My so-called FABULOUS life

Don't Be Sorry...

2012-02-13T07:41:00.000-08:00

There is no denying I've had a rough start to my 2012 season. I mean…I could deny it, but too many darn people know how to use the internet these days. Unfortunately this past weekend in New York was not the turnaround I had hoped for and after the meet I was just so darn frustrated that I was forced to do the only thing that made sense at the time…devour a cheeseburger, fries, and milkshake.

(sidenote: This random, hole in the wall, total dive of a place was located inside the uber-swanky Le Parker Meridian Hotel that we were staying at. It was literally hidden behind a curtain with no markings at all besides that tacky florescent hamburger with an arrow. All they served were burgers, fries, and shakes. Perfect. Why it was there, I have no idea. But seriously, one of the best hamburgers I've ever had.)

All jokes aside, it's a tough place to find myself in. I have big plans for this year and I know that the task in front of me is no easy one. I had hoped to start off strong this indoor season and continue to build on that foundation. But four meets in and I'm not anywhere near where I should be. Earlier today I was speaking with a trusted confidant about what my results were in my last few competitions and how New York capped off a completely lackluster indoor campaign. He responded with…"I'm sorry."

And as much as I wanted to go there...feeling sorry for myself, allowing my frustrations to build, beginning to get down about the state of my season thus far... I won't. So I told him the only time you need to say sorry is if I wake up on July 2nd and I'm not an Olympian. That's my goal for this year, that's what I write down each and every day when I wake up and before I go to bed to remind myself what I'm working towards, and ultimately that's all that matters to me in 2012. Yes, I want to do well during my competitions in February. Yes, I want to feel confident in my training and preparation thus far in the season. But if that's not what I'm experiencing, then I'll use this feedback to make the changes I need to make. But I won't be sorry. And neither should you...

Quick update...

2012-02-03T08:37:00.001-08:00

For some reason, my friends and family just don't seem to think that a quick status update or a tweet contains enough information about the happenings of my competitions and experiences in Europe. They really can be quite demanding of me sometimes. So, to update them as well as the rest of y'all, here is a quick recap of my life over the last couple of days...

*my forehead still hurts and there is still a noticeable lump. (see blog below for further information.)

*I competed in a small competition in Linz, Austria last night. The good news is I won. The other news is all my jumps were just consistently average... but the good news in that is that they were consistent. I'm working hard on finding the silver lining in things these days. Most importantly though, is that I enjoyed myself competing and I know that ultimately I'm ready to jump far once things start timing up better, which would be awesome if that could happen Sunday.

*I landed in Russia today for a competition on Sunday. All I want to share about the trip so far is that it is -20 degrees outside. Please make sure you grasp the negative I included there. We walked outside the airport because we were told the van was "pulling up" and it didn't actually show up for 5 minutes. I learned a couple things--leggings might as well be fishnet stockings for all the good they do to combat weather, and the $50 coat I bought that seemed like it was really warm, is probably missing some of the material that makes coats functional in weather like this. I was seriously debating doing jumping jacks or high knees in place to keep warm. It's two hours later and I'm still shivering.

*the show I downloaded on my iPad for this trip is called Downton Abby and I'm hooked already. This has been the highlight of my trip since it's too bloody cold to walk outside and see the sights.

Thats it for now. Please continue to pray for me...

Ouch!!

2012-02-01T04:21:00.001-08:00

I have a hard time sleeping soundly, especially when I've crossed 37 time zones and my body doesn't know AM from PM any longer. I virtually miss a whole days sleep on my way to Europe, I'm supposed to stay up all day once I get there to try and acclimate myself even though I feel like the walking dead and my eyelids close for 3.7 seconds each blink, and when I do finally make it to bedtime more tired than is humanly possible and expect myself to sleep for at least 17 hours straight, I'll wake up 3 hours later with absolutely no intention of dozing back to sleep. It's an awful feeling because you know your body needs the rest, but you have absolutely no idea how to give it what it craves.

For me, I've found that my only hope is trying to drug myself. For a few nights post travel, I take ambien in hopes of finding my Z's. The sissy stuff...melatonin, Tylenol pm, counting sheep, warm milk...won't do anything except give me false hope. Ambien will surely knock me out, and if I'm lucky I will stay that way uninterrupted for the next 8 hours or so.

Last night started off beautifully. Unfortunately, in my effort to properly hydrate myself after my long travel, my body's need to relieve itself took over the strong effects of my drugs. So I woke up. Kind of. I probably would have never recalled my middle of the night interruption had I not woken up this morning with an intense pain on my forehead and a huge lump to accompany it. "what in the world?!... I thought. But then it vaguely came back to me... I had got up to use the restroom and I had ran into a wall. Being in a new environment in pitch black darkness, one might think that I progressed cautiously with my hands in front feeling the way. But no. My forehead surely found the corner of the wall first, and it was brutal. It must have hurt at the time but I guess I made the decision to not acknowledge it so that I could hurry back to sleep and not waste my drugs. It worked. Now my head just really hurts...

Don't Ask...

2012-01-23T08:45:00.000-08:00

I've come a long way since college in how I deal with disappointing performances. There was a time back in my younger years where my friends and family would tremble in fear if they had to be around me after I had performed poorly. I was the type of person that took competition seriously and always expected the most out of myself, so when I didn't live up to my expectations it made me angry. I then thought it was my responsibility to make everyone around me suffer through my emotions until an appropriate amount of time had passed and I had thoroughly milked the disappointment for all it was worth.

Well, luckily, I've grown up. To an extent. I do have such a better perspective on how to view competitions and I have come to realize that living in the past does absolutely nothing for your future. Sometimes you simply have a bad day. It's a fact of life. Other times you screw up and the best you can do is learn from it in order for it to make you better in the future. But when you sulk, throw a fit, and make yourself a living hell to be around, all you do is make yourself and those around you miserable for no reason.

Like I said, I've grown up a lot. What used to be two days of sulking, is now down to about 20 minutes. I accept that it wasn't my day, I try to objectively analyzed what happened to the best of my ability, and then I put it behind me. But what I have not grown out of is my dislike of chatting about disappointing performances. I hate it. To this day, if someone asks "How'd it go?" , when it didn't go well, they will get a rolling of the eyes, a mumbling under my breath, and a quick change of subject. I expect those close to me to learn that cue and quickly move on. If you'd like to avoid that awkwardness, my suggestion is to investigate beforehand whether or not I would be pleased with my performance and decide after that to ask how it went at your own risk. The only reason I want to discuss it at all is if it's with someone who can actually help me figure out some things. But just to sit and chit chat about why I sucked that day? Not my thing.

So if you were planning on asking me how my opening weekend went, don't bother. I am giving you the proverbial eye roll and muttering under my breath. I'm not mad about it, I'm no longer obsessing about it, but one thing is for sure--I don't want to talk about it. :)

Undercover Supporters

2012-01-17T05:00:00.000-08:00

The following comments were left by a fan of mine on three separate posts yesterday. Someone who thinks I'm awful and will never accomplish any of my goals spent a good amount of time reading my blog (the posts were from different times of the year) and then wanted to share what they thought of me. To him(or her), I say thank you.

-No, you're not THAT important as you are only known because you've gotten a link to T&FN. I follow the sport and can't think of anything that you've done that was significant, for if you did I would know about it.

-You are not going to make it to London, that is certain. Many try and after all these years, it's clear that you don't have it. Nothing personal, just a fact. Anyone who wastes as much time as you do on a silly meaningless blog is not putting her energy into the right places. Having confidence is one thing, but you've gone overboard and unfortunately your friends aren't real friends because they would tell you. How sad. Fabulous life?

-I am not Tobias, but you really make too much out of yourself and bring it on yourself. It's not THAT hard but you want people to think so. I know many top athletes who work WAY harder than you and complain less. I live in Michigan btw, come and visit if you want a REAL workout. Btw, you are not that important but you surely want to believe it to justify your actions.

Any time someone leaves a comment on my blog, I read it. If I wasn't willing to accept the feedback then I may as well have a diary stashed under my bed. I am always grateful for the people who acknowledge my random thoughts, who give me words of encouragement, and who provide different forms of motivation, sometimes in the most unknowing ways. The only thing that took some time getting used to, is the motivation that came in the form of negative comments. At first it used to ruffle my feathers something fierce and I would be appalled at the audacity of some folks to take time out of their lives to write rude and unjustifiable comments anonymously. The anonymous part is what got me most of all. Sure, you don't have to think I'm the best thing since sliced bread, but if you want to tell me how UN-awesome I am, the least you can do is sign your name to it. Own it. But more often than not, haters on the web don't work that way. They come up with their own reasons why you will fail or why you shouldn't try, and they feel it's their duty to share it with you. But now I've learned to be grateful for my anonymous' commenters. I read their comments and I don't bat an eyelash. I love the fact that I remain unaffected by people who don't believe in me, because it shows me how much I've grown to believe in myself and how that belief has deepened over the years, regardless of what I have or have not accomplished, and regardless of what anyone else may think--good or bad. I don't gain my confidence from anyone else so it would certainly make no sense for me to lose it over anyone either.

I learned a long time ago that you only need two people to believe in you in order to accomplish something. You and God. Anybody else is icing on the cake…and in my world, anyone who doesn't is the cherry.

Forms of Torture

2012-01-11T05:30:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was proud of myself for doing something I hardly ever do. I quit. A workout, that is. I just stopped midway through, walked back to my bag and took off my spikes, then marched myself right into the training room. You would think this would be an easy decision to make, but i assure you it's not. Not for me, at least. For most athletes there is a fine line between being smart and being dumb. I have strained my hamstring plenty of times and if I really was being honest, I always knew before it happened that it was going to happen. You feel something and you ignore it. (Oh that's nothing, just a little tightness…) Then you feel it again and you convince yourself that you can manage it. (I just won't push it too hard…) Then your body goes ahead and forces you to do what it tried asking you nicely to do in the first place. Stop. (Oops. There goes my hamstring….)

This time I chose to listen to my body willingly and I stopped before it made me. So instead of running 150's, I got poked and prodded, I got cupped, and then I got electrocuted. I am not making this up. If the training room is starting to sound like some sort of torture chamber, you aren't far from the truth. A lot of times we spend time putting ourselves through pain purposefully so we don't have to suffer pain that is going to set us back. Ice baths….deep tissue massage…foam rolling…needles…graston…electric stim…and my new favorite: cupping.

Does that look at all pleasant to you? Seriously, who came up with this crazy idea anyway?! But the point is, I choose to have this done and many other unpleasant things, so that I don't have to sit around for a week or two not doing anything. I do all of the above mentioned things so that I can use as many days as possible for putting my body through type of torture I enjoy. Training.

2012 is HERE!

2012-01-04T09:16:00.000-08:00

I wish I had more things I needed to write the date on. I remember being in school and always screwing up the date for the first two months of the year change until it finally stuck. Of course I don't want to go back to writing essays, but you get the point. I also have no idea where my checkbook even is so that wouldn't be a date writing option either. But regardless of my inability to practice writing the date, if there is one thing my brain knows, its that 2012 is here. And there is no way I'm forgetting it.

The crazy thing about 2012 is that it's ALREADY here and it's FINALLY here, both at the same time. I remember how I felt four years ago, thinking to myself how far away this year seemed and how I wasn't sure I had four more years in me to try again to accomplish my goal. Now that it's actually here, it's crazy that I'm not waiting for it to get here anymore.

I think one of the hardest things about having the goal of "being an Olympian" is that in my sport you only get that opportunity one day every four years to try. That's it. In essence you are working for 1,459 days straight so that you can have the opportunity to do your best on day 1,460. And while you may do a lot of other great things with the four years in between and accomplish a whole bunch of amazing feats, you're still keenly aware of that ultimate goal you hope to accomplish.

I know everyone has goals…dreams…aspirations…desires…hopes…what have you. Some people get day after day to try again to accomplish theirs, and others may never really have that chance. For myself and for this particular goal I have been waiting since 2008 for it to be 2012 so that I can put everything I have to give on day 1,460. That day is now just around the corner.

2012 is here. I'm excited.

2011 Recap

2011-12-31T11:40:00.000-08:00

At the beginning of 2011, I made a conscious effort to spell out my goals in black and white for the whole world to see. As I sit here on the last day of 2011, I thought it would be important to revisit my list and see how I fared. (You can click on the section titles if you'd like to read the goals in their entirety)

My professional goals:

-Be a consistent competitor (read: pep talks and new PR!)
-Have a successful Outdoor National Championships. (read: nationals recap)
-Perform well at the World Championships in Daegu. (read: the start of world championships)

Grade: D-
I must say that I didn't do so hot on my professional goals this year. Yes, I jumped far…further than I have ever jumped in my life and that is a total positive. But, I don't think I made consistency my middle name this past year and I definitely screwed up at Nationals which prevented me from even going to Worlds. That was a HUGE disappointment.

My spiritual goals:

-Complain less. (read: answered prayer)
-Give more. (read: high school track)
-Stay focused on what's important. (read: an offering)

Grade: B
I definitely think that this last year I have experienced a ton of spiritual growth and that has allowed me to really have a better perspective on a lot of things. I definitely have given more in time, talents, and treasures and I feel good about that. I'm headed in a good direction. I am not a perfect angel, but I can spot a faint halo in picture at times.

My relationship goals:

-Ask God to continue to work on the woman that I am, so that someone will want to catch a grenade for me. (read: coincidences)
-Be nicer to people. (read: encounters)
-Learn to love. (read: true love)

Grade: C+
Ok…so nobody has actually volunteered to catch that grenade yet, but I do think that God has worked on me this past year. More than anything He's made it clear to me the kind of relationship He wants for me and I'm content to wait for that. I also make everyone I go on a date with to take the love languages test so that I can be aware of their love language. :) Outside of my romantic relationships, I have become nicer. I hope.

Overall, I'm wouldn't say that I accomplished everything I wanted to this past year, but I like the idea that I can see quite clearly where I made improvements and where I need to work even harder. Most of these goals will probably be making a reappearance this coming year, and hopefully by this time next year I can give myself some better grades. :/

Heaven has a new angel...

2011-12-07T16:40:00.001-08:00

A little over 11 years ago my father passed away suddenly. It was the first time I ever experienced death in an extremely personal capacity and it rocked my world. I had a half-brother who was just a toddler at that time that I mostly saw during the holidays when I was home from college. Needless to say, we never truly bonded and after my dad passed the whole dynamic was very weird and complicated. For years I didn't know how to contact him or how to be part of his life. After a while there was updates and pictures, and suddenly the boy in front of me wasn't the child I remembered, but a young man that I really didn't know, but wanted to. But like I said, it was complicated. Very much so.

Two years ago my sister was able to spend the day with him while I was in Europe over the summer. I wanted to know all about it…what was he like… was his personality like our Dad's…did he know anything about us…was it really awkward or did it seem natural. Of course it was a little awkward because he hardly knew us. A few months ago she asked if I wanted to try and hang out when I was home after my season and I nervously said yes, because I wanted to get the awkward part over with so we could be the family that we should be. But it never happened.

We always think we'll have tomorrow to do something. Next month to make it happen. The following year to see things through. But we aren't promised any of that.

Yesterday I was having lunch with my best friend and out of the blue she asked me about my brother. "Oh, I was supposed to see him a couple months ago but it didn't happen. Maybe soon, I hope, but it's a really complicated situation." A mere 20 minutes later my sister called to tell me our brother passed away from complications from a severe asthma attack.

I don't try to understand the why of death, because sometimes it's just more then my comprehension allows. But I do firmly believe that the grief is ours--those of us who are still here and wanting more of the relationship we feel we didn't get enough of, the memories we thought we could still make, and the time we felt we had to make everything better. CJ was only 14 years old, but his purpose on earth had been fulfilled so he was called home to be with our Dad and with his heavenly father. I know that. But I didn't ever think that I would only have this short time to do everything in my power to make sure I knew him as best I could. I didn't make the most of it because I thought I had tomorrow.

So I'm grieving. Crazy as it may seem, our heart knows who our family is.

Always a Competitor

2011-11-21T05:00:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I went to a Baby Shower. And yes, I'm typically the girl that enjoys baby showers as much as I do grocery shopping--a necessary evil that sometimes just has to be done whether you feel like it or not. But every once in a while--like when Trader Joes is handing out free samples and I run by and grab 3 and feel like I got a whole snack for free--I enjoy myself more than I thought I would. My friend Bianca's shower would fall in that category. It was gorgeous, the food was amazing, I had a great time hanging with my friends, and they actually got creative with the games and livened it up a bit. This totally made up for the amount of times I had to oohhh and ahhhh over a set of bibs or clap over a bag of diapers.

They did stick to one old faithful baby shower game though. You know the one…when you walk in you're handed something--a safety pin, a necklace, etc. --and every time someone says the word "baby" you get to take theirs and by the end of the party whoever has confiscated the most WINS. As soon as I was handed my beads, the first words out of my mouth were "ugh. I hate BABY shower games. I always lose at these stupid things." And just like that, a mere 5 SECONDS after the game had begun, I had lost my beads. Or so I thought…

Because they were still in the process of handing out beads, it was determined I could keep mine and the game would officially begin after everyone had theirs. Awesome. So about 5 minutes later I catch someone else saying the forbidden word and score my first pair of additional beads. And that right there, ladies and gentleman, is where the tide turned. This was now a competition and I had decided I wanted to win it. So, for the next 3 hours I carefully thought out every sentence before it came out of my mouth, eavesdropped on conversations I wasn't a part of, and plotted my way to victory. There was not one moment of that party where I wasn't aware of the competition I was involved in. Why? Because I like winning. Because I love competition. And because once I set my mind to something, there really isn't anything that can deter me.

If at this point in the story you think I may be exaggerating just a tad, I will just add this one, last detail. As Bianca was opening her first gift, I was sitting there with a smile plastered on my face, listening closely. She pulls the gift from the wrapping, shrieks with excitement, has a tear that is just beginning to roll down her cheek, and before she is even finished exclaiming what it was, I have jumped up and accosted her. It was a BABY________. To tell you the truth, I don't even remember what the gift was, because I had stopped listening. Yes, I ruined the first gift, of her first shower, for her first baby. :/

But I won. (hopefully she forgives me.)

In case you are wondering, I won a Starbucks gift card. Icing on top of the cake.

Losing a Team Member

2011-11-14T05:00:00.000-08:00

Training at the Olympic Training Center has numerous advantages that go far beyond the cool photo ops you see displayed in the previous post. We are provided with a team of people to help us be our best, all at no cost to us. If there was a cost to me, most of these benefits would probably be things I would have to do without, but that's why I train here and why I am extremely blessed to be able to do so. There is literally a team of people all working extremely hard to afford me the ability to do my best, by giving their best. Out of all of the people and resources I have available to me... from coaching, to strength training, to a medical staff, to a nutritionist, down to a driver when I need to go to the airport, by far the most valuable and useful to me over the last three years I have been here has been my Sports Psychologist. Hands Down. No questions asked.

In fact, last year I wrote a post specifically about the invaluable help I had found in Dr. Ross Flowers in a post I aptly titled Head Help. Take a second to read it if you don't remember, but the gist of it was how I had come to learn that the mental side of training is so important, and I truly believe it makes all the difference in the world. It is a process though, not only realizing the value of working on this aspect of your preparation, but also the trust and confidence that develops in the relationship you build with your Sports Psychologist over time. For me, this was huge. In the three years I have been training at the OTC I've had the initial coach I moved down there to work with, to working with nobody at all, to this last year beginning work with a new coach that was a bit of a struggle for me. But through all those changes, I had the one constant in my support team that helped me manage any situation and continued to work towards helping me become the athlete I want to be. That constant was Dr. Ross.

So, imagine my shock when last week we were told by the USOC that Dr. Ross would no longer be a part of our team at the Olympic Training Center, effective immediately. In his place, they were happy to give us the number to a guy that lives across the country that would be willing to talk with us. And that was it.

I don't know the story behind all of this, and it's probably not my business to know. Like I said at the beginning, I don't pay the salary of the team that supports me. But what I do know is that at the beginning of training for the 2012 Olympic Season, I have lost what I believe to be an integral part of my support, and that saddens me tremendously. I have said this many times before, but it bears repeating here-- what matters most at this stage of competition is the strength you have between your ears. I learned that quite convincingly the year I jumped well and had NO coach, mostly because I had Ross helping me figuring out how to be the athlete I already am. Does everybody need this type of help? Maybe not, but I know that I do and I'm happy to admit it. So with all the work that I planned on doing this year technically improving myself, I knew that I would spend just as much energy continuing to improve on the part that I believe makes the most difference. I'll still have to do that, but without the help of my team. It's unfortunate.

**photo from U.S. nationals in 2009

Inspired

2011-11-10T09:10:00.001-08:00

Imagine.

Imagine if every day you had a constant reminder of your biggest goal plastered on the wall in front of you. Imagine if you pulled up to work and saw image upon image of people who have aspired to accomplish what you do and have achieved it. Imagine if every time you were finding it hard to stay motivated for the task at hand, you could take a look around you and instantly be energized to continue working hard to the best of your ability. Imagine if the ultimate symbol of your dream was not something that you just thought of in your head, but was literally everywhere you looked.

I don't have to imagine because this is my reality.

I train at the Olympic Training Center, and to be able to do so is a huge honor and blessing for a myriad of reasons. But perhaps something that can be easily overlooked, is just how inspiring it is to be in a place plastered with Olympic rings and american flags all around you. It's not that I don't wake up every day knowing why I'm here, what I'm doing this for, or how important my goal is to me, but having this constant affirmation is helpful. In fact, it's a gift.

Here are just a few pictures I snapped yesterday while I was walking around my workplace...

Encounters

2011-11-07T08:00:00.000-08:00

In between the torrential downpours of Friday and the gloomy wetness of Sunday, we were blessed with a glorious sunny Saturday in San Diego. It was your typical perfect day for this time of year when you live in an area such as this and I was determined to enjoy it with a trip to Balboa Park and have some good old fashioned solitary time with my nose in a book. This is my idea of the perfect afternoon. I live just three blocks away so I was making my way up the hill when I came across a man in a wheelchair. As I got closer I saw him fishing something out of his pocket and when he called out to me he was waving a dollar bill.

"Excuse me miss, would you mind pushing me up the hill? I'll give you a dollar?"

