Goodbye Tucson

I came home from Europe and a day and a half later I had all my stuff in the back of a UHaul. I suppose when it comes to certain things I’m still fast, huh? There was also extra motivation found in the offer or someone else driving the truck that could only do so this weekend, saving me two trips in trying to bring my stuff and my car. Blessing number one. There are a lot of things about my future that are still unknown, but what I did know was that my time living in the desert was over. I am glad I came, but I am also really glad to be leaving. How do I know this? Because I didn’t shed a single tear. Every time I move (which is a lot) I get emotional about the life that I’m leaving or the people I’m moving away from. But right now I just feel incredibly happy to be going home. Who knows if I’ll actually stay, but for the next couple of months I will at least get the opportunity to be around my friends and family and take some time to try and find my path. I will also have the chance to eat PinkBerry every other day, go to Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf (which I actually prefer to Starbucks), and find a person or two to take me out on a date every once in a while. I hope.

I know that being in Tucson was definitely a positive experience in a lot of ways. I believe that I found a part of me that was missing; a part of my psyche that had somehow disappeared into a big black hole that I was able to bring back. I have had a lot of addresses in my short lifespan but they all have served a purpose and have brought with them a wealth of knowledge and insight. The following are the things about Tucson I will cherish the most…

*******

*Making a new friend: It seems as if when you get to a certain age, your friend making opportunities are few and far between. But I was lucky enough to make one new friend in Tucson. A real friend, not just one of those sometime-y acquaintances you can’t really count on for anything but might see if you want to go out for drinks every once in a while. There was no real reason for her to go out of her way to befriend me, as she had plenty of her own friends already I’m sure. But she did. And because she did, the few times I even put on clothes and an ounce of makeup was because of her. Thank you for showing me the brighter side of Tucson and remember…It’s not goodbye, it’s see you later. (in California I hope!)

*Cheap Rent: I have lived with roommates for the last few years and paid twice of what I had to pay for my own place in Tucson. Based on how little I was able to work this year, this turned out to be a huge blessing.


*Reacquainting with an old friend: Even though she’s been traveling the country for the last however many months, when I first moved the only person I had was my dear friend Jen. I’ve known this girl for 16 years, longer than anyone else I consider a friend. Being able to spend quality time with her while she was out here just reminded me of what a special person she is and what makes her so amazing. Sometimes people drift apart but they can always find their way back when the core of who they are remains unchanged. I’m sad I won’t be in Beijing with her, but I am excited to cheer her on this summer.

*Spending quality time at Starbucks: Never in my life have I had so much free time on my hands. And most of you now know where I spent most of it…Sippin’ on lattes and reading lots of books and magazines. When my life becomes crazy busy and hectic and I’m running after kids, trying to keep a clean house, and rising to the top of my career, I am going to miss all those afternoons at Starbucks. So I will consider myself lucky.


*Being able to take pictures with cactus in the background: Who needs a beach when you have this beautiful background??? Sometimes people forget to appreciate the desert scenery.




*Having the time to blog: Hopefully you all appreciate this one the most. Sometimes I wonder depending on what I do next year, if it will even make sense to still have a blog. But I do know that while living in Tucson didn’t always make for the most exciting blogs, I tried to make the most of what I had and gave you all something to look forward to on a consistent basis because I DIDN’T HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO DO. But my blog did help me tremendously. I am grateful that I took the opportunity to share my story with everyone who cared to read.

I don't give out my number

***I know I had said ALL TRACK from here on out but I'm giving you guys a break! ;)


I had an interesting conversation with a few friends a couple of weeks ago about the difficulty we always experience when asked for our digits from gentlemen we’d rather never hear from. She’s a super nice gal and incredibly friendly and outgoing so I think oftentimes people get the wrong signal and assume she’s interested when really she’s just that way with everybody. So inevitably they ask and then she feels stuck. I, on the other hand am not that nice or that outgoing, but I still have always had a hard time telling people no thanks. Not interested. Never in a million years…in a nice way of course. I don’t like rejecting and I also don’t like to hurt someone’s feelings, however slight it might be. And before you start in on how men are grown and they can take it, blah, blah, blah…no they can’t. Many times bruised egos make for rude men. Or men that just don’t know how to let it be and now feel it’s ok to try and bully the number out of you. So more often than not, I lie. I have a boyfriend…and just in case that still doesn’t seem to deter you and you want to convince me we could still be “friends”…we live together. And we share a cell phone. So you see, there is really no way I could give you my number.

