracted to tall guys. But as you know, I'd date Channing Tatum in a heartbeat...or Prince. haha.

Jon Lustig said...

Hmm, people like me are doing really well here. We can't text, don't look in mirrors, don't know whether the pretty voice is coming from someone who's black or white or whatever, don't stare somewhere we shouldn't, and of course don't look at other girls while we're on a date. Strange that last one hasn't come up yet. Maybe Brit would even wave the no car thing.

Coach said...

Messed up teeth say ALOT, jackedup hairline haircut, unmotivated.

Jon Lustig said...

I love how spell checkers will 'autocorrect' perfectly valid words, coupe and waive for example. A reminder that having stuff read back to me doesn't always help.

Daniel said...

Ms. Glenn,
Since your Relationship blogs are always such a hit with us readers (that’s excluding the Swimsuit stuff, lol), how about something on the ‘positive’ take. You’ve done the “Deal Breakers”, now about now the “Deal Makers”. What are some key attributes that help clinch the deal, or at least impel you to go back for more? And Yes, I’m well aware I’m NOT on that list, so that’s definitely not why I’d ask, lol! I was listening to Keyshia Cole’s song “You Complete Me” and I got to thinking about that, the features/attributes we notice and select in a person to complement our own, to fill our life in.

And I didn’t say I didn’t like the Pre outfit … I was just saying …
I sure hope you’re not pulling out the Lady Triathlete “outfit” (2 pieces of string, one top, one bottom, lol) for the Nationals, lol. But, that would definitely guarantee you some “air time” (pun intended) no matter how you jumped.

PS. Jon, I’m with you there. I’m scoring about a 98% on the good side here. But I’m still a loser girl-wise, lol! I’m dying on the Spell Check comment. I hate doing that too; especially on work-stuff were I want to look intellig… uh, smart.

brit brat said...

Gosh you know what's sad...is I probably would waive the no car thing hahahahaha
NO! NO NONO! must have a car...or pay for my gas :)

#2 Fan said...

Girl EVERY time I read your posts about relationships I find myself thinking I wrote them myself LOL...we MUST be twins ;-)

andre said...

this is a fantastic post!
DBs
-Bad Grammar
-Groupie--on any level
-Doesn't watch any sport
-Bad Feet
-30+ with no kids and never been married (this makes you a bad catch)
-Tattoos
-Didn't finish college

im sure i could think of more but it would take too long

Brianna said...

Wait a second...over 30 not married and no kids is a deal breaker?! Well I'm sure we won't be dating...although I tend to think I don't have baggage! Guess its how you look at it

Marcus said...

Andre's list is hardcore. No tattoos? didn't finish college?? Damn.

andre said...

i should say 35 and over with no kids and never been married. women with these credentials that I've met are nutz. If i mention my other deal breakers im sure you'll ban me from your blog.

Anonymous said...

That's actually a very interesting observation Andre. I've never thought about it before, but that makes a ton of sense.

brit brat said...

I have a tattoo....but its classy and meaningful.

Coach said...

Andre has dealt with the wrong type of women. Most women in their early 30s have their head on straight and arent into the bs.

jumperkerry said...

you guy's all seemed headed into the dilema that i'm in and that's a shame. Single with no kids, never married and still looking for that special one. I might have met her a thousand times however i didn't like the way she ran across the street or perhaps the shoe's didn't match the skirt just trival stuff however it seemed important at the time. Sometimes i guess we need to fixate on the good qualities and the special nature of a person instead of the appearance or the person's resume. Now at 49 baby girl most likely wont have the six pack nor the damu cherry back pockets, she won't have a Brianna Glen smile or hair do either. If only i had come to grips with this years ago perhaps i could be celabrating father's day in a few day's. So youngsters, i'm not saying settle for anything but please don't turn your nose up at a good person that has most of your preferred prerequsites, being single is overated!

Anonymous said...

DB:
LATE ALL THE TIME.
NOT SOCIAL.
CAN'T GET ALONG WITH MY MOM, DAD & FAMILY.
CAN'T MANAGE MONEY-JUST LIKE CAN'T MANAGE TIME.
BAD KISSER.
BAD SEX-NOT JUST HER-ME TO-JUST BAD CHEMISTRY-BLAME IT ON THE ALCOHOL-LOL-DOESN'T LIKE MORNING SEX-THIS A BIG ONE 4 ME!
IF SHE TREATS CUSTOMER SERVICE FOLKS WITH NO CLASS OR APPRECIATION.
FEET AND HANDS ALWAYS HAVE TO LOOK NEAT
TOO MUCH MAKE-UP.
GUTT BIGGER THEN THE BUTT.
MY VERY CLOSE FRIENDS DON'T LIKE HER--SHE OUTTA HERE-PEOPLE SEEM TO FORGET-UR JUST NOT MARRYING THAT PERSON UR MARRYING EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM/HER!!!!!
I LIVE IN D.C. I DONT HAVE A CAR NOR DO I EXPECT SOMEONE ELSE TO HAVE ONE-CALI LADIES GIVE SOME EAST COAST GUYS A BREAK-NYC-PHILI-DC-OK?
HAS TO TRY EVERYTHING AT LEAST ONCE-SHE HAS TO LEARN HOW TO GET OUT OF HER COMFORT ZONE!
HAS TO GET HER HAIR WET-WHENEVER-(SISTAS) ILL PAY TO GET YOUR DONE!
WEAVES-WHITE GIRLS AS WELL THIS IS AUTOMATIC 86 DB
SMOKES
BI-SEXUAL-I'M A SELFISH LOVER-I DON'T LIKE TO SHARE!
28 PLUS YEARS OF AGE PLUS-I DON'T DATE ANY WOMEN 10 YEARS YOUNGER THEN ME-TOTAL GENERATIONAL THING.
WHO EVER VOTED FOR GEORGE W. BUSH TWICE OR WHO WOULD FOR SARAH PALIN AND LISTENS TO RUSH LIMBAUGH!
I COULD GO ON & ON!
JOE P.
VEGAS/DC