Mark was in a wheelchair because he had broken both of his legs and they were sticking out straight in front of him in two casts. From the looks of it, it also seemed as if he spent the majority of his time on the streets. I assured Mark that I didn't need the dollar because he was actually helping me out. I hadn't done a workout for the day, and some good resistance training seemed like a pretty awesome workout to me. It was a win, win. He laughed loudly at this, but continued to offer his dollar as a thank you.

By the time we reached the top of the hill Mark began to talk. And talk. And talk some more. We covered everything from the precious time he spent with his Dad fishing, to his time in the war, to how he volunteers at the Veteran's Center talking with soldiers dealing with PTSD, to his buddy Jim, to his tattoos and what they all mean (as well as up close views once he wiggled his shirt off), to Fort Bragg, to his childhood, and everything in between. Sometimes he laughed loudly and other times he'd cry unexpectedly, but more than anything he just kept talking.

Not all of it made sense but I don't necessarily blame that on Mark's inability to always form coherent thoughts, as much as I think it was him trying to get it all out. His stories. His life. Him. In the middle of the conversation he stopped and said, "you know what I like the most? You just standing here talking to me. Us just being able to talk. Nobody really does that." But before I could respond he was telling me another story.

I am not the chit chat with strangers type. Anybody that knows me will tell you that. I hate small talk and I avoid awkward conversations as much as possible. But there I was an hour later still listening to the same stories be re-told because I realized it made someone else happy to be able to share his stories with me. When it was time for me to finally get going I asked if there was anything he would like me to remember to pray about for him and all he said was, "No, I'm ok. Just pray for the soldiers coming home."

This has nothing to do with anything except that sometimes the encounters that don't seem like anything seem to leave the biggest impression and teach you the most valuable lessons. Of course I prayed for Mark, but I also prayed that I could learn to be more like him in a lot of ways.

Numbers Don't Lie

2011-10-31T05:00:00.000-07:00

This weekend I went to Vegas. You might be waiting in anxious anticipation for photos to appear documenting the wild times to be had in such a city over Halloween weekend, but I'm sorry to say that I have nothing to share in that regard. To be fair, I'm sure the city was quite wild and in my younger days I would have loved to be right in the thick of it, but while my signs of aging don't take the form of grey hairs or sagging chins, they definitely are starting to reveal themselves when I think of having to miss out on sleep, listening to music entirely too loud, and aching feet for no good reason.

But I wasn't in Vegas to party so I felt okay being the Grandma. A group of athletes and coaches were there for the annual USATF jumps summit, and one of the things that stood out to me during a particular presentation was the idea that what we are doing on the elite level of our sport is trying to achieve performances that are on the edge of human achievement. We are trying to accomplish things that are pretty much the best of what is capable from a human being at this point. At the very least we are trying to accomplish better marks than anyone competing in this day and age-- sometimes it's hard to compete with the 80's. So, instead of hitting the strip, I studied numbers. Specifically all the numbers I need to change so that I can be a better jumper than I was last year, and do everything I can possibly do to be a better jumper than anyone else lacing up their spikes this season. And because i know you're dying to know all this crazy, exciting information is that I was dissecting, I'll share a little bit with you.

I need to elongate my 2nd to last step by about 0.2 centimeters… (Some of you novices thought all I needed to worry about was hitting the board, huh? I wish.) When I correct these stride length issues in my last few steps while I am running as fast as I possibly can, I need to figure out a way at takeoff to be on the board approximately .04 seconds longer… After I actually leave the ground, my vertical velocity needs to be at least 1 meter per second more than it currently is… This will hopefully cause my angle of takeoff to increase by 7-10%, which will make my center of mass travel of further distance, thereby making me a phenomenal jumper. The end.

To me, this is great news. I know. I have real data telling me what I need to do to be the best. When I wake up every day and go to practice I have clear objectives in mind on what I'm trying to accomplish and work towards. Of course I don't have the time (nor do you probably care to read), explaining how I go about trying to fix my problem areas, but this is what you focus on when you are concerned with the difference between eating from a cereal box and being on one. ( <--- stole that last line but I sure do love it!)

Team iPhone

2011-10-24T06:00:00.000-07:00

I've been loyal since 2006. And in that time period I've always maintained that it was the smarter choice… the choice that made the most sense--all things considered. I compete on six different continents and I need to be connected as much as I can. Traveling as we do, it is imperative that we have a way to communicate that isn't going to break the bank. So I was always Team Blackberry. I had BBM… I had access to my emails for a mere $20 extra per month… I could type easier on a keyboard… And that's about it. But like I said, I'm loyal. So as all my civilian friends made the switch and bragged about how cool their Iphone was, I reminded them that I had blackberry messenger.

But it just so happened that my Blackberry began to show signs of death at the same time I started seeing commercials for the new iPhone. It was time to get real with myself. Did I really want to sign my life away for two more years with a phone just because it had a keyboard? I mean, I love apple products. I have a Mac and an iPad and they bring me a whole lot of joy. I knew I would love the iPhone as well, but it would mean breaking up with my team and switching allegiances. What would my Blackberry friends think of me?

Turns out I might have lost some friends but I gained a very important new one. Her name is Siri and she is my own personal assistant that comes with my new phone. I also now have the best camera I've ever had and the ability to shoot HD video. How cool is that? Cooler than a keyboard, let me tell you. So yes, I am team iPhone now. I realize nobody will talk to me while I'm overseas and I will be scrambling constantly trying to find a wifi signal so I can use my phone and not sell my kidney to do it, but it is worth it. My phone is finally cool. If any of my old teammates are considering it, I would highly suggest you do. There is strength in numbers.

Four Years Later...

2011-10-20T05:00:00.000-07:00

This is an anniversary blog of sorts. Four years ago I started a blog. You can read my very first entry here,, in case you are curious and you don't happen to be one of my five original readers. I introduced myself and shared why I wanted to document such an important time of my life. 2008! It was an Olympic year and my dream was to be an Olympian. I wanted the opportunity to not only share with my friends and family what the experience was like for me, but also give myself a way to remember. The plan was for the blog to have a years worth of memories detailed and documented, and it was all going to culminate in me making the Olympic Team. The End.

If it were only that simple...

Four years ago I thought I was closing in on the defining moments of my career. I felt that my time had finally come and that I had grown enough and learned enough to be the athlete that I always knew I could be. Thank God it was happening at just the right time because as we all know, getting the opportunity to become an Olympian doesn't happen very often. But as most of you probably know, my story didn't end up as I had planned it. Instead of having my defining moment, I had surgery. Instead of making my way to China wearing USA proudly on my chest, I sat around for four months in my friends guest room and tried to figure out what else to do with my life. I had planned on using this blog to document my journey to the Olympics in 2008, but instead I had to settle for documenting my life as it actually happened.

It's crazy to read that first entry from four years ago and see myself right back in that same place. It is the start of the 2012 season and I am still documenting my journey with the same goal in mind. It is an Olympic year and I want to be an Olympian. I want to share with my friends and my family what the experience is like for me, but now I have a lot more friends who are checking in to see what the journey is all about. Mostly I want to give myself a way to remember. If I have learned anything over the last four years, it is that the journey is what matters most of all. Sure, I'm still just a girl with a dream and an incredible goal that I believe in, but the woman I have become in the last four years is so tied up in the journey I've been on. Luckily for me I have a lot of it documented here on the pages of my so-called fabulous life. (Lord knows I have an awful memory.)

So, here we are four years later. Thanks for coming along for the ride.

Back on the Bandwagon

2011-10-18T17:37:00.000-07:00

My blogging has been slacking lately. Of course it's not my fault. If we are going to blame anybody, let's blame Cox Cable who has taken over a week to give me internet in my new apartment. Please forward all your dissatisfaction letters to them. Speaking of my new apartment, I am extremely happy with it. Yes, I can hear each and every plane as it flies into the airport, but I think that adds character. At least that is what I'm telling myself. Here is a picture of my new digs...it's technically a 1 bedroom, but let's be happy I live by alone.

Since my internet is now up and running and I have no other good excuses besides laziness to not blog regularly, what I'd like to do is get your input. What are you hoping to see blogged about in this upcoming year of my so-called fabulous life? What things do you find interesting? What things make you start snoring mid sentence? How often are you woken up in the middle of the night in anticipation of what might be written on the blog? I need to know.

The Search

2011-09-30T10:33:00.000-07:00

My life is in a bit of a funk right now. Sometimes I feel like at the ripe old age of 31 I should have it a little more together and not feel so behind the curve. But I don't. It's frustrating to feel like you know exactly what you want and purposefully be looking for it-- with your list of perfect features, your non-negotiables, and what you just know in your heart will make you happy and content--but you can never seem to find it. More than anything I want to feel settled. I don't want to feel like I compromise too much simply because it feels like I'm running out of time and the ticking clock keeps getting louder and louder.

If you are curious, here is a short list of things I think are important to me…

*Appearance: I don't need jaw dropping, but I would like to be impressed.

*Personality: I'm a little unique and quirky, so I kind of think I need the same.

*Location: Not too close, but not too far away so it's inconvenient.

*Size: Of course that's relative.

*Respect what I do: I will be here for 9 months, and then I'm going to be gone for what I hope to be the most important summer of my life. Flexibility is the name of the game.

As with most things in life, I guess I'll just know when it's right. But in my heart I'm hoping for the fairytale…that butterfly feeling you get immediately deep in your gut when you just know that the search is finally over.

Seriously though... I really hate apartment hunting.

:)

My Summer Internship Experience

2011-09-15T11:34:00.000-07:00

The past few weeks have been a severe departure from my normal routine. That's actually saying a lot because my normal routine is a far cry from "normal" to begin with. It's also probably true that my routine has much more in common with the average working American and this has got me seriously considering trying to long jump for at least another 20 years. I guess it's always good to have reminders that make you appreciate what you are blessed to do, and I am incredibly thankful that for the past 10 years I have had the opportunity to be an athlete. But I also know that that is soon coming to an end, and in preparation for that, I decided to spend some time this offseason doing an Internship with the marketing department at a company called D.I.S.C
. , which happens to be the medical services provider for Olympic athletes. Because I got my degree in marketing back when dinosaurs roamed the earth, I thought that this would be a fairly sensible place to start tinkering to see what the working world is all about. So far, this is what I have picked up in my short time as a working woman in corporate America.

-Work days start entirely too early. While they didn't give me an exact start time and kind of let me pick my own hours, I figured it would be helpful if I showed up before the lunch break. However, I never have been a fan of mornings and it takes me a while to get going. So, even when I do wake up at a decent hour, by the time I sit around and have 2 cups of coffee, do some reading, browse the internet, and make breakfast, it basically ends up being almost lunch time and I have yet to even get ready yet--which is another hassle.

-Getting ready for work is a chore. I don't even shower in the mornings usually because all I'm doing is heading out to practice. But now my routine consists of showering, finding an outfit, doing my hair, and putting on makeup. I was thinking of asking if I could pretend to be a nurse intern and therefore just wear scrubs to work. That would be awesome.

-I own hardly any appropriate work clothes. Even though they didn't specifically say this, spandex is not appropriate for the office and neither are jeans so that takes away about 98% of my wardrobe. I usually try and throw on a skirt or dress and run down to ask my friend if it's appropriate, to which we both kind of secretly agree that it's really not but try to justify it with a string of pearls.

-It's really hard to be on a computer all day and not be on Facebook or twitter. I tried it for about 3 days before I gave in, and then I was saved when one of my tasks became setting up a twitter account for the business and doing some things with the Facebook page. Score.

-Excel spreadsheets are my enemy. I don't use excel in my everyday life, and I can't even remember if I learned how to in school because remember, that was back in the dinosaur ages. Maybe they didn't even have excel back then. But they do now and it makes me want to pull my hair out because all I really seem to accomplish is making mistakes and having things disappear when I don't mean to.

-People that work in offices don't eat enough. My first day I was starving after an hour so I went on a lunch break. But of course, that didn't keep me for the whole day. Now I just bring a whole array of snacks with me.

-In an office environment, there are a lot of meetings… and conference calls… and emails.. and brainstorming sessions… and waiting for other people to agree or disagree, and then people think about it and hold off on making decisions until a later date. I think this is called "teamwork". It's a totally new concept to me and takes some getting used to.

All in all, I still have a lot to learn about working in the real world. I don't think I'm going to figure it all out in a month, but at least I get a glimpse into what it's like and what steps I need to take to compete professionally as a Masters Athlete. I kid. If nothing else, this is a line to be added to my extensive resume, and an opportunity to increase my skill set, as well as figure out what my other interests might be. It's also an excuse to go shopping…I really do need to add to my working girl wardrobe.

Working Girl

2011-09-01T04:29:00.000-07:00

After my season I usually take some time off to be a couch potato coupled with a professional twinkle eater--fried twinkles, preferably. This gives me ample time to get to the point where I'm so bored of being bored and can't stand to eat another sugar-ladened treat. At the end of this time I am itching to get training again. It's a cycle that has worked well for me for many, many years but this year I have decided to change it up a bit.

For the past week I have been striking with real MMA fighters. Not against them, of course--I'm not crazy--but on the same set as them while filming a crazy new workout video. It's been a real joy learning the difference between a crossover and an uppercut and I'm sure I've done enough pushups to last a lifetime. Thankfully, all the ab and core work was a piece of cake because of the steel abs I developed working out with the snazzy new gadget I helped promote on the infomercial I filmed the week prior. I kid… all that machine did was give me sore hip flexors and work my inner thighs. But it also gave me a paycheck, and for that I'm truly grateful. (and yes, this is the same infomercial I complained about NOT getting a few blogs down...turns out they came to their senses--or, they read my blog.)

These couple of jobs have filled my days with something to do besides channel surf, helped supplement my income during a time when I'm not able to compete, and kept me conscious of the dimple that I found on my thigh. Believe me, you become extremely body conscious when you have to be on set for 10 hours a day in short spandex shorts, a sports bra and a ton of bright lights poised to find any imperfection. I now firmly believe the camera really does add 10 pounds.

I'm also going to be starting a short internship this week that I will be sharing more about once I learn what I will actually be doing. All I know for now is that spandex is not appropriate attire, and that's a real bummer because it really is the only type of work clothes that I own. I am still crossing my fingers that they agree with me that 10am should be a good start time for the work day and that 3 meal breaks is normal, otherwise this might be a very grueling internship. I'm looking forward to the challenge though, and I am actually happy that I get to be a little productive this offseason.

The Start of World Championships

2011-08-26T11:00:00.000-07:00

Can I be honest? I've been a little sad and dejected these past couple of days. My event at World Champs starts tomorrow and here I am sitting on the couch eating bon bons for breakfast. Of course that's not true…but only because I forgot to buy some when I was at the store. The truth is, I had been on my emotional rollercoaster over the summer season but when i returned home from Europe I had made peace with the idea that my season was probably over at the beginning of August. I was looking forward to spending time with my friends and family and having some summer left to enjoy stateside. And all that happened and I was in a good space. But then I started reading articles about the championships, and seeing pictures of the village, and reading everyone's tweets about the buildup to competition and it hit me. Hard. I'm not there but I should be.

I feel like the girl sitting at home the night of her prom while everyone is out having the time of their lives. Except this is not because anyone didn't invite me, because being able to go was purely up to me.

Despite all these depressing emotions, I feel like it's a good thing that I care so much and I do plan on watching as much of the event as I can over the next week, whether it stings a little or not. Disappointment can be a great motivator. I want to make sure I use this fuel all next year so that when it comes time to secure my spot for London, I am fully committed and capable of doing what I need to do so that I'm not sitting at home stuffing my face with bon bons when I should be representing my country on the biggest stage possible and proudly competing to the best of my ability.

Until then, I need to make a quick run to the store...

Rejection

2011-08-15T10:50:00.000-07:00

When it comes right down to it, I really am a humble gal about most things. I don't walk around thinking I'm the best thing since sliced bread and telling everyone in earshot how fabulous I am unless I'm at home and my little sister needs reminding. When it comes to anything concerning physical appearance, it's far to subjective to consider yourself superior in pretty much any category, and if you live in Southern California, the absolute capitol of Superficialdom, you can easily look around at any point and time and find someone who has a better this, a bigger or smaller that, and a far better defined anything, EXCEPT, in my case, ABDOMINAL SECTION.

I have a pretty amazing midsection if you tend to be partial towards stomachs that are defined and ripped. And I realize that there are plenty of people that aren't, and that's totally okay. It doesn't really negate the fact that that is what mine looks like. It's pretty much fact rather than opinion. You might think that sounds incredibly arrogant, but I assure you it's not. Once I'm done competing I plan on flattening it out just a bit if possible and laying off the Ninja Turtle look, so it's not my optimal stomach, and besides, the fact that I carry such little body fat is directly proportional to the sad truth that I don't have fat lumps on other parts of my body where I reaaaaallly wish I did. So, I promise you there is no reason whatsoever to be jealous.

All that to say that last week I put out on social media that I was going in for a casting for some ab infomercial where they needed background people with "ripped, defined abs." I was already pre-selected to be seen through my agency, because I just don't believe in going to open, random castings when what they are looking for is so subjective. But in this case, I figured not only do they need 8 people, there just isn't really something I am more qualified for. I am pretty much a shoo in. Of course I should have remembered that one time I didn't get that commercial when they were looking for a long jumper, with curly hair, approximately 5'6, with brown skin and a dimple in her right cheek.

So, I went to the audition. i let them take pictures of me in a sports bra and shorts and then film me using their gadgety little ab machine that didn't make my abs sore AT ALL, but caused me to really take notice of my hip flexors and inner thighs. (Note to consumers: if you really want a ripped midsection, don't bother with gadgets and machines). They said they would be in contact by the end of the week to let me know if I got the job and give me all the pertinent information. That was last week and I never received a phone call.

I'm pretty sure I didn't get the job. Did they want all blondes? Was there a height requirement? Would I have made the main talent look subpar? One will never know. But I just have a hard time believing that 8 people walked into that casting with more "ripped, and defined" abs than me. But then again, this is Southern California, and maybe I haven't been looking around hard enough.

End of Season

2011-08-06T12:41:00.000-07:00

I'm back in the good ol' U S of A now and my trip home signifies the end of the 2011 season for me. I'd like to say I went out with a bang, but the truth is it was more like a handheld sparkler than a fireworks show. The reason for that is nothing more than the fact that I was at the end of a five week span that saw me do 10 competitions in 7 different countries. In fact, during one eight day time period I somehow fit in four competitions. To say the least, my body was understandably wiped out. That is not the type of schedule you would draw up for peak performances, but it is the kind of schedule you make work when you know that these five weeks will be the last opportunity you have to go out and work for a very long time.

What I will say, however, is that I left Europe far better than I arrived--and that is true in both performance and attitude. I came to Europe probably in the best shape of my life and I couldn't do anything with it because mentally I was still the #1 guest at my very own pity party. But thankfully, I realized soon enough that that party was a real drag. Truth be told, if I could have stayed in Europe another month and done 10 more competitions I totally would have. Athlete's always like to say how they can't wait to come home but home for me right now doesn't seem all that great, and the gelato isn't nearly as good. Over the years I have really come to appreciate competing and living in Europe and all that being away from home has to offer… for the most part. There are a few things, however, that I am glad I will not have to deal with for a while.

Here is a list of my top 10 things I won't miss.

10. Lukewarm drinks. Nothing is cold and ice doesn't exist… so there you go.

9. The worst internet connections. Ever. There were literally times I would wait 15 min for a page to load.

8. European breakfast. Scrambled egg soup, hard bread, and mushrooms?! Eww. In fact, at one hotel this was ALL that was offered. And yes, you could bounce that roll off a wall.

7. Siesta time (in some countries) during the day and Sundays when all of civilization just shuts down. I'm used to what you want, when you want it, mentality. If I forget to eat lunch before 13:00 (that's 1 for the yanks) or don't go to the grocery store before Saturday, I end up with starvation as my only option.

6. The non-existence of lines. We are not a herd of animals and I stick out like a sore thumb, so please get behind me and wait your turn.

5. Cold, rainy weather. It's summer, but the majority of time I got ready for competitions dressed like this..

4. Smoking. Everybody. Everywhere

3. Sandwiches, especially when that is the only thing offered at airports. Hard bread, one slice of the most thinly sliced meat you can imagine, and butter.

2.
Beds not made for full-sized human beings and put so close together that you should be married to the person sleeping next to you, but instead it's a person who doesn't speak your language and prefers to be a nudist all day. (sorry…can't include picture of nudist)

1. The Euro. And all other forms of currency I encountered, that put my measly American dollar to shame and forced me to dread conversion calculations.

That being said, the things I actually enjoy and appreciate about being able to live and work on another continent would make a much longer list than this one. I'm bummed to be home, and I am even more bummed that it is going to be many, many months before I get to compete again. But, everything happens for a reason and I plan on making the most of my time off. Mostly eating.

My First Street Meet

2011-08-01T01:05:00.000-07:00

Let's get the important details out of the way…

I chose Eye of the Tiger.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, you need to make sure you visit my Facebook fan pageonce in a while because there are times when I really could use the help of the masses. Like when i am trying to remember songs I like or convincing my mother black people don't like exploring the wilderness as much as white folks do. I digress. In reality, a more appropriate song would have been "Singing in the Rain", even though I wasn't singing and even though that song is not in the least bit motivational. The part that makes it relevant is the rain, and it's the only song I can think of with rain in the title. And if the song happens to mention cold temperatures and a nasty side wind, it would have been that much more appropriate on Saturday.

I don't know what it is about parts of Europe, but they refuse to have Summer. When we were competing they told me it was 10 degrees. I had to find someone who remembered how to do the calculation from Celsius to (stupid American)Farenheit (read: found someone with an Iphone) to find out that was a blistery 50 degrees. And did I mention the rain and the wind?!! Oh yea, lovely jumping weather.

Beyond that though, I was determined to have fun. As soon as I heard that there was a street meet for long jump in Germany, I begged my manager to change my plans and send me there instead of Budapest, which was on the same day, even though I had been wanting to visit Budapest for ages. I had been to a couple of these street meets with my pole vault buddies this summer and they were just so much fun. For starters, you are the only event and so everyone that shows up is there for you. Did I mention I do long jump? We don't ever get attention like that. There is usually a dj involved, hence me picking a song to jump to. Oh.. and beer is also often present, which adds to the festive environment and makes it enjoyable to the crowd no matter if you jump far or not, because they're basically at a party! I'm telling you… it's a blast.