But that’s a bit childish, right? I’m 28 years old, why am I lying about my relationship status in order to not have to give out my number? Which brings me back to the conversation I had with my friend the other week where I finally decided I was going to stop being a punk about it. She said we needed to start saying I’m sorry, I never give out my number. This definitely states that the number is not to be had but does not make it personal and also does not have to involve lying about a fabricated relationship. If you so choose, you may offer up an email, but of course this is on a case-by-case basis.

So…yesterday I was at Borders. Yes, my home away from home away from my other home, Starbucks. I was in the book section looking for something specific when I saw a man pass and give me the once over. I tried not to make eye contact because I wasn’t in the mood. This of course is another one of my problems. I am single. I complain that I never meet anybody. But, in any circumstance that is might be possible to meet somebody, I don’t want to be bothered. Unless of course one look at them blew my socks off…and this particular man did not.

By the time I made my way over to the magazine section to find my reading material for the next couple hours, he had also found his way over to the magazine section and into my personal space. He struck up a dialogue that was not in the least bit witty or clever in any way and after a moment, without any sign from me that I might be the least bit interested, he asked for my number. Armed with my new response intended to not bruise any egos, I quickly told him that I did not give out my number…and then I hastily added that we could exchange email. I’m not sure why I included the last bit because he had not come off as someone I could possibly find interesting in any form or fashion, but I suppose I was still wearing my training wheels.

What transpired afterwards was a test of my patience to say the least. He continued to try and sell himself and slip in information that I was not buying for a second. Does any lawyer you know still have the free phone you get when you sign up for a plan and not know how to input an email address?! I’m the one with the blackberry and I don’t even work! But I digress…the point is he was now getting on my nerves, so much so that I was forced to give out a fake email address. Pathetic, huh? Here I am trying to be all mature and not lie about my relationship status or give out a fake number and I forge my email because at this point I am SO sure that even words on a page from him would irritate me and I just want to take the easy way out. So I tried, but I suppose next time I will have to try harder.

A Big Fish

The last couple of days I’ve had the opportunity to reach out and share my story to people in the community. For starters, let me just say how cool it is that people actually care. This is another bonus about living in Tucson (in case you are actually keeping count)…here you can be a big fish. In Los Angeles the pond is so big all you can hope for is guppy status.

Last night, myself, as well as a few other athletes that train in the Tucson area, were guests at an event hosted by Johnson & Johnson, a sponsor of the United States Olympic Committee. These people work incredibly hard in their profession and they are passionate about what they do. I have to admit that I was a bit unsure at first. Here is this group of people that live in a world I know absolutely nothing about – the workforce. And they probably know nothing about my world either, but they seemed to appreciate it and were honored that we were there. We were able to share a bit of our journey and I believe they found it to be uplifting and inspiring. Then this afternoon I went and spoke to a group of high school kids. Kids that age make me nervous. I remember how I was in my teenage years…truly uninterested in just about everything anybody had to say. Luckily for me, I had no rotten tomatoes thrown my way.

I find it a lot easier to share on my blog than to share in person. For starters, this blog is simply a peek into my life and entirely a personal choice on whether or not you deem it interesting and appealing enough to read each day. When I go to events representing myself I am sometimes struck by this feeling of inadequacy. What is so important about me? Especially when it’s people not exactly familiar in an area I can claim moderate success in. I suppose if I’m talking to a girl who has jumped 18 feet in the long jump they might find it kind of cool that I’ve jumped over 4 feet further. But someone who’s area of interest and knowledge in no way overlaps mine... well that’s when I begin to feel my ‘coolness’ factor is lacking. Right now, all I can claim to be is a person aspiring to do big things. And if that’s not enough, if their interests do happen to be in line with my own, well then I just feel like my accomplishments thus far are insufficient.

Please know that I don’t say all this in an attempt to sound self-deprecating. Anyone who knows me, knows how hard the last 6 years have been for me and how much more I expect out of myself. I truly believe the best is yet to come and I hold on to that belief wholeheartedly. I am no good at “bragging” about myself, as my friends will also attest to, and I also get extremely embarrassed if they try to. (Of course this only relates to all things track related) I do realize that success is relative. It is humbling to know that my successes are considered great to some people but in my own mind, my expectations are so high that I have a hard time seeing my past accomplishments as such. Besides, there has got to be an expiration date on some things and I am starting to feel as if anything related to college is almost prehistoric.

So no, I’m not a big deal yet. But I hope to be and I hope that when that day comes I am able to embrace it and rule the ponds both big and small.

Yoga for Dummies

I am an athletic person. Any sport-- any athletic activity for that matter-- is something I expect to excel at. So the first time I went to a Yoga class a few years back, I expected to awe everybody with how quickly I caught on and my incredible strength to do all the poses and contortions. I quickly realized that I grossly underestimated the difficulty of this form of exercise and how it does not cater to my strengths whatsoever. So, after a few visits I dropped that hobby like a hot potato. Until yesterday…

My friend asked me to go to yoga and my mind went directly to my experience the last time around and the idea of being the worst at something once again. This is not in my nature you know. I don’t ever suck at something. Except pictionary. I am horrible at Pictionary. But she assured me that it was the beginners class and just to be sure I checked the website and saw that indeed there were three levels of classes and the one we would attend was named “Basic”.

So there I was, in beginner Yoga class, situated at the front of the room because I arrived late, and positioned right next to Grams, a sweet 65-year-old lady to my right. Well guess what? I still suck. First of all, I take issue with the fact that I was forced to look around every time we were supposed to go into a new pose, as I was the only lost soul that could not figure out from the instructions of the teacher what was expected of me. Why are we using yoganese in the beginner’s class? All I know is downward dog…, which, by the way, kills my hands. Supposedly this is because I am supposed to be putting force through my knuckles and was using my palms. I dunno. What I do know is that when the simplest pose in all of yoga is giving me pause, I have a problem. But what really got me—what irked me beyond belief—is when we were in this side plank balance pose and I fell out of it early while Grams stayed in place with perfect technique. Have you seen my core? This was like someone showing Muhammad Ali how to throw a jab.

And is it polite to ask just what in the world are all the chants and sayings about? It seemed everybody else picked up the cliff notes and I did not. What are you saying? Why are you saying it? Honestly, I really don’t even feel comfortable trying to copy it because am I unknowingly praying to the Yoga God or something? And that ommmmm-ing is not something I have mastered. Where exactly are you bringing that sound from? My diaphragm seems to be broken because mine sounds like humming and that’s it. Besides that, it makes me laugh. I don’t know why, it just does. As does all the heavy intense breathing that is taking place around me. I know that is part of the point, at least I think it is, but I can’t listen to my breathing and focus on my breath when I am busy looking around trying to figure out my foot placement and what my hands are supposed to be doing. So I go through the whole class never really finding my calm center but I am hoping I got a good stretch out of it.

I have come to terms with the fact that I am no good at Yoga. Perhaps I will get better with time and practice. I do know that because my back and hamstrings are 5000% tighter than most people’s, there will be things I will always be behind at. When we are stretching and you are able to wrap your entire hands around your foot while mine stop mid calf, I call that an unfair advantage. I am wound differently. However, that doesn’t mean I can’t improve. Maybe one day I’ll be in the vicinity of my foot. So perhaps I need to focus on my individual performance and not compare myself to the Grams of the world. I will never graduate to Intermediate class, of that I’m sure, but maybe I can improve enough to not be the worst of the beginner class.

Do you feel me?!

Today I had my picture taken. I do that from time to time, in case you haven’t noticed. I hate for people to get bored looking at the same pictures over and over and that’s what my stats tell me some of you are doing, so I do my best to keep it fresh. Besides that, I’ve really been wanting to make use of the great landscape that Tucson has to offer while I am out here. Cacti and rocks can make for a dynamic backdrop. Who knew?!