As you might have guessed, I didn't actually jump far. Nevertheless, I'm glad I went. These are the kind of meets that remind you how fun this sport can be and makes you appreciate that aspect of it. Next year, I will be back, and I plan on bringing the sunshine with me.

Does this look appropriate for late July? I literally put on every item of clothing I could, and I still was freezing. Maybe it's because I'm from California.

Our competition site... so cool!!

The "thanks for coming" gift was a 2 liter beer. Gotta love Germany!

My Time in Italy

2011-07-25T03:00:00.000-07:00

I've been a busy gal. In a period of 8 days, I competed 4 times and 3 of those were over 5 days. Is that a recipe for peak performances and stellar conditions? Probably not. But I have been down that road this season, where you carefully plan out everything to a T, make sure you are getting the proper rest and recovery, eating your brussel sprouts, and ensuring your body is primed for optimal work. And as any quick internet search will tell you… it didn't work out so swell for me. So I tossed that plan out the window and decided to have some fun and eat a lot of pizza. And also try my best. As I wrote in my last blog, I really feel like I came to a point where I turned my brain around, so to speak. And ever since then I have been approaching this work in a different light. Do I take it seriously? Yea, to an extent. But there comes a point when you realize that they won't be taking you off the wait list for the Diamond League meeting in Monaco, when you have to look at the options you do have and make the most of them.

After I jumped in a small meet in Bottrop, Germany last week I headed over to Italy for three small competitions. If you know me, then you know I love me some Italy. I get to eat to my hearts content, drink an insane amount of cappucino's, and shop. Finances precluded me from doing too much of the latter, but the eating and drinking I did in abundance. Here is me in action over the last week...

A picture I took on the way to Pergine, Italy. Sometimes you stumble upon some of the most gorgeous places when you travel to these small meets. People in Italy didn't even know where this place was, but I'm glad I got the chance to visit.

I finished three books this past week. And when I read, I drink cappuccinos. And when I drink cappuccinos, I need a brioche to accompany it. necessity.

I had this exact same thing for lunch four days in a row. I was concerned that perhaps a person shouldn't consume that much pizza, so I made sure to balance it with a salad.

Lignano, Italy used to be my base in the summer. But as you can see, it's way more fitted to feeling like vacation than it is to training, which is why I now base in Germany. While I was here though, I decided to make the most of it!

Oh how i love gelato! And oh, how my tummy does not. Didn't stop me though...

What is so great about going to smaller meets, is that you feel like the big athlete. Fans in Italy are great... all the people want your autograph and to make a photo with you. It's nice to feel appreciated and to get a small dose of the Usain Bolt treatment. :)

Even though I was enjoying my time to the best of my ability, I still won 3 out of the 4 meets. Maybe if I had cut back on the gelato and pizza I would have won the fourth as well... but then I would have missed out on the gelato and pizza... hmm.

An Offering

2011-07-18T03:46:00.000-07:00

Give the act to me.
Purged of hope and ego.
Fix your attention on the soul,
Act and do it for me.

from "The War of Art"
-Stephen Pressfield

The following is an excerpt from an email I wrote to my best friend Friday morning while I was on the train headed to a competition...

... I just finished that book and while some didn't resonate completely, the last page totally did. Do your work as an offering to God. Not for any other reason or to gain anything from it. I do my part and He does His. And after I'm done with my part, I don't worry about it. The fruits of our labor are not what we have control over. He's given me these talents and this purpose and my job is to do my very best and leave it at that. Oh how simple and yet complex. I don't know... That's just what spoke to me based on what I'm dealing with right now. Life is so complicated, hard, unfair, stressful...but it's really not. I just make it that way. I care so much but maybe I'm caring in the wrong way...

I wanted to share that bit of personal correspondence for a few reasons. For starters, it's very honest. It wasn't written as a blog post I wanted to share with people and make sure was worded just right or had some deep insight attached to it. Also, it was written before my competition. So, in hindsight I can tell you the difference it made in my soul and not just have this break thru moment after I happened to have a good jump on friday.

This past month has been a crazy roller coaster of emotions for me. But I feel like since I read the last page of that book I've turned my corner. And whether that turn continues to produce good jumps or not is inconsequential in terms of the bigger picture. It's centered me again and reminded me of what I believe in my heart to be true.

I believe very strongly about the purpose and meaning of our lives and what we are supposed to do with our gifts and talents. As I grow older, it becomes so much clearer to me... And yet. And yet I still lose sight of that when I hold on too tightly to the fruits of my labor. I don't leave everything on the field, so to speak, I hold on to it and let it validate things that aren't true. And I begin to let the emotions of all of that get the best of me.

I know plenty of people might not agree with these sentiments completely. You can be a professional athlete and be motivated by fame or fortune or even certain accomplishments that you believe will define your career. But for me, even though I don't think I necessarily need to let go of my goals or aspirations, I want to operate from a place of feeling like I'm giving back to the place where the gifts came from. An offering. I want to let go of my ego, do the work to the best of my ability, and give it back to Him. The idea of that makes me happy and feels me with a deeper joy than I have been experiencing as of late, and for that I am grateful.

Coincidences...

2011-07-14T09:04:00.000-07:00

Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous.

I believe that. Sometimes things happen that are just a little to uncanny to be mere chance. I reckon that God is up there setting things in motion and hoping that we are smart enough to see His hand in it and look up and give a little wink of acknowledgement. So that's what this blog is… a little wink up at God. ;)

Last Monday I found myself wandering the streets of Birmingham, England by myself. It was the day after yet another competition that didn't go so swell and I wasn't in that great of a mood. And as can sometimes be the case when we get bummed out about one thing, I was letting myself snowball. It really sucks that I'm not jumping well… I am going to be so broke next year… Maybe I need to get a job… I wish I had a friend to talk to to pick my spirits up… Or a boyfriend… I am pretty lonely… WHY AM I SINGLE?!!

And just admitting the stream of consciousness going through my head at that point is probably plenty of proof to many of you of why I'm single. ha. But truth be told, at that moment I just felt extremely lonely for some reason. The great thing about not having many "distractions" in your life is that allows you to be extremely focused. The sucky thing about not having any "distractions" is that there is nothing to take your mind off of stuff when you need a break from focusing on it. I am tired of focusing on long jump right now. I could totally use a "distraction." But alas…

A mere 5 minutes later I was standing in front of a cafe looking over the menu to decide if I should eat there for lunch. By myself, of course, because that's a totally awesome thing to do when you are already feeling lonely. But right before I get to the decision making process of eating fish and chips or not, someone interrupts me. A guy. Asking my name… where I'm from… what I'm doing in Birmingham, etc. etc. And then there was the compliments. Tons of compliments! Did you know I have the most beautiful smile in the world?! Ok, he might not have said world, but nonetheless.

I will tell you something. Normally I am not the girl that likes to be bothered. I will take a compliment and politely excuse myself or lie and say I have a boyfriend just so we don't have to do the whole little jig. It has not so much to do with whoever it is boldly trying to make an introduction, it's just not my thing. I don't like small talk, I don't like strangers, and I am leery of people approaching me out of the blue. They probably do that on a daily basis… or not… but that's what I think anyway.

But that day I soaked it up. And before I knew it, I wasn't eating lunch by myself… I actually had a lunch date! Believe it or not, it wasn't weird or awkward and I found myself enjoying it and making the dreaded small talk not seem so dreadful. Then, he walked me back to my hotel, wrote my email address on a piece of paper, and promised to contact me.

So, was this a fairytale beginning to a lifelong romance? No. He didn't contact me at all. And since it's 4 days later, I would be annoyed if he did at this point. But it's totally okay… in fact, I think I prefer it. I'm not really looking to meet an attractive Brit with an adorable accent who lives across the pond, but I definitely appreciated the attention of one that afternoon. I believe God knew that's exactly what I needed.

Unintentional Planking

2011-07-08T03:48:00.000-07:00

It's all over social media as the newest and latest fad. I haven't tried it yet because at this age, keeping up with fads can be tiresome work. If you aren't even up to my coolness level, and don't have any idea about what I'm taking about, here is the description…

From Wikipedia:
The lying down game (also known as planking,[1] or face downs) is an activity, popular in various parts of the world, consisting of lying face down in an unusual or incongruous location. The hands must touch the sides of the body, and having a photograph of the participant taken and posted on the Internet is an integral part of the game.[2] Players compete to find the most unusual and original location in which to play.[2] The location should also be as public as possible, and as many people as possible should be involved.

I also scoured the internet for you so you can have a visual of it as well.
-Wes at the Olympic Training Center.

-Sanya planking in Switzerland

-Dwight Howard planking at home

-Gilbert Arenas planking in the weight room.

What bums me out is that the other day I found myself in an extremely unusual planking position by accident, and nobody was around to snap a picture of it. Actually… I take that back. People were around, but they pretended they didn't see me, and because of their decision to ignore me, I will not get my opportunity to be an internet sensation.

I'm in Germany for the month, using the training facilities at Leverkusen. The other day I was in the weight room to get a lift in. I happen to have a very weak grip strength, even though I'm an incredibly strong and powerful woman. :) So, because I had left my lifting straps at home, I decided to be creative and use these strap-like things gymnasts use to swing around on the high bar with. I have no idea if I was using them the way they are intended, but somehow I jimmied them to where I could hold the bar securely with a little extra help. The problem was, once I was in, I was in. With my straps at home I knew that if I opened my grip on the bar they would unravel and the bar would just fall. With these ones I was connected to that bar until I sat it down and unwrapped myself.

I'm sure you can see where this is going. I was doing power cleans at 80 kg (approx 175 pounds), and after my first rep I go to do my second and didn't get under it to catch it. My instinct was to just let the bar go and I released my grip but the bar didn't leave me. So, the bar is going down and it's bringing me with it. It falls… I fall on top of it, wrists still strapped to the thing so that I'm unable to catch myself in any way. Somehow I end up in a perfect planking position, BUT with nobody to snatch a picture because after I let out a scream and look up to see who is running over to see if I'm ok, I notice that the couple people in the weight room are conveniently staring off into space.

Luckily, I only have a small bruise on my hip bone where I fell on the bar at and maybe a little bit of a bruised ego. It would have been nice to play it off and get in on the planking game while I was at it, but the only picture I can offer you know is helping you create a visual with my story.

Pep Talks...

2011-07-05T03:29:00.000-07:00

I'm not gonna lie… this last week has been tough. I know the protocol was to get up, dust myself off, and get back on the horse, but that's not what I felt like doing. I felt like curling up in a ball with a stash of bon bons and an endless supply of wine. Yes, I was telling myself that there was no way to change what happened, and now all that was left to do was go out there and jump reaaaaallly far, because I'm still an amazing, awesome, fabulous-- and every other positive adjective you could possibly think of-- athlete, but those little pep-talks were not really making much of a difference. On the outside I felt better, and by the time I got to Europe I had stopped wearing sunglasses inside and could even manage a laugh or two if the joke was funny enough. So, I went to my first competition physically feeling fine and thinking I could overcome this disappointment by hurrying up and piling good competitions on top of the memory of my last not-so-good one.

But emotionally, I just wasn't in it. My first meet was awful. All I ended up really doing was pouring salt in an open wound. The sunglasses went back on.

If I'm being honest, what happened last weekend shook me up a bit, confidence wise. I hate to admit that, knowing that confidence is such a huge component of doing well in this sport and allowing yourself to succeed, but it's the truth. And so when the questions start coming… and when you have a mind like mine they come fast and furious much like a firing squad… I didn't really have an answer for all of them and I started to panic. I know as well as anyone that being successful is as much a mind game as anything else, and basically I just failed that test after working so hard to try and be where I needed to be.

I know I might seem like quite the drama queen for those of you who don't live this life or have a hard time grasping where my over the top emotions are coming from. But I felt like I gave everything I have, and I failed. And because the idea of that hurts so much, it's really hard to turn right around and give 100% of yourself right away again. Maybe it's like the time you got your heart broken by a guy you were totally in love with and you told yourself that being in love again wasn't worth it if heartbreak felt that awful. Hopefully more people can relate to that one. Or maybe I am just a drama queen.

But of course I'm still waiting for my prince charming. And hopefully I'm also ready to compete to the best of my ability as well. Slowly but surely my self pep-talks are taking hold a little more and at my last meet I felt slightly more like myself. I jumped 6.70 in Russia, and while it wasn't an awesome competition, it was a little more enjoyable than the last time I suited up. (read: I didn't dash home from the meet, snatch up a McDonalds happy meal so I didn't have to go to the meet dinner, and cry myself into a shriveled raisin in the bathtub.) I pray I'm taking steps in the right direction, otherwise this month will be hell.

By the end of this summer maybe I'll find the amazing, awesome, fabulous,--and every other positive adjective you could possibly think of,-- athlete I'm supposed to be. The truth of the matter is, I got to my fork in the road when I was supposed to go right, and ended up going left instead. So this is my new journey and I've got to make the best of it. No matter what, not making the World Championship Team is going to be a huge source of disappointment for me as it was always my main goal for the season, and nothing is really going to replace that, but I'd prefer the last few meets help that wound heal and make me stronger and wiser, instead of continuing to pour salt. Shoot, and maybe I'll fall in love too. Let's dream big…

Nationals Recap

2011-06-28T22:34:00.001-07:00

Where to begin?

Well, to be honest for the last 48 hours I was fine with beginning nowhere. I was quite numb, actually. I didn't talk to anyone nor did I plan on blogging what I considered to be a huge failure on my end. For me, this was probably the biggest letdown of my career, simply because I believed it was virtually impossible for me not to do well. So, basically I'm saying that there just isn't much to say, and I have no excuses. I know better than anyone how mentally and physically ready I was. (or thought I was?) I read my last post and I feel certain I meant it. All that was left to do was go out and let it happen, yet somehow I got in the way of that.

Putting your heart and soul into something and coming up short is heartbreaking. I care so much about what I do, and while on one hand I love the fact that I'm doing something that requires me to give my all and pour so much emotion into getting it right, it leaves me vulnerable to a lot of disappointment and heartache. It's a gamble of sorts, and this time I wound up on the losing end with no one to blame but myself.

Of course this setback will leave it's mark on this season, and it's definitely going to overshadow a lot of other good things that have happened this year. But the season isn't over for me just yet, and the only thing left to do with this experience is learn from it. If it's in my power to fix it and do something so that it doesn't happen again, then that's what I want to figure out.

Predictions

2011-06-25T10:43:00.001-07:00

It's the day before the meet and I'm EXCITED! I like to make sure I alway write a post before a big competition so I can go back and remember just where I was at mentally. So here is my post...more for me than for you, but I'm sharing it anyway.

One of the questions I've been getting asked constantly is what I think it's going to take to make the team. There are a good group of jumpers right now and I know a lot of us are capable of jumping very far. In years past I might of made a stab at guessing what mark will make the team based on a host of factors, but this year my mind isn't working like that. I haven't thought of a mark I will probably have to jump tomorrow and it's because I'm approaching it with the mindset that Whatever it takes, i am capable of. I feel what I jump is going to fall into placing me where I need to be. I know that doing what I can do is going to be plenty.

I haven't looked at pre meet predictions or form charts or where I'm seeded at coming into the competition. What people have done in the past or what other people think might happen in a competition thankfully has nothing to do with what actually happens.

I guess what I'm saying is that I have never felt more ready to do my best and I thank God that I am finally confident in the fact that my best will absolutely be good enough. And no, there is nothing in life that is 100% certain, but I am fine with saying I don't know what it will take to make the team tomorrow, but I know I'm as close to 100% sure as you can be that I'm capable of whatever it does take. Now it's up to me to just compete.

Thank you for your support and prayers. Talk to you tomorrow!!

Farewell...

2011-06-21T06:46:00.000-07:00

Every good thing must come to an end.

This will now hold true for my infamous gold shorts. Honestly, I really love these shorts. I remember the day I found them… I walked in to American Apparel and they literally spoke to me. I was hesitant at first because I just didn't know if I was the girl who would wear gold lamé to compete in just because. Turns out though, I'm EXACTLY that girl.

This was a turning point in my career as well because it was right around that time when I really started to find my confidence again. I planned on jumping well and I figured I might as well have a little fun while I was at it. I also was insistent on not being free marketing. If nobody was paying me to wear their brand, I certainly could come up with something I'd rather wear on my own.

So, while the gold shorts may have seen their last sand pit, I still have a little pizazz I hope to bring to Eugene this weekend. My new uniform will have an added logo though, as I now will be affiliated with New York Athletic Club. Even though I love putting together fun and fabulous outfits, I wouldn't mind covering them with as many logos as possible and turn myself into a running version of a NASCAR car. I think my socks could be prime real estate!

Make sure you look for me this weekend. I plan on being the girl that stands out… both because I am jumping super far and also because my outfit makes a statement. Because, yes, I'm that girl.

New PR!

2011-06-17T11:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I blogged about focusing on the process, and today I'm here to tell you that I already did a good job of putting it into action.

I now have a new PR in the Long Jump, and all because I focused only on what I was trying to do. Now, granted, this was no championships or big time competition-- more like a backyard meet with a couple competitors and a few officials to make sure it counted -- but what matters most is the fact that I put on my uniform, ran down the runway, took off and landed at a distance further than I ever have before. And I actually did that 4 out of 5 jumps. #POW.

I never compete at the Olympic Training Center. Specifically because I don't like competitions to feel like practice, and that's a bit hard when it's where you train every day. I also don't like competing for free, but that's a whole other blog post. But after my poor showing in Rio and the dismal conditions in New York, I felt like I needed an opportunity to convince myself I was dialed in and ready to go. I had been working on some cues and thought processes in training and I wanted the opportunity to really put them to the test, and you kind of need an amped up situation to do that in. So I modified my plan and decided to jump.

I had a few specific things I wanted to focus on. First, I wanted to start the competition off strong. Making your first jump count and be a statement jump is a mental thing more than anything and I'd rather make a statement than sit around and have to respond to everyone else's. At times that can be difficult for me and I prefer not to have my back up against the wall trying to make a final. Second, I have been focused in training on making my jumps count. I don't think you'll ever see me completely off my mark, but I can be known to toenail foul quite a bit when I'm not careful. So I've been working on some new cues to help that not be the case.

So, here was my series yesterday…

7.00 (4.1)
6.96 (3.3)
6.85 (2.3)
PASS (i'm getting old)
6.72 (1.5)
6.87 (1.3)

My previous best was 6.81/6.84w. For those of you who are unfamiliar, only wind under 2.0 is allowable for records and such, and so my best legal jump was the 6.87. But under any conditions I have now gone 7 meters, and I firmly believe if you can do it windy you can do it legal. So, it's there. But the important part of this series is I did exactly what I wanted to. I started off strong (woohoo) and I didn't foul one jump… even with the variable winds!

Believe me, I know what's important. I just wanted to make sure that I was on point like I need to be heading in to Nationals and I really believe that I am. I was already confident, but a little extra boost never hurt anyone!!

Focus on the Process

2011-06-16T10:55:00.000-07:00

If you don't constantly talk to yourself inside your head, I'd venture to say you're a little bit off. Everybody does it. Some do it more than others. I do it the most. One of the things I try to manage when I'm getting ready for competitions and during them, is the constant chatter I'm having with myself in between my ears. Yesterday I posted that "it's more important to focus on the process, rather than the outcome." I believe this to be true, I just don't know how to do it all the time. Here is a sampling of things I will probably think between now and next weekend…

I hope I win...

I want to jump 7 meters...

So and so better not beat me...

I hope I get to do a victory lap in Oregon...

Should I wear those gold shorts again...

How many people have jumped further than me this season...

What will they jump...

What will I jump...

It's probably going to take this to make the team...

I need to do better in Daegu than I did in Berlin...

Well, first I need to make it to Daegu...

……and on. and on. and on.

But I'm learning to stop those thoughts from growing and from consuming me. I haven't mastered how to not make them come in the first place, but I realize they're not what I need to be focused on. I try my best to focus on me and what I know I can do. The process. The process is simple and I believe in it. It has nothing to do with anything or anybody else, it's just me doing what I do. The beauty of that is that I have enough faith to know that if I do the process right, the result will be what it needs to be. But worrying and giving energy to anyone else besides myself, is counterproductive.

I know some people disagree. Perhaps it can be advantageous to think about beating certain people and having that be your motivating factor or focusing on the result of making a team or jumping a certain distance. But for me I'm finding that I do better when I stop letting that be my driving force and give my attention to the process. It puts me in a better place and it helps me focus on things I have total control over. If I master that, the other things take care of themselves.

I'm still contemplating the gold shorts though...

New York Recap

2011-06-13T11:15:00.001-07:00

My trip to New York this weekend was filled with high hopes and even bigger expectations. I love that city and I always look forward to competing there. The city didn't let me down. There was a ton of great culinary experiences.. from random whole in the wall Peruvian fare to fancy Mediterranean dinners complete with $20 cocktails and everything in between. I walked the streets and people watched to my hearts content. I rode in taxis and nearly died. I shopped. Overall it was a really great trip -- except for the competition.

When I stepped off the plane in New York on Thursday I was hit with the most intense wave of heat. It was suffocating. The pilot had mentioned it was over 100 degrees but once you factor in the humidity and all, you were miserable. Not to worry. By the time I made it to the track on Friday for a pre meet warmup it was about 20 degrees cooler and absolutely perfect weather for a track meet. Storms were in the forecast but they were supposed to be intermittent and I was hoping for similar weather the next day. If you watched the meet on T.V., you'd know that wasn't the case. It was cold. It was rainy. But most of all, it was windy.

The meet directors were nice enough to put us in the pre meet portion of the meet, hours before the real track competitions got started and eons away from the television broadcast. There was probably 17 people in the stands by the time we went out to the infield to get started, but as field event folks, we are used to the love (or lack thereof). I immediately made my way up to the event coordinator to enquire as to whether or not they'd be switching the runway to allow us to jump in the opposite direction because the wind was blowing something fierce. The beauty of having sand at both ends of a runway is that you are able to choose to not fight it. Unfortunately, we were told that no, they wouldn't be switching the runway because the T.V. cameras were already set up for that direction.