So this photographer had contacted me last week letting me know he was going to be in town for a photography convention of some sort and would love the opportunity to get me in front of his camera. Tucson is teeming with high-caliber model types so of course I was flattered. Basically, I really don’t have much of anything happening on Wednesdays, so we decided to meet up and make use of the amazing landscape at one of Tucson’s premiere resorts, Loews Ventana Canyon Resort. Seriously, I never knew such posh accommodations existed out here and the grounds are beautiful. Cactus, brush, and rocks galore, plus a waterfall to boot!

So there I am, posing for the camera. chin down…drop your left shoulder…hand on your hip…spread your fingers slightly…smile…not to big…turn the right knee in…no, your other right…. Believe me, it’s all great fun. I really begin to light up when people walk by because having an audience makes me feel special. And then when it’s time to strip to the bikini the real fun starts.

Hey, nice looking tourists from South Dakota. This is totally natural for me to be standing precariously on this rock half-naked with a cactus poking me in my side and pretend you aren’t staring at me right now.”

But honestly, I didn’t really mind that I was outside in a bikini in 50 degree weather, walking barefoot on sharp rocks and getting pricked by cactus left and right while being the afternoon’s surprise entertainment. But then a drop fell. And then many more.

”Don’t worry, the rain will make it interesting. We will get some great shots!

But inside I’m seething. Not because I’m freezing cold and don’t have any clothes on. Not because I stubbed my toe. Not because I am embarrassed. Because I just straightened my hair. UGHHH!

(This post is for black women and their sympathizers.)

Local Celebrity

And no, this blog is NOT about me.

Tonight was the season premiere of Celebrity Apprentice. It just so happens that one of my very good friends, Jennie, is on the show and so I have been excitedly waiting to be able to see her in all her glory. I have a special love affair with reality t.v. and it brings me great pleasure when I get to curl up on the couch in my comfy house clothes and just enjoy rotting my brain to the fullest. And now there is someone I actually know in real life…priceless!

Well, this evening when I arrived home I had a message from the local news station here in Tucson. They said they wanted to ask me a couple questions about Jennie and her being on the show. You see, Jennie is a celebrity here. I mean, I guess she is pretty well known throughout the country and possibly even the world, but here she is IT. Lindsay Lohan would have some stiff competition if she moved to Tucson. So because I have such a kind and helpful heart, I decided to call back and give them whatever quote they were looking for.

That’s how I ended up on the 10 o’clock news. Not only is Jennie herself big news, but her childhood friend sitting at home on a Thursday night watching Jennie on T.V. is also somehow newsworthy. So I was forced out of my normal T.V. watching comfort zone…for goodness sakes I put on real clothes, did my hair, and wore makeup, all the while trying to make my apartment look camera ready…in the name of being a loyal friend. And when I called Jennie to beg her to be a supportive cast member to this impromptu gathering, she would have none of it. I suppose she is letting the fame go to her head. :)

When in Rome...

Last night I received a text message from my friend Jennie--my lone friend in Tucson who happens to be back in town for 2.5 days.

Hey B! Do you want to go to the fair on 4th st. tomorrow?

Me + Fair = not so much.

However, she is my friend and she's inviting me to do something on a Friday night when my only alternative is to do, hmmm....let's see....nothing! so I said I would go. To be quite honest, I am in no way a 'fair' person, especially one on 4th street which happens to be the hang out for all the earthy, hippie type people in Tucson if I remember correctly. But Jennie pointed out that this particular fair only happens twice a year in Tucson, which I guess is supposed to mean that it's something you must take full advantage of when it's here or else you've totally missed out on all the excitement and of course we can't have that now can we??!! Funny how I have no recollection of this popular local entertainment when I lived here for five years...makes me wonder what I used to do for fun! So I'm about to go hang with the locals and do my best to enjoy myself and not secretly wish I was home watching reruns of an ANTM marathon.

Picture of the Week

This past weekend I actually got to hang out with a friend. I know...surprising. Even though he had to be imported from California and then convinced to come down to Tucson from Phoenix, I was ecstatic at the idea of having real live company to be around. Since there is a shortage of delicious, innovative, top of the line, restaurants in Los Angeles, the one thing Kash needed to do while he was here was go out to eat...at the Waffle House. Yes, my lovely readers, you haven't tasted good cookin' until you've tasted the Waffle House. L.A. restaurants have nothin' on us out here. In the previous five years I lived in Tucson I don't think I ever ate there but I will admit...it wasn't half bad. It's no Roscoes, but it hit the spot!

Now what???

Today, after I went to the movies by myself, I stopped by Ross...again. This makes three times since Sunday. I've also been to Target twice, Pier 1, Trader Joes, Walgreens, and Radio Shack. That's what I've done for the last three days in my efforts to not bore myself to death. Today, I remembered that I needed coasters. It was imperative that I get them now because who knows when a water ring will appear on my new coffee table and then I'd be really pissed that I didn't use a coaster. This impromptu trip killed almost 45 minutes and also netted me a nice welcome mat and some stainless steel containers for the counter top. Score! I think the reason I feel so bored is because I know that if I felt like hanging out with some friends back home or doing some of the things I normally do, I can't. If I was back in L.A. I very well might not be doing much of anything but the difference is I could if I wanted to.

I'm going to have to figure out this whole Tucson living thing in order not to drive myself crazy. I am definitely out recruiting friends and maybe even a date or two if I want to be really bold. I doubt that one though so I will settle for a buddy or two who likes to watch trashy reality t.v. and go out to eat every once in a while. I'm also going to try and volunteer somewhere. I already attempted to help serve food on Thanksgiving but can you believe that I can't find anywhere that needs help? I was so bummed. I did find a place that is still looking for people to donate frozen pies but that doesn't really do much for helping me feel like I am spreading a little joy in the community, nor does it kill any time. I can't even attempt to bake a pie...so basically I get nothing out of it. (I know, I know--totally the spirit of Thanksgiving). How rude of all those people with family to spend time with to volunteer and take the opportunity away from me when they should know I won't be able to be with my family. Ughhh. Some people, I tell ya.

loved

My big move was this weekend. I say “big” not in the sense that moving is anything new or unknown to me, because I’ve moved every year for the last five years…but more so in the emotional sense. This move means a lot to me and I’ve had so many emotions attached to it, which is why it seems so monumental. Let it be known that I hate moving. hate it. I despise the whole process…from packing, to finding movers, from all the crap you accumulate that you don’t even realize you have, to driving to your new destination, to unpacking all the crap and trying to make the new place feel like home. It’s exhausting to say the least.

For this move though, I had some of my most favorite people to help make this trek across the desert and when I say that it made all the difference in the world, its actually an understatement. For starters I had my Uncle Kevin and Aunt Ronnie help me pack up my stuff and drive it to Arizona. Did I mention that they already live in Arizona??? These are some stud family members I tell you. I was so unbelievably grateful for the assistance not only because of the help to my wallet (which was HUGE by the way), but because as movers they put Starving Students to shame. They are nothing short of amazing. I was actually relegated to carrying in the boxes of pillows because they made sure they had all the heavy stuff on lock. I also had my two best friends to come along on the road trip with me and help me unpack. They were most definitely my two little angels and I am so happy they were able to come with me and add to our already endless supply of memories and stories that we will forever carry close to our heart.

Our drive across the desert was spent in endless chatter. Not once did we turn on the radio or sit in silence. We sang. Well Mel really sung, and I hurt their eardrums when I would suddenly break out in something that slightly resembles singing for absolutely no reason. We took the time to decide the perfect partner for each one of us. Our thinking is that if we put it out in the universe, it’s that much more likely to become a reality. We decided to point out each other’s best and worst qualities. Why? I don’t know. For some reason I have this weird obsession with categorizing people. Supposedly I am stubborn and somewhat conceited. I am also not the funniest. But I don’t quite agree. My humor must be too far advanced for them. Before we knew it we had made it to Tucson, Arizona.