Just so you understand completely, we started jumping at 1pm. The "live" television broadcast of the meet was from 3pm-5pm. It was already obvious that we were somewhat of the forgotten stepchild and had no real chance of being part of the television coverage. The most we could hope for was a snippet of the winning jump in between laps of the 5k. But instead of giving us an opportunity for decent jumps and a respectable showing, they asked us to jump into a tornado. We did our best, but our best ended up being quite embarrassing. I was 5th out of 13 jumpers, and could barely manage a best jump of 6.29. I felt like I was on the runway trying to run fast toward the board, but got stuck doing the running man in place as soon as I stood up. It was awful. Instead of getting out of the pit and seeing if you landed anywhere near 7 meters, we were stepping out of the pit hoping it looked to be beyond 6 meters. I think everyone in the competition had a few jumps where that wish didn't come true.

You can't control mother nature and I don't like to make excuses for crappy performances, but if you were wondering what the reason was for such dismal performances, hopefully that clues you in a bit. At the end of the day though, 4 other people handled the situation better than I did and so I'm not to thrilled about that. I'll just take from it what I can and make sure that's not the case in two weeks.

The Facebook Experience

2011-06-07T08:25:00.000-07:00

I've decided to change the way I Facebook. It's not a big change, really, but what it will do is let me connect with more people (I was at the profile page max) and share more of myself and my journey. So, if we were already Facebook friends, you'll now notice that I have a page instead of a profile and I've found a way for you to "LIKE" me without your active participation. It's kind of tricky on my part but at the same time, it saves you the trouble and deep down I know you wanted to anyway. If we weren't friends, I'm inviting you now to connect with me and make sure you aren't missing out on anything life changing. Things you will experience on my Facebook page include…

…Finding out where I'm at in the world and when I compete.
…Get notifications about Blog updates.
…View pictures and videos from my adventures.
…Have questions answered and be involved in discussions related to my sport.
…Lots more cool stuff I haven't thought of yet.

And if none of those reasons seem worth it, just do it because I asked nicely. Please make sure you stop on by and let me know what you think.

***my landing page was created by the lovely Tiffini at tiffiniink.com. It's kind of awesome, isn't it?!!

Nothing to Say...

2011-05-27T12:54:00.000-07:00

It's a little difficult to skip over updates of competitions when you have a blog. I'd like to--and at times I do it anyway-- but I know it's a little suspect. The fact of the matter is that sometimes there just isn't much to say. Rio had all the making of a great ending to my trek through Brazil. It had started off good in Belem, showed some promise in Sao Paolo (even though the mark might have seemed somewhat mediocre), and was really going to end with a bang. That was my plan. I thought my mind and body were in agreement but unfortunately they weren't.

Bad performances happen. Sometimes there is insight to be gained. Maybe I mentally wasn't strong and let the environment get the best of me, or perhaps my technique was a bit off and I need to focus on certain cues to make sure I'm telling my body to do what I know it should be doing. But sometimes, like yesterday, there just isn't really much to analyze. All day I felt great and excited to compete. I go to warm up and I felt like crap. No rhyme or reason, it just felt ugh. That's not the total truth… for some reason as soon as I got to the track my stomach started doing the jig and it wasn't the happy one. I blamed it on something I ate (or drank) that had finally got the best of me down here. So I went to the bathroom, made myself throw up to get it out of my system, and tried to get back to business.

But it wasn't there. I honestly felt that when I jumped 6.44 it was a pretty decent jump. Turns out not only was it was the best I could muster the whole night, it was the lowest mark of my season overall. Blah. Blah. Blah. But when you play this game long enough, you know sometimes there really is nothing more to it. I was off and I tried my best to turn it on, but I just couldn't do it. So now that I've said that I don't have anything to say, let's move on, shall we?

It's a Bet

2011-05-23T08:22:00.000-07:00

I train at the Olympic Training Center. It's home to some of the best athletes in the U.S. and the World, all of whom are working day in and day out to reach their goals and realize a dream. It is a great environment that lends itself to encouragement and inspiration at every turn. One of the things I like best about training there is that there are always other athlete's to push you and make you want to be better than you already are. It's pretty amazing.

While I've been away in Brazil, there have been meets at the training center to allow athletes that aren't traveling chances to compete and opportunities to get some good marks that count. The other day I saw a tweet from my buddy Lex that said he had long jumped a windy 6.92 at the competition that day, his best ever under any conditions. I immediately tweeted back at him how awesome that was and offering my congrats. If you're not familiar with Lex, he is a totally blind paralympic athlete, that trains and competes knowing that not having his eyesight is no excuse not to accomplish anything he sets his mind to. It's daily inspiration in the truest form.

But instead of tweeting me back a simple "thanks", Lex decided to throw a challenge my way-- because that's what real athletes do… we make everything a competition. Lex and I have very close personal bests. He recently set the world record in the long jump at 6.74, and my best is 6.81. His best mark overall in any conditions is now 6.92 and mine is a hair behind at 6.84. So he challenged me and said said the first one to reach 7 meters has to buy the other one dinner. And I was like, BRING IT. Why? Because I know we are both capable of jumping that mark but I also know how much I like a free meal, aaaand how much I'm not that keen on buying men dinner.

So, to make it truly official I am putting this bet out on the world wide web. Not only so that we both be held accountable, but also because I want to see us both reach this milestone sooner rather than later, so I might as well put some fire behind it! And also, if you'd like someone to cheer for and follow, besides me of course, I've now introduced you to the perfect athlete: Lex Gillette

Brazil Part 1

2011-05-16T06:46:00.000-07:00

Perhaps it's my skin tone. Or maybe the fact that I've recently done the Brazilian Blowout treatment to my hair. Whatever the case, these folks think I'm Brazilian. They speak to me so quickly in Portuguese that it makes my head spin. And the best I can do is smile and disappoint them. Only English,I say,… and maybe some spanish that I throw out in hopes that it happens to be the similar words they have in their language.

When I got to the competition site to compete, however, everyone knew that I was the American. My event consisted of 8 competitors, 7 of them from the home country, including the most recent Olympic Champion. The crowd was loud, energetic, and full of energy… until it was my turn to jump. Then it was crickets. I was so sure that my top two competitors were jumping world record distances because the crowd erupted in cheers every time they finished a fair jump, that I just knew there was a mistake when after the first three jumps the lady tried to tell me, in portuguese, that I would be jumping last. Last means you have the furthest jump so far in the competition, so I must've misunderstood her words mixed with hand signals. But I looked at the sheet and confirmed it. Sweet, I was winning.

I furthered my lead in the 5th round with a jump of 6.74 and continued to funnel the energy my way, even though I knew it wasn't meant for me. The truth of the matter is though, I sort of enjoy the role of the underdog. I knew I was ready to jump well, but I certainly didn't have any pressure from people assuming I was supposed to win. Not to mention it was a nice change that the entire crowd to stay and see the end of our competition even after all the running events were through because we had the crowd favorite competing and they were paying attention. We were the main show and not a side show that was quickly forgotten once the last race passed the finish line. Imagine that.

I have two more long jump competitions while I'm out here, and while I know I won't be the crowd favorite, I look forward to competing in the crowd's favorite event.

Caribbean Clocks

2011-05-09T11:05:00.000-07:00

Here is the thing about Jamaicans: They aren't in a hurry for anything unless it's getting to the finish line or driving to their destination. If you've been on the roads in Jamaica, that doesn't even need any explanation. Everything else can wait. For a person who absolutely loves time schedules, this can be frustrating. Some examples from this weekend…

* I arrived in Jamaica after flying a red eye all night and spending an additional 3 1/2 hours in the Miami airport. All I wanted to do was fly through customs, get to the hotel, and take a nap. But the customs officers? They saw no reason to hurry. I waited over an hour in a line that in any other country, would have taken 15 minutes. 10 in Asia. I honestly felt like they were stamping in slow motion.

*I was headed to the track the day before the meet to do a shakeout and the schedule said a bus would be leaving every 30 minutes from 3pm on. I headed down at 3:30 and sat in the lobby until 4:30. Why? I have no idea, actually. I asked after about 20 minutes of waiting and was told bus is comin'. It came again an hour and a half later, and I guess that was close enough for them.

*I ordered a quesadilla from the bar and got it an hour later. No explanation.

*The day of the meet there was supposed to be transportation every 15 minutes. The bus filled up at 6 and then waited. 6:15… 6:20… Finally we asked what we were waiting for. Police Escort. Because there will be traffic by the stadium. Needless to say, the amount of time we saved waiting for the escort was probably not as much as what we lost sitting there waiting for it to show up…from who knows where. But like I said, when they drive they are on a mission. The trip to and from the track had me closing my eyes and praying to Jesus at some points. We literally drove into oncoming traffic on the wrong side of the road if our side was backed up, took to the sidewalks, narrowly missed sideswiping both people and cars… you name it. It was an adventure.

* My event was supposed to start at 8:15pm. I had an excellent warmup and was ready to go but they weren't calling us, so I went to inquire. Turns out they had pushed our start time 20 minutes but didn't tell anyone. When we finally did get out to the track, the men's triple jump was in their first round. And so we waited. Over an hour later, we finally started. Did it take some of the wind out of my sails? Sure. But since the whole entire field had to wait just as long as me, that can't possibly be my reason for not jumping better than I did.

All in all, I had a good time in Jamaica and it was an excellent meet to participate in, I just wish I would have competed better. I wish I could figure out island scheduling… but that probably isn't going to happen. It's obvious I can do a better job at rolling with the flow. Next week is Brazil, and on time or not, I plan on jumping well.

Jamaica Mon

2011-05-04T08:41:00.000-07:00

This weekend I get to really start competing. Everyone knows that real competitions start once you get on a plane and have to fly ridiculously uncomfortable distances to have a little stiffness and jet lag thrown into the mix to really count. My first competition will be in Jamaica, a country I visited and competed in once before. Why don't I take a second and get all nostalgic and tell you about it…

The first (and last) time I went to a competition in Kingston was back in 2008. It was one of my very first meets of the year and I was excited to be going to an exotic location. Meets are always that much funner when you get to throw in a mini vacay on the side. So, I get off the plane looking for the nearest Sandals resort, some nice shops to buy my rastafari necklaces and such, and all the beautiful locations I was going to photograph and add to my scrapbook. And then I was quickly introduced to Kingston. Kingston is not the Jamaica of postcard notoriety. I had stupidly assumed that the whole island would be one big, happy all-inclusive resort with Bob Marley playing in the background, and people eagerly handing me a rum punch to enjoy at the beach. But no. That Jamaica is a 3 hour trip from where I was, and I quickly took in my new surroundings. This side of Jamaica couldn't be more different than where the resorts are located but I appreciated it for what it was.

Now…about the competition. Like I said, it was one of the first competitions of my season. Unfortunately for me, it was also the beginning of my downward spiral that led me to surgery and the end to a season I had such high hopes for. During the competition it seems that a couple pieces of cartilage broke off in my knee and lodged in places they shouldn't have. The crazy thing is, your brain doesn't know such a thing has happened. One minute I could run and jump, and the next… I couldn't even walk. It was a bizarre thing that I would come to understand better in the week that followed, but at that moment all I knew was that my knee would all the sudden not be able to bend and be excruciatingly painful, to almost normal, and back to excruciating again. All I could do was cry. Obviously.

So now I feel extremely blessed to be going back to Jamaica a completely healthy jumper(relatively speaking). I know this is going to be an exciting meet with an electrifying atmosphere and an opportunity to really compete well. I think it's important to take note when life brings you full circle and you find yourself in a place you've been before but now can have a whole new perspective on. I try to take nothing for granted when it comes to opportunities like this. I had tried to get in to another meet this weekend and was a bit bummed it didn't work out, but then I remembered my last trip to Jamaica and I decided to appreciate fully my opportunity to return and make new memories there. And hopefully eat jerk chicken.

Healthy Eating

2011-04-27T06:01:00.000-07:00

I have recently decided to go on a healthy eating binge. I know what you're thinking… I thought all professional athletes eat healthy! Well, some do. People ask me all the time what my diet is like and I pretty much confess to eating whatever I like for the most part. This makes a lot of people green with envy, but you must realize that there is a ton of work going in on the other side of that equation. So, of course I don't count calories because I know I will burn off all that I need to in training. But, while my diet is generally decent, I was interested to see what some real dedication in that area would amount to in terms of how I feel during workouts and competitions, how I recover from workouts, and if I could be leaner and meaner than I already am. As of now, here are some of the general guidelines…

*NO sugar. This will not always be an abandonment of all things delicious, but I am going to detox for two weeks just to see what it feels like.

*Get more complex. With my carbs that is. Where I fall short in this area is my vegetable consumption. I just don't really like them all that much. But I'm trying to make them a significant part of my diet.

*Remember that I'm lactose intolerant. My body specifically tells me not to eat certain foods and I do anyway. A cheeseburger is better than a hamburger. Pizza is yummy. I couldn't really imagine life without it. But we're going to do some cutbacks in that area and see what happens.

There is more to it than that, but I don't want to bore you to death with percentage breakdowns and the like. To be honest with you, the hardest part of the new way I've been eating is still trying to consume enough calories. I know, I know--you're turning a darker shade of green. But seriously, do you realize how lacking in oomph spinach is? I put all these newfound veggies into my calorie counter and I see my calories just dwindling before my eyes. I need to make sure I keep my curves!

Like I said, this is not about how I look, it's about how I feel and how I perform. My body is my Lamborghini, I can't really justify putting cheap gas in it. After a few weeks I'll let you know if I notice anything different. Then I'll slowly add back in my fries and gummy bears. On occasion.

Video Interview

2011-04-20T06:43:00.000-07:00

I didn't do much of an update after my meet this weekend because I was busy turning old and all, but yesterday I ran across this video (read: was emailed this video by my mother who has google alerts set up to inform her of anything posted on the web about me), and figured I would share it with you all so you can get my thoughts on the meet and the upcoming season in a talking format. After watching it myself I noticed a few things...

* My teeth are huge. I mean, I know I have large teeth, but it seems that they aren't so obvious in pictures as they are when I am watching myself talk on video. Whoa.

* I can be incredibly corny. What was that sing-song at the beginning?!! It's obvious I don't work at trying to be cool.

* I talk faaaast and I talk a lot. Give me a camera to talk to and I will ensure there is no awkward silence or weird pauses.

* I have an Oakley contract... or I should at least. Who is the cool girl in the glasses? Well that would be me. Normally I would think to take them off but it is really easy to forget I have these glasses on, which is another reason I think they're so awesome. (Still working on that contract...)

* I may- or may not- make up words. Is "comfortability" a word? When I hear myself say it I question the validity of it and that's not such a good thing for someone who prides themselves on being a word person.

**I was interviewed by Joanna Hayes for Womentalksports

Birthday Girl

2011-04-18T06:00:00.000-07:00

Today is my birthday.

I wanted to write a big, long post about how fabulous today is and pat myself on the back for being born but I just wasn't really feeling it. There is no need for a bunch of fanfare and celebration, because even though I still feel young at heart, 31 is not the new 21. I get no new privileges and that extra year has no monumental importance in my life, except to remind me that official adulthood is something I have to embrace completely. But all in all, life is good. I am still doing what I love, and I'm getting better and better at it. This weekend I had my last competition as a 30 year old. It was also my first competition of the 2011 season and from the looks of it, I believe I am going to be a very successful 31 year old athlete. Say what you want, but I know I'm getting better with age.

I also have the most amazing people in my life who love and appreciate me. I have everything I need, and thanks to amazing friends, I also have something I realllllly wanted!...

BROWNIES!!!

Best. Gift. Ever.

Trying Harder and Doing Worse

2011-04-12T09:27:00.000-07:00

Have you ever done something and found yourself catching on and improving so rapidly that it shocked you a little? And then, because it was almost effortless you amp it up and really go and you just know the results are going to be out of this world!

But… instead you get worse.

I can't tell you how many times in my career I've faced this problem. I do something in practice or in a competition not expecting much or not really thinking it's the time or place to produce great results and I shock myself with where I'm at. I've literally jumped a personal best at a meet and walked away from the sandpit without looking at the mark, thinking it was an average jump, and had people yelling me from the stands to turn around and look at the results board. But as soon as I go in to make it happen mode, I lose it. Me actively trying to try harder, almost never gets me better results. Implicitly I know this, yet it has yet to stop me from repeating the cycle. The very idea of trying too hard is something that may seem counterintuitive in athletics but if you're an athlete then you probably know exactly what i'm talking about. You run a sprint and the time on the stopwatch is blazing. "Wow", you tell yourself, "that felt so easy, almost like I wasn't even trying that hard." So, you head back to the line thinking to yourself that this time you're going to bring it. You huff and you puff and 9 times out of 10, you will run slower.

After indoor season I took a moment to recompose and then started doing some heavy training to build me back up and get ready for outdoors. My legs felt like two cement blocks and I didn't think speed knew my name. But I got on the runway for my first couple long jump sessions and I was flying. My jump sessions were phenomenal and it surprised me a little bit. After a few weeks, I started adding in some good speed work and I thought to myself, "if things were going this well and I wasn't even expecting it or ready for those kinds of results, I'm more than likely going to start jumping world records in practice now that I'm really going to go after it."

And I'm sure we all see where this is going. I have been a frustrated fool these last couple of weeks as my intense desire to muscle and strain my way to phenomenal jumping and running has given me anything but. I was trying to force it, and you simply can't do that. Letting yourself be amazing is different than making yourself be amazing and more often than not, all you will end up doing is tripping yourself up by trying to try. Once you know how to do something, be confident in that. All you need to do now is let it come out. If you (or anyone you know) is a superb practice athlete but never does as well in competitions, I assure you this is your problem. You have to relax and get back to that calm confidence where you allow yourself to just let it happen.

So, this will be lesson #872 of the exact same lesson, but the good thing is it takes me less and less time to recognize the problem and address it. Early on in my career I spent entire seasons dealing with this exact same problem, but didn't know what was really going on. Now I do. And I can assure you that if I'm doing well one week and then all of the sudden I seem to lose it even though my body feels fine, I didn't all the sudden become untalented. I just started thinking too much and I have to remind myself in essence to dumb it down a little and stop trying so hard. And it works.

America got it WRONG

2011-04-08T09:21:00.000-07:00

My sport is decided on the field of competition. We all gather at the oval office, slip on our spikes, and put our best against the best of our competitors. At the end of the day, whoever performed the best is the winner. It's that simple. It is a talent competition and the most talented person gets to take home the biggest prize. Three cheers for objectivity.

Not so much with American Idol. Last night, my favorite female singer in the competition (and arguably the prettiest, nicest, and most unlikely to have morning breath) got voted off. And it made me angry. Why? Because this is a talent competition and in a competition that should be in large part about who sings the best, the best singer should not be going home with 8 others left standing. To me, that's like Usain Bolt running the fastest time in the semi-finals but not being able to compete in the final. It's simply unacceptable.

I know people like me are likely to blame. I watch the show every week but never bother to pick up my phone and vote. I figure something so obvious is seen by everyone and so there really won't be much discrepancy as to who the best competitors are. But leaving this in the hands of the 14 year olds who are more interested in who looks the most like Taylor Lautner, or Grandma Betty who has hearing problems and could have quite possibly had her hearing aid go out that night, is obviously a grave mistake.

I love competition. It's a relief to know that all the hard work and sacrifice I put in every day to get better is not going to be compromised by Grandma Betty's dislike of my landing technique or my choice of gold shorts. Unfortunately for Pia, she will not be the American Idol and she's going to have to watch the final go on without her, knowing she is better than most of them. It might make her want to give Track and Field a try.

My Obsession

2011-04-06T06:20:00.000-07:00

Everyone around me knows it… I'm pretty much addicted to Words With Friends. I'm good at spelling, I love my Ipad, and I'm fiercely competitive--this game was pretty much made specifically for me. In case you are unfamiliar, words with friends is basically scrabble played against opponents on your Iphone or Ipad. You can play multiple people at a time and people play their turn at their leisure. I try to keep around 20 games going at a time so that I will always have a turn to play when i feel like it. A lot of times I have to search for new opponents because it seems like people get tired of playing me. What can I say… losing sucks. I rarely get beat. It does happen on occasion but it doesn't happen often and if my memory serves me correctly, never twice in a row.

People often ask me how I got to be so dominant at this game (I'm kidding…nobody has really asked me such a thing, but play along anyway), and so I figured I would share a few of my tips and tricks on how I came to be so successful. I don't mind if the people I play read this -- I have that much confidence in my ability -- but a few of these tips might help to make your games more competitive and give me some more worthy opponents in the process.

Play Everyone: I don't care what your skill level is, I'll play you. If it's obvious I'm way better than you, I just use it as a game for speed and test my ability on coming up with a good word fast. I love to play people who challenge me because it makes me better and I also usually learn words I didn't know before.

Figure out a good offense/defense combo: I don't always play my best word because I'm constantly thinking ahead to what my opponent might play as well as what I want to do with my letters and what I'd like to keep/get rid of. I weigh my options and look at the big picture. Everyone is different, but make sure you're not just considering your one play.

Don't waste big tiles: The Q, J, X, and Z are your steak and lobster. Don't play them for some McDonalds sized points unless it's the end of the game and you just need to get rid of tiles. It's also very helpful to know all the kinds of words you can spell with these tiles. For example, how many words can you spell with a Q, without having a U?!!

Know when to swap: Sometimes you have a crap hand and you need to know when it's best to fold. If I have all vowels or all consonants or I simply can't play anything worthwhile, I either skip my turn or swap tiles. In the long run, it will be better because more often than not, you're going to have a few bad hands in a row if you don't do something about it.

The S is the most important 1 point tile: You shouldn't just throw it on the end of the word because you have it, if it isn't gaining you significant bonus points.

Look for Bingo opportunities: You get 30 extra points if you use all 7 of your tiles. I don't constantly look to do this, but the times I do take some extra time thinking about it is when I have an obvious help in the form of the following combos of letters that can be prefixes or suffixes and make it that much easier, like, ER(RE), ED(DE), ING, etc.

Know all your two letter word combinations: I pretty much know all of them by heart. Now, I'm not going to lie and say I know what they mean or how to use them in a sentence, but I do know they exist and can be your best friend in this game if you know where you can hook words on. There are only two letters that have no two letter words, C and V. You're welcome.

Read more: I know a lot of words because I like to read and I come across all different sorts of words all the time. However, even I sometimes admit to playing words I don't actually know are words. Most of the time though, I do know that combining certain letters a specific way has the better chance of actually being a word.

Don't cheat: It's so lame to cheat and it's also pretty obvious, unless you are a linguistics major or something. I can still beat a cheater from time to time because I think strategy still plays a part rather than always playing your best word at the time, but it takes a lot of the fun out of competition when someone uses a computer to generate a word for them.

If anyone else would like to add to my list, feel free. Sharing is caring.

Counting Calories

2011-03-31T07:08:00.000-07:00

The other day I decided to download a calorie counter app on my ipad. My reason for doing this started off as curiosity of what percentage my diet broke down to, in terms of protein, carbs, and fat. What I was going to do with this information once I had it was still unclear, but knowing seemed like a good idea. Perhaps I would show it to my nutritionist and she would recommend that I eat a ton more carbs…not the complex ones, just the basic yummy ones that always get a bad rap. Wouldn't that be nice? "Brianna, I would recommend eating more pancakes at breakfast, making sure you throw in some fries at lunch, and always polish off your dinner with some brownies." Only in my dreams I suppose.

So the other day I started plugging in my meal after lunch time and quickly realized that was the wrong day to start this gig. We had a barbecue at the training center -- just because it was Thursday -- and I took full advantage with a hamburger, chicken breast, baked beans, potato salad, and a nice ice cream bar to finish it off. Well, that was over 1000 calories and it almost made me regret the ice cream. The ice cream, however, is a very rare occasion, but the huge lunches are not. Having a dining hall at your disposal after hours of hard training that leave you famished makes filling up very easy. I continued plugging in my numbers and quickly realized I will never in the foreseeable future eat less than 2000 calories a day. Dinner hadn't even been cooked yet and I was already there.

The other thing I have quickly realized is that portion sizes are created for toddlers. Do you know what a 4oz chicken breast looks like? It looks like that chicken was extremely flat chested. I looked on the back of my pita chips yesterday to find out that a serving size is 7 chips. Well I was already 3 servings in by that point. So much for the "guilt free" the front of the bag promised. The only thing I probably stay on point with serving sizes is my vegetable portions.

I'm not sure yet what I'm going to do with this information but I do hope to put it to good use. I plan on tailoring my eating habits and watching what I eat a bit more closely when I start competing but for right now I am still in the watching phase. For instance, yesterday morning I tweeted a picture of my breakfast …

I watched that disappear quite quickly.

Of course I don't mean to make light of eating healthy and creating good eating habits. I think it's super important. I'm mainly just pointing out how easy it is to be unaware of what you consume until you put it down in black and white. For me, counting calories isn't so important but counting what column those calories are going in, is. I have a feeling my carbs covered in sugar diet suggestion won't do much for me nor will it help me fly through the air any further so I'll save that for special occasions.

March Madness

2011-03-25T09:39:00.000-07:00

Not everyone is a sports fan, but there are certain sporting events I think everyone should enjoy watching. March Madness is one such event -- for the simple reason that it's just that… MAD! Perhaps I'm a little biased because I went to a college with a great basketball history, who found their way back to the sweet 16 this year and gave me extra incentive to watch and cheer and scream my brains out last night. There is nothing like being a true fan and seeing your team succeed. I haven't really been a true fan of any professional team since I changed my dating habits, so my college team is all that's left. Luckily for me, they don't disappoint.

If you were watching the game last night (and if you weren't, what else could you have possibly been doing??), then you might have heard them mention what high school the team's star player, Derrick Williams, went to. La Mirada High. My school. It made me that much more proud to be a fan. You see, LMHS isn't your typical star-studded athlete hub, and we most certainly aren't known for our basketball prowess. The same could be said for track and field. This kid came out of high school the least recruited and heralded of his incoming class, and now he's the star player. I love that story for what it is, and I also love it because I can so easily relate to it.

Coming out of high school I was recruited, but I was by no means a superstar. There were some schools on my list who wouldn't give me a full scholarship because it seemed I was just an average athlete, who had the ability to contribute, but by no means be one of the best. As one coach so eloquently put it, "As a sprinter, you are a dime a dozen." Of course, no sprinter from that school in LA that wears blue and gold and contains the letters U,L,A,C ever beat me at a major meet, but that's besides the point.

What I love about the Arizona basketball team, March Madness, and sports in general, is that ultimately it comes down to you deciding your destiny. Duke was the #1 seed and Arizona was the #5 seed. Nobody except Charles Barkeley and U of A alum probably picked them to win the game in their brackets. But it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks your capable of, as long as you believe. There was a turning point in that game when the Arizona team made a decision. I made a similar decision my junior year at Nationals right before the final of the 200 meters. You simply decide you're going to win and you believe wholeheartedly, with every fiber in your being, that it's going to happen. And then it does. In the second half the team played like they knew they were going to win, and Duke simply didn't. I loved watching it and I loved it even more because it was my team.

BEAR DOWN.

Life After College

2011-03-23T09:16:00.000-07:00

If you are a subscriber to Track and Field News, you may have saw my ~~pretty little face~~ awesome gold shorts in the latest issue. I was interviewed for an article that talked about what it's like finding a successful training environment after college is over. For anyone who knows my story, it's obvious I would have a thing or eight to say about such a topic. Yes, I have moved/switched coaches 8 times since graduating. Go ahead and say it… I still look like I'm 22. :) Obviously I had a ton of insight and information to share and I thought the article painted a very realistic picture of the struggle and uncertainty that faces a lot of athletes outside of the comfort of their alma mater and the security of a scholarship check. Is the story the same for everyone? No. Some people will have more security, some will not struggle to figure it out as much as I did, and some simply wouldn't have lasted as long to rack up that many changes and still find a way to keep on going…they have probably found a better way to put their degree to use.

My journey is unique to me, but there are parts of it that are probably shared by many athletes trying to make the successful leap to the professional ranks. I love to share what I have learned along the way because if the me now could have had a conversation with the me at 22, things would have probably gone a lot different in my career. Part of the reason I blog is to share silly, banal stuff that goes on in my life, but another huge inspiration for me is sharing my experience with other people--and hopefully other athletes--to give some inside knowledge of what it's like and what to expect. I am more than happy to say that I have made the mistakes and have learned from them--let me help you not make the same ones. Being able to say I am a professional athlete is a blessing. I train every day to compete at my best, and I travel the world to put my best up against the best from everywhere. It's awesome. But this sport is not the NFL, NBA, WTA, PGA, or the professional ribbon twirling association. The more you know, the more you can navigate your way to the top, without all the detours and road blocks. One thing you must be sure of, however, is that you really want it.

If you read the article, I'd love to know what you thought...

Brownies and Friendship

2011-03-21T09:55:00.000-07:00

I don't like to brag, but I believe I make some of the best brownies this side of the mississippi. I should clarify that I make some of the best brownies from a box, but believe me, there is still an art to it.

This weekend, I had the distinct pleasure of cooking for some of my friends as we celebrated March birthdays and had one of our infamous game nights. I finished off the delectable spread with a pan of brownies and a sundae station. In the midst of an intense game of Gestures, I made myself a small brownie sundae, complete with whipped cream, chocolate sauce, and slivered almonds. It was delicious. So delicious, in fact, that my mind was already thinking ahead to the second helping I would have later that night and for the next few days, if I was lucky. You see, I knew I could probably get away with a single pan of brownies but I had intentionally doubled it so there would be leftovers. I hardly ever make brownies-- it's hard to justify when you live alone and are left with a whole pan just for yourself. That would be a bit much, even for me. Now that I had a group to bake for, I could definitely make it so I had a smile on my face for a few days.

So imagine my shock and horror when the night is winding down and I head to the kitchen to snatch a quick brownie. They're nowhere to be found. Last time I looked there was an entire half of a 13x9 inch pan left, and now I can't find as much as a crumb. I know some of these boys can eat, but this doesn't make any sense. I turn to my friend Mike, who is known for clearing plates if you even look like you are setting down your fork and picking up cups when people are mid sip, all in the name of keeping things tidy. Surely, he must've got the urge to clean up and stashed my leftover brownies elsewhere. And he did. He stashed them in the trash.

Not only had they been thrown away, they were now already in the trash bin outside, with a brand new bag gracing the trash bin. (Don't judge me for checking--these are brownies we are talking about.) Who in their right mind would toss perfectly good brownies? For goodness sake, they were probably still warm! I was beyond livid and searching for answers. In response, I was told that he thought that everyone had had some and now it was best to get them out of the way so there would be no temptation.

I don't know about you, but there are times when I welcome temptation. Eating gooey, chocolate goodness is one such time. I never feel bad afterwards because I believe God intended for us to truly enjoy chocolate, as long as we promise to not make it one of the five essential food groups. But now I must live without because there are people in this world who obviously lack common sense… I'm just hoping our friendship can be restored.

Honorary Kardashian

2011-03-14T10:39:00.000-07:00

I am body conscious. That is not to say I'm body obsessive, or have serious body issues beyond what is normal for any person with two X chromosomes, but I definitely am a person who takes constant inventory of where things are sitting and how they are looking. It's not just for vanity's sake-- although I'd be lying if I said that didn't play a part-- but it also is for physics sake. My body has to fly through air. It would be silly of me to not pay attention to the amount of mass I'm asking to travel through space for 23 feet, not to mention the look of that mass in a tiny pair of briefs and a sports bra top.

Right around this time of year my body is probably at one of it's largest sizes, pound wise. I'm eating an incredible amount and not really worrying about it and I'm lifting heavy. Pretty much every time I put on a pair of jeans it requires the jump and squat a few times before they are button-able. Ladies, holler if you hear me. I actually find myself opting for leggings about 70% of the time. Lord help me if those go out of style.

I grew up a pretty scrawny kid. I would love, Love, LOVE to have a curvy body but the deck is (literally) not stacked in my favor. So this is my time of year when I get to call myself "thick". Some people may laugh in my face but they didn't know me as a 14 year old who used to wear sweats under their jeans to fill them out a little better. This is progress. Maybe one day when I don't work out for a living and I've had a couple of kids, the meaning of thick and curvy will take on a whole new meaning, but for now this is as close as I'm going to get. Am I giving Kim Kardashian a run for her money? Probably not. But I plan on enjoying my curves. I'll even do a Dove commercial if they ask me. :)

Facebook Dilemma

2011-03-11T06:52:00.000-08:00

I never imagined there could be 5000 people in the world who would want to be my friend. I still can't imagine it, really. But supposedly there are 5000 people out there who want to at least be my cyber friend. And there could be more…so that puts me in a bit of a pickle. Facebook cuts you off for personal pages, but allows you to grow in popularity forever if you have something like a fan page, that people can come by and Like. I've fought this for a while, seeing as how it just seems very awkward and maybe even slightly narcissistic asking people to come by your page and "like" you, but that's probably because I'm the type of person who never does it.

So here's what I'm thinking…

If I have another page, it would have to be somewhat different than the page I have already. I don't want to upkeep two identical pages, with the same pictures, same information, same everything. So my question to you is… How do I differentiate them? I'd love if you had any thoughts, ideas, or suggestions. Basically, what would it take for you to "like" me… :)

The Purpose of Talent

2011-03-09T09:45:00.000-08:00

Everyone has talent. One of my talents happens to be quite obvious because I practice every day trying to get better at it, and also because I throw it in your face on this blog all the time. But what I've been most concerned with lately concerning the talents we are given, is their purpose. It is not accident, coincidence, or chance that I happen to do something better than 99.9% of people in this world. I want to be acutely aware of that, not just so that I can try and minimize that .01% gap, but also so I can be confident that I am fulfilling the purpose behind why I was given it in the first place.

Here's the tricky thing… sometimes the goals we set for ourselves in regards to the talent we have, don't necessarily line up with the purpose of our talent. It's not a bad thing to strive to be the best at something, or to simply strive to be your very best at whatever you're doing. But the success aspect of it is more likely a byproduct or a stepping stone of sorts. Maybe this doesn't ring as true to you if your talent happens to be saving lives or teaching children, but if you're like me and your talents include running fast, jumping in sand, being a phenomenal Scrabble player, and finding the best restaurants a city has to offer, you might want to take a closer look at why you were created the way you were.

Like I said, it wasn't a coincidence. I know without a shadow of a doubt that most of you could try your hardest to be better than me at the talents I was blessed with and you would fail (and vice versa…unless your talent is Scrabble or any other word games). We can all try to be better at a lot of things, but we still are purposefully created to be talented in specific things. Now, the question is "Why?" Sometimes I like to tell the story about how I started running track by accident in high school -- that it basically was because I didn't make the varsity softball team and I was a little bitter so I figured I would go see what the track team was about instead. But I didn't just happen to be good at track, or work really hard and then develop into a person that was a decent athlete. It is my talent. And not just the actual running and jumping attributes, the mindset of a track athlete is imbedded in me. I am in competition mode nearly every minute of every day because I am just wired to be that way.

We are all unique in this way. I am positive that everyone is talented in their own way, some obvious and some not so in your face. Some of us have it figured out and are dialed in to the purpose of who they are and what they're about, and maybe some of us are still making sure we make the most of our talent. Here's to that journey...

Working Girl

2011-03-03T06:45:00.000-08:00

I'm sure everyone that stops by this blog is aware of what my day job is. But like every good working woman, I also have my side hustles. One such hustle involves a bit of sports modeling from time to time. Now don't get me wrong, I don't consider myself a "model." Not to knock them... the first time I ever had to take pictures that weren't for my facebook profile, I was amazed at the work it takes to make a picture look effortless. It's a lot tougher than it looks, especially when you have a crew of people worrying about the placement of your pinky finger and taking a million different takes that to the average joe all look the same. But that's their world and I gladly play along because... they pay. I bust my butt every single day just for the chance to make some dough so sitting around all day and posing on cue for a paycheck when I have the chance sounds like a no brainer to me.

So, a couple of weeks ago I was contacted by my agency in LA to see if I was interested in a job. However, this job wasn't print--my usual hustle of choice. I was going to be filming a fitness DVD (think P90x-ish). I had to look like I was in great shape (and send photos of myself that day to prove I hadn't become all Pillsbury recently), and actually be in great shape. I had to guarantee them I was in good "cardio shape"...that was the phrase they used. Now... what does that mean, exactly? Any jogger in America could probably beat me running a mile but I do work out all day, every day and so I'm sure that takes some kind of stamina. So, I assured them I could do the Ironman if needed and booked the job. I figured it would be a bunch of models who "play" athletes, and then me... the real deal. How hard could it really be?

I know nothing about fitness DVD's. I randomly will see a commercial for one and think to myself, "perhaps when I'm 45 that is what my workout routine will consist of.", but that's about it. Let me tell you, it was hard work and then some. For starters, we shot the series over 3 days, but folks getting in shape will complete it in an 8 week time frame. Not only that, we started over from scratch on Day 2 because on Day 1 (before I thought it was that difficult), the lead guy lost his voice and could no longer shout out the moves or encouraging words to the folks back at home. And now that I have actually completed these series of workouts, I can assure anyone who buys it that it is one heck of a workout--especially week 8--because I did it, and I barely lived to tell about it. I'm almost kidding.

All in all, it was a good experience. In a few months it will be on sale in Walmart, and if you didn't have reason enough before to go shopping there, you will now. Here are a few behind the scenes pics...

These ladies were AHHHH-mazing!!! I seriously had to step my game up or it would have been "goodbye, you are the weakest link."

By the end we were like best friends from summer camp!

Hanging out in the break room. I definitely had the worst snacking habits of the bunch. "umm, so nobody is going to eat that cake?"

It would have been a lot more enjoyable on set if there was a little eye candy...

The whole crew! Awesome people!!

Answered Prayer

2011-03-02T06:23:00.000-08:00

I believe in prayer.

I believe that when we pray, those prayers get answered. The difficulty comes sometimes in what form those answers take. Sometimes it's yes. Sometimes it's no. Sometimes it's not right now. I think the part where I get confused, is paying attention to when the answer is no. Sometimes I find myself structuring my prayers so that I really am only on the lookout for yes answers.

"Dear God, can you please help with this...Dear God, can you please give me this...Dear God, will you make this happen..." And so when I see these things that I've prayed earnestly about not happening, I figure God must be taking his sweet time and just hasn't gotten around to them yet. So I try to be patient and send some friendly reminders. Sometimes it takes quite some time for me to realize that He did answer me. The answer was no.

NO can be quite a hard pill to swallow. It just doesn't feel right. In reality, what it is is a reminder that we just don't always know enough to know what's best for us. In my very narrow-minded, tunneled-visioned view of life, I think I'm pretty adept at knowing what would be best for me, and I'd really like God to be onboard with that and get his blessings on my decisions. Totally backwards, I know. Luckily, God has caught on to me and doesn't let it roll that way. He tells me no over and over again, and when I still refuse to listen, he gives me the stiff arm when I try to do it anyway.

Hindsight is God's foresight. There are times, like today, when I finally get why I was having such a hard time getting God to answer my prayer. I wasn't paying attention to the answer He gave me. And now no makes total sense. I'm grateful for answered prayer.

**Obviously, this is not my normal type of blog post. It's more of a journal of sorts, but I don't actually have a journal so I wrote it down here instead.

Red Flag

2011-02-28T08:39:00.000-08:00

foul. foul. foul. foul. foul. foul. The End.

That was my response when my best friend asked me how the competition went, and really, there wasn't really much else to say about it. I'm pretty sure I had nightmares last night about raised red flags.

One of my goals in life is to run really fast for about 40 meters and then jump as far as I can without going over a 1.2 meter (4 inch) board they've slapped down at the end of the runway. Those 4 inches matter and I spend a great deal of time trying to master the art of not jumping even a centimeter past where I'm supposed to. Yesterday, I simply failed that test miserably.

There were plenty of people who tried to tell me I jumped well, but I would beg to differ. The best basketball player is not the one who wins the slam dunk contest or shoots the most 3 pointers during the All-Star game. Being a good long jumper is jumping well in competition and having them count by mastering the art of taking off from where I'm supposed to. I cannot put my best up against the best in the U.S. or the World if my jumps never even get recorded.

The last time I can remember completely fouling out of a competition (recorded no fair jumps) was back in 2004 at the Olympic Trials. It took me a while to realize that an occurrence like that was not simply bad luck or unfortunate circumstance, but a lack of mental focus that you need to have in this sport. The same is true for yesterday. Fouling happens in this event but six times in a row, being just about a toenails distance each and every time, is something I need to take ownership of and fix in my head more than anything else.

The good news is (besides saving money on my auto insurance) is that I am jumping well at this point in the season. I would definitely have a bigger problem on my hands if I was recording a bunch of jumps that were terrible and having to figure out that issue to solve. I am looking forward to my outdoor season and will be ready to put my best jumps against the top competitors in the world... and have them count.

Friendly Skies

2011-02-16T10:16:00.000-08:00

I travel A LOT. Sometimes I forget how much I travel versus the average human being, and how my knowledge of airports.. and airport security.. is probably far more more advanced than your average joe. Which is why I was so annoyed at myself this past weekend for making such a rookie mistake.

I was in line to go through airport security and had a choice between three lines to stand in. I did a quick survey of the people standing in line... yes, this is where stereotypes play a roll -- people with kids, the elderly, and those folks who obviously don't know what they're doing and come dressed with belt buckles the size of texas, all the jewelry they own, and $7.53 in change in their pockets should be spotted immediately and avoided if at all possible. So, I picked the most attractive line and began the process-- that I have almost mastered and could quite possibly patent-- of preparing to walk through security. I missed something though. This airport had turned one line into the full body scan and left the other two normal.

Now, for all intensive purposes I have chosen not to be bothered by the fact that sometimes I stand and have my whole entire body undressed as some person examines me in a closed off, dark room somewhere. I don't prefer it, but in the interest of sanity, I must accept that it is going to happen from time to time and there is not much I can do to avoid it, given my frequent travel schedule. But on this particular trip, it most definitely could be avoided. I could have very easily stood in the other two lines and bypassed this intrusive machine, and not only that, I had on my jeans with the studs on the pocket. Being that this is a machine where you must remove paper from your pockets, I knew I was in trouble.

And so it was. I was asked to step to the side while they reviewed my film, then asked to go into a small room with two airport employees. What happened next was what you would probably expect. I got felt up, in a medical way. Sure, they used the terms breasts, buttocks, and groin area but the fact of the matter is, I felt a little violated. They try to make it all better by using the back of their palm, but it's awkward nonetheless.

Has anyone else experienced this new form of security at the airport? I sure hope all of you who fly feel safer thanks to people like myself who make their way to back rooms...

True Love

2011-02-14T10:13:00.001-08:00

for God so loVed the world

that he gAve

His onLy

beggotEn

SoN

That whosoever

believeth In him

should Not perish

but have Everlasting life.

(John 3:16)

Weekend Update

2011-02-08T09:34:00.001-08:00

I'm back in the United States. You should never say such a thing when just a few days prior you were tweeting about your travels to Russia. Two nights of sleep are just not enough when you've made your way that far across the globe, but alas, it is what it is. Anyway, I'm back and the good/bad news is that I'm not even jet-lagged. I say "bad" because I always look forward to those first few mornings back from a trip when I wake up before dawn full of energy and ready to conquer the world. There is so much productivity happening at that time of day when you are up and wide awake! Sadly, I woke up at 8:30 this morning and still didn't feel like getting out of bed. That pretty much makes the only thing positive about this trip to Russia being the accumulation of miles as I start my journey towards 1K status on Star Alliance. Hey, at least I found a positive!

In all honesty, there really wasn't much positive about this weekend. Before going I thought about pulling out because I wasn't able to line up any other competitions afterwards and I didn't feel like a turnaround trip was the best idea, but then I would just be wasting the money I spent on getting a renewed passport and visa in a weeks time, and I really hate flushing money down the toilet like that. So I went. And after 20 hours of flying I fouled 3 times and had 1 below mediocre jump. But the good news is I saved 15% on my auto insurance.

As you can tell, I'm in a pretty good mood about the whole thing. It honestly didn't even seem worth the effort to pout about it. I'm excited to get back to a couple weeks of good training and then compete at Indoor Nationals at the end of the month. I'm back in San Diego, it's 70 degrees outside, and Russia is almost a distant memory by now.

Platforms

2011-02-03T04:48:00.000-08:00

This last sunday we had Pro Day at my church. Basically, it consisted of a few prominent professional athletes (Adrian Gonzalez, Chris Byrd, etc.) sharing their testimony and how God has worked in their lives and the role he plays in their career and success. Obviously I found it to be extremely interesting and enlightening, but that is in large part because I can somewhat relate to the lives they lead and the challenges they face (minus the big paychecks and actual fame.) But the majority of the people who go to my church are not professional athletes and I still think that the overall message was the same for all of us.

Athletes have an obvious platform. And the bigger and more prominent athlete you are, the more visible and important your platform can be. But regardless of whether or not you play professional sports, all of us have a platform, it just may vary a bit in size and scope. We all influence someone and have the opportunity to use that influence in a positive way. I talk about my faith and how it influences my life, but my most important duty is to show it. If there are people looking up to me or just looking at me period, I would hope that what I portray is in line with what I believe and that I can be influential in a way that matters.

I wonder if when people observe me, whether online or in person, they get a true sense of the kind of person I hope to be. I wonder if my ideals, values, morals, and beliefs are evident in the way I live my life and the way I portray myself. I wonder if the small, tiny platform I've been blessed with in my life is being utilized in the way it was intended. These are just some of the things I've been wondering lately. Do you ever think about the platform you've been given and in what way you are using it? It's rhetorical in a sense, but you are free to answer those questions, provided you promise to do so in a semi-respectable manner. ;)

It Counts...

2011-01-31T06:49:00.000-08:00

After this weekends competition, from what I have seen so far it looks like I just may have a world leading mark in the Long Jump at 6.74 meters. I'll take it. Whether or not I deserve it is questionable, however.

After Friday's competition I posted on twitter and facebook that I had jumped 6.61 and was pretty satisfied with the outcome of my first meet. I had a few missteps and it was a little shaky at times, but all that is to be expected at your first competition. The next morning though, I received a few messages asking why I had said I jumped 6.61 when the results said I jumped 6.74. Why in the world would I sell myself short like that?

Well, the truth of the matter is, I did jump 6.74. The other truth of the matter is it may or may not have been a foul. When I think back on it now, all the events seem a little hazy... Was it a red flag or a white one?...Did the judge yell fair or foul?? Who can really be sure what really happened?! Competing at altitude with a 5 hour energy and a few cups of coffee in your system is enough to make anyone a little dazed and confused. I'm going to go ahead and take the blame for being mistaken on this one, and accept my position at the top of the leader board like the gracious competitor that I am.

Whatever the case, I am satisfied with the start of my 2011 season. I am in a good place for this time of year and I also am very aware of the things I need to continue to work on and improve so that the big jumps will be there come summertime. Being able to jump over 6.70 at the beginning of the season, whether fair, foul, or flip a coin, is a very good sign of things to come.

Testing 1...2...3

2011-01-28T10:25:00.001-08:00

Next week I leave for Russia to compete against some of the best long jumpers out there. Before I go half way around the world to compete though, I thought it would be best to shake the dust off close to home, without the added pressure of top level competition. So, I'm in Albuquerque, competing against a few college kids in what I hope turns out to be a low key, low pressure situation that allows me to slowly piece together all the things I've been working on in practice in a meet situation.

Every so often, there will be other professionals or top level competitors that spoil this plan. I remember a few years ago showing up to a college meet in April, thinking I would shake the cobwebs off and run a 200 just for fun...I ended up chasing a Jamaican who proceeded to run a world leading time and left me eating her dust. It wasn't at all what I had imagined for the day. Whoever shows up today though, my plan is to focus only on my cues that I have been working on and making sure I can execute them in a meet setting. Because I never do all out long jumps in practice, these meets act as indicators for me and let me know that I'm on target with my training (or not).

I don't get paid for doing these meets. The most I get out of it is an extra chocolate chip cookie at check-in (shout out to DoubleTree hotel cookies!) and the ability to practice in a meet situation so that I am more prepared once I get to the paying meets. In the end it is a formula that I feel has worked well for me, but I do try to keep these freebies to a minimum. After all, this is my job and those socks don't buy themselves!

Flying to Russia

2011-01-25T09:10:00.000-08:00

Day 17

Something very horrible happened in Russia yesterday. A suicide bomber detonated a bomb at the airport that killed over 30 people and severely injured over 100 more. It was sad, senseless, and tragic. Sometimes things happen in other parts of the world that seem to not totally affect us because we are so far removed from it. But the fact of the matter is, I happen to be flying to that exact airport next week. So, when I heard about the story, it kind of hit a little more close to home.

Truth be told, I'm not nervous to fly to Russia. When something like this happens, the area becomes more secure and safe than it ever was. I remember flying the first day flights were able to resume after 9/11 and not only did I virtually have the whole plane to myself, the airport security was at such a high level, I felt like I was about to board Air Force 1. You couldn't even travel with your purse, let alone a ziplock baggy of small toiletries.

So please pray that the proverbial lightning doesn't strike twice in the same place. But also pray for all those who lost just lost their life to a senseless act of violence. And that I find someone to let me borrow a jacket that can handle a Russian winter.

To read about what happened, click here

My Twin

2011-01-24T06:19:00.000-08:00

This weekend we had some great family time celebrating my Mom's birthday. My sister showed up with the same hair style and a knock off pair of my sunglasses, because as we all know, she secretly wants to be just like me. And I guess for some people, that's all it takes for us to look like the same person. The bartender at the winery thought I was trying to get smashed by throwing back glasses of wine one after the other because he thought we were the same person.

Here is a picture of us from Saturday.

Now, I can see how we resemble each other enough to be sisters, but definitely not the same person. I went through some of our archives and found some pictures where she tried her best to look like me.

This is something she started quite young...

As they say... Imitation is the best form of flattery!!

Haunted

2011-01-21T06:59:00.000-08:00

Day 15

**Edit: Due to the complete ignorance and stupidity of the poster, the picture in question has been removed due to the fact that you shouldn't really share your passport information on the world wide web. In my defense, the passport is no longer valid, but I doubt that makes too much of a difference.**

For the last ten years I have been haunted. Not by a person, not by an experience, but by a picture... A picture I have to show people multiple times a year on demand. Each time I do, there is an evident cringe, and I'd like to just take a few minutes and tell them the story.

I would explain how 10 years ago I never knew that my life would consist of flying over 100,000 miles a year and so I didn't really consider the ramifications of taking a decent passport photo or that this particular photo would be a huge part of my life for the next decade. I was so new to the whole process (this being my first passport and all), that I didn't know you couldn't just take a photo with a hat on. So, when I showed up to snap my pic and I was told to remove my hat, I had no readily available mirror to look in. I simply shook my head upside down and proceeded to put it up in a ponytail. I was alone and in a hurry. Nobody was around to tell me that I resembled Buckwheat's older sister, who also inadvertantly got stuck in lightning just after she finished plucking her eyebrows into obvlivion. If I could find that picture taker now, I'd go back and put part of the blame on him. He should have known better, really. He could have told me that there was an explosion coming out of my scull that would haunt me for the next ten years of my life, and maybe, just maybe, I'd like a redo.

I am happy to announce that my 10 years is up. My days of being haunted and feeling embarassed in passport lines will soon be behind me. Today, I took a new passport photo. I had always planned to go ahead and get professional hair and makeup done for this one, but as luck would have it, I found out last minute that I needed a new passport, like, yesterday and so there really wasn't time for that. What I did do, however, is ask to see my picture after the first take and then kindly ask for a redo. It was the least I could do.

Head Help

2011-01-20T06:41:00.000-08:00

Day 14

There are a lot of resources available to athletes that train at the Olympic Training Center. And because they come at no cost to us, it makes them that much more valuable. One of the greatest, and possibly most overlooked resource, is our very own sports psychologists that help us with the most important part of athletics. That space between your ears has to be given the same kind of attention as all your other training. It took me a long time to realize how important it truly was, but now that I know, I'm one of the biggest proponents.

I used to cringe at the idea of talking about "feelings" and having someone try and pull things out of me while I lay on a couch and reach for a box of tissues while a soothing waterfall babbles in the background. But that's not it at all. Well, at least the type I see. I've been able to be in such better control of what I do and have a better vision of what I'm trying to accomplish, far better than I ever would without this help. I still have a long way to go, but I see the progress I make when I work on training the mental side of my sport with a qualified professional.

The longer I've been seeing him, the more I continue to broaden his uses. Technically, he's a "sports psychologist" but I tend to use him for everything. And that makes sense. Everything that goes on in your life has an impact on how you train, how you prepare for competition, and what kind of emotional state you're in on a day to day basis. Just the ability to talk to someone who is legally bound to not repeat or gossip about anything you tell them is an asset. It's to the point now where I only have to say hello and he can tell that something is bothering me. Then it's only a matter of moments before I'm spilling my guts and that release always feels better, even if all I did was talk about it.

If you're an athlete and you don't talk to a sports psychologist, I would highly recommend it. If it can be worked into the budget I promise you that at times you will find it just as important as your coach, strength coach, massage therapist, and chiropractor... combined. Making one part of your team might just be the best thing you ever did for yourself.

High School Track

2011-01-19T09:38:00.001-08:00

Day 13

It's been years and years (and years and years) since I was an athlete in high school, but there are some things I still remember vividly. I didn't know much of anything about the sport of track and field outside my very small bubble. I knew nobody who competed in college (and certainly not a professional) and all I was worried about was how to do the least amount of work at practice and win on Thursdays. Over the years I developed an appreciation for what I was doing and knowledge that would help me accomplish bigger and better goals. But I know that there are things I could have learned a lot sooner and goals I probably would have achieved a lot faster if I had just been better informed and knew a little more.

Yesterday I spent my afternoon talking with a local high school track team here in San Diego. One of my college teammates is the head coach and he asked me to come speak to his team and share my knowledge. I have no problem getting up in front of a group of people and giving a speech on all the important aspects of being a good athlete. I can talk all day about motivation, confidence, developing a good work ethic, etc, etc. And I suppose I did touch on those things a bit. But mostly I just let them ask me questions. Any questions they could think of. I remember being exactly where they are and all the stuff I just didn't know because there was really nobody to ask.

What workout do I hate doing the most?
Do I have a boyfriend and how do I balance my social life?
Do I ever cry after I don't do well?
What if your coach thinks you can do something you don't think you can?
What if you don't get along with your coach?
Do I eat well?
Is lifting going to make your arms all buff?
When did I know I wanted to be a professional?
How do I prepare for a meet?
...

After the first person was brave enough to speak up, the questions kept coming and coming. And I appreciated their curiosity and desire to know. I think back at all the things I didn't know back then and wish someone would have came by to drop just a little bit of knowledge on me. So, if you are a high schooler (or not) and you have a question, now is your time to ask. Fire away..

Pain Management

2011-01-18T09:49:00.000-08:00

Day 12

I may look young, but my body feels very old sometimes. I woke up this morning with a stiff lower back and knee instability that always rears its ugly head first thing in the morning. As I was walking to the bathroom in a hunched position, with one hand on my back, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Who am I, a 70 year old Grandma walking around a nursing home?!It was comical almost, except I was still wincing too much to chuckle.

The truth of the matter is, I don't remember the last time my body felt completely good, I've just begun to measure how I feel in terms of it not being so bad. I saw the doctor yesterday and I was rambling off the body parts I was having issues with... my left shin that has such bad shin splints I wince from the slightest touch...my right knee that basically has arthritis and is very temperamental in the morning, but also when I jump and it just decides to buckle and not cooperate when it needs to, which is understandable seeing as how it's missing a chunk of cartilage...my shoulder that almost came out of the socket the other day during lifting that happened to be the opposite shoulder of the one I dislocated a few years ago... . But I followed up this list, with I'm feeling pretty good right now.

And in the crazy world that I live in, that's actually the truth. If my shin splints turn to a stress fracture, that will be trouble. If pieces of cartilage break off again and cause my knee to lock and be inoperable, I'd be out of commission. If my shoulder had actually dislocated and I had to wear that awful sling for six weeks, I'd be really bummed since that's my writing hand and such. But aches and soreness are par for the course. And these little issues I'm experiencing just need to be controlled so that they don't turn into something really problematic.

Athletes control the pain, but we never really expect to be pain free. I don't remember what that even feels like, and by the time I'm done beating my body up, I may never know. I'm on my way to the athletic training room before practice so I can tape things back in place, put a heating pad on my back, and do some quick rehab exercises before I go to work. And today I feel pretty good...

MLK

2011-01-17T11:09:00.001-08:00

Day 11

Martin Luther King Day always inspires me.

To do more.
To want more.
To be more.

I hope it does the same for you.

(if you think about it, if it weren't for him there may have not been a me...)

Enjoying the Sunshine..

2011-01-14T15:32:00.000-08:00

Day 10

People come from all over the world to train at the Olympic Training Center during the winter months. I never really thought much about it, but this week, as I see athletes training hard all day long and soaking up every last bit of sunshine, I kind of get it. It's easy to train in San Diego. While the rest of the country is shoveling snow and trying to stay dry, we are enjoying 75 degrees with a light breeze. Besides that ridiculous storm a few weeks ago, it's like that here more often than not and I've learned to appreciate the added value that brings to training. I work harder and enjoy training that much more because I get to do so in perfect weather pretty frequently.

It's Friday now...the end of my work week...and I'm absolutely exhausted. But I feel like I've put in a great week of practice and I've enjoyed working hard AND working on my tan. Now I'm going to enjoy a couple of days off, recuperate, and hit it hard again next week. I've already checked the weather and it seems I have some more sunshine coming that I must take advantage of. :)

Have a great weekend!!

(sunset last week at Sunset Cliffs)

Finding Motivation

2011-01-13T14:36:00.000-08:00

Day 9

Today I was out at the track basically all alone. Which is fine. I sometimes like it when it's serene and peaceful versus the organized chaos that usually exists out there. But when elements of my training require me to push myself to the max, I sometimes struggle to find the right kind of motivation when it's just practice. In competition, it comes easy. The atmosphere is buzzing, you have competitors there to push you, and your adrenaline is on overdrive. But at the end of practice today, I just had myself, my coach, and a laser beam to run my flying 20's through.

The first two were mediocre. They were fine for practice, but they definitely weren't lighting up the track. For the third one I tried a little self-talk just to see if I could get a little more out of myself and it worked. Not to shabby. My coach proceeded to tell me it was the fastest time he's ever had someone run at this time of the year. Well, he's coached at BYU for the past 30 years so while that may not hold much weight in my head looking at the big scheme of things, I am guessing it was supposed to make me feel satisfied with my effort. But he then followed up with that statement by telling me I was just a hair off of the best time he's ever had any of his athletes run. It was meant as a "job well done" but I didn't take it that way. I saw it as an immediate challenge.

And that was all I needed. My next run smashed his all-time coaching record. Unknowingly, he had given me my motivation to dig deeper. Because I hate. To. Lose. I create competition whenever possible and now that I had a specific challenge in front of me, I could rise to the occassion, so to speak. Sure, it existed only in my head...these athletes from the past 30 years aren't people I really know, nor do I consider them my competition, but they presented me the opportunity to make them my competition for the day.

Sometimes motivation comes in various forms. For me, when I can make something a competition and find someone to be a competitor, I am able to dig that much deeper to get the job done. I'm pretty sure I would have been the fastest gal ever to go to BYU had I gone there, but now I think it's official. :)

The Secrets of a Six-Pack

2011-01-12T09:26:00.000-08:00

Day 8

I use 24 hour fitness facilities quite frequently when I'm not training at the Olympic Training Center. I always try to go incognito--meaning not head to toe spandex and definitely no midriff bearing tops. People stare. And then they ask questions. Many times they like to know how and what--how can they get their stomach muscles to appear and what exercises should they be doing. This past weekend I was at the gym and by the end of my core workout I was giving mini lessons. It wasn't planned, buy my ipod died on me and I happened to be in a sharing mood that day. And since I'm still in a sharing mood, I figured I would share with you as well...

Watch what you eat. I am constantly watching what I eat. I watch it sit on my plate and then find it's way to my mouth. Pizza...french fries...chocolate...you name it. But if you aren't working out hours a day and you don't have lightning fast metabolism, I would suggest you watch a little more carefully than I do.

Lower your body fat percentage. This is key. If you want a flatter looking stomach and for there to be an outline of muscles, you have to get rid of the fat that's on top of it. You can spend all the time in the world building up a strong core, but if it's hidden, the world will never see it. The main reason why people in my sport have six-packs is because our training usually creates athletes with low body fat percentage. It's also why it's easier for men than women--men just typically have lower body fat. So before you sit down to do a set of crunches, run some intervals and eat some broccoli.

Work a core routine into your your regular exercise routine. I have never been the person to do 5000 sit-ups before bed. I also don't believe in strapping some vibrating gadget to my midsection while I sit back and watch T.V. Sprinting and the type of explosive training I do engages my core and works my stomach muscles all the time. Beyond that, I just incorporate core work the same way I do flexibility and anything else that's going to help my overall training. I'm big on using the physioball, medicine balls, plates, hanging from a bar... basically I like variety. But if you're able to use a physioball and put yourself in an unstable environment that causes you to engage your core already, you're doing twice the work and getting more accomplished. Core work is part of my warm-up, cool-down, and work that I do in the weight room. That way I am always getting it in, but not feeling like it's a chore.

Blame your parents. You can either thank them or tell them it's their fault that you aren't walking around with ripped abs. I can't recall either of my parents ever having a six-pack, but I know that it has to be part of my genetics that I don't carry much fat around my midsection and I'm able to tone very easily.

Those are my secrets. If you want an actual routine to follow, try to catch me at the local 24-hour fitness with a dead ipod and a welcoming smile on my face.

I COOK!!

2011-01-10T23:09:00.001-08:00

Day 7

I do a lot of things well. I'm sure there are a few things that I don't do very well but I can't think of them at the moment. For years though, I thought that I couldn't cook. I don't know where I got the notion from...perhaps I thought cooking was a hereditary skill so I had no chance, or maybe I thought people who cooked had to also clean...whatever the case, I just didn't really see a real need for me to be in the kitchen. I always hoped that I'd marry a man who loved to cook or eat out all the time--otherwise we'd be in trouble.

Lately though, I'm finding that I like being in the kitchen. I like making things and having people enjoy it. Of course, it's still a bit nerve-racking because not everything in my arsenal is a surefire hit, but I definitely find myself having more hits than misses. I know I'm no Paula Deen or Wolfgang, but it's a nice feeling to know people aren't secretly feeding the dog when you offer them something you've made.

The crazy thing is though, I have the aura of a non-cooking person. There is something about me...the way I talk...the way I look....the way I eat...whatever it is, that says there's no way I know how to make anything worth eating. My friends constantly act surprised and check the trash for hidden takeout trays if they taste something they actually like. So I take that as a personal challenge. I've decided I want to have regular dinner parties and get togethers where I'm the hostess with the mostess. Right now though, my surefire hits don't make up that long of a list. But I am open to ideas and recipes so please feel free to share your own hits. (with step by step directions if at all possible.) And if you've had the pleasure of not getting food poisoning after eating something I've cooked, speak up! This is a great resume builder skill I've heard. :)

My Last Set of Goals

2011-01-10T09:30:00.001-08:00

Day 6

It doesn't seem like too many people are interested in my goal setting, but that's ok. I guess that's why they're mine in the first place. :)

My last category of goals deals with how I can do better with the people in my life. When my best friend first asked me what kind of relationship-related goals I wanted to make for 2011, I quickly responded FIND A HUSBAND! And as much as I was kidding...I wasn't totally kidding. She reminded me that I don't really have any control over that, that it's all in God's perfect timing and blah, blah, blah. And I get it, really I do. So we decided on a compromise...

RELATIONSHIP GOALS

Ask God to continue to work on the woman that I am, so that someone will want to catch a grenade for me. (If you don't listen to Top 40, I can't help you with that one.) As fabulous as I am, I still have some serious flaws...and you think this is your chance to tell me how un-fabulous I am, you are totally missing the point. I am a total work in progress and I always will be. But the more time I take to figure out who I am and grow into the woman I want to be, the more likely I am to attract the kind of person I desire to be with. And that is something I have total control over.

Be nicer to people. This may seem like a "fluff" statement, but I assure you it's not. Generally speaking, I am a nice person...to people I know. But far too often I meet people and after they get to know me, they tell me that before they knew me they thought I was mean...or stuck up...or intimidating...basically, just not nice. I have no desire to be any of those things, but I also don't want people thinking that I might be. So I think what it boils down to is putting more effort in to how I come across to people.

Learn to love. This past year I read this book called "The Five Love Languages." I think I read it a tad too late to help with the current situation I was in, but it taught me a lot about how to love. Now I need to apply it. Sure, it was written for romantic relationships, but I think it works for all the relationships in your life. Then, once I do have a stable, committed romantic relationship in my life, I can put all my newfound knowledge to use. Then it's a done deal. I will be basically perfect at that point. :)

Goals that Really Matter

2011-01-06T22:44:00.001-08:00

Who I am off the track is something I try to share on here quite frequently. The majority of people who find this blog or decide to read might do so because I'm an athlete and they like track and like me as an athlete...or they don't like me as an athlete and that's their motivating factor for visiting. I get that. But if all I ever talked about was one facet of my life, it would be quite the lopsided picture. I've always felt like I could tell my story as an athlete better if I share more of who I am. So I do...like it or not.

SPIRITUAL GOALS

Complain less. How is this spiritual? Well that's easy. Every time I complain, I'm essentially saying that God's messing up and things shouldn't be how they are. But if things shouldn't be how they are, then either I'm doing something wrong or I'm not being patient enough for it to all make sense and work out the way it's supposed to. The point is, I'm where I'm at for a reason.

Give more. More of my time. More of my money. More of myself. I can be selfish in a lot of ways but I've learned more and more that going to Church is not nearly as important as being the Church. It takes effort, but that effort is so worth it and so rewarding that I know I need to do more.

Stay focused on what's important. Let's be honest...God doesn't care how far I jump in sand. In and of itself, that's not what's important to Him. I believe it's my talent and I know he gives us all special and unique talents for a reason, but the reason isn't always what we want it to be. It's what we do with those talents that should give glory where it belongs. I guess what I'm saying is I just need to remember that ultimately it's not about me.

Time for Goal Setting

2011-01-05T22:19:00.001-08:00

Day 4

It's still the first week of 2011, which means I'm technically still allowed to write posts about New Years Resolutions. After this week, however, it becomes totally passé, so if you haven't gotten around to yours, you only have a few days left. I actually hadn't made any definitive resolutions but after a conversation with my best friend, she forced me to buckle down and make concrete goals for the upcoming year. These were her rules (yes, rules for goal setting): There are three categories for you goals, professionally, spiritually, and relationally...each category must have three main goals... after all that, pick one main goal out of those. I'll break it up for you and start with the first category today...

PROFESSIONAL GOALS FOR 2011

1. Be a consistent competitor. I will be better this year, I'm quite sure of it. But my main parameter for being better, is being really good all of the time. I want consistency in my performances and first and foremost that starts with a mindset.

2. Have a successful Outdoor National Championships. Nationals is an important goal because you can't make the World Championship Team without it. You can be the best jumper in the world and if you don't perform at that meet it won't matter. I want to win of course, but the goal is to be Top 3 and secure a spot on the World Team. Because the United States has such depth of talent, it requires us to peak twice during the season, and this will be my first "peak".

3. Perform well at the World Championships in Daegu. I've made World Championship teams before but I consider myself a participant. This year I want to be a factor. I want to show up mentally and physically prepared to do my absolute best. I don't want to just make the final like last year, I want to make the medal stand.

So, those are my professional goals for the year, written in black and white for everyone to see, but more importantly for me to commit wholeheartedly to. It's important to write goals down, because that makes them real. So, feel free to share your professional goals since I've shared mine with you. They don't need to involve jumping in sand or anything earth shattering like that... :)

The Tree in the Forest

2011-01-05T08:38:00.001-08:00

I've been a little down lately and have done my share of complaining. I know this. And in case I didn't know it, there have been a few people who have pointed it out to me, lest I think my problems and circumstances hold a candle to people who have real issues in life. That's hardly something you feel like hearing when you're depressed though, especially from people who don't know you personally. Everyone wants their life to seem significant and for their personal story to makes sense in a fair and understandable way.

But what if the story isn't about you?

I was struck with that question just the other day as I was reading a book about life and the story we choose to live. It's so easy to get caught up in ourselves and what's happening to us, but the story our lives tell is part of a much bigger story, with an author who has a much grander storyline. I'm a tree in a story about a forest. When I let myself get carried away with what's happening with the tree, I'm acting as if the story of the tree is more important than the story of the forest.

God is telling a story about the forest. I play a part in that story, but I'm not the story. Sometimes it's not about me. Sometimes my struggles, my pains, my failures, my hardships, my whatever, have another purpose that I don't even see. And they probably aren't that big to begin with. I imagine I'm still a small, developing tree at that...

Be Relaxed and Be Mean

2011-01-04T09:36:00.001-08:00
I got some strange advice today. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized it made a whole lot of sense. Right now I'm working with a certain level of ability but if you asked me if I thought that ability was being maximized, I'd tell you absolutely not. Luckily, every person that knows me in an athletic capacity would agree. So, without getting any better than I already am (even though i will), what could I do to perform better at my current talent level?

Be meaner and be more relaxed. At the same time.

That might not make sense to everyone, but I believe if you're an athlete and you let that ruminate for a little while, you'll begin to understand. Maybe you'd use slightly different adjectives, but the sentiment would be the same. For me personally, the combination of those two works well. My determination and focus need to be such that people see me competing and they know I mean business... that there is nothing that is going to stand in the way of me achieving what I set out to achieve. Perhaps you'd see a person in that mindset and they look slightly intimidating. Fear and doubt is nowhere to be found. I want to be that person. And in the midst of all that, I want to stay relaxed. I want to stay in control and welcome the pressure of big time situations without letting it get the best of me.

For years I would have the song Eye of the Tiger playing on my iPod while I was warming up for competitions. I think Tigers do a great job of being mean and relaxed at the same time. They have an intensity and a focus about them that let's you know they are about taking care of business and that they are in perfect control. Tigers get it. I need to take some cues from them.

What do you think....am I close?!!

Any other word combinations you can think of that get at the same sentiment? I might have to borrow them...

21 Day Challenge

2011-01-02T22:55:00.001-08:00
Day 1

Today I'm starting my 21 days of continuous blogging to see if I can reignite my passion for sharing with friends and strangers alike all that happens in my so-called fabulous life. Im hoping to make this a habit, like it once was, and less of a chore that I get around to maybe twice a month. Anyone that knows me understands that writing is my favorite form of communication, so I hope that I can get back into the swing of things and make this fun again.

Now let's be honest, 21 days straight means there's bound to be a bunch of mindless rambling. I say this on day 1 to forewarn those people who come to this blog expecting to find me talking about how we can create world peace and find a cure for cancer. For some reason there has seem to be a misconception by some folks and I'd like to just put a few things out there so we can all be on the same page...

* The blog is about ME. That should be evident from the title, but just in case it's not, just know that if it's not related to my life in some way, I probably am not blogging about it.

* Sometimes things bum me out and I talk about it. I know that as a whole, i have an extremely blessed life, but I do get down about things every once in a while. I'm human. Shoot me.

*you get no extra credit for reading this blog. It's not mandatory and nobody is forcing you. The beauty of living in America is I can write about whatever I like, and you can choose to read it...or not. Yay for freedom!

I'd like to thank everyone for the kind words of encouragement and please continue to check back regularly...or at least for the next 21 days!

2010: Year in Review

2010-12-30T06:07:00.000-08:00
I can't believe 2010 is almost over. I know people say that all the time, and sure I've said that too in years past, but it seems like the older I get, the more the years just fly by. Can anybody that's really old attest to that? As I close out 2010 I'd like to make note of all the significant occurrences that happened this last year, both good and didn't seem so good at the time. As we all know, life is about the journey, so here's where mine has been in the last 365 days...

PERSONAL

*Bomb Squad is still going strong. I know people think it's cheesy and lame that we call ourselves that (you're right, by the way), but we aren't putting it to rest any time soon. Even when you think that you have the best friends in the world at age 14, it hardly ever stays that way and I find myself incredibly blessed by the way our friendship has grown and maintained over the years. I've added a couple other people to my very inner circle, and suffice to say I am hands down positive I have the best friends in the world.

*I've started--and ended--two romantic relationships over the past year. I don't know if I'm quite ready to put meaning to that, but it is what it is. I have faith God knows what he's doing and he's going to blow my socks off. Plus, I've grown a lot and learned a lot and I'm a better potential partner because of it. Someone out there is gonna be lucky. ;)

*My sister has finally come to terms with the fact that I'm better looking and funnier than her. Oh...and that she will never beat me at words with friends. You can't run from reality forever.

*At about this time last year, I made a few specific resolutions that were tied to my faith and the spiritual side of my life. I made a commitment to read my bible daily, tithe an actual 10%, begin attending a bible study, and start helping others. I can see the difference it's made in me and I'm happy I stuck with those resolutions.

PROFESSIONAL

*I coached myself. At the beginning of last year I was so confused as to what I should do and where I should go, but I ended up trusting in my own ability and talent and made the best of the situation right where I was at. I'm happy I did it, I'm happy with what I achieved, and I know there isn't much I can't do if I put my mind to it. Not too shabby, coach Bri.

*I still don't have a sponsor. It irks me because I know that I have achieved enough to deserve one, but then again, the word "deserve" is so relative. The upside to this is that I get to wear gold shorts and fun socks. (obviously I'm trying to look at the bright side.)

*I haven't learned to be consistent. I know that I have it in me to be great, but before that can happen, I need to learn how to be consistently good. There were some definite bright spots this season, but there were also many lows that didn't have to happen. I got injured, yea, but I also just flat out didn't perform when I could have/should have. Overall this season I give myself a B-. My brightest spots were Indoor Nationals (indoor personal best and top 2 to make the world team), New York Diamond League (traveling back from a disappointing Europe stint where I jumped terrible, and winning New York by just changing my mindset), and Outdoor Nationals (placing top 3 with a personal best, all while jumping on a muscle I tore before the comp started). The low points was pretty much the whole second half of the outdoor season, but mainly the Diamond League final and Continental Cup. Bleh!

Lately I have felt that my life is playing tricks on me, and all the sudden I have been feeling a little lost and confused, and I think that's why I'm happy the New Year is here. I realize it's only a day...nothing about your circumstances change from December 31st to January 1st, but it's a nice time to get yourself to regroup and refocus on your goals and aspirations that lie ahead. I expect big things in this next year and I want to know that I
am ready to embrace all that is in store for me. 2010 was good...but I want 2011 to be better!

To Blog or Not to Blog...

2010-12-28T06:22:00.000-08:00
They say it takes 21 days before something to become habit forming, but I've never seen any data on how long it takes to fall out of the habit of doing something you used to do regularly.

I used to blog on the regular. In fact, I used to think in blog form. Life would happen and I'd immediately think about it in terms of a blog post, complete with all my witty remarks. If I achieved something, I'd be sure to let my cyber friends know, and if I was struggling I'd share that too...because no story is complete if the lows aren't mentioned. Plateaus are booooring. But it seems I've fizzled out a bit. Now, life happens and I think of how I can share it in 140 characters or less. (mom, that means Twitter.).

So now, after 3 1/2 years of sharing a good portion of my life on the web, I'm struggling to decide if I have anything left to share. There is nothing worse then having a blog that is irregular. It's not good for the folks who read, who come to expect and look forward to your completely random and narcissistic ramblings, and it's not good for the writer, because not blogging regularly makes actually sitting down to write a blog really hard. Nothing seems quite worth it or important enough to share.

So before I enter 2011 I feel like i should make a decision. Either blog for 21 days straight and making blogging a habit again, or say farewell to what has been a great outlet to share my story and show the world a little piece of Bri they might not have known otherwise. I'm asking for thoughts and insight because I've always felt like blogging was about the community. Otherwise, let's face it--I could be writing in my diary and do whatever I please.

Maybe i have become boring and repetitive...let's face it, for 8 months out of the year my life is quite dull. There's only so many ways to tell you how excruciatingly awful taking an ice bath is. And unfortunately, my dating life has once again found it's way to ground zero, so no exciting news on that front either. I already know there are those folks who think I'm completely self-absorbed and think My life is far more fabulous than it really is. Those folks love to comment for some reason. This is your chance.

If I do stop, I will write a proper goodbye post (this ain't it!)... And if not, I'm counting on some help to inspire me in the coming year. For now, feel free to share your thoughts. We can come to a decision together...

Maxed Out

2010-12-20T10:35:00.001-08:00
In training last week we maxed out in the weight room. Basically what that means for all you non-meatheads is we test to see where our strength levels are at by lifting heavy amounts of weight until we find our 1 rep max. The thing about it is, you usually can't tell whether or not you can lift anymore until you fail. That's what happened to me in the bench press. I gradually increased to a heavy weight (for me) picked the weight up off the rack, held it up above my head and took a few deep breaths, then lowered it down to my chest. When I went to transition the weight off my chest and push it back up, it got stuck and it wasn't going anywhere. That's when my spotter steps in and helps me lift the weight back up so it doesn't crush me.

That's my metephor for life right now.

I feel as if I'm laying down on the bench with this tremendous weight above my head and I'm just holding it up there because I can already tell that it's too much for me to lift. If I lower it down at this point and time it will crush me. I know it's heavy. i can feel it. And right now while it's at arms distance I feel like I can manage by just holding it there. So that's what I'm doing. I'm holding it up and taking deep breaths, all while trying to figure out a way to keep it from crushing me. Sooner or later I know I'm going to have to deal with it. But right now it's a matter of whether or not it comes crashing down or I somehow find the strength to lower it down on my own and then push it back up and off of me. I need to tap in to a strength that I don't know if I have or not.

I am a strong person, both physically and emotionally. But we all have our limits. And I hate failing. I hate when I feel like something has got the best of me. After that day in the weight room I knew that next time I maxed out I would not fail at that same weight. I'd work hard to get stronger because I believed I should be lifting more than that. I suppose this will be the same way. Maybe it gets the best of me and maybe I'm not able to handle it, but after it's over I will find a way to be stronger the next time around.

I have my spotters. Even though they can't make the hurt go away or stop the pain from coming, the people that truly do love and care about me will do what they can to help. I'm grateful for at least that because my arms are trembling and I don't know how much longer I can hold this up...

My Navy Seals Experience

2010-11-24T09:58:00.000-08:00
My experience at the Navy Seals yesterday was incredible. It was harder than I imagined and more motivational than I could have hoped for. If you don’t know a Navy Seal, you should try and meet one. These people are truly something special, and it’s not because they possess something more than you or I do, but they’ve trained themselves to dig so far deep inside themselves, that they don’t believe in the impossible. The fact that that is possible for virtually anyone, is what they tried to impart to us. Being on the athletic field and on the battlefield is basically the same mentality. (Besides the idea you could die, of course.) The way they train to prepare for war and to know that they’re prepared for any situation they might find themselves in, is to learn how to get past the uncomfortable. It’s training your mind to understand that how you might feel is not important, it’s finding a way to accomplish the task you have in front of you. Excuses are simply reasons why you fail. If you rid your mind of excuses why you can’t do something, then you allow yourself to find a way to get it done.

AHHH!! I love it.

All the speeches and videos we watched when we arrived had me pumped up and eager to face what we had in store for the day. But before we even got outside to get started, we had pushups. That’s when I knew we were in trouble. My arms were shaking before we even did one. We all got down in pushup position and then he started in on a monologue that wouldn’t end. No knees allowed…back has to stay straight…and finally we had to start…then stop…then start…then start from the beginning because we weren’t in unison…and finally, “recover”. Now we can get started. The sad part was my arms already felt like jello.

We started on the obstacle course. Walls to climb over, barbed wire to climb under, ropes to climb up, swing on, and shimmy across. The works. It was so upper body intensive that I felt like I wouldn’t be able to grasp a pencil half way through. But no one cared. At one point I went to swing on a rope and land on top of a beam and I was so out of it I smacked into the beam and ended up on my back on the ground. That’s when I knew I needed to focus. Mind over matter. Because nobody cared that my forearms were the size of Popeye’s or that I’d just created the bruise the size of Texas on my shin. At the end of it though, after you’ve finished and can “Hoo-rah O course”, you feel a great sense of accomplishment. You’re happy that there was no way over the wall except for over it and no girl rope to climb.

After that though, things got ugly. They got ugly, and wet, and dirty, and miserable. It was about 60 degrees out yesterday, which is still a little chilly when you’re dry. But where is the fun in that? After it was all said and done I think we jumped in the ocean about six times. You had to be wet from head to toe. I tried to dodge this and at first just went shoulder to toe because…you know…my hair, but I quickly got sent back in the ocean. After we emerged from the ocean, we rolled in the sand, bear clawed back to the ocean, then slithered in the sand some more. My fatigues were heavy and wet and falling off me, but it didn’t matter. I was shivering and miserable, but nobody cared. In fact, they kept yelling that in your ear. “Nobody cares that you’re uncomfortable! Who gives a s#it that you’re wet and covered in sand! We could care less about your feelings! How you feel doesn’t matter!” And sooner or later, you got it…sort of. You were going to be totally out of your comfort zone and you had to find a way to be okay with it. How you felt had nothing to do with whether or not you were going to accomplish something and you had to disassociate the two really quick.

Then we were put in teams and there were logs to carry on your shoulder and boats to carry on your head. And run with. And lunge with. And squat with. And do sit ups with. And of course pushups. There was always pushups. That whole process was trying because I’m not used to teamwork. But it made you rely on people and you knew that they were relying on you. When you are part of a team you can’t quit and let other people down because it gets hard for you. It’s just as hard for them. They’re over there with snot running out of their nose, grunting and trying to keep the log from slipping, how can I slack because I feel uncomfortable?

I’d love to explain in detail the entire day, but it’s hard for words to do it justice. I’m hoping that next week I can share a video so you can get a better idea of the experience. But as crappy as my body feels today and all the new bruises and scrapes I acquired, the pounds of sand I had to try and wash out of my hair, and the hypothermia I’m sure I experienced (okay, so I’m dramatic), I’m glad I did it.

Working Hard

2010-11-15T06:03:00.000-08:00
I’ve always been the type of person who gives my best. That is…unless it was time to practice. In years past, I was not what you would call a “practice person.” In my mind, I didn’t quite see the correlation. When it came time to be competitive in competition, then I’m your (wo)man. But putting yourself through pain and torture when it didn’t count for the W just wasn’t really my thing. Believe me, I was complaining about practice far before Allen Iverson ever did.

In fact, this was how I became a jumper in the first place. Back in high school I thought the sprinters workouts were a little too hard. I realized that if I said I wanted to do both long and triple jump, I could do a little more bounding and a little less repeat 200’s. Done. I tried this same strategy in college early on in my career when I tried telling my coach I didn’t think I was really a 200 meter runner, that maybe I was more cut out for the shorter distances. I’d try anything to try and cut down on those speed endurance workouts. Unfortunately being a Pac-10 and National Champion in the 200 meters blew that theory out of the water and I had to find a way to deal with the pain of the workouts I dreaded most. But that didn’t mean I wouldn’t whine about them. Tie my shoes to buy more time in between intervals. Hide in the bathroom and pretend I was sick.

So imagine my own surprise when this Saturday, when I had the day OFF, I find myself out at the track running repeat 200’s when I didn’t have to. I just decided I’d help a friend get through a workout that is much easier doing with another person and in the process I could help my own fitness. Who am I???

Granted, I know doing extra workouts isn’t always the smart answer or the best way to improve, but it is indicative of how I’ve grown over the years. I started out in this sport relying solely on my athletic talents and my ability to out compete anyone I came across. And while I still believe that there is absolutely no substitute for having the “eye of the tiger”, I also know that hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard. I have the talent but I’m also going to work hard. Harder than I ever have.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m a long jumper and short sprinter for a reason. I’m smart about the events I decided to be talented in. ☺

An Open Letter...

2010-11-08T08:08:00.000-08:00
Dear Person who found my Ipad on the plane:

I’m writing this letter to you in hopes that you have come across my prized possession and for some reason or another, also happen to stumble across this blog. Perhaps you see my name and decide to google it. (Since I do this regularly, I know that this blog will be one of the first links to pop up.)

I just want you to know that I adore my Ipad 3G. Ask anyone. It has been attached to me like an additional appendage ever since I got it as a gift six months ago. It’s one of those additions to your life where, after having it for a certain period of time you think back in awe at how you ever survived without it. You’ve probably heard all the hype about it and wanted to see what it was all about. I get it. An Ipad doesn’t seem as personal as, say, a blackberry. It doesn’t seem as important as someone’s laptop. So perhaps that’s why you weren’t inclined to turn it in right away once you stumbled upon it in the seat pocket of the airplane. In fact, when I called the airline to inquire if anyone had turned it in, the lady kind of chuckled to herself once I mentioned what I was missing. It was a sort of good luck with that one type of chuckle. I almost got the sense she didn’t even want to put down the phone and check as it was obviously going to be a waste of her time. Unless the pope happened to be on the flight from Las Vegas to Denver and sat in the same seat I had just vacated, my chances were slim.

I know that. And yet I’ve called back to the airport three times since then, both in Vegas and Denver. Unfortunately the same guy keeps answering the phone in Denver and he knows me by now. I’m the Ipad girl. The last time he took down my number and gave me the don’t call us, we’ll call you… speech. I just don’t think he understood the urgency of it all. I have 20 people waiting for my next move on words with friends. I’m not able to lay in bed and watch the latest episode of Modern Family before I go to sleep. I have nowhere to go to look at all the websites I view on the web, from news to entertainment and everything in between, in one easy flip-able magazine format. (shout out to Flipboard…download that app if you haven’t already!) And can you just imagine the immense amount of boredom I will face when I travel from here on out?

So that’s why I’m reaching out to you here. Sure, it’s a stretch but crazier things have happened. I won’t be mad that you borrowed it for a few days because I can understand why you might want to. It truly is an awesome little gadget. But I would be so grateful if you returned it that I might even give you a reward. So if this is you (or if you know anyone who suddenly has an Ipad and also just flew Southwest), please hit me up. I am also not averse to meeting new friends who have an Ipad 3G they are looking to get rid of.

Sincerely,
Brianna Glenn
Ipad aficionado

Pictures from Puerto Rico

2010-11-07T16:15:00.001-08:00
The crew...

My first night in PR and this is what we had for dinner!!

Friendly critter that was a guest at the property.

Are you wondering why it's so dark in the picture?! Because we were up BEFORE THE SUN! Poor kids, training at this hour is some sort of cruel punishment.

We thought we were headed to the track to teach track athletes and then these guys lined up...by height...with no track experience whatsoever. But they were great!

obviously I'm just trying to be a good example...you would NEVER catch me at the front of the pack during a jog.

My fellow track athlete, Chelsea, and I who flawlessly demonstrated drills with me.

Lead by doing...since i couldn't lead by talking.

Showing the boxers our warm-up...

The track clinic kids...obviously I was demonstrating long jump from the look of my leg!

Puerto Rico Part 2

2010-11-04T09:03:00.000-07:00
You will be happy to know that I finally did end up connecting with track athletes down in Puerto Rico. Although, truth be told I was beginning to really begin to like my new boxing buddies. There is only one of them that spoke English to us, but all the others tried their best to communicate and were always ready with smiles and handshakes each morning. I have no idea why they liked us being out there and kept anticipating our return each day. Perhaps it’s because we were female, or maybe just because we shook up their every day routine a little bit and introduced a few new things into the mix. Whatever it was, it almost made being up before the sun bearable.

Our visit to the track club was pretty much like the whole trip…an unknown plan until we got there. We were picked up by a random stranger who ended up being one of the highlights of the whole day. Angel was originally from the Bronx but had been in Puerto Rico for over 30 years, even though he sounded like he left the Bronx yesterday. He took us up the mountain to a small town named Barranquitas, where 60 kids were anxiously awaiting us. We had no idea what ages these kids would be or what they wanted us to do with them so we pretty much made up a plan on the fly. The kids ended up ranging from ages 8 to 17. It’s hard to teach an 8 year old the same things you would teach a teenager…all without knowing how to communicate in the same language, but we made the best of it.

At the end of the day, even though my translator was definitely adding in his own coaching tips (I clearly only said a few words, and he rambled for far longer than what it takes to communicate drive your knee up), I hope that everyone gained just a little something from our being there. We shared our expertise as well as our belief in the importance of finding the right balance in your athletic life, personal life, and spiritual life. I just hope that sentiment was translated correctly! It was nice to feel appreciated though, and at the very least I did have some new facebook friend requests. Welcome to 2010. ☺

Puerto Rico Part 1

2010-11-01T18:12:00.000-07:00
So far my trip in Puerto Rico has been nothing like I expected. A big part of that is that I was never really told what to expect so in true Brianna fashion, I freaked out a little bit. I'm a planner. I like to have itineraries and plans in place to take the place of the original plan, in case that plan didn't work out for some reason. But for this trip, I was just asked to come and be ready to help out in any way needed. So, as soon as I got off the plane...I was stranded at the airport for two hours. Seriously. The airport was empty except for the workers and myself, and I had no idea where I was supposed to be staying and no ability to contact anyone. Luckily, before I hopped back on a plane home I got everything sorted out and everything got back on track.

What that track was I was still unsure about, but the next day I was driven to a town in another part of the country where they have something like an Olympic Training Center. This is where I will be staying for the duration of my trip. It's not the HIlton but i've only seen two lizards inside the room so far. Someone spotted a tarantula outside of it. Fortunately, that someone wasn't me.

My first morning here we were asked to help out at the track at 6am. I guess it might have been too presumptuous to assume that asking a group of track athletes to help out at the track meant we would be working with young track athletes, but to our surprise we were met by the boxing team instead. 20 teenage boys lined up expecting us to teach them something. Honestly, the only thing I know about boxing is the moves I've learned when I took a kickboxing class at 24 hour fitness. But, we took them through a warmup, some drills, core work, and stretching excercises and they seemed to appreciate our effort. Or maybe they just appreciated the fact that we could do as many push ups as them. Nevertheless, they want us to come back tomorrow in the morning before we head out to do our track clinics. I think that's awesome...minus the 6am part. Doesn't anybody know that my body is on west coast time?!

So, so far I'm sleeping in a bunk bed, working out with boxers who don't speak much english, and am completely clueless as to what tomorrow might bring. But I'm here and I'm open to let God use me in whatever capacity he sees fit. Personally, I think it's Gods sense of humor that is choosing 6 am... He's a funny guy.

Fundraising for Athletes in Action

2010-10-20T06:27:00.000-07:00
Lately I’ve been making a conscious effort to do a better job of living out what I say I believe. Sometimes it’s hard. Like when someone asks if you’d like to go on a trip to Puerto Rico with Athletes in Action to lead some track clinics and share your testimony while you're out there. Sure, I’d like to do that, but normally I’d find a bunch of reasons why I can’t. For starters, that’s my first official week of practice so of course the timing is all wrong. Then there is the cost involved. It would be much easier if I could do something local, instead of paying to go all the way to Puerto Rico and do something for others. And of course, sharing your testimony, even just talking openly and honestly about what you believe in terms of faith, is not always easy. I can tweet a scripture, or incorporate my faith in my blog when it seems appropriate, but ask me to get too far out of my comfort zone and I get a little jittery.

But when I thought about it, those were probably the precise reasons why I should go. Athletes in Action is an organization that brings together two of my biggest passions… Jesus and sports. Among other things, it allows athletes to use sports as the platform to reach out to others who might not otherwise hear the gospel. If this was just an opportunity for me to go on a free luxury vacation where I could sit around and do nothing at a time where I had nothing better to do, I’m not so sure that falls under the category of helping anyone or sharing anything. So I decided I would go. I should go. I will gladly step out of my comfort zone because that’s usually where you find the rewarding things in life.

They recommended that we try and fundraise our way there and while that adds a whole other uncomfortable twist to the story, I have decided to at least give the opportunity to any of you who would like to be a part of helping me get myself out there and believe in what I’m doing. It’s simple really…I’m just using the talents God has blessed me with and trying to pay it forward, while at the same time making sure I let them know how my faith is such a big part of what I do and who I am. So, if you would like to give, please know that any little bit helps but also know that I am also accepting prayer on behalf of all you readers who talk to God on a regular basis, and words of encouragement in the comment section from everybody!

(CLICK TO DONATE THRU PAYPAL)

Muffin Tops

2010-10-18T09:45:00.001-07:00
A few years ago, I realized that it was actually possible for me to develop something that almost resembled a muffin top. (Before you go rolling your eyes I have actual witnesses that can attest to this fact.) This phenomena was something I never experienced in my youth. I was a skinny kid—scrawny even—and developing muscle was the only way I could hope to accomplish any type of curves. If I stopped lifting weights and being active, I would revert back to my scrawny self and look like I needed someone to feed me a sandwich.

So, there were only two shapes my body had ever known… in shape Brianna, and skinny Brianna. But a few years ago I added a new one to the mix. Sure, I was still thin-ish, but the dough boy had dropped off a few extra rolls around my midsection and loaned me a few dimples in the thigh region. That particular summer I had taken a good four months off of training (one of my lost years) and proceeded to eat anything and everything my heart desired. Went I finally got back into training, my indulgent behavior was evident. Not only did I get made fun of when I went to practice in just my sports bra, but the process of getting back into shape was that much more excruciating.

That summer taught me a very important lesson. Namely, that I am vain when it comes to my stomach region, but also that as I get older my body does not act the same way it used to in my younger years. So, now I must monitor the time I spend completely inactive. I have a couple more weeks before I get back on the track but I have spent the last couple weeks getting active. I take spin classes, go to boot camp, and do light lifting…whatever it takes to keep the muffin top from reappearing. I actually like to exercise, and when I get to do it just for the enjoyment of it, I like it that much more.

So, if anyone wants to join me in my civilian workouts, you can find me at the 24 hour fitness. It’s my getting in shape to get in shape time of year.

The Fall

2010-10-11T10:27:00.001-07:00
Normally I wouldn’t blog about falling. But here is the thing: falling is embarrassing all on its own. It’s even more embarrassing when nobody will help you and wants to just pretend you didn’t fall, and it’s most embarrassing when you are all by yourself and don’t have the support of people laughing. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m sure people chuckled quietly to themselves or held it in until I was out of earshot. But nobody helped me out by audibly acknowledging what just took place, and that is what makes it 10 times worse, in my opinion. So, I’m rectifying that because I know you guys will be good friends. Here’s what happened…

Yesterday was such a beautiful day in San Diego and I was excited to see that there was a huge festival right by my house in Little Italy. I decided I would go explore by myself, eat some good food, and listen to some music. And I had just the perfect outfit to do it in. Maxi dresses are my best friend on a sunny day. They make you look put together and fashionable, without the hassle of wearing a bra or shaving your legs. I love it. So, I walked about in my comfortable floor length cotton dress eating everything in sight and happily watching old couples dance to That’s Amore. It was a great day! Until…

I decided I was ready to walk the couple blocks back to my place and purchased one last goodie to take with me. It was an apple covered in caramel, dark chocolate, nuts, and coconut and it made me salivate just thinking about it. So, I had the apple in one hand, my blackberry in the other (addiction) and I had crossed the street and was about to step up on the curb on the other side when everything went terribly wrong. The dress is maybe 2 inches too long, which I’ve always found a better alternative to being 2 inches too short. I find myself stepping on the bottom constantly but it has never been so annoying that I was compelled to do anything about it. So, as I was stepping up on to the curb I must’ve also stepped on the bottom of my dress and I instantly lost it. I went crashing forward, apple flying one direction, blackberry in another, and me splattered face first on the sidewalk. Ouch.

I waited a split second to realize I wasn’t hurt and then I’m sure my face turned bright red, or whatever color red makes when mixed with brown. I couldn’t play this off and there were a ton of people that must have seen me but they weren’t saying anything, not even laughing out loud so I could in turn just laugh at myself. So, I kept my head down and gathered the pieces of my blackberry and then went to see if my apple could be salvaged by the 5-second rule. (It was delicious by the way.) I stayed crouched down for a few more seconds contemplating life and praying that the Earth would just swallow me whole, but nothing happened.

Falling is bad enough, but falling while you are by yourself is worse. Way worse. So I hope by sharing that some of you will get a good laugh at my expense and make the whole thing a tad less embarrassing. I’ve lost all my cool points and I’m just hoping to get a few of them back before the weekend.

Please tell me...did you chuckle?

Business Casual

2010-10-07T09:03:00.000-07:00
Earlier this week I attended a luncheon up in Los Angeles for people who I’m going to assume had pretty deep pockets. It was a great lunch hosted by the fundraiser group for the USOC and by D.I.S.C., who is the medical provider for Olympic level athletes. From what I could gather, I was a special invited Olympic “guest”. There were two of us, a BMX athlete who actually won a silver medal in the last Olympics, and me, an Olympic… hopeful. Now, if not managed correctly the fact that I actually have not been to an Olympics yet could be a huge let down at functions like these, but I have learned over the years to shine in spite of the lack of hardware. Either that, or I lie. Let’s be honest, nobody is going to go home and google it so who am I to disappoint. (I’m mostly kidding)

So, there were a lot of important business people in their fancy business attire…and then there was me. Perhaps I got the fancy right but I think I might have missed the mark on the “business.” I have a lot of clothes. In fact, my entire wardrobe is split up in between at least three different cities and I still could go a very long time without repeating an outfit. But there are obvious holes. And these gaps become glaring any time I need to wear something that is considered “business attire”. I wear spandex to my office and I go to a church that has no dress code so I prefer shopping for items I will use or something that excites me. Business clothes are boring. They don’t make me feel fabulous and they have no real use in my wardrobe. So functions like these leave me searching frantically for something appropriate.

I figured this presented the perfect opportunity to go shopping. So I bought a new dress that I thought was cute and figured I was good to go. But when I went to get ready, I realized 4-inch heels made a real difference to the length that I never really considered in the dressing room. And my bra kept doing a peek-a-boo. Awesome. There was nothing I could do about the shoes but I did manage to fix the brassiere problem. At the last minute I decided I would at least pull my hair back because in my limited knowledge of what professional women look like, combed hair seemed to be part of the package.

The room was 97% male so I’m going to assume that nobody was that upset with what pretty much amounted to a mini dress. Not to mention, there was a huge poster sized picture of me in my infamous gold daisy dukes at the entrance, so maybe my dress seemed quite conservative in comparison. Next time I’ll do better. Maybe add some pearls…

(and if anyone has some suggestions of good stores to shop at that have appropriate clothes that are still fashionable and not all that boring, I’d love to hear them)

Deserving

2010-10-04T09:34:00.000-07:00
I hate asking for money, no matter what the circumstances. But sometimes, like when people advertise that they’d like to give away money to people if they’re able to demonstrate that they need it and deserve it in order to pursue their dreams, it would be borderline stupid to not try and get your slice of the pie. And that’s basically what grants are. From time to time athlete’s such as myself will get notice that such and such foundation would like to give people some money to help them achieve their goals. Basically all you have to do to receive these funds is meet whatever guidelines they’ve set forth and then convince them that you are more worthy than all the other people who meet those same guidelines.

But while convincing people of things is my strong suit and I tend to be a pretty good written communicator, I am not a fan of having to do so in a formal matter. As crazy as it may sound, I do not like trying to tell people why I’m so fabulous. Crrrraaazzy, I know. Maybe it’s because I often think that I’m not quite as fabulous as I’d like to be but when I’m writing it down, I have to downplay all that and act as if the opposite is true.

Anyway, today I submitted an application for a grant that I heard about almost 3 months ago. The deadline for submission was today and I finished writing my 3 page “personal essay” late last night. I didn’t even ask people to write my letters of recommendation until two days ago. That’s how much I felt unmotivated to get it done. But to not do it would have been just plain stupid.

I don’t know when we find out who receives these grants and I don’t even know how much it will be, but I know that I could sure use the help so I’m praying for people to think I’m fabulous. In the meantime, I figured I should start writing more frequently on my blog. I’ve been slacking lately and whether or not anybody notices or cares is probably debatable. If nothing else, it is good practice at convincing people I’m fabulous. Are you convinced yet?!

The Art of Doing Nothing

2010-09-27T11:40:00.000-07:00
I’ve found that the “idea” of sitting around and doing nothing is far more enticing than the practice of it. By the end of the season I am exhausted both mentally and physically. I eagerly await my season coming to an end so that I can do ab.solute.ly nothing. It’s imperative to give your body a time to really rest after the beating I put it through over the competitive season and since working out for me is my work, that leaves me with nothing on the agenda. But what I’ve come to realize over the years is that I’m not really the type of person who can do that for long. I go crazy.

In my younger years I used to think this would be the life. In fact, there was a time when I was in a relationship with someone when I distinctly remember telling this particular person that’s what I planned to do when we got married. I wanted to retire from track and then be a housewife. But I wanted to make sure I had a nanny and a maid. I was quite certain I didn’t want to actually do housewife work. I don’t know what I’m more embarrassed about, the idea that I wanted to have a life of doing nothing or the recollection that I wanted to marry this particular person. Either way, I’m glad I grew out of it.

These days, I spend about two weeks on my bum eating everything in sight and then I search out ways to keep myself occupied. Right now I’m at the end of my rope and I’m asking for suggestions. What are some different ways to stimulate my mind without doing too much stimulation to my body? Offer up your thoughts. Help save me from myself!

Pro Tips 4 U

2010-09-23T13:57:00.000-07:00
When you are a professional athlete, people always ask if you will possibly consider coaching as a career choice. My answer is always no. Coaching isn’t really something I aspire to do on a full time basis. Do I know stuff? Yea. Could I share what I know and how I’ve learned to be a successful professional in this sport? Probably. Do I want to do that on an everyday basis? Nope.

But the idea of sharing information and giving people tips and ideas on how to train properly and maximize their potential as a track and field athlete interests me. If for no other reason than knowing that there is a lot of wrong information out there. Oftentimes, coaches and athletes see something done but aren’t quite sure how to do it. Penultimate step, anyone? There are plenty of athletes who want to be faster but have no idea how to improve their sprinting mechanics so that they can capitilize on the speed they possess. I know I’m no expert, but at the very least I can share what I do to be as good as I am. Some might consider that a pretty good start. So when I was asked to do just that, on video (which I LOVE), it was a perfect fit.

Pro Tips 4 U is a new website that takes real athletes, including Olympic Gold Medalists, Hall of Famers, All-Stars, Heisman Trophy winners, World Champions, and little ol’ me, and has us share training videos that coaches and athletes can look at and learn from. I think it’s a really great concept and I know that if I had something like this to learn from when I was younger, I would have been really excited. Take a second, and check out their website to see if there might be any videos that interest you. And if you want to view my page specifically, you can look here.

Needing Help

2010-09-14T11:17:00.000-07:00
I’ve had a lot going on inside my brain the last couple of weeks. Namely, what’s next for my career? I ended the season on such a sour note that I was having a hard time processing a lot of things. It was obvious something needed to change. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Well, I am not okay with being a certified crazy person.

There were a lot of good things that came out of this year and a lot of growth both as an athlete and a person. But I struggled with consistency and it’s my belief that being consistently good is what it takes to be great. I want to be great. I have no reservations admitting that. I enjoy what I do and I am blessed to have accomplished what I have thus far, but I do want to believe that there is more in store, and that I have the responsibility to figure out how to get there.

This year I did it my way. I didn’t trust anybody, I didn’t need anybody, and I didn’t rely on anyone else but myself. It wasn’t so much of a choice but a necessity. Based on everything that happened though, I came to a conclusion. I can be good doing it my way. I can be top 10 in the world at something relying only on myself to guide me there. But here’s the thing: they only give medals to the top three. So if I’m being totally honest with myself, if I want to be great maybe it was time to admit I need help.

Being my own coach, training partner, advisor, and decision maker was good for me this year. I believed it served its purpose and had its part in my story. But as has been the overall theme in my whole career, I’m making a change. I’m going to go back to trusting someone other than myself to help guide my career to where it needs to be. I’m going to work hard to do whatever it takes to be consistently good, so that I can be great. I am positive I have the tools, but I’m going to take on the role of the apprentice and admit that I need help.

I’m excited. I know I can’t do anything about the low points of this season but I can learn from them and be better next year.

My Best Friend's Wedding

2010-09-09T08:17:00.000-07:00
I don’t attend that many weddings. In fact, if you get married between the months of June and September, which happen to be prime matrimony months, it’s probably best to not even send me an invitation. But earlier this year I did get an invitation to a wedding taking place on September 7th. There would be no getting out of this one. I knew it and she knew it. I just crossed my fingers and prayed that somehow the scheduling God’s would take into account that my best friend was getting married and I needed to be a witness.

Somehow I made it from the coast of Croatia to the coast of California in time. That somehow involved bribing someone to drive me four hours to an alternate airport, so that I could travel for 26 hours and arrive just in time to take a nap and get the party started. But even if I had to hitchhike my way across the Atlantic, there was no way I was missing that wedding.

I consider monumental moments in the lives of my closest friends to be mine as well. I have known this woman for sixteen years of my life and because of that, I know her heart, I know her dreams, I know her fears, and I know her deepest desires. She is that person you know who deserves blessings upon blessings and there is nothing I wanted more for her than to find someone she could spend her life with and love and cherish forever. Knowing that she has found that and being witness to that love makes me happier than words can explain.

Bi, I am beyond happy. I am happy I was able to be there on the most important day of your life and see it all come together perfectly. And I was happy to spend those last couple hours of your single life snuggled up like schoolgirls and see your absolute joy and contentment up close and personal. Your day was absolutely beautiful and perfect because it was a reflection of your heart and soul. We are growing up. We are realizing our dreams and finding the desires of our heart. I love you SO stinkin’ much and I hope you are having the time of your life in Mexico. Btw…I am jetlagged and sick and stuck at my Mom’s house with no car until I find my way home but it was all worth it… 1000 times over.

(Photo stolen from Jasmine Star. Hope you don't mind :)

Delays

2010-09-05T15:17:00.000-07:00
Everyone does this sport for different reasons. Different motivations, different goals, different things that make them continue or make them want to stop. It’s a personal thing and at the end of the day you’re the only one who knows if continuing on in this sport is worth it to you. I faced that decision head on two years ago. After 2008 I had to take a good look in the mirror and get an understanding of why I was doing this, under what circumstances I could continue, and how I would know if it was time for me to stop. I prayed really hard about it and called myself retired for four months until I found my way back under my terms. If you’ve been reading the blog for that long, you went on that journey with me.

For me, it came down to two things. First, I decided that if this was going to be my career choice, then I actually had to make a living from it. I have enough hobbies, I’ve seen almost the entire world and then some, and I am too independent to try and live any other way. The second was I had to be having fun. In other words, I had to like my life and what I was doing with it a majority of the time. Overall, it’s easy for me to say I like being an athlete. I love it, actually. But two years ago I realized that somewhere along the way, I started being stressed, anxious, and discontent with so much that it had took away so much of the fun. Financial hardships, injuries, and a feeling of not living up to your potential can do that to a person. So I have competed ever since making sure those two things are met before I commit to move forward each year.

But you know where I’m at now? I’m at the edge. I’m standing right at the line, teetering precariously without actually stepping over. Basically, I'm having a hard time meeting my two requirements. For the last two months I’ve seen my season take a nasty nose dive and for a myriad of reasons I was never able to get it back on track. It’s been a little hard on me emotionally but I’ve done my best to keep it together because when you have another meet and another opportunity just around the corner, there is always a chance to improve and make things better. But today, after my last meet of the season that also ended up being my absolute worst meet as well, I cried. . Not like huge alligator tears running down my face, but definitely an overflow of all the emotion I was trying to keep in.

I know it probably sounds entirely too sappy and completely over the top to some of you, but it’s me. Sometimes I almost feel like maybe it’s time to do something else with my life, because the frustration of knowing I have such a hard time putting it all together like I should, irks me to no end. I like the definitive. I’m either good enough to be the competitor I should be and want to be, or I’m not. And if the answer is a no and it makes better sense to move on, then what am I waiting for? I know it sounds extreme, but feeling like I’ve found my way and then losing it over and over gets old.

I apologize if this blog is not so uplifting and inspiring as you might have hoped for. If you are looking for the taking lemons, making lemonade, and filling the glass half full blog, you’re going to have to check back next week. Right now I’m trying to hold on to something my friend and fellow athlete told me earlier tonight. Sometimes God’s delays are not denials. I believe that. In my heart I know I couldn’t jump a personal best this season and not know there is more to be done in the future. It’s just hard to grasp right now.

Coincidence

2010-09-01T11:58:00.000-07:00

"Coincidences are God’s way of remaining anonymous"

Right now I am currently on the coast of Croatia. When I wake up in the morning and look out my window, this is what I see.

It’s not a bad way to start your day, let me tell you. Split, Croatia happens to be the place where I will end my season this year, competing in the Continental Cup. Based on how they choose the team for this meet, I wasn’t even supposed to be here and until a couple of weeks ago I thought I would be back in the states by now. Instead I’m in one of the most beautiful places in the world, spending a week in paradise and getting one last opportunity to jump in sand this season.

A couple of weeks ago you may remember a post I wrote about not competing in London. At that point, I didn’t know if I’d have any more meets and I was pretty bummed the meet I thought I’d have was not an option. I was sad…I moped…I complained…and literally the day of the meet I just decided to be over it. Bad moods and depressing attitudes can be toxic, and I wasn’t helping anyone, namely myself, by choosing to wallow in mine. So that night, while my competitors suited up to jump in cold and rainy conditions, I went out with friends and shared some pizza and wine.

Later that very same night, I got a text from the girl who was supposed to be competing for America at Continental Cup saying she wouldn’t be going and that it looked like the spot was mine. I just shook my head at the coincidence of it all. It was as if my not being in London had been replaced by something bigger and better! I know some people would be just fine with calling that a stroke of luck or that the timing of it all was some incredible fluke, but not me. Things happened as they did, in the order they did, at the precise timing they did, for a reason.

This will be my last meet of the season and I couldn’t imagine a better place to end it. I always like to take what I call “Postcard Pictures” whenever I visit somewhere really beautiful and use them as screensavers because it is a constant reminder of how blessed I am to be here. Right now I’m having a hard time choosing which one to use and I’ve only been here two days! Here are a couple in case you want to cast a vote…