I actually wasn’t quite prepared for the way I would feel once I actually arrived. It’s a hard thing to explain but needless to say my mood did a couple of back flips mixed in with a few cartwheels on me. That’s why having my friends here was so critical because they kept me focused on the important stuff. And who besides your best friends would wake up and go get you starbucks and groceries for breakfast while you’re still sleeping and then take you on a surprise shopping spree at Target for all the things you realize you don’t have? I am blessed to have friends that love me so much. Unfortunately, they had to return home but I am so thankful for the time we spent together this weekend and just for having them in my life.

I am now officially a resident of Tucson, Arizona.

Picture(s) of the Week

This weekend was my Hall of Fame Induction and Homecoming weekend. I'd like to take the opportunity to thank my family (and Deb!) for coming to Tucson and sharing this special time with me.



*My banner that is hanging in the Hall of Champions


*Giving my speech...which I don't really remember since I didn't bother to write it down beforehand.


*My super stud friend and I. We went to middle school and high school together, attended the same college, and were inducted into the Hall of Fame together. Who knew La Mirada turned out superstar athletes like that??!!


*At the homecoming game with Debbie. Afternoon game in Tucson...BAD IDEA.



*My introduction at half-time.

A Homecoming in more ways than one

This weekend I headed back to the A. Not the down south, let’s get crunk, Hotlanta A, but the cactus-lined, dust filled, there is no freakin reason it should be this hot in November A. Tucson, Arizona. I had three reasons to be in Tucson this weekend…

1. I got inducted into the Hall of Fame
2. It was Homecoming
3. I needed to find a place to live

That’s right folks, you heard right. This So Cal girl is going back to the desert. After weeks and weeks of thinking and deliberation…making a decision and then changing my mind—then changing it back, I finally decided that going back to Tucson was the right decision for me. In fact, it actually had a lot to do with my first reason for being in Arizona this weekend. More on that later…

I had actually decided a while back that I would probably be moving back to Tucson but put off telling a lot of people that was my actual decision because I have a problem with commitment. I don’t like when things are set in stone because then I can’t change my mind every five seconds and continue to keep worrying and stressing about it. Like I said before, I don’t do well with big decisions. In fact, I hadn’t told my Coach until this past Wednesday. Nothing like last minute, eh?. I finally realized though that the indecision was doing me no good and actually, it’s harmful. I need to believe that I’m doing the right thing and that I am 100% convinced that I will be successful and in order for me to adopt that mindset I can’t be filling my mind with doubt. So, Tucson it is. In all actuality, it comes down to a gut feeling. It feels right just like it felt right when I made the decision to go to school there 10 years ago and yet still agonized over that decision for months and months. But guess what? That was the smartest career decision I could have ever made and there has not been one millisecond of regret ever. EVER. I am banking on that being the case the second time around.

I mentioned that being inducted into the Hall of Fame had a lot to do with my decision to move back. When I first heard I was going to be inducted, I was pleasantly surprised. Not that I didn’t think it would happen sooner or later, but sooner came the first year I was eligible and that did surprise me a bit. It’s a huge honor—one that I don’t think I even fully grasped until I was out there this weekend. But what it made me do was really reflect. I was able to think about why I was receiving this honor and what made it possible for me to become that person that was deserving of it.

When I look at my career as it stands now, I wouldn’t necessarily say that I am extremely satisfied. I reached a certain level of success in college and I really haven’t come that close since. Because the last 5 years have been such a struggle, I really don’t ever take the time to remember what was, since I am so focused on what I have yet to accomplish. But being inducted made me reflect. I had to. I had to give a speech and tell all these people about my experience as an athlete at Arizona and how it contributed to my success and it’s during that thought process when I really realized that all that made me successful is right there in front of me. I didn’t start my collegiate career with these grandiose plans of being a star athlete, but I ended up being taught how to believe in myself and turn that belief into success. You will never be able to be a Champion until you see yourself as one. That’s exactly what I learned in college and that is what made me a great athlete. So why not go back to that? To the person who instilled that in me, to the program that I believe took me from mediocre to way above average, and to the place where it all began. So while I stood up there and talked about all my great experiences as a collegiate athlete and the reasons why I believe becoming a Wildcat was the best decision I ever made, I also reaffirmed to myself why it makes all the sense in the world to go back to that. So here’s to round two…Arizona here I